A/N: Hey everyone! I hope that you had nice holidays. Well, I had and this come to me when I was making some Christmas food. I give you 'Prologue' and this time it's up to you if I post next chapter so please every comment will be welcome.
love, Chandni
ps. thx to my 2 betas - Yarrow and Inez :*


I was sitting with laptop on my knees in my bed. Well, in bed I was sleeping since last year. It was nearly first a.m. and if you ask if I have insomnia - NO, well... not now. Now I don't have problems with my sleeping but since it's Christmas time and I didn't have to get up to my work, I was sitting and checking what was going on Internet. I was sitting in dim light coming from my nightstand lamp. All house was quiet and you still could smell aroma of orange and cinnamon in the air.

So, I logged myself at some chat room to see if someone was online in Christmas night. I don't know why or when I began doing that, but sometimes when I can't sleep I just chat with people I don't know.
After a while I wanted to log off when I saw a nickname that sounded very sad and depressive - 'EndingLive'.

I don't know why but I just wrote to this person.
'Why you want to end your life?' I asked and for a while I feared that this person would not answer to my question.
'Course it sucks' I got short, but I think honest, answer.
'Tell me something that I don't know' I challenged this person.
' I...' I could sense the nervousness on the other end of chat.
'Maybe you can start with telling me your name?'

'Nice to meet you Jackob, I'm Tony' I introduced myself. 'What about this? We make a deal. Hm? You tell me why you life is sucks and then I tell you my story?'
'Fair enough'
After that there was silence. I know that Jackob was thinking about his story and if he's ready to tell it to some stranger.
'It's Christmas kid, so tell me why your world fell to the hell,' I tried to encourage him to talk more. I grabbed my cup of tea from the nightstand and waited for his answer.
'You don't understand'

Oh, boy! Really?
'Try me!' kid needed to talk with someone and if this person was me - well, it was so much better cause I had practice with thinking about killing myself.
'I was in car accident just a month ago. They just relased me to home for Christmas...' he began and I knew that I wouldn't like what he was writing, but for now I needed to be strong for this kid and since my job is to help people I just wrote:

'You're paralyzed'
'Yep' was short answer but I needed to know more before I could tell him my story.
' I... you know, I'm just in my twenties and I had my sport career ahead of me... I had girlfriend, friends... just everything and now... now I lost all of it!'
' You haven't lost everything' I assured him.
' What?'
'You didn't lost your life'

'And that is supposed be a good thing? You're a freak, man! What the hell! I can't do a simple thing by myself! And my parents? My father, ya know, he's this damn stupid bastard marine! I know that he's disappointed to have invalid for a son. Mother is still crying and I know that she has quarrels with dad all the time. My girlfriend just broke up with me and my old buddies... I just have no words! I don't need their pity! They don't understand, nobody can understand me...'

After about five minutes he wrote again:
'So tell me... tell me why I shouldn't kill myself to spare … I... just... help me...'
And I was waiting for this words, this simple and again very hard words - HELP ME!
'I think it's time for my story. I hope that you don't want to sleep 'cause it's really long. And I tell you that I CAN understand YOU' I looked at my legs and smiled sadly.
'My name is Anthony Dwaine DiNozzo and I'm federal agent of NCIS for ten long years and my life changed a year ago' I began my story...