Okay, so I've got two possible places for you, but I don't know which one.

No, you're completely balanced between ambition and wisdom.

No, they're not polar opposites! I'll have you know that Rowena and Salazar got on very well indeed, at least until the whole muggle-born thing...

Opposites attract? My, you are a cynic. Although you may be right...

Anyway, any idea which you'd prefer? Ravenclaw or Slytherin?

Of course you don't. I should have known. There's one every year. Every single year, without fail.

What about your parents?

Hufflepuffs? How could Hufflepuffs possibly bring up a scheming, rational individual like you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um.

Well, where did I put your friends?

What, no-one? What did you do on the Hogwarts Express all day? No, don't tell me: you were reading. All day. No, I can't say I'm surprised.

So how else do I decide? What's your favourite colour? Do you prefer blue or green?

Black. It would be black.

Have you got a coin? We could flip a coin.

It doesn't matter whether it's Wizard or Muggle, have you got a coin or not?

Oh.

Here, I tell you what! Let's have a staring contest, and whoever blinks first has to choose where you go.

What does it matter whether I have eyes or not? Or whether I ever blink?

Hmph.

I know! Are you evil? Evil wizards are usually in Slytherin.

You're sarcastic, though. That's almost evil.

Yes, I know I'm pushing it, but how else am I supposed to decide?

Oh, get lost, you "SLYTHERIN!"