The heated water felt nice on my skin. I sunk in the water letting it soak through my bones, relaxing my muscles. I was completely at peace. I closed my eyes enjoying the comfort.
It wasn't until I heard footsteps and the sound of snickers that I reopened my eyes to see a mouth-watering site. Edward in just his swim trucks watching me with a smirk on his face.
"Nothing, you just look so peaceful. It's quite amusing." Edward said before getting in the water himself.
"I wish I could find pleasure in everyday things as easily as you do." He added before closing his eyes and leaning back, letting his neck rest against the back of the hot tub.
I took that as an open invitation to make a move on him. I moved closer and whispered near his ear.
"I could help you find pleasure."
Edward opened his eyes taken back by how close I was. I'm pretty sure my desire for him was showing. It got quiet. We stared at each other for what seem like forever before our lips met in a fiery kiss. I moaned in Edward's mouth as he pulled me into his chest. I straddle his hips and grinded my lower half into his, while our tongues played.
It was starting to get really hot in the Jacuzzi. I was overheating quickly. I thought any minute I would faint from the heat of it all.
"Why don't we take this into the bedroom." I suggested, panting already.
Edward reluctantly let go of his grip on me to let me move out of the hot tub. He followed suit but stopped me short, grabbing my arm, giving me goose bumps. Or maybe it was the cool night air hitting my wet body.
"You're sure about this? Once we cross that line we can't go back." Edward warned.
"Looking forward to that possibility." I gushed before heading to my room with Edward not far behind.
He stood in the doorway looking cautious.
"You're not having second thoughts are you?" I asked suddenly worried.
"I'm not sure. I mean, we work together and it's been awhile since I have had relations with a woman. I'm afraid I'm a bit rusty." He confessed.
I stared at him taking my soaked bikini top and bottoms off in front of him, becoming naked, aware he could turn me down on the spot.
He gulped giving my body a once over. My fragile state noticeable.
He slowly came over without saying anything. He stared deep into my eyes, his hidden desire coming to the surface. He kissed me hard on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer.
We fell back on the bed. We made out heavily, moans and pants could be heard. I reached down and pulled his truck off, freeing him of his clothing.
"Wait, wait." Edward said winded sitting up.
I tensed up thinking he was going to reject me yet again.
"I want to Bella, believe me, I do but… I didn't bring anything with me. I honestly didn't think I would be needing condoms on this trip." He said somewhat frustrated and embarrassed.
I took a deep breath, and fell back on the bed, exhausted and snickering.
"What's so funny?" Edward asked confused.
"My life, my life is one big joke."
"Come on Bell, don't say that. There is always next time." Edward voiced pulling his swim trunks back on.
"Yes, except tomorrow never comes." I mumbled, feeling the tears threating to come.
I covered myself naked body with the blankets.
"Maybe…. "I sighed. "Maybe it's just not meant to be. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with you sometimes. It's exhausting, I mean, shouldn't it be easier?"
"Bella, nothing in life is easy, definitely not relationships. I mean, think about it, how many couples are actually happy, I mean truly happy with each other, emotionally, sexually, communication wise? Every couple has their problems. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It's fun to think about but it's unrealistic. You will always sabotage yourself if you don't settle for less than perfect Bella."
"Hmm… maybe that's my problem. I'm looking for perfection. Someone I connect with on a totally different level. I want to believe there is only one person who can make me feel a certain way, not just anyone I give a chance too. If that's the case then that means you can make it work with anyone and there is no special person for you. That's a bit depressing. Do you honestly believe it's just about finding someone and making it work? You don't believe in having a special connection with one person only, like soul mates?"
"Soul mates Bella, really?" Edward chuckled.
"It's a nice fantasy to think about but that's all it is." He added.
"So, you don't feel anything special for me? To you I'm just a girl you're trying to make things work with?"
"Bella, I like you, I do. However, do I feel it was faith that you chose my building to work in or that we met? No."
"Wow, my sex drive is completely gone now. Thank you for that Edward."
"Bella, no one is going to make you happy. You do realize this right?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You may think I haven't notice you Bella but I have, I have been watching you for a long time. You always seem so disappointed with your life, like your waiting for the special something or someone special to turn everything around for you. I have seen women like you Bella, thinking a man will bring purpose and happiness in your life, make you whole. These women always fall hard in the beginning and break hard when things don't work out. It never works when you expect so much from another human being, impossible expectations. Why do you think I am always reluctant starting something with you Bella? Because I see you, I see this scared fragile girl inside, looking for an impossible savior to turn your world around."
"Wow, talking about crushing a girl's hopes."
"Sorry Bella, but you need a wakeup call."
"Oh yeah, well, I see through you too Edward. I see who you are. You're afraid of commitment. You run from anything that could possibly give you joy because you're afraid to lose it, you have been afraid ever seen your father died. You're scared to love and to be accepted by someone. You push everyone away to avoid heartbreak and happiness. It's like you want to punish yourself for your father's death."
"You're right Bella. We are both very fucked up people. I guess you could say in that way, we are very much alike."
"I'm sorry; I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I've been cooped up in the room too long." I stressed.
"That makes two of us." Edward agreed.
"Well, I know the moment is probably ruin now but…."I reached over the side of the night stand and open the first drawer, holing a condom in the air.
Edward eyed it strangely as I continued explaining, "I bought some just in case and when you said you didn't expect to have sex or everything, I didn't want to seem easy. So, I didn't mention that I brought some with me."
"You still want to?" Edward asked reluctant.
"Well, if you are up for it, then yeah. We can start over."
"Ok." He said taking the condom.
It was slow kisses at first and small touches. Then the passion return and spread like wild fire. Hard, passionate kisses, grabs and squeezes, moans and pants, the bed creaking, bodies shaking. It was better than I dreamed it would be.
In the end, we held each other's naked bodies close and promised to try with each other and take things slow.
It was a start. A solid start, to a possibly real and beautiful beginning.
Note: I apologize for the long wait and crappy end but I'm completely over this story and have more important things to deal with and spend my time on in real life so it is what it is. Like it or hate it, it's over and done with. Thanks to all the loyal and supportive fans. ;)