Set in the Land of Departure.
Before the events in Birth by Sleep.
Another story I did not intend to publish.
Simply because I wrote this just to ease my frustrations.
And I thought that Contemplating Aqua was better.
Speaking of that story, this is written in the same way, but the two are unrelated.
Okay, well, you can try and look at them as if they're related, if you want to.
They're not, though.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading.
DISCLAIMER [I do not own Kingdom Hearts] DISCLAIMER
Love never lets you choose. It chooses for you.
It chose Aqua for me.
Love was forbidden, in a way.
I can love her like a friend, or like a sister, but no more than that.
The Master told me it would put both our hearts at risk, and it could adversely affect our judgment. He said that romantic love was a dangerous venture, and that I should be wary of it.
I turned to look at Aqua.
She was making lightning dance between her fingers, like miniature dragons kissing each of her fingertips. I smirked. There was something beautiful about the way her eyes shimmered when she was concentrating.
I wonder if the Master told her the same thing.
Although, I guess, of course he would. Why would he tell only me? Common sense would make him tell Aqua first. If any of the three of us was prone to falling in love, it would be her. She might be different, but she is still a girl. And girls are just weird like that, falling in love all of a sudden.
The dancing lightning suddenly disappeared and she tilted her head at me slightly.
I felt a lump grow in my throat. "Did I say that out loud?"
Her brows creased a little. "You didn't say anything."
"What is it, Terra?"
"Nothing," I replied.
She was not convinced.
"Really, Aqua," I insisted.
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Does it have anything to do with why you were staring at me?"
Was that why she looked at me that way, because I was staring at her?
Damn. Now what am I going to tell her? Knowing her, she would get angry with me for thinking like that. Girls are more prone to falling in love…
She scoffed at thoughts like that. But what else could I tell her?
"Well?" she said, clearly waiting for my answer.
"I was staring at you?" I asked, and I wanted to kick myself. I end up saying the dumbest things around Aqua.
She laughed and hit my arm playfully. "You are so weird sometimes."
"I guess I was just so caught up in that trick you were doing." That sounded like a good excuse.
And it is true.
"I could teach you, if you want," she offered.
Now it was my turn to laugh. She seemed so serious. "And end up electrocuting myself? Thanks, but no thanks, Aqua."
She laughed again. "Well, the offer is there, if you change your mind."
She was different.
Other girls were easy to impress. Other girls would fall in love in a heartbeat.
Not Aqua, though.
With her, it's the other way around. She impresses me all the time. And she made me fall in love so fast; I can still feel the bruises. You know love at first sight? I used to think it was something that happened only in fairy tales. Until Aqua showed up.
She shifted a little, away from the tree that we were leaning against, so that she could lie on the grass. The sunlight that managed to pass through the web of leaves overhead dappled her skin like white gold butterflies.
"I love having days off," she said with a contented sigh.
I frowned. "Not me."
During training, I have something to think about other than Aqua.
But on days like this, with absolutely nothing to do, in a world where your only companions are an old man, a kid, and a very beautiful girl...
Well, how would you spend your day? Who would be on your mind?
"Terra?" she prodded me gently on the arm. "Why not?"
I just shrugged a bit. If I opened my mouth, I might just say something dumb again.
"Oh, I get it," she said.
"You're not that hard to read, Terra," she said. "You would train all day and all night, if the Master never forces us to take breaks like this."
Well, there was truth in what she said.
But she missed the point. Training made it easier to resist the forbidden fruit.
Without training, resisting is so much more difficult.
There is nothing to keep you from thinking and daydreaming about her. Or from touching her face or blowing on that ticklish spot on her neck. And I know she wouldn't mind if I brushed those strands of hair away from her eyes. And I want to.
So I did.
She closed her eyes when my fingers came close, and I brushed her lashes, too. Her lips curled up into a smile and the faintest blush colored her cheeks.
"Terra?" she said, her eyes still closed.
"We can do what you want, next time."
"What do you mean?"
"When we get another day off, we can do whatever you like."
Well, I liked being with her. I'd let her pick all the time and she can do whatever she wants, so long as I get to be by her side. But if anything, I'd like to spend the entire day with her in my arms. Seriously. We could lock ourselves up in my room – or in hers. We could hide from the Master and from Ventus.
I smirked. "Anything I want?"
She frowned a little, opening her eyes. "Well, not anything…"
I expected that.
"What did you have in mind?" she asked softly.
"Oh, we could break a few rules," I answered. I'll never tell her what rule in particular, though. 'And, if you're up to it, we can pull a prank on Ven and the Master."
That melodic laughter of hers filled the air for a moment. "Sorry, Terra, I would have to say no to that."
I expected that, too.
"Is there anything else you would want to do?" she asked.
"Maybe I'll come up with something before the next day off."
She smiled. "Knowing the Master, you can take all the time you want."
I chuckled a bit and she closed her eyes again.
Why did it have to be forbidden?
Alright, so he didn't exactly say it was forbidden. But he did know exactly what to say so that I would try my hardest not to fall for her.
I would never put her heart at risk. No matter what.
Aqua still had her eyes closed. It was almost as if she was asleep.
I touched her hair again, just because I can, and she smiled like she did a while ago.
Love never lets you choose. It chooses for you. It chose Aqua for me.
Its an irresistible force that pulls at your heartstrings, enslaves your mind, forces your unwilling body to do things you normally would not. It takes every bit of willpower to fight it, but you can never really win.
I wonder if the Master knows that.
I wonder if the Master knows how hopeless it was to forbid me from loving her.
As if I could just…not fall for Aqua…
Her eyes opened, and she suddenly sat up.
I felt the lump grow in my throat again. "Did I…?"
She looked at me for a moment with confusion in her eyes and, when the confusion faded, she smiled "Thought you said something again?"
This would be a good time to kick myself.
She stood up and began brushing the dirt off her clothes. "I am not even going to ask," she said. "I know you will never tell me anyway."
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out, so I just closed it again. I kind of wish she did ask. But not all wishes come true. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe…
"I think we should go," she said. "Ventus will come looking for us soon. We promised to take him to the waterfalls, remember?"
"Right, I forgot…"
I feel so stupid.
I got up and brushed the dirt off my clothes as well.
"Terra?" she asked, just as I finished.
"Do you miss the days when it was just the two of us?"
I studied her expression for a second, knowing somehow that my answer would be important to her. Her expression was blank, though. So I just said, "I guess so…"
Was that the wrong answer?
"Do you?" I returned the question.
"Hmm…" she murmured. "Well, yes…"
I smiled, her answer sending pleasant chills down my spine, and we walked towards the path leading back to the castle with our hands almost touching.
She might get the right message, if I hold her hand.
And I must never let that happen.
I love her.
Forbidden, or not, I am in love with Aqua.
But as long as she doesn't know, maybe the rule stays unbroken.