Author's note:

This story starts at the end of the first episode of the fourth season of Angel. The episode is called, 'Deep Down'. In that episode Angel is rescued from the bottom of the ocean where Connor had put him. When he gets home Angel gives Connor a speech about how the world is harsh, but that they should try to make it better. Then he ends his speech with 'I love you Connor, now get out of my house.' My story starts with a different ending statement from Angel. Written August 2003

How it Should Have Been Chapter 1

Angel ended his lecture with, "I love you Connor, but you're going to have to pay for what you've done. I'm tired, and I need to rest for a day, so you're going to spend the rest of the night and all of tomorrow in your room. Then, tomorrow night we'll talk about how you're going to make amends for the things you've done."

Connor didn't say anything, but started to head out of the room. Just as he got to the door, Angel said, "Oh, and Connor, if you aren't in your room when I come to talk to you, I'll find you, and bring you back home. You can't run away from your problems. You have to face them."

Connor didn't even look back; he just continued walking out of the office, and up to his room.

Gunn and Fred ran to Angel as he slipped down towards the floor. Angel said, "All that talking really wears you out. We have to find Cordy."

Fred said, "We've been trying to find both of you all summer, but we don't have any leads on Cordy. It's like she just disappeared."

Gunn said, "You know Connor is probably miles away by now don't you?"

Angel looked up at Gunn and said, "I know, but this way I'll have a couple of days to get stronger before I have to deal with him. I'm so weak right now; he probably could beat me in a fight. I need blood."

Gunn went out to buy Angel some blood, while Angel and Fred went over what had been going on for the past couple of months.

Upstairs Connor was no where to be found.

The next evening after Angel had had a good day's sleep he felt much better, but not quite up to par. He thought he should have all his strength back after one more day with lots of relaxing and lots of blood. He was worried about where Connor was and he wanted to go find him, but he was more worried about finding him and not having the strength to bring him home. Fred, Gunn and Angel spent the night trying to get in touch with various mystical contacts to ask them about Cordy. They also spent quite a bit of time talking about Connor, and what had been going on with him for the past two months. Angel was glad Connor had at least been a little helpful with fighting the bad guys, but he didn't like that Connor had spent the past two months lying his ass off to the people who were taking care of him.

The following evening Angel felt like he was back to normal, and he decided it was time to go find his son. He walked into the lobby to find Fred and Gunn. They were both at the counter looking in some books. Angel said, "Hey guys, thanks for keeping things quiet so I could get some sleep."

"No problem man." Said Gunn.

"I want to ask you both a favor."

Fred said, "Sure Angel."

"I feel back to normal today, and I need to go find Connor. I would really appreciate it if the two of you would go get a real hotel room for the night."

Fred started to say something, but was interrupted by Gunn who said, "Are you sure you don't want some help? He's pretty strong, and he hates you."

"Thanks for the offer Gunn, but I don't think so. I don't want him to try to hurt either of you so he can get away from me. Besides, I have a feeling things are going to get really ugly tonight and I would rather you both not see it."

Fred said, "Okay Angel, but if you need us just give us a call, and we'll come running."

"Thanks Fred. It means a lot to me that you both took care of Connor while I was gone, and I know he has lied to you both for the past month, so he probably isn't your favorite person right now, but I hope you'll give him a second chance."

Gunn nodded and said, "I think with you here to help control him, he could turn out to be an okay kid."

After Fred and Gunn left Angel went to the rooftops to start his search. He wasn't sure if Connor would be trying to hide, or if he would just be out in the open, so he decided to try the easy option first.

He couldn't believe how easy it was to find Connor. Connor was just walking down a street fairly close to the hotel. Angel followed him for a couple of hours, and came to the conclusion that Connor was just walking around aimlessly. He decided the time had come, so he jumped down from the roof, and landed in front of Connor. He said, "I thought I told you to stay in your room."

Connor had jumped back a bit when Angel landed in front of him, but now he was facing him with a look of hatred. He said, "No one want's me there especially after…you know, and you can't make me do anything anyway."

Angel raised an eyebrow and said, "Oh really?"

Connor centered his weight getting ready for the fight, "Come on Dad (he said with a sneer), lets see what you've got."

Angel crossed his arms and said, "We're not going to fight any more."

Connor looked at Angel like he was insane. Then he said, "Good, then leave me alone."

Angel laughed a little and said, "I can't leave you alone Connor, I love you, and I want what's best for you, even if you don't want that for yourself."

