Title: A Simple Note
PostSecret Prompt: "You Are Loved." Someone slipped this note under my dorm room door last year & it made my day. Thank you, I needed to hear it. http:/bit(.)ly/eJUsjT
Summary: A young girl who everyone has abandoned is reminded that there is someone out there who still cares.
•PostSecret concept created by Frank Warren. Recognizable characters and story elements are the property of Stephenie Meyer•
College. A blessing and curse in one. The blessing, no one here knew me. No one here knew of the heart ache I had been through, or the depression I dealt with every day. The curse: every day someone seemed to want to befriend me. Whether it was in class, my dorm or the commons area, someone was coming up to me to talk. Luckily, after they got the hint I didn't want to talk, they got up, giving me a strange look, and walked away. Its not that I'm a mean person or anything; I just won't make that mistake again. The mistake of letting someone in.
It's brutal, letting someone in to know you, allowing them to see you, heart and soul. Then, they leave you, whether its their choice or not, feeling exposed, feeling naked.
The first time it happened was when my mother remarried. She was my best friend for so long. It was just the two of us since my father passed away when I was just three years old. To this day, I still hate that I never got the chance to know him. But when I was fourteen, my mother remarried some guy who was closer to my age than hers. And slowly, she began to attend more to Phil than me. She left me alone during a time when every young girl needs their mother. That's when I made the decision to go live with my father's mother, my grandma Swan, in Forks Washington.
My mother didn't even put up a fight for me, telling me that was a great idea since Phil was going to be traveling around the country with his band, and my mother wanted to follow. The pain was excruciating, knowing my mother would rather spend the time with this guy than her own daughter.
Luckily, my grandma Swan took me in like I was her own daughter. She said I had my father's eyes which always brought a smile to my face. I slowly began to open up to her, and I remember she was there when I had my first boyfriend in tenth grade. Mike Newton was (supposedly) every high school girls' dream. He was a junior, football captain, and of course good looking. Every girl wanted a chance to be with him...and he chose me. I was so overwhelmed that he wanted me. I instantly became popular and had more friends than I could imagine. I never really had any close girlfriends. When I needed someone to talk to, it was either grandma Swan or Mike. I don't know what it was about him, but I felt I could share everything with him, every joy and every struggle. He would listen to me and be there for me no matter what.
I feared when he graduated we would be over, but he surprised me. The night of prom he told me that even though he was headed to college, he loved me to much to end us. And that night, we showed each other how much we loved each other. It was awkward and it hurt, but he said he loved me and I figured it would get better the more we did it.
Yeah, that didn't happen.
At the beginning of my senior year, grandma Swan was diagnosed with cancer. We had caught it too late, and the doctor said she could pass away any time, just depending on how much of a fight she gave. I was by her side every chance I could. I couldn't believe the woman who took me in when I needed someone, was going to be gone and leave me here alone. One day, when I was about to have a breakdown, I got in my car and drove to the college Mike was attending. I needed him more than ever. I needed my friend, my boyfriend...my lover. I knocked on his apartment door and waited awhile. No one answered. I tried the handle and it turned with ease. I wish it hadn't.
Sitting naked on the couch was Mike with some blonde hair chick going down on him. I stood frozen in the doorway as Mike's eyes grew wide and he called out my name. That brought me back to the scene.
"We're done," was all I said as I headed out the door and back to my car. As I was driving back to the hospital my grandma was at, my phone began ringing. It was the hospital, letting me know my grandma had taken a turn for the worst and I better get there soon. I didn't care that I was going over the speed limit; I had to get to her.
She died five minutes before I got there they told me. She wasn't in any pain when she passed.
That did very little for me.
I broke down in the hallway. I had no one left. My father was gone, my mother abandoned me for her new hubby, Mike was cheating, and now my grandma Swan was gone. I had no real friends.
I completely shut down.
As I watched them lower my grandmother into her resting place, I decided right then I would let no one in. Everyone I had trusted was gone, in one way or another, and I had been hurt too much by it all. That's why I chose a college on the east coast, where no one knew me, and never would.
I was sitting in my room studying, my roommate at some party that was being thrown by someone she knew. She tried once again to get me to come, and snorted when I said I had studying to do. I was really surprised she hadn't given up yet. As I was trying to understand the notes I had taken in biology, I heard something being slipped under my door. I figured it was just some notice from the RA, so I didn't pay much attention too it.
After fifteen minutes of trying to understand, I gave up and decided to see what the piece of paper said that was at the door. As I picked it up I noticed it wasn't something from the RA.
"You are special."
That was all it said. I was stunned by it. And I would have thought it was for my roommate if my name hadn't been on it. I was so confused at to why someone would do this. I wasn't special...I was far from it. I was just normal, dull Bella who no one wanted. I wasn't good enough for anyone. This had to be a mistake, I told myself. The person surely meant another Bella.
I got another note a couple of weeks later, telling me I was unique. This one made a bit more sense. I mean, come on, I was unusual. Maybe the person was just trying to be nice by saying unique. Whatever the case, I put that note in the drawer with the other. I honestly wasn't sure why I was keeping them, but something was telling me to keep them.
Two weeks later, right on schedule, another note came. I tried to catch the person, but as soon as I opened the door after the note was slid under the door, I could find no one in the hallway. I didn't understand how someone could move that quickly.
"You are beautiful."
