A/N: This was just begging to be done. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even the song.

The Twelve Pains of Christmas


If Xemnas had a heart, he would be far beyond annoyed. Why had he decided to take care of this part of the planning? For as long as he could remember (which, to be fair, was only about twelve years) he hated doing this. It was just a pain. He had suggested getting a synthetic one, but the younger members had insisted that since this was Roxas and Xion's first Christmas, it had to be special.

That was why he was out in the cold on this stupid world looking for the right tree for Christmas. All of the good trees were taken, and all that was left were trees that were too big to fit in the castle, too small to decorate, or too pathetic. As the leader of a powerful organization of Nobodies, he needed something to show that.

Xemnas sighed. Why did finding a Christmas tree have to be such a pain?


At last! Xigbar smirked with pride as he looked over his work. He had finally managed to get the lights strung up all over the castle, and it had only taken him five hours! He'd gotten lucky that there weren't any bad bulbs; he'd tested them beforehand because if one light went out, they all would.

After five hours of getting tangled in the cords, making sure they were secure, and checking for dead bulbs, it was finally done. He quickly descended to the outlet in the wall and plugged the lights in. Only to start twitching as the power went out. Great, a blown fuse! And after all that hard work!

He barely managed to hold in a stream of curse words as he went looking for the fuse box in the dark. This was going to take him a while…


Xaldin groaned in pain as he continued to dry heave. He had long since emptied the contents of his stomach, but it was still groaning in pain and protest. Why did he have to spend the night drinking with Luxord and Xigbar? Now he was left bent over the toilet with a bad headache. He hated hangovers.

Luxord had at least been kind enough to fetch him some more toilet paper and turn off the lights. Now his headache wasn't bothering him as much. His peace and quiet soon ended when Xigbar decided to show up.

"Wow, you really can't hold your liquor well at all! You gonna be okay?" he asked.

"Shut up," Xaldin groaned.


Vexen had had enough. Why had Xemnas put him in charge of Christmas cards? He didn't even know half of the people that the cards were being sent to! And he had to sign all of them with "On behalf of Organization XIII". Should they really be sending cards to people anyways? They were supposed to be a secret!

His hand was cramping, he'd had to replace his pen three times already, and if he could feel, he'd be downright pissed off. If it were up to him, he wouldn't even be sending them. However, it was up to Xemnas, and if he went against his Superior's orders, he'd end up turned into a Dusk. With this thought in mind, he sighed and continued working.

Another one down, five hundred more to go.


Lexaeus looked uneasy as he gazed at the stack of papers that had been left in his room. Xemnas was busy looking for a tree, and Saix was taking care of other business, so he had been picked as the person to handle the bills. He hadn't expected the stack to reach the roof, however.

Gingerly, he reached out and grabbed one of the small sheets of paper. As he had anticipated, the rest of the papers came tumbling down in an avalanche effect, burying him in paper. Groaning, he dug his way out and carried some of the papers out of his room to work on them in the library. He was going to be at this for a long time.


If Zexion only had a little less self-control than he possessed, he would be growling right about now. Ansem, who he and the other five apprentices had cast into darkness long ago, had managed to find a way back to the realm of light and he was now planning on visiting them. That meant that he'd have to get things ready for his ex-father figure's visit.

Zexion went straight to his work cooking dinner. He'd now have to cook a little extra for Ansem, but that was just a minor setback. He could get this done. It was facing him after everything that had happened that was going to be a problem. Tensions would undoubtedly be high during his visit.


Saix was now wondering if he would get in trouble for maiming someone under these circumstances. He'd been answering the door constantly today, and it was almost always someone who wanted him to make a donation to charity. Another knock on the door caused his pencil to snap while he was writing down his report to Xemnas. Snarling, he stalked over to the door.

"Merry Christmas! Could we have a donation? We're bringing Christmas to worlds that are too poor to celebrate it!" Lo and behold, it was Sora and his friends. Saix barely managed to reign in the berserker rage and remained calm.

"Do you have any idea how many others have come here asking for donations?" he asked. Sora shook his head. "You're the twentieth. And I'm going to say the same thing to you that I did to everyone else; we have nothing to donate, and we don't want to donate anything. So please take your donation-seeking elsewhere before I lose my temper."

