Standard disclaimer, I don't own the rights to anything, this is done for entertainment not profit.


For so long, when I slept, all of me slept. I used to enjoy that, the darkness, the quiet, not feeling the need to kill. Then one day I began to dream, while it wasn't a common occurrence for me, I went to bed each night wondering if I would dream, what it would be about (usually dead bodies were involved). Now, I lay awake at 3:00 am, exhausted and fully aware I will have to get out of bed soon, make breakfast for my children, and wait for Sonja to come and take care of them while I'm at work. It's hard to go without sleep, I used to hate being tired, now the only thing worse than being tired is the thought of having the same dreams I've had for the twenty two days since Lumen left me.

Every night, she's here with me. Sometimes it's raining, sometimes it's the middle of the night, sometimes it's like she never left at all. But each time, I walk into the bedroom, see here there, naked beneath the bed sheet. She smiles at me, motions for me to join her. I lean in for a long slow kiss, our tongues caressing each other. I drink in her scent, kiss every inch of her naked body as her hands move about mine. When we make love, it's slow and wonderful and seems to last forever. When we're finished, she tells me she loves me, that we'll always be together.

Then I wake up. For just a moment, I reach my hand over to the other side of the bed, and I truly expect her to be there. Then I feel the emptiness and I remember, Lumen's not here, she left me because now that she's better she can't be with someone like me. My father left me, my wife's dead because of me, and now the only other person who knew and accepted the real me has left too. I wonder if this is what all those songs about heart break were based on. No wonder musicians are so messed up.

I get up and grab a glass of water, trying to think of anything else.

"You remember what happened the last time you went without sleep for this long Dex?" Harry asks, a mixture concern and reproach in his voice.

"Well, since I'm not killing anyone at the moment, or driving body parts around at night, not much chance of history repeating itself," I reply.

"Even so, you can't keep this up, it's not good for you and it's not helping you put your life back together." Harry, always trying to keep me focused.

I remind myself I haven't found a new playmate yet because I'm trying to give Astor and Cody more time during the summer. Astor was right, before Rita died I hadn't been around much. In retrospect, I can't blame her for not trusting that I would stick around for her and Cody now that Rita was gone. I can't blame her for leaving me before I had the chance to leave her. Maybe helping Lumen didn't make up for what happened to Rita, but I know she'd want me to take care of our family. Maybe if I can show Astor that I really am here to stay, we can be a family for more than just the summer.

This comforts me as I go back to bed.

A/N: I know this is a bit short, Chapter 1 will be up in a few days. Comments, reviews and constructive criticism are all appreciated. If you liked it, tell me what you liked or let others know. If you didn't like it, tell me what you didn't like. If you're not feeling much, please leave a review and be emphatic about your ambivalence.