1. I know it's a bit (very) confusing at the beginning but please bare with me, everything will be explained... everything!
2. Huh, it wasn't my intention but it's kind of violent... ^^;
3. There will be some philosophy, ethics, morality, yadda yadda yadda or something that resembles it... criticism are welcome
4. Well, there is boy love (duh), though I would call it differently in this case...
5. Negative reviews are welcomed
6. The chapters are being edited. The main plot won't change though :)
Birth by Death
I don't know what I've been dreaming exactly.
It was a very strange dream. Something about family, school, friends, laughter, … simplicity. But what is all that? I mean I know what they are but I can't understand them in the least. There are no such things here.
I open my eyes to nothing but darkness; darkness that coils around my body in a deadly grip that has often made struggle for breath. Sometimes it feels as its dark tendrils are slipping through my eye sockets wrapping themselves around my brain and driving me insane.
There are times when I hear things that aren't really there, feel things on my body that aren't there, taste things that I shouldn't and see when there's nothing to see.
But the dark isn't the only thing this place has to offer.
I giggle bubbles in my chest as my mouth twists into smirk that no one could see.
There have been times that I would've let myself drown in this sea of blackness more than willingly. I still would actually. I wish I could lose myself right now, but something is blocking me.
My mouth settles in a neutral line and the 'liveliness' in my eyes dims.
No, the darkness is the least of our problems: first comes pain, anger, confusion and then comes darkness.
«Why am I here… What's the point... Where am I from… How did I get here… Was I created…» I mumble absentmindedly.
I have so many questions, but not even an answer. But it doesn't really matter in the end. What would knowledge do in a place like this? Nothing. Nothing at all.
«Why. Why. Why. WHY.»
«Ven,» a deep voice asked from a corner of our peace chamber, interrupting my inane mumblings. I named it that way because it was the only place where they couldn't hurt us. No, not couldn't; they simply didn't. They could do anything if they really wanted to.
I keep quiet, unsure who this 'Ven' is.
The voice sighs, «Ventus, it's your name.» he says as if reading my mind.
But the voice always has a tendency of making fun of me.
«Vivian,» the voice growls and it's now that I realize that the voice is real.
«Yes, Newt?» is my raspy reply. Probably because of all those screams that have been forced out of my throat; there have been times when I've wondered how my vocals could still be intact.
«That's not my name. And Vivian isn't yours either. Those are his pet names.» the voice is closer this time.
My roommate – or perhaps 'torturemate' would be more fitting – has always been stealthy, always quiet… just like a cat. Yeah, like a cat. Cats are nice aren't they… it's funny though, I feel as if I've always been here. If that were the case how can I know what a cat is?
«The bad voices, call me that.» I whisper automatically. My eyes feel wide open as if in a constant search for light.
The image of a very big cat springs to mind. It's hissing loudly.
I start shaking.
A flick to my forehead stops my internal turmoil.
«Stop thinking too much,» he says simply, as if it were that easy.
I laugh weakly. «You know the saying "knowledge is the most powerful weapon one has"?» I ask.
I hear him shift lightly as he sits beside me, «Yeah?»
«It cannot be applied here, right? We're nothing, we're destined to a life of torture and pain.» I pause before chuckling, «No, that's not right. I'm destined to a life of torture and pain, you've already become accustomed to it haven't you?»
There's the rustling of clothes as he fidgets nervously. «Maybe it's because I've become less human.»
It's a poor attempt to cheer me up, and we both know it.
Nevertheless I decide to amuse him, «Then I wish I were less human too.» I state. «You know, I can feel myself changing. I'm sure you can feel it too; you can feel that there's something strange happening inside your own body, can't you? The only difference is that for me the pain keeps getting worse. I'm probably no longer human either.»
This time silence is my only answer; or perhaps I've blocked him out again. I tend to do that quite often recently. I'm also probably rambling again, but I can't stop myself; the words just keep puking out of my mouth. Much like the blood and unnaturally colored liquids that dribble down my chin during one of my "sessions".
«But what makes a human a human? Is it the ability to feel pain? Nah, that's stupid; animals can feel pain too. Is it our physical appearance? But I remember people calling other humans inhuman when they did bad things. Is it maybe for your way of thinking? But what does that even mean? It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense.» a sob rocks my body, «Why am I even thinking, why can't I just be a lifeless puppet. At least then I wouldn't be in pain, everything wouldn't be so strange, so complicated…»
Hands grab by my shoulders and shake me hard, «don't say that,» a voice hisses in anger, «that's selfish and stupid. What about me? You'd leave me alone? Here? In the dark?»
His words are like a slap, a wake up call. For many they wouldn't mean much. But they wouldn't understand. They couldn't. And it's best if they didn't.
«I'm sorry,» I grab his elbows as if they were my only anchors to sanity, and they probably are, «I'm sorry, Vanitas. I lost myself there.» I give him a weak smile even though I know it couldn't be seen.
He lets out a shaky sigh. «Don't do that. When you do that, it feels like you're water in my hands, quickly slipping between my fingers. It makes me feel so powerless.»
I laugh, «Sounds like a confession.»
He shoves me away somewhat gently, «Shut up.»
I shake my head, feeling more like myself.
«This is absurd,» he mutters, «I used to hate you. We fought all the time.»
I smile hesitantly, not really sure what he's talking about, «There's a thin line between hate and love-»
He growls «Ah yes; now I remember why I always wanted to bash your head in.»
I smirk for some reason feeling a deep sense of satisfaction in pissing him off. «The enemy of my enemy of is my friend?» I offer this time.
He snorts, «you and your fucking quotes. But… I guess you could be right.»
My smirk widens before it freezes and drops.
I hear the echo of sports shoes walking down the stairs. I feel him stiffen beside me.
I start trembling.
«Ven-» he starts saying but I'm already blocking him out.
I'm alone again.
Suddenly the metal door slides open, blinding us with white light.
They call my name and I reluctantly stand up and walk towards the blinding light; there's no use in fighting.
I remember people saying that when you die you see a bright light as life flashes before your eyes. At the moment it feels as if I were walking towards my own death. The only difference is that there is no life flashing before my eyes. No, my mind is forcefully blank. If it weren't, my sanity would slip away. Honestly, I wouldn't care if it did. But he would; I'm doing this for him: I'm staying strong the best I can for him.
Only for him.
I know it might be confusing at first but EVERYTHING will be explained in the next chapters. And I know it's short but I promise that the next chapters will have at least 4000 words.
And please review, I really don't care if they're negative as long as they can help me improve.