AN: Fans of The World without the War, sorry about the (months) long hiatus, but I took a vacation for a couple weeks and when I got back—bam!—writer's block. I still need to go back over it in order to make sure none of the new ideas I come up with contradict anything I've written so far (I write by the seat of my pants). So it's going to be a while yet, but in the meantime enjoy this delicious crackfic.
Prepare yourselves for horrendous, horrendous OOC-ness in the name of "comedy", anachronism for no reason, and fourth-wall breaking powers. Starring the Avadults! Let's say, twelve-ish years from their ages in canon.
The Adventures of Aang and Zuko
"…and that's why Garran Jesus is the greatest fanfic ever," Aang said as he and Zuko played videogames. "I mean, come on, he teams up with Jesus to kill Nazis and ride motorcycles. That's freaking awesome."
Zuko scoffed. "You say fanfics are about 'having fun,' but I say they should add something to your understanding of the characters or the world they live in. Fanfiction should make you think, and if they take place in a Mind Screw series, provide a Mind Screwdriver. Therefore, At World's End is the greatest fanfic ever."
"Bah, you say that, but I know the real reason you like it is you're a Misato/Shinji shipper," Aang said.
Toph spoke up: "You guys realize that fanfiction is the lowest form of literature, right?"
"You're just mad because you discovered Zutarans," Aang said sympathetically.
"They're insane. Everyone knows I am Zuko's one true love," Toph said. Zuko ignored this, as he ignored the shrine to him she had in her room.
The door banged open and Katara entered. "I need help."
"Alright, (A) have you ever heard of knocking, and (B) who the hell are you?" Zuko demanded.
"…Are you serious? You just made a Zutara joke five seconds ago," Katara said.
"That was a throwaway gag. This is plot," Zuko said.
"Ah, right. Well, my name is Katara, and I need Aang's help."
"What makes you think my lackey's willing to help you?" Zuko demanded.
"Because he's the Avatar? You know, savior of mankind, and whatnot? That doesn't change just because a fanfic author stole a script from another series entirely and tried to crudely shoehorn us in," Katara said.
"What do you need?" Aang said, doing his hero thing.
"My brother Sokka has been kidnapped by an evil bitch named Azula, and I figure that since you're, you know, a superhero, and have, you know, close ties to one of the scions of the family, you could help."
"I suppose it's my heroic duty. Hey, Zuko, you coming?"
"I suppose I have nothing better to do since you keep thwarting my plans to enslave humanity, or whatever it is I'm trying to do in this series," Zuko said. "Actually, come to think of it, I have no idea what the character I'm playing actually does for a living."
"Wait, are we actually these people, or are we just playing them in some sort of Show within a Show?" Katara asked.
"Let's not dwell on it," Aang said.
"Count me out of this adventure, if y'all are just going to lampshade everything from here to Ozai's palace," said Toph.
"Oh, really?" Aang asked suggestively. "So that means Zuko and I can go alone together? So that we can become very close…friends? And…bond? In a totally heterosexual sort of way, of course? This is going to be fun."
"I'll pack my bags," Toph said.
"Aang, what have I told you about teasing my driver?" Zuko demanded.
Everyone paused, and Aang looked at you. "By the time you figure out what's wrong with that statement, it will not matter anymore."
"So, this is Ozai's palace," Katara said, noticing the hedges and well-kept yard inside the moat. "Not as doomy as I expected."
"Yeah, well, Dad's a retired supervillain, and Azula doesn't get a say in the decoration because she's just a freeloader," Zuko said.
"It's a rather nice looking place, for a fortress with no windows and only one door," Aang said.
"Brother. Missing. Chew the scenery later," Katara said. "Let's go in there and break stuff."
"Or we could, you know, try and avoid attracting attention before we get to Azula's wing. I personally would rather not have to explain to Father why we got blood on his precious vase collection," Zuko said.
"Hey look, a secret tunnel entrance," Aang said.