Connor got mad and took a swing at Angel's face. Angel grabbed Connor's fist and brought it up behind Connor's back as he turned Connor to face away from him. He said, "Weren't you listening to me son, I said we're not going to be fighting any more."

Connor snarled "Let me go! I hate you!"

"We need to take this discussion to the hotel." With that statement Angel lifted Connor, and tossed him over his shoulder. He held his legs with one arm, and he reached behind his back to grab both of Connor's wrists in his hand.

Connor kept on yelling at Angel the whole way back to the hotel, but Angel just ignored the tantrum. Once they were in the hotel he dumped Connor on the little round couch in the center of the lobby. Connor leapt up to run out, but Angel caught his wrist and shoved it behind his back again until Connor quit trying to get away. Once Connor was a little more still and quiet Angel said, "I know you think you hate me Connor, but I want you to get to know me, so you can make that decision based on the facts, and not on what you've been told by Holtz. So here's how it's going to work. You're going to stay here at the hotel with all of us for one full year. You're going to listen to me and do what you're told until the year is up. After that, if you want to leave I won't stop you. If however you try to leave before the year is up, I'll come find you and bring you home. Do you understand what I'm telling you Connor?"

Connor couldn't believe the audacity of the monster and said, "You can't keep me here. Next time I leave, I'll hide and make sure you can't find me."

"You can try, but I will find you. I should also warn you that there will be consequences for running off, and that brings me to what's gonna happen next. I told you to stay in your room and you didn't. You put me in a box and sent me to the bottom of the ocean, and then you spent the last two months lying to Fred and Gunn about it. I don't know if or how Holtz punished you, but this is how it is going to be while you live with me."

Angel noticed that Connor flinched and paled when he had said punished. He decided that conversation could wait for later, and he sat down on the round couch and pulled Connor across his knees. He started spanking Connor fast and hard. Connor grunted and tried to get away. Angel tightened his grip around Connor's waste and kept spanking.

Soon Connor quit struggling and kept quiet. He tried not to laugh at this 'punishment'. Holtz had never repeatedly hit his butt, but he thought it was pretty mild compared to the things Holtz did do. He decided he could wait until Angelus was done hitting him, and then he would run off again.

Angel thought the lack of response meant he wasn't really getting through to Connor, so he increased his strength a little. The first swat with more strength behind it brought out another grunt and some wiggling.

After a couple of minutes Connor thought, 'Okay, maybe mild isn't the right word for this. Who does Angelus think he is anyway? I know he thinks he's my father, but he wasn't there when I was growing up. What a monster.'

Connor was getting more and more angry, so he bit Angel on the leg. To Connor's amazement Angel didn't make any noise or react at all, he just kept on spanking him. Then Angel said, "I see that you are still having trouble with the 'no more fighting' thing, so let's see if this helps you to remember."

Before Connor knew what was happening, Angel had his pants and underwear down around his knees, and he resumed spanking him. This made Connor even angrier, and it was starting to really hurt. He started shouting, "Stop it you monster! You have no right to do this. It won't change anything. I still hate you Angelus."

Angel kept spanking and let out a small laugh before he said, "Angelus would have eaten you, or killed you the first time he met you. I'm Angel, your father, and that gives me all the right I need. I hope this will eventually change your behavior. It's okay with me if you hate me, as long as you do what I tell you to do. And even if you hate me I'll still love you."

Now all Connor could think about was the pain and how he wanted it to stop, but he wouldn't beg the monster. He tried not to, but eventually he started to cry quietly. Angel could smell the tears and gave Connor six more swats before he stopped. He noticed that Connor's butt was a very dark red, but there were no bruises. He knew if he had hit a normal human that hard, that they would have been very bruised. He kept a hold on Connor and said, "Okay son, were done. I'm gonna let you up, and we're going to talk, but I'm warning you that if you try to run out or fight with me, you'll end up over my knee again. Do you understand?"

Connor nodded his head.

Angel let him up and said, "Why don't you go to the bathroom and get yourself cleaned up while I order a pizza for you to eat."

Connor kept his head down and pulled up his clothes as he walked to the bathroom. He thought about climbing out the window, but he decided daylight would be the best time for an escape. As he washed his face he started quietly talking to himself. "You are the biggest waste of a human I have ever seen. How could you let Father down like that? Father would be so ashamed of me for being here in this house with the monster. For not killing him when I had the chance, and for crying. I'm so sorry Father. Please forgive me."