"Now where's your Christmas spirit?" he asked.

"I donated that long ago."


This was officially the worst part of Christmas, Axel mused to himself. It had been a big mistake to take Roxas and Xion to downtown Twilight Town. There were all sorts of stores open for last minute Christmas shopping, and that combined with the fact that this was their first Christmas was giving the two a bad case of the gimmie's.

"Axel, can I have that?"

"Axel, I want that for Christmas!"

It was the same old thing every time they passed a store. By this point, his wallet was almost empty, and the other two had spent all of theirs on gifts for everyone else. The fact that he had to carry their bags was making things even worse for him.

He'd be so glad when this was over, then he could just head up to his room and sleep through the entire day off they were getting.


Demyx wasn't the kind of guy to get annoyed easily. Okay, work annoyed him, but that was beside the point. The point was that at this point, he was just about ready to snap and go crazy. He just couldn't find a spot here to open a portal! Portals had to be opened somewhere where they couldn't be seen, but everywhere he checked there was a huge crowd of people getting their last minute shopping done.

"Why did it have to be me? I'd gladly switch with Axel; he got the easy job," he complained. Everytime he thought he had found a good spot, people would show up and he'd have to find another one. Since when was opening a portal so hard?


Luxord, meanwhile, was also getting some last minute shopping done. He'd just spotted a very pretty snow globe that he could give to Xion; he had a feeling that she'd like it. He then looked at the bottom and frowned. The batteries were apparently sold separately. He sighed, heading over to the appliances isle to look for batteries.

That always managed to annoy him, even after he lost his heart. Stores always managed to scam more money out of Christmas shoppers by selling the batteries separately. It was an ingenious method of making money, but he couldn't help but feel cheated. It was like hiding an ace up your sleeve in a poker game.

Well, at least he'd be set if anyone else's presents needed batteries.


Marluxia was as bored as his heartless state would allow him to be. He had been channel surfing for an hour now, and nothing good was on TV. He just kept seeing the same old Christmas specials. Honestly, couldn't people come up with something different instead of airing the same things over and over again?

He was on the verge of tearing his hair out when he changed the channel and saw that 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' was on again. He'd seen that one fifteen times now! There was nothing to watch, nothing to do, and he actually felt like begging Xemnas for a mission so that he wouldn't die of boredom.


Larxene covered her ears, but the sound wouldn't go away. Carolers were stopping by constantly, and she was getting really irritated by hearing the same old songs over and over again. Especially that one about the Twelve Days of Christmas. Christmas only lasted one day! What was the point of the song?

She leaned out the window and shouted down at the current batch of carolers. "Hey! I'm getting really annoyed hearing the same old holly jolly songs every five minutes! Here's a request; I'd like a 'Silent Night', thank you very much! Which means, SHUT UP!"

There was a moment of silence before they started singing 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' as if she hadn't even spoken. Larxene ran straight for her room, buried her face in her pillow, and screamed out her frustration.


"Sure, it was a hassle, but it was worth it in the end, right?" Roxas asked.

Twelve groans answered him as everyone else was collapsed on the couches. Roxas turned to Xion, who simply shrugged and moved a little closer to their new fireplace. It was a nice quiet evening where they could all just relax and enjoy togetherness. Ansem had left a little while ago, so the tension had all eased away.

"I guess, when you put it that way, it was," Axel finally agreed.

"Yeah," Demyx agreed. "Hot Chocolate by a warm fire, watching the Christmas lights glow in the dark, and just spending time together… it's kinda nice."

"Let's hope things are less annoying next year," Zexion said.

"Well, there are twelve pains that we have to put up with every year around Christmas time, but you just have to put up with them," Marluxia sighed.

"Finding the right tree."

"Rigging up the lights."


"Sending Christmas cards."


"Visiting relatives."


"Kids with the gimmie's."

"Finding a spot to put a portal."

"Buying batteries separately."

"The same old Christmas specials."

"The same old carols."

"But in the end," Roxas continued, "just being together and celebrating really makes it all worth putting up with."

"Merry Christmas, everyone," Xion finished. "Let's try and do this again next year."

A/N: I really couldn't think of anything for "Facing the in-laws", so I improvised. Merry Christmas, everyone!