"What? There's no se—!" Zuko protested.
"Shh! There are not enough people in the entire Avatar universe to fill all the roles in this cast, and I can't even remember what Toph's dad's name was, can you?"
"Now that you mention it, no."
"Alright then. So let's avoid an embarrassing situation (and a tedious fight scene) by crawling through this secret entrance I pulled out of my ass."
"Not literally, I hope," Zuko said, but he crawled through the tunnel obediently, which opened, quite conveniently, into Azula's living room.
"Hey, what are you people doing in Azula's corpse hatch?" Sokka demanded from the kitchen.
"Sokka?" Katara demanded.
"Oh, hey Katara, long time no see," Sokka said.
Katara punched him. "Azula has a corpse hatch? And you made no attempt to escape? In ten years?"
"Wait—it took you ten years to come and ask us for help?" Aang asked.
"I didn't have a lead on his location until you all attended the grand opening of the Jasmine Dragon, okay?" Katara sniped.
"When did that happen?" Aang asked.
"Two story arches ago, but S-Michael skipped ahead to his favorite," Zuko said.
"Also, it keeps the upcoming plot twist fresh to readers not familiar with The Adventures of Wiglaf and Mordred."
"Uh, Katara?" Sokka held up his wrist, revealing the manacle and the very long chain attaching him to the wall.
"That's no excuse. Come on, we're getting out of here," Katara said.
A small child appeared behind her, eyes welling up. "You're going to take my daddy away?"
"This is my son, Safir. He's eight," Sokka said.
"What, S-Michael couldn't be arsed to change the kid's name? I somehow doubt that this Safir is blonde," Toph said.
"How do you know what the original Safir looked like?" Aang asked.
Katara, Sokka, and the kid ignored them. "Wait, he's eight? But, you've been here for ten years…"
"Don't judge me," Sokka said.
"Well, uh, you can come with us," Katara said awkwardly.
"Can Mommy come, too?" Safir asked.
"Who's your Mommy?"
Just then Azula showed up. "Hey, what are you doing talking to my husband and kid?"
"What, that's supposed to be a plot twist?" Aang asked. "This is S-Michael we're talking about—it's more like a foregone conclusion."
"You—married—her?" Katara choked out.
"Don't judge me," Sokka reiterated. "Besides, it was something of a shotgun wedding. Anywho, I should make formal introductions. Azula, this is my sister, Katara. Katara, this is my wife, Azula, and our son, Safir."
Azula had produced a cell phone from somewhere. "Yeah, it's me. Get over here. Now."
"You got married? And had a kid? Where was I during all this? You didn't so much as write!" Katara said.
"Yeah, well, I've got restricted access to the outside world, being a prisoner and all," Sokka said reasonably.
"Are we even necessary here?" Aang asked. "I'm not the center of attention, and that makes me bored."
"There you are, Katara," Ty Lee said.
"Ty Lee, what are you doing here?" Katara demanded.
"I called her," Azula said.
"Wait, you two know each other?" Katara demanded.
"Oh, yeah, we spend Wednesdays shopping together," Azula said.
"Wait, what?" Sokka demanded. "You told me that you spend Wednesdays strangling kittens with your bare hands so that you'd have fresh meat for your kittenburgers!" he accused.
"Yeah, popular belief aside, I don't actually eat kittens," Azula said.
"So what did we have for dinner last night?"
"That's sick!" Sokka wiped at his mouth with his sleeve. "Bleh!"
"Wait a second," Katara said, "you had a line to the woman who had my brother for all these years and never told me?"
"That's the question you ask, when I've been practically dating the woman behind your back?"
"Whose this?" Sokka asked.
"Right," Katara said. "This is Ty Lee, my wife."
"That's nice…wait, you're married? When did that happen?"
"Seven years ago."
"We are seriously not needed here," Aang said. "Why is this fic called 'The Adventures of Aang and Zuko', again? Damn it, I came all this way, and I want to fix something!"
