As easy as dreaming
Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.
AN: many, many people asked for the outtake from chapter 23 when Paul went and had a shower and left Jake and Bells together –
Exerpt from 'what was he thinking?'
I went to get drinks for everyone and we lay in bed together and drank them; chatting about pack stuff and winding down. Jake kept stroking her hair and she was running her hand up and down my thigh.
Bella looked down the end of the bed, "We didn't even use the bench," she said. She sounded disappointed.
I climb out of the bed. "I'm going to have a shower. Why don't you and Jake christen the bench while I am at it?" They both gave me a look of amazement. I point at them both. "Last time," I tell them, before I go for a long hot shower. I read in some baby magazine at the dentists one time about a strategy when you need a shower and the baby is crying. Stick a shower cap on your head and stand under the shower. I feel like a prize idiot but it works; I can't hear a thing.
Bella just looked at Paul. She knew what it cost him to make this offer. He had already done something she knew for a fact, no other wolf would have been able to do; share his imprint with another wolf. And not just any wolf, but another wolf who loved her. He had taken an incredible risk. The others could barely allow another man to touch their imprints let alone have sex with them.
She could tell from the look on his face, that he still was not sure this was good idea.
She and Jake were both silent as Paul quietly left the room to have a shower.
"When he made the offer that first night, I told him he was not like any other wolf," Jake spoke quietly. "I meant it as a kind of joke, but now…" he trailed off and shook his head.
"No other wolf could have fought the imprint in the first place, you know," said Bella.
"And slept with other women," said Jake. And then he looked apologetic as if, he didn't mean to remind her of that.
Bella chuckled, "Don't worry about it Jake, we run into them all the time." She rolled her eyes, "You have no idea how weird a mundane trip to the supermarket can get, when you run into some woman Paul laid years ago, and who can't seem to take 'no' for an answer now. Sometimes he has to be downright rude to them."
There was silence for a minute or so.
"I asked him what would happen if you and I could not let this go… if it became an ongoing affair," Jake looked at her very seriously. "Do you know what he said?"
Bella shook her head.
"He said he would share you with me… if that was what you wanted."
"He said that?" Bella was incredulous. She thought she knew how much he adored her, but maybe she had never quite realised how much. "This whole thing started from one stupid, drunken comment I made."
Jake bristled a little, "I don't think it was stupid."
Bella chuckled. "No, well you wouldn't."
Jake stroked her arm.
She studied him. He looked like a little boy who knew he wanted something but wasn't game to ask for it.
She had grown up so much in recent months. The endlessly romantic, book obsessed young girl who had fallen madly in love with Edward Cullen, was long gone. That girl would never have believed the human heart was capable of loving more than one person. She would have struggled endlessly with the way she felt about Jacob and Edward. And that was before she had even worked out how she felt about Paul.
Edward, my God. It was months since she had even thought his name. She had never thought about Alice's clandestine visit. It had occurred at the same time that she realised Paul had imprinted on her. It must be a year ago now. Alice had not spoken to her, only to Leah and Embry. She had ascertained that Bella was alive and had left again.
She loved Edward; she would literally have died for him. That would have been the result, if he had turned her. But he had left, to allow her to live. Was he stronger than she was? If the situation was reversed, would she have ever let him go? She didn't know the answer to that one. Presumably, Alice had told him she was alive and life bonded to a wolf. Had he cried for her? She kind of hoped not. She had cried enough tears for them both.
However, when you thought about it, the heart had an infinite capacity to love. She loved three men. The thought surprised her.
Jake rubbed her arm again. It was a gentle reminder. Truth was, she was feeling a little battered and she really was not sure she was up for another round of sex. But then she looked at his face.
He needed this. She reached out and held her hand against the side of his face and she told him what he needed to hear. "I love you, Jake," she told him. She meant it, because she did. Maybe not as much as she loved Paul, but if things had been different, perhaps she would have been with Jake.
He pulled her in close to him and hugged her. "Are you sure?"
She knew from experience that she and Paul had sometimes had sex that one time too many and it had been painful to start, but there was a point you passed when it no longer mattered. She could handle this and Jake needed this. He also needed to know there would be no ongoing affair; if that was what he was asking.
"This is the last time Jake," she told him.
He stared intently into her eyes. She didn't look away; she didn't blink. She looked steadily back at him.
He bent down and kissed her. It was gentle and tender; like Jake, she thought.
She wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him harder towards her.
She had been lying on her back and Jake was propped next to her on his elbow while they were talking. She lifted her leg and slid her thigh over his hip. His arm slid behind her back, across her shoulders and held her close. His other hand slid up her thigh and grasped her buttock. She could feel him hard and ready between them. They shuffled around a little and with a push of his hips, and a guiding hand from her, he just slid into her.
She bit her lip and stifled a gasp. She did not want him to think he was hurting her. Luckily, he was not watching her face; he was looking down, watching himself enter her. That caused a rush of warmth within her and places low in her to tighten.
After a couple of shallow strokes, she was feeling much better.
Jake was way too tall compared to her for a standard missionary position. She had not meant to hold him this way, but she was not up to any serious gymnastics. As it was, the position was perfect. A less well-endowed guy would barely have been able to penetrate her.
He lifted his knee so that the muscles of his thigh pressed against her bottom. Gentle lifts from his leg rocked her onto him.
Again, a normal height guy would have had his face buried in her chest, but she and Jake were eye to eye if she looked up a tiny bit. The strokes were shallow; he just slid partly into her; his cock nudging at her entrance continuously. It was tender and exquisite.
He started to whisper to her, as if he thought Paul could overhear. "I love you Bells… I've loved you since I was old enough to know what love was… maybe nine or ten… remember the mud pies… the sand pit… the walks on the beach… the summers we spent together…" His hands were roaming all over her skin; like a blind man memorising a text.
"I remember…" she replied, "… the fishing trips when we were left together… and then I made Charlie take me to California for the summers… and I lost you… I never knew what I lost Jake… loving you was as easy as breathing…" Her hands stroked his skin as well.
He leant in and kissed up and down her neck as they rocked onto each other. She uttered breathy little sighs and moans. The slow penetration was causing an unhurried build up for her.
She felt that tightening within her, indicating she was close. She clutched at his face and kissed him tenderly. Her head pulled back and she shivered and closed her eyes. "Oh… oh… Jacob," she breathed into his mouth.
He made a noise that sounded part way between a sigh and a sob.
It was goodbye and they both knew it.
He came inside her and one lone tear trickled down his cheek. She kissed it away.
She wrapped her arms around him and held him until she could not hold him anymore. She was exhausted; emotionally and physically worn out.
They shifted their bodies until their heads lay together on the pillow. She looked towards the bathroom where Paul was hiding and she caught sight of the new bench. "Oops," she said.
"What's the matter?" Jake asked.
"We forgot to use the bench," she explained.
Jake looked at her seriously, "In our dreams," he told her.
She smiled at him and pulled him close again. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.
Perhaps to dream.
FF_2154210_ - 29/12/2010 02:38:00 AM