Authors Note: I apologise to all those who were reading my other Kurt and Blaine fanfiction, I just didn't like how it turned out, so for that I am sorry. I also noticed there are not many stories that focus on the darker side of Kurt's thoughts, after all this bullying and everything that has gone on with him he would have some sort of depression, or be close to it. So I hope you guys enjoy this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or any of the characters in this story. Spoilers up to and including Never Been Kissed.
Kurt Hummel awoke in his bed, tangled in the sheets due to the nightmares he had experienced over the night. With a sigh, he pushed himself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, still disoriented from sleep. He looked into the mirror and observing his eyebrows that needed to be plucked, the pimples that covered his face, the way that his stomach stuck out and the splattering of freckles that made him look as if he was a seven year old. All he saw was imperfections; he saw everything that was wrong and everything that could be wrong with him. With yet another sigh he started his morning with his usual moisturizing routine.
After putting on his black skinny jeans, black knee high Doc Martin boots and a once tight grey print t shirt, Kurt made his way upstairs. All his clothes had started hanging looser on him lately. He grabbed his messenger bag from the table as well as his keys and walked to the car. Just like most mornings, he felt tired and drained already, which was much the result of the result of his restless sleep.
When Kurt pulled up at school, parked his car and walked inside, he had not bothered to hide from someone who might be waiting to throw him in the dumpster, or slushie him, or shove him into lockers again. And sure enough, as he passed the dumpster two pairs of hands grasped roughly at him and all but threw him into the mound of trash. Thankfully none of it was wet or leaking, he could hear members of the football team walking away laughing. Kurt lay there for a few minutes, unwilling and unable to move, what was the point if he was just going to be thrown against lockers all day, constantly living in fear of Dave Karofsky.
Kurt slowly pulled himself up off the bags of trash and clambered out of the dumpster. He dusted himself off before walking into school, his hands clutching his messenger bag and his eyes down. When his phone vibrated in his pocket only one word ran through his head, Blaine. Blaine, the smart, funny, confident, gay older boy from Dalton Academy. Blaine the boy who helped Kurt confront Karofsky. Blaine, the boy Kurt was in love with, but obviously did not love Kurt back. The text read "Good luck with school today, don't study too hard, and don't let that Neanderthal bother you." Kurt almost smiled when he read the text; Blaine always had a way of making the younger boy feel better. Kurt texted him back "Thanks. I'll try."
The day dragged by for Kurt, he felt awkward and out of place everywhere, he didn't bother eating lunch and barely payed attention in class. Every time he was shoved into a locker the feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside him just got bigger and bigger. By the time Kurt was driving home he felt like the loneliest person ever, bound to be alone forever, with no one loving him.
That is how Kurt Hummel, the boy who had it together, the boy who could face his tormentors daily with a smile on his face, the boy who was the only person out of the closet in his school, the boy who was tormented daily, thrown into locker, had slushies thrown at him, thrown in dumpsters, locked in porta potties and borderline sexually assaulted found himself in his bathroom, the door locked, a razor in his hand pressing down on his thigh. Tears flowing down his cheeks, the feeling of loneliness so large that it caused an aching in his chest. Kurt pressed the razor blade down harder and made a cut down his thigh. A line of crimson red blood was visible where the razor blade had just cut. It felt good to be able to see his pain create something, leave a visible mark that only he would ever see. Kurt didn't know how long he was in there, just that he made more cuts that night and went to bed without eating his dinner and without talking to his Dad or Blaine.
There will be more Blaine in this story in the next chapter, I promise. Reviews are lovely.