What The...

Author's Notes: Well, I was checking out the YW archive on for the first time (I just finished A Wizard's Dilemma after waiting for it for 9 months at the library). It suddenly dawned on me. Only one story had humor as a genre! One out of twenty-eight!! That only 3.6%! Gasps} ell, I took it upon myself (sugar-high on jelly-beans) to write some (maybe?) humorous stories! OK, these author notes have gone on long enough. lol. Any flames, compliments, suggestion, etc. e-mail to OR And don't forget to review!!!! OH, and I know that I posted before as Venus Goddess and Sailor Magna U, but I can't access that name anymore because I forgot how to sign into it, so this really is me and it's the same story! I promise!  Thanks for reading!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own YW: we all know Diane Duane does and that's how it should be.  {sighs}

                                1) A day at the Beach

Narrator/Author: It was a normal day for our YW crew until one very bored and hyper author with magical author powers decided to twist everything awry for the sake of entertainment value. And it all sprung from a seemingly innocent convention of our favorite wizards at the beach...

Dairine: Where's Kit?

Nita: Kit? Why would I want to hang out with him? I am SO best friends with Joanne now. Isn't that, like, totally awesome?

Dairine: Finally!

Kit: HEY! {sulks}

 Nita: AUGH! It's a shark!!!! Kit, save meeeee!!!! It's coming straight for us!

Kit: Protect yourself, I'm getting out of here!

S'reee: Stupid humans...

Tom: Is Nita acting a little strangely...

Dairine: {from the shore} Look what I can do! {twirls around until she passes out}

Nita: Alrighty then... I think looking at computer screens all day finally started to affect her.

Carl: I agree with you, Tom... and I think the insanity is infecting Dairine, too.

                                2) ENCORE! ENCORE!

Narrator/author: And now onto our singing and dancing portion of today's show--

Ronan and Kit: HEY! We never signed up for this!

Narrator/author: And I care how?

Ronan: I hate her.

Narrator/author: That was NOT the right thing to say. Enjoy.

{They all start dancing}

Ronan: {singing} I feel pretty, Oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and gay!  And I pity any wiiiiizard who's not me today!

Kit: I feel charming, Oh so charming -It's alarming how charming I feel, And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real.

Dairine: See the pretty girl in that mirror there: Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face, such pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty meeeee!

Nita: I feel stunning, and entrancing. Feel like running and dancing for joy. For I'm loved, by some pretty wonderful boys! {hugs Ronan and Kit}

All: Lalalalalalalalaaaaaa

Nita's mother: Since when did Maria have multiple personalities?

All: Maria??

Nita's Mother: Never mind...

Ronan: I'm sorrrry!!!!!! Please don't make me do anything like that again. Please?

Author/ narrator: I suppose we can let you of the hook-- for a WHILE.

All: {cheer}

Narrator/Author: Mwahahahaha!

                                3) Celebrity Deathmatch!

Announcer (Me!): And now for the moment we've been waiting for. We've finally convinced the crew of Harry Potter and that of Young Wizards to participate on our show. This should get interesting... and dangerous. Remember, nothing's illegal in the arena considering it's in international waters in a boat, so go nuts, you two! Just what we love here on Celebrity Deathmatch! For our first pair, we present to you the two Ones-who-shouldn't-be-named!

In the first corner, it's the World-famous creator of death and entropy-- the Looooooone Poooooowerrrrrrr!

Hermione: That's not fair! Why can't our nemesis be so HOTT? {snaps some pictures}

Announcer: In the second corner is the evil wizard Voldemort, the snobbish ex-spoiled rich kid turned bad!

Voldemort: HEY!

Announcer: Zip it or you're disqualified!!!!

Voldemort: {sulks}

Announcer: Let's get ready to ruuuumble!!!!

Lone Power: This is degrading.

Voldemort: Avada Kedrava (the death curse for all you non-HP-loving readers)!!!{The green light fizzles out as soon as it exits the wand}

Lone Power: I invented death, didn't you hear the announcer? Think about it. If you were me, you'd take precautions, wouldn't you? {rolls his eyes}

Voldemort: WHA?? But-- HEY! No one told me THAT! I hate you, MTV!!!!!

Lone Power: Mimbo... still, you're a good little pawn. {pats Voldemort's head} I won't kill you.

Announcer: Goddammit, SOMEONE has to die! It's in the contract!

Voldemort: It'll be you if you don't shut up...

Announcer: {gloatingly} You two are warded in.

Voldemort: I can find out where you live!!!

Announcer: Not if you're dead.

Harry: {from audience} HaHa!!!!

Lone Power: That sucks. {makes a little motion, and Voldemort falls over dead} At least I can make a dozen more in his place... I love my job!

 Announcer: Finally. And the winner is-- the Lone Power!!!!

YW crew: Booooo! You suck!!!!!

Lone Power: {rolls his eyes}

Announcer: And the next group of challengers is--Ronan and Mr. Christopher Rodriguez!

Kit: I HATE that name!! Just call me Kit!!!!

Announcer: {rolls her eyes} Too bad. Anyway, In this corner, Ronan!, the Irish fireball who's created a love triangle between Nita, Kit, and himself!

Ronan: HEY! I DID NOT!

Announcer: Suuuure...

Ronan: Why do you always harrass meeee????

Announcer: Entertainment value. Opposite our pathological liar is Christopher, also know as boy-in-denial! He may be young, but watch out, he can get pissed! Especially when someone comes between him and Nita!

Kit: STOP CALLING ME CHRISTOPHER! …AND I'M NOT IN DENIAL, EITHER!!!!!

Announcer: Watch it or you'll be fighting in a skirt.

Kit: Yes, ma'am!

Announcer: Oh, and did I mention that this is for a date with Nita?

Nita: {from audience} WHAT?????

Dairine: Haha!!! Sweet! It goes to show, violence is always the answer!

Ronan: {To Kit} You're goin' down!

Announcer: Alrighty, now we've gotten the testosterone flowing, Let's Get Ready To Ruuuuuummmmmble!!!!

{Both wizards put up shields, and they attack each other for about two hours until the audience gets restless}

Dairine and the Lone Power: YOU SUCK! This isn't violence, this is a bunch of wussies!! { both hiss}

Announcer: Alright, alright! All shields down! Would you look at that! Ronan has tackled Kit! Finally! Some action!

Kit: {pulls Ronan's hair}

Ronan: NOOOO! Not my long, dark, thick, beautiful hair! {he hyperventilates and passes out}

Announcer: OK, then. Maybe that match-up was a bad idea... Christopher is the winner...

Kit: Woohoo!

Announcer: BUT--

Kit: But??? What but???

Announcer: You have to wear a skirt for a week since you fight like a girl.

Kit: {breaks down into sobs as a tiny pink leather skirt appears in place of his jeans}

Dairine: This rocks! {whips out a disposable camera and starts shooting snapshots of Kit}

Announcer: Review and tell us what should happen to the Young Wizards in the next installment of my frightening story. I know this chapter was short, but longer (and more frightening) ones to come!!! Mwahahahahaha {breaks down coughing}…ha! Read and Review! Please? And remember: It's all fun and games until a guy ends up as a hermaphrodite in a pink skirt.