"That picture over there is crooked," Zuko said.
Aang went and fixed it. "There, mission accomplished! Let's go."
"Alright back to the corpse hatch," Zuko said.
"Can we go the other way? Maybe we can fight some of Ozai's mooks, and make this story about me again," Aang said.
"No. This stopped being interesting, and I'm going home." Zuko, Aang, and Toph got into the corpse hatch.
"Wait, so you—one second." Sokka went and stuck his head in the corpse hatch: "Be careful in there! Azula hates when people get mud in her corpse hatch!" Then he returned: "As I was saying: Wait, so you work for Azula?"
"No, we're just childhood friends, and she owed me a favor, so she kidnapped you," Ty Lee said.
"What sort of person are you that you can make Azula honor her debts?" Sokka demanded.
"Just a friend. We went to the Fire Academy for Girls together, and both got high marks in Assassination and Commando Tactics in our second grade courses, which is how we met."
"Why did you want my brother kidnapped?" Katara demanded.
"You had a rather nasty subtext with him in the canon, and a separation could do naught but good," Ty Lee said. "Also, I wanted you to myself. Also also, Azula really needed a man, if you know what I mean."
"Wait, this was all about hooking up?" Sokka demanded. "Why didn't you just, you know, set us up on a double date?"
"Honey, I'm a supervillain," Azula said.
"Right—nothing's simple with you people," Sokka said. "Anywho, we should probably work out a visitation schedule, since I'm not going anywhere."
"But, I came here with a hero…hey, where'd he go?" Katara demanded.
"He left. Didn't you see me telling him not to scuff up Azula's corpse hatch?" Quite frankly, considering the nasty subtext Azula had with Zuko in both canons, he was just as happy if they never meet.
"Oh, enough already with the corpse hatch," Katara said. "Fine, let's schedule…"
Meanwhile, teen supergenius Tom-Tom was at his computer. "Well, that was boring."
"Indeed, I wanted violence," said Security.
Tom-Tom noticed the man's armband, blonde hair, and completely different animation style. "Wait, are you…the real Security, instead of a guy playing him? How did you get into this universe?"
"I'm just that good," Security said. "Nice computer. Can I use it?"
"That depends. Can you get me Ty Lee's bra?" Tom-Tom asked.
"Well, that was disappointing and pointless, just like all our adventures," Zuko said as they approached his place. They found Zhou hanging from a tree. "What are you doing back? We just had to deal with you last arch—you're not due back yet."
"What do you mean, 'back'?—I'm still here! You forgot to get me down from this tree! I've been hanging upside down for a week," Zhou said.
"Huh, right, I knew I forgot something," Zuko said.
"That reminds me; Zuko, I want you to call me 'Buttercup' from now on," Toph said.
"Whatever; no one not familiar with WAM will get how these last two scenes fit into the story, anyway," Aang said. "I'm going to my room. Call casting and tell them to cast recast Lancelot as someone other than Zhou if we ever do a real arch with him, because if I have to watch Zhou hit on Toph, well, I just might vomit."
The End…For Now
Will the Adventures of Aang and Zuko continue? Will we ever go back to find out how Aang met Zuko, or how Zhou got in that tree, since we started this thing in media res? Not any time soon, is all I can tell you!
Anywho, you probably caught this during the story, but I might as well make it official: Plot "courtesy" of The Adventures of Wiglaf and Mordred (translation: I stole it…'cuz I'm a thief). Many of the jokes are not stolen, however, though some are.
The cast (in order of nominal appearance): Aang as Wiglaf, Zuko as Mordred, Toph as Driver, Katara as Horatio, Azula as Janus, Ozai as Arthur Sr., Sokka as Geoff, Iroh as Boudicca, Safir as Safir, Tom-Tom as Hnæf, Security as himself, and Zhou as Lancelot.
R&R, obviously. I mean, do people actually realize that that means "read and review"?