AN: The downside of the golden couple. I know, you don't usually see it from me.

Set: During Memento Mori. Helps if you've seen it, but no spoilers.

Pair: Amanda & Simon, but it's a bit Amanda-centric. Her POV.


"S-someone's just come in..." You begin babbling to your wife {wife, god, can I take a hint?} and I can see you trying to juggle me in the room and her on the other side of the world, and barely coping.

I feel like you've stabbed me by dismissing me like that. I know it's not fair, but at this moment, I hate you. I've always thought that in a situation like this you'd hate the partner, rather than the person you're in love with, but I can't help but feel awful for Eva and heartbroken by you. It takes literally every ounce of my self control to stop me running out of here this moment.

I've never felt so cheap in my life.

But I don't run. I hold my ground, trying to ignore the feeling of the world collapsing from beneath my feet. I remind myself that I'm doing this for a reason, that I don't sleep with married men if they're not you, and that there's a reason I make the exception for you. Regardless of how guilty I feel and how cheap and how betrayed by your refusing to even say my name to her, I'm in this for a reason:

Because, Eva be damned, I love you, too – as much, if not more than she does; and until you say the words 'Amanda I can't do this anymore', I'm in this. Even when it hurts.