A/N: Bronchitis sucks. Warm hugs and thank you's to all my Twitter pals who kept me company and looked out for me while I've been sick.
Many, many thanks to my talented co-writer, jenlovesbones, for cheering me up all week and helping me get my writing mojo back...through all 7 drafts of this chapter. This is so much more fun for me because I've had her to share it with...
Disclaimer: Doesn't belong to us...
Sex, Blondes and Blackmail
He looks at the map security had drawn for them and shakes his head. "This can't possibly be right," he says to her.
Brennan pulls the sheet of paper from his hand and turns the page upside down. "Wrong turn," she says as she begins to pull him back in the direction they came.
Then he sees it. Printed on the door in gold lettering. C. Julian, Federal Prosecutor.
It had to be some kind of a joke. As he reaches for the knob to enter the puckish prosecutor's office, they hear a voice coming from behind them. "Well, if it isn't Special Agent Seeley Booth and the Squint Queen herself, Dr. Brennan."
"Ms. Julian," Brennan greets, her eyes on the floor as she tightened her grip on Booth's arm.
Caroline sashays past the two and enters her office. "What's the matter, cherie?" she asks Booth. "Taking my window office wasn't good enough for you? Come to scope out my digs in the bowels of somewhere the late Mr. J. Edgar Hoover wouldn't dare show his face?"
Booth rolls his eyes as they follow her through the door and into her dimly lit office space. He looks around. "How was I to know they'd send you down here?" he asks, flashing her his charm smile in effort to restore good will.
"There's a reason the cops on those Law & Order shows go to the prosecutor's office and we meet in the conference room, cherie." She steps sideways around her desk and settles into the leather chair behind it. "What has y'all botherin' me today?"
"We wanted to request your assistance in getting Booth increased parental rights in Parker's care." Brennan states plainly as she takes a seat across from the attorney
Booth drops into the other, palming a stress ball from the desk. Leaning back, he begins tossing it into the air.
Caroline raises an eyebrow. "You know, it just isn't Christian the way you're treating this poor woman," she clucks, looking at Brennan. "Sexing up the bad news blonde and letting your partner here do your dirty work for you." Her lips purse together in a scowl.
The front legs of his chair clatter against the floor. The game of catch stops. "Look, Caroline, it's not like that, okay? Bones and I...we...what I'm trying to say is..." he take her hand, seeking the support of the woman beside him. "Bones and I are together...without the permission of The Powers That Be."
"What about all the nonsense with that half-naked journalist that's been all over you like white on rice?" Caroline says, folding her hands on the desk in front of her.
Brennan waves it off. "That's just a bunch of drama the writers broiled up. We're working through it," she responds coolly.
Booth smiles at her. "It's 'cooked up,' Bones," he says before switching his focus back to the prosecutor. "Now. The reason I'm here," he says, leaning forward he rests his elbows on his knees. He makes eye contact with Caroline. "I want more rights when it comes to Parker and I'd like to ask for your help."
"So your partner said. What makes you think you have a stronger case now, Booth?" The irritation in her tone is clear.
"Well, Rebecca's not really around much anymore," he says, leaning back in the chair again. "And by not around, I mean she's given up her legal practice to play doctor in Seattle. I didn't even know she had a medical degree!"
Brennan pulls a folder from her purse. "That's because she doesn't," she tells them as she passes copies of the documentation to each of them.
Caroline slips on her reading glasses. She takes a moment to look over the paperwork. "On these grounds alone we could likely get you full custody and send her to prison."
"Really?" he asks looking from one woman to the other. "That easy?"
Caroline smirks. "Nothing's ever that easy, cherie," she tells him. "Let's talk about what's in it for me."
Brennan's brow furrows. "But that's blackmail!"
Caroline chuckles. "And it seemed to work out quite nicely for you the last time, didn't it, Doc?"
Brennan immediately shuts her mouth and looks down at her shoes.
Caroline steps around Booth's side of the desk. "I think I know what my prize is going to be," she says as she puts a hand on Booth's arm. "I think I wanna know what all the fuss is about. Pucker up, pretty boy," she says, spritzing breath spray onto her tongue, "And give Mama some sugar..."
Booth gulps. He looks at Brennan and sees her trying to look away. He stars at Caroline's mouth and closes his eyes. His lips quiver nervously. She hadn't said anything about the number of steamboats this time...
The prosecutor dips him back and plants one square on his mouth. Her full lips move over his as she holds him in her embrace. Unsure of what to do, he relaxes in her arms. He's stunned when her tongue brushes against his.
Brennan clears her throat. "Would now be a good time to mention that I know three different types of martial arts?" she asks, raising her hand.
Caroline backs away. "Definitely something to write home about," she says, heading back to her position behind the desk.
Booth shakes his head. "Seven years, Caroline," he says. "Seven years. I've almost cheated myself out of the chance to be with the woman I love by screwing some loose skirt under a fig tree," he rants. "And you had to go and do that in front of her!"
"Well, maybe if you'd learn to keep it in your pants," she begins with a sour expression.
"To be fair, I kept my, you know, to myself, for like five of the seven years Bones and I have been partners." he hears himself stammering.
"Please tell me you've at least bagged and tagged it..." she says rolling her eyes at him
"Huh? What? 'Bagged and tagged'?" confusion crosses his face.
"I don't know what that means," Brennan pipes up, speaking for the first time since interrupting the kiss.
"Covered the stump..." she licks her lips.
"Oh!" Brennan exclaims when she catches the reference. "I can assure you that the 'cocky' belt buckle is most assuredly not boastful." She turns her eyes back to her partner and grins at him. "Perhaps 'stumpy' would be a good basketball nickname for you the same way that 'peanut' was for Sully," she proposes.
"Bones!" he exclaims uncomfortably. "I don't want to discuss my...in front of Caroline!" He crosses his legs and protectively covers his manhood.
"Look, cherie," she says, looking him in the eye. "All I'm saying is that I am a federal prosecutor. I really shouldn't be helping you sort out the drama with your baby mama. The last thing I need is for you to help create another mini-Booth and screw up my case."
"I'm a big boy, Caroline," he tells her. "I know a thing or two or 10 about safe sex. But that's not the point! So, let me know what we need to do to get the ball rolling," he replies, standing quickly to distance himself from her.
"Does that mean that we need to start practicing safe sex, Booth?" Brennan asks him.
Booth laughs. "You're the only baby mama I want to be making deposits into," he says giving her a naughty look as his lips moved to cover hers.
"I did not just hear that," Caroline says.
"Rebecca's gone," he says without tearing his eyes from his partner, "and I think once they finally let Bones and me be together together, we'd both enjoy having Parker around more."
Brennan nods. "It would add a new bit of drama to our story-line as well."
Booth finally looks at the attorney. "I've always wanted more time with my kid, Caroline. That's never been a secret."
"Well, I only see one glaring problem with what you just said, and that's that you two aren't together yet."
"On screen," they correct in unison.
"And what are you going to do until then?" she asks. "What happens when they put him into bed with that bimbo? 'Cause you know it's gonna happen..."
"Doubtful," she says.
"I don't think so," he agrees. Turning to Caroline as they walk to the door, he asks, "You want to know why it doesn't bother us?"
Caroline shrugs. "I give up. Why?"
"We're on strike!" they exclaim, slamming the door.