Author's Note: Hey guys! Geneva here with a little something I cooked up out of utter boredom. It's a list of 25 things you just don't do when you live with the Winchesters! I'm going to accompany it with a One-Shot for each in following chapters. I used my OC Chrystal for this one, because I'm going to be introducing her in a new fic entitled PROBLEM CHILD coming soon to a computer screen near you! Key character traits: She's basically me. Goth, bisexual, troubled past, same music taste as Dean but also with newer bands, smartass, and likes to screw with people. She also has a cat named Sweeney! *Nuzzles own Sweeney cat as he tries to climb across keyboard* And he's not much better behaved than mine….
And I don't own the Winchesters or the Impala. I only own Chrystal, Sweeney, and plot. Enjoy and Review! :)
25 THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOU LIVE WITH DEAN AND SAM WINCHESTER
1. Never, under ANY circumstances, come up to Sam growling in the middle of the night. His reflexes are fast, and the result will be very painful for you.
2. If your cat accidentally tears a hole in the interior of the Impala, you might want to hide it, not scream out "I can fit my hand in the seat now!" Trust me; you will have to fight Dean at the next rest stop to keep said cat from ending up with an ass full of rock salt.
3. Never walk up to Dean and jump on him while wearing black sclera lenses (The ones they use in movies for full eyes). He will think you are possessed and bodily slam you to the ground while trying to exorcise you. There is nothing quite like salt in your eyes and a pissed off man on top of you screaming CHRISTO! at the top of his lungs.
4. If you think it would be funny to sneak a dead rat into the trunk of the car, don't. Dean will open it, scream like a girl, and be very pissed off. He keeps a crowbar back there. You cannot run as fast as him.
5. Never ask Sam, even on accident, if his mom ever taught him not to talk to strangers. He will take it personally.
6. If Sam says something containing the phrase "submit", never reply that he would know all about that. Surprisingly, you can indeed fit in the trunk of the Impala. It is a long ride to the next stopover in East Jesus Nowhere.
7. When asked, once again, if Dean and Sam are together, never point to the latter and say "He's top." You will regret this.
8. Likewise, never act like their adopted daughter in public.
9. If you value your computer, never use it to show the brothers WINCEST fictions. Especially if you are the one who wrote them. Your laptop will become the first ever Toshiba/Colt-made Waffle.
10. If Dean is accidentally transformed into a cat by a young witch, NEVER tell him he "makes a good pussy." This will be taken the wrong way, and the scratches will not go away for weeks.
11. Never walk in on Sam when he is having some special alone time with his computer. Those images cannot be mentally deleted.
12. If Dean is looking at your iPod, never tell him that Bullet for My Valentine kicks AC/DC's ass. iPods can hurt when thrown forcefully by a man with deadly accuracy.
13. Learn that a sock on the doorknob is not just a friendly suggestion to keep out when sharing a motel room with two men that are pick up chicks like honey with flies. Learn this fast. You will scream, and so will they.
14. You may want to lock the door when blaring music and dancing around in your bra and panties. Burgers do not take as long to get as you thought, and the brothers will never look at you the same again.
15. Likewise, never dirty dance in a dark club with guys you don't know behind you. You may turn around and see that that hot dude you were grinding against is Dean. You will both blush, especially if you turned him on.
16. Never dare a drunken Sam and Dean to kiss. They will do it; you may be drunk as well and take pictures. They will be discovered. You will be injured.
17. When Dean is flirting with a girl, never jokingly point out that you have a better chance with her than he does. You may be right and she will be bi as well. She may also be the stalking type.
18. Never tell Sam "You look like someone just killed your best friend!" when you come back from somewhere and see him pouting once again. Dean may have been sent to Hell in your absence.
19. Never decide to play drunken "Truth or Dare" with the Winchesters. You may not remember what you told them, but they will. They will not stop making fun of your turn-ons. EVER.
20. Do not sing along with your iPod when you have earbuds in. You will choose to sing the chorus to Closer by Nine Inch Nails. You will be looking at Sam. He will be very confused.
21. If you have an urge to drive the Impala over to the drugstore to grab tampons in the middle of the night, don't. This will be the night that Mr. Stupid is driving and will back into your fender. Dean will not care whose fault it was, and your ass will be kicked.
22. When Dean and Sam are forced to share a bed because you could only get a two-bed room, never walk by humming anything on the I-Love-You playlist you made for your girlfriend. Especially if it is about gay sex. They will recognize it. They will not like you.
23. Even though Dean did not like you driving the Impala to get tampons, he will like it even less when you ask him to get them for you. After you start talking about the possibility of getting blood in said car, he will, however, give in. You will end up reenacting a scene from Ten Inch Hero.
24. Don't try to kick Dean under the table after he pisses you off and then blame it on Sam. Getting your foot stomped on by steel-toed boots is excruciatingly painful, especially when it is repeated twice.
25. Never EVER sit between Dean and Sam on a flight. Dean will be singing Metallica, slightly drunk, while squeezing your arm very tightly and Sam will be having a minor panic attack because with your combined luck, who will sit across the aisle from him? Bozo the freakin' Clown. It will be a long flight.