Anybody else think that the form Orochimaru took when he was posing as Dosu, Zaku, and Kin's sensei was HAWT? I mean, seriously! I love his regular form but... GOD. I think it's what he would have looked like if he didn't look like he already does. I wonder whose body he stole because I would fangirl that person. Looks like, you know, an average Jonin from the Sound Village. I like average ninjas. (WOW, that sentence was a contradiction in itself...)

I don't own Naruto, Orochimaru, OR that cutie who was formerly a person before Orochimaru stole his face and y'know... pretended to be a sensei. But they're both hot. ^^

Hope you enjoy!

You know those stupid, sappy romance novels? The ones about people who are from two different worlds, but then get close and learn to love each other? Everyone warns the young couple, tries to keep them apart, but they find ways to meet anyway. "You're wrong for each other!" they all say. "He can never give you all you need! She could never love someone like you!" And all their friends and their family turn on them and beg them to find someone else and forget. But they don't, they keep going. They kiss and they touch and eventually they become one by way of a sacred dance beneath the flowing, rolling sheets of a secret bed behind closed doors.

35-year-old Yumei Ochizuki knew she should have stopped reading those books long ago... but she couldn't very well turn down the novels of her best friend's childhood punching bag. They were good books... she just read too many of them, and she would even reread them until new ones were released.

That was probably why she was feeling the way she was now. She was staring over at that well-built, black-vested Jonin of the Sound Village. He was the personification of the phrase "tall drink of water"... what with his almost pearly pale skin, contrasting sharply behind the thick waves of dark, jet black hair, restrained into that rope of a ponytail. His features were perfectly formed, with a small, fine nose, rounded chin, and best of all, the sweetly seductive eyes. She could see the passion beneath the golden orbs, the fact that he was never going to stop until he got what he wanted. Why did she find that trait so... sexy?

"Yumei Sensei," one of her students, the bookworm Koiro, complained, tugging at her sleeve. "Why are we hiding in a bush staring at some weird Sound ninja?"

Yumei sighed. Sometimes she cursed the fact that she was the leader of an all-boys team. Why didn't they just assign another male Jonin to them? Because this would be a bonding experience for all of them, apparently. Um, hell no. She was a girl, they were boys. Where was the bonding? Was she supposed to try and be a "mother figure" to them? They didn't even listen to her as their sensei, except for Koiro, but he was a teacher's pet to any sensei. If she were a guy that would definitely be a different story. They would listen to a man.

"Yeah, why is that?" Koiro's brother, training enthusiast Kaido, agreed.

"Can't we just kick their butts?" That last voice was her third student, Haru, and unfortunately he was the same type of person as Kaido. They both thought men should be able to protect women, and that women couldn't fight for themselves... despite that they were Genin and their sensei was a Jonin, they were always trying to jump in the way and "defend" her if she was trying to fight someone. "They're Sound ninja! I mean seriously, Sound ninja! They're enemies!"

"Technically it doesn't even make sense," Koiro sighed. "According to my calculations, it should be impossible to hide anything in sound - especially an entire village."

"Go tell them that, why don't you, maybe they'll beat you up," Yumei muttered, shaking her head and letting go of the bushes so nobody could see through them. "I, um... I need an excuse to go and talk to him! Anything at all! Any ideas?"

The boys were just looking at her blankly. "Huh?" Kaido asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why you wanna talk to the enemy?" Haru questioned, the look on his face one of utter disbelief.

"It's highly illogical, Yumei Sensei," Koiro added, obviously not able to resist adding his two cents. "There is no reason why you would need to-"

"I wanna talk to him because he's cute, okay!" Yumei glared at all three of her students. "I am far past being a Christmas cake, guys, and I should be married. You think I'm gonna find love in my own village if I haven't already? I've been looking for the better part of almost twenty years!" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Besides, there's no real rule against dating someone from another village. Now, ideas! Give me excuses to go over there and make conversation with the man."

"Yumei Sensei, he's gotta be, like, ten years younger than you," Kaido commented.

"I didn't ask for details! Come on, give me something to work with!"

"But Yumei Sensei-" Koiro began.

"The one who gives me the best excuse won't get flunked all the way back to the Academy!"

"Um, um, um..." was all Kaido could manage.

"Go over and tell him he has a cute ass!" Haru threw out there.

"... Okay, um, even if I thought that... why would you suggest that?"

Haru shrugged. "I hear my sister say that to guys all the time and they always grin and kiss her. So it seems like if you wanted him to kiss you..."

Yumei groaned. "Okay, anything else? I'm not going with that, it would sound stupid for me to say that. I'm in my mid-thirties. Oh, and you're held back to do an extra hour of training for using an expletive. I wish you guys wouldn't act so stupid because it's more punishing me than you. Next!"

"Ask him if you can borrow a kunai!" was Koiro's contribution. "Say one of us forgot ours, the rest of us only have one, and you don't have yours on you."

She smiled. "Thank you for the least dumb decision! You don't get sent back to Iruka Sensei." She rolled her eyes at the other two. "Your futures, however, may include being target practice for six-year-olds. I'll be back in a few minutes, don't leave this spot if you value your lives. And your arms." She prepared to stand up.

"Um, Yumei Sensei...?" Koiro raised his hand. "Before you do that, there's something you should know..." He sheepishly pointed behind her.

She deadpanned and jerked her thumb backward where Koiro was pointing. She could pretty much guess what he was trying to tell her.

"... He's right behind me, isn't he?"

Yumei = my blending of the names Yumi and Yume. Yumi means "bow" as in bow and arrow, and Yume means "dream". So... "dreaming bow" or "a bow of the dream"? Something like that.

Ochizuki = This is me attempting to create a surname by murdering the word "Ichizoku" which means "clan". XD If this seriously means something in Japanese, somebody TELL ME so I can see if I got it right for Yumei's clan... lol...

Koiro = Ummm... the word ko meaning "child" and the word iro meaning "color", so together I guess it means "child of the colors"...

Kaido = A mix of the words kai ("seashell") and do ("degree"), roughly translating to "degree of the seashell". What the hell that's supposed to mean, I dunno. I made it up. XD Don't y'all love me?

Haru = OK, THIS ONE I ACTUALLY KNOW! It means "spring". :D Quite a manly name if you ask me...

Well, this chapter was a little humorous, but it will get darker and more drama-fied later.

Drop me a line if you liked! ^^