I laughed out loud at this one. Surely this had to be a joke. It wasn't that I was ugly. I sure wasn't beautiful. That was confirmed when Mike decided a blonde made him happier. I took a glance in the mirror and grimaced. I had dark circles under my eyes and my body was frail looking. I snorted at the card on my desk and decided to head out to the commons to get something to eat.
As I sat down with my salad, I began looking around to figure out if I could determine who was giving me these cards. I noticed nobody looking my way. As I began eating my salad, I froze halfway with a fork full of salad heading towards my mouth. Across the room were a pair of eyes staring at me intently. I placed my fork down and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I looked down, trying to convince myself I was seeing things. There was no way this gorgeous man was looking at me. When I looked back up he was still looking in my direction, this time with a crooked smile. I decided right then that there was someone behind me he was staring at and began to box up my food. Eating in my room was better. I ducked my head and made a beeline towards my room, with the vision of those eyes burning into my own.
Another card made its way into my room; on a day I was not too happy. I had failed a test and had to make it up later that week. Also, I had an assignment due the next day that I had barely started.
"You are cared for."
Tears began to well up in my eyes. I threw the piece of paper away and started pulling at my hair.
"I'm cared for?" I asked aloud. "If I'm so cared for why aren't you showing your face? You think some card is going to make me feel better? That just some simple words on a card is going to make it all better? Well screw you and your cards. They're lies!"
I curled up on my bed, with tears falling down my face. I was alone in this world. No one cared. I wasn't special and I wasn't beautiful. These cards were lies...lies that made me feel even worse.
Today was a horrible day. Today was not only the day I found Mike cheated on me, but it was the day grandma Swan died. I didn't go to class, I didn't even eat today. I just stayed in bed.
I hadn't received a card in a month, and for some reason it made me sad. It was just proof that I was alone in this world and that I couldn't depend on anyone. I just wanted today to be over with. I wanted my dad back that I barely remember. I wanted my mother to remember she had a daughter and cared. I wanted Mike to believe I was enough for him. I wanted my grandma back. I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone.
At some point I had fallen asleep because the noise of something being slid under my door woke me up. I slowly got up, with my blanket wrapped around me. I picked up the piece of paper...wondering what it would say. After reading it, I fell to my knees in tears.
"You are Loved."
Three words. Three simple words broke me in a way I needed to be broken; a way I never knew I needed. How was it that someone saying I was loved, someone I didn't even know, made me understand I wasn't alone. I just decided I was going to be alone. I didn't have to be.
And could it really be an accident that this note showed up on the year anniversary of the day I shut down.
"You're still looking out for me grandma."
I had never been happier. I had finally chosen a major that I was happy with. I had begun making friends and going out with them to events. I got involved in groups on campus I would never have gotten involved with due to fear. And all of this was because of a few notes I had gotten last year.
I still didn't know who sent them, and it was coming up to the year anniversary of the last note. And I really wanted to know who helped me. I wanted to thank them.
So that's why I was posting up flyers with a copy of the note on it, with something written under it.
"Someone slipped this note under my dorm room door last year and it made my day. Thank you I needed to hear that. I would love to know who you are and thank you in person. If I could meet you in the commons area, at 7 tonight, I would be so grateful."
So that's why I was sitting in the commons with only minutes until seven. I was tapping my foot, out of nerves. Not knowing who I would be meeting caused my stomach to churn. Right as seven came rolling around, I looked down at the table biting my lip, wondering if the person would show.
I looked up into big blue eyes. I just sat there staring.
"Those cards actually made a difference huh?" asked the short girl with a pixie cut. She sat down across from me, smiling.
I nodded my head. "You have no idea." I bit my lip before speaking again. "Why me?"
"I noticed you in class and around the commons. I knew something was wrong; something had affected you so much that you were drowning in yourself. I wanted to be more forward, but someone convinced me to take a less forceful approach. So I figured the notes might make a difference." Her smile faltered a bit. "For awhile, I thought it wasn't working."
Tears began to form in my eyes. "It was the last one...it finally hit me."
I began sharing my story with her, what had caused me to be the way I was. There was tears, from both of us.
"You saved me."
She scoffed. "No. I just helped you save yourself."
I laughed a bit. "I just now realized I don't even know your name."
She giggled. "Alice. Alice Cullen." Her phone beeped and she took it out to look at it. She looked like she was mulling something over and then looked up at me. "You wouldn't happen to be up for a movie and ice cream night. Once a week we meet at one of my friends' places and just have some down time."
I figured why not, knowing I would get a chance to know more about this wonderful person who helped me so much.
"Sure why not."
We both got up and I was caught off guard when she pulled me in for a hug.
"I think we are going to be great friends Bella."
I couldn't help but laugh. "I think you're right Alice."
I followed her up the stairs of an apartment building. She didn't even bother knocking; she just walked right in.
"Hey everyone! I have a new member for tonight."
I saw a group of people standing in the kitchen looking in our direction.
"Everyone, this is Bella. Bella this is everyone!" she giggled.
I nodded slightly and looked at everyone. There was one face though that I recognized and I couldn't pull my stare away. He walked towards me and held out his hand.
"Hi. I'm Edward."
I shook his hand. "Bella."
His lips pulled into a crooked grin and he released my hand.
I heard Alice giggle as she hung on to a blonde haired guy.
"Alice, what are you doing?" he asked.
She sighed. "Just making sure everyone feels loved."