Angel had ordered pizza and drank a cup of blood while Connor was in the bathroom. He was about to go check to see if Connor was still there when the door opened. Angel said, "Glad to see you're still here. I really don't want to spank you again."

Connor looked surprised and said, "That was a spanking? Gunn said you would do that."

It was Angel's turn to look surprised and said, "Umm, well the pizza should be here in half an hour. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

"Good. While we're waiting, lets talk a little about how things are going to work while you're living here."


"I don't know what kind of education you've had, so I'm going to have Wesley test you."

"I thought you hated him."

"I thought I did too, but he did rescue me from the bottom of the ocean, and he is a very good teacher. After we find out where you are educationally, we'll all take turns during the day tutoring you."

"Fred said she was going to try and sign me up for school next month."

Angel laughed and said, "Well in this dimension all your paperwork says you're about 6 months old, you haven't had any of your shots, and I have the feeling you don't play well with others. So I think school is out for now. Maybe when the year is up we can see about getting some fake papers and getting you into college depending on how the tests turn out."

"I won't be here when the year is up. I won't even be here tomorrow."

"Connor, if you run I will find you and bring you home. I thought we went over this."

Connor remained silent. Angel sighed and continued with "So during the day you'll have various tutoring sessions with each of us for a couple of hours. When we get a case you'll be part of the team, and you can be a big help to us fighting various bad guys, but there will be no more running off on your own to fight. You're the youngest member of the team, and most inexperienced with this world, so you will listen to what everyone tells you. That means when Fred, Gunn, Wesley, or I tell you to do something in a fight, you do it with no arguing, and no questions asked."

Connor sneered and said; "Gunn and Fred couldn't fight their way out of a box."

Angel got a little mad and said, "I didn't ask for your opinion on the subject, and it is not valued or wanted. They are both good fighters, and I can trust them to watch my back unlike you."

Connor looked down and didn't say anything. Angel said, "Let's see, I went over being on the team, and being tutored, so the next thing to go over is that for the next two months you'll be helping Gunn for one hour a day, and helping Fred for one hour a day. You'll have to do whatever they ask you to do no matter how much you may hate it. This will hopefully start to make up for all the lying you've done to them."

Angel could tell this was going to be hard for Connor because his hands fisted at his sides, and he could tell Connor wanted to lash out at something. Angel decided it was time for some tension release. He said, "Connor, have you used the punching bag downstairs yet?"

Connor nodded. Angel said, "Let's go down and you can show me if you know how to use it while we wait for the pizza."

Connor said, "Of course I know how to use it, all you do is punch the stupid bag!"

Angel had turned to walk down stairs, and he smiled when he heard Connor following him. He knew goading him into using it was the way to do it.

Connor and Angel both felt better after Connor had punched the punching bag for about fifteen minutes. Angel had to admit that Connor was good at it. They heard the upstairs door open and Angel went to pay for the pizza while Connor wiped the sweat off himself. While Connor was eating Angel said, "Okay Connor I just want to make sure we're very clear on a couple of things. First there is no more running away, or going off on your own to fight something. Second there will be no physical fighting with anyone who lives in this hotel. Third there will be no lying to anyone who lives in this hotel. Fourth and last, you will do what you're told to do by anyone who lives in this hotel. Those are the four rules you'll be living with for the next year, and if you don't follow them, I will be spanking you. I hope you understand, and that you can eventually be happy here with us."

Connor kept eating and said with a full mouth. "I will never be happy living with you."

Angel sighed and said, "Once your done eating you can do whatever you like as long as you stay in the hotel and don't cause any damage. I'm going to make some calls. Come get me if you need something."

Angel spent the next hour talking to Wesley over the phone and repairing their friendship. Connor spent the hour playing with his game boy and watching some TV. When Angel came out of his office he was almost surprised to still see Connor there, but he took it as a good sign. He said, "I'm not sure when you usually go to bed, but it's almost 3am now, and I'm going to bed."

Connor shrugged his shoulders and continued to watch TV. Angel came over and sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug. Connor started to struggle immediately, and Angel said, "You might as well get used to it Connor, because I'm going to do it a lot."

Connor doubled his efforts to get away while Angel just held onto him. Connor was worn out after ten minutes of struggling and just sat there and let Angel hug him. Angel felt Conner relax, so he made the hug more gentle and rubbed his back. Then he got up and said, "Good night son. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon when I get up."

Connor said nothing but thought 'No you won't.'

Connor waited until the sun was shining to sneak out of the hotel. No one was home yet, so he just walked out the front door and started to think about what he knew of the city, and where he could hide.