This is my first attempt at a Jade&Beck one-shot, so please be nice even if it's REALLY bad…xD . This was kind of a test to see how I would do with writing Jade&Beck fanfics, and I love them! But Sam&Freddie will ALWAYS be the best…okay, enough of me ranting. Here is "Reflection"!
They don't understand. No one does.
Why I am so possessive, so mean, so bitter. They don't have any idea.
I need him. He's the only thing that's right in my life. If I lost him, I would lose everything.
My life at home is a wreck. But I don't tell anyone. I don't even want to talk about it on here. I don't want sympathy. I don't want to be viewed as someone who can't handle life. I don't want to be seen as a weak person.
So I build these barriers in order that I can't get hurt more than I already am. He's the only one that's been able to break them down. So I let him in. It was the best decision of my life.
I know what you're thinking. You let him in, and you felt good. So if you just let others in, you'll feel so much better.
Well, how do I put this lightly. Wait, I'm Jade. I don't put things lightly.
He's different. He's my foundation, my strength, my rock. He understands me.
As if you hadn't figured that out already. I'm sure you've seen me after I broke up with him after a fit of rage. The worst decision of my life. I was a mess. I even went to Tori for help.
The girl that I can't help but hate. How can you blame me? The first time I saw her, she was rubbing my boyfriend. And she made out with him during that ABC acting exercise in Sikowitz's class. In front of me. How could she do that? She betrayed me, he betrayed me. I don't think he knows that I'm still hurt by that one day.
True, I had dumped coffee on her head. But that's me. I don't deal with jealousy well. I know you're saying Well no DUH, but I can't handle things like that. If I lost him to her, I would lose my life.
I know that doesn't justify what I did. But it's impossible for me to open up to people or to keep all of my frustration bottled up inside. Sometimes I do things that I don't want to do. And when I'm doing them, I am inwardly cursing myself, trying to make myself stop. But I'm out of control. I can't stop. And I hurt people. I would be so much worse if he wasn't with me, creating this perfect balance between us. If I am to remain somewhat sane, I need to keep him with me, forever.
And I'm not just some lovesick teenager with a harmless crush. He is everything to me; I could easily see him as the one I woke up next to in twenty years. I feel safe when I'm with him. All of my domestic problems disappear when he's with me. I feel whole. And if he is suddenly gone one day, I would be harmed. I can't face life without him. He is the essence of my existence.
I knew I made a mistake the moment I screamed I'm not your girlfriend anymore! I was possessive. Seeing him even talking with another girl made the alarms in my head shatter my skull with their ringing. I lost control. I made a mistake. I'll admit it: I'm far from perfect.
He said that I did nothing nice for him those years we dated. I didn't realize how much he meant to me. I didn't realize that I treated him like dirt, throwing my frustration and anger on him when I just needed someone to turn to.
So that night, one of the best nights of my life, the night I said, You love me again. And my heart skipped a few beats when he responded, Who said I stopped?
That was when I discovered how much of me I gave to him, how much of my heart he controlled. All of it. I gave all of me to him. I trust him; I believe he'll do anything for me.
Beck, if you're reading this, I love you. I guess I don't say that enough. But I do. More than you could ever imagine.
I actually just thought of something: the title "Reflection" has a double meaning. Jade is reflecting on her relationship with Beck and how he means EVERYTHING to her. Also, Beck is a reflection of who Jade wants to be, and he balances her out.
Oh yeah, I'm deep. xD
So, does this make you wanna barf or review? Take your pick!
Oh, and a quick note to 'shysinger101': I can't reply to your message b/c you disabled the private message option on your profile...so...hehe :/