I hope you're ready for an emotional ride.
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I watched him out of the corner of my eye from my side of the bathroom as he finished brushing his teeth before bed. I was purposely going slower with my nightly routine.
As I studied him, eye-raped his features…again. He's Edward Cullen, hard not to. Sue me, I live with him, I get to…right?
He had the jaw line that cut glass, lips that were a constant half pout; due to fullness, the furious sex hair; length, just enough to grab and tug when necessary. Eyes, so green, that you know God did it to teach you a lesson.
Or better yet, to teach me a lesson. Once deep emerald, are now frigid green ice. I wish I could've learned what God was saying, before all that landed us here in this moment. Abs, rippling abs, yet I've never known him to ever workout. Maybe he does, I don't know him well enough to know for sure.
I glanced away from him just as he turned to face from slightly. Eyes looking anywhere but at or on any part of me. Leaning forward, placing slight weight on his face down palms, on the twin-sink counter.
I continued slowly brushing my teeth. Still viewing him from my peripheral. I did this often; it made him think I was only looking straight ahead.
I needed him to finally speak and break the silence. It's been too long...much longer than the usual.
His eyes stilled on my sink faucet for a brief moment. I wanted to know what he had to say.
He didn't speak; he let out a deep sigh and walked off to the bedroom. Of course leaving the bathroom door open.
I finally stopped my faking and fully looked at his toned naked back as he retreated.
I wanted him to leave before I did. I just needed a few minutes to myself. He never left me alone long, and he wouldn't let me out of his sight the remainder of the time.
He didn't do it out of care. He did it out of hate and torture, a cruel punishment. He knew I couldn't stand it. But I let him.
We both knew why I let him.
He knew I didn't reserve the right to stop him anymore.
I learned that when he walked away, it was because he couldn't stand being near me. He needed a break from his self-inflicted tracking of my every move.
I understood it though. I couldn't be trusted.
Edward knew my tricks better than anyone. He'd never let me sly my way out of this with someone else.
I knew he'd be like this. I'd hardly expect him to call Emmet to do it. I'm not surprised.
I finished in the bathroom about 10 minutes later. I didn't need him coming to check on me for taking too long. I turned off the bathroom light and silently treaded across the bedroom to bed. Looking down and holding my breath the whole way, to see if I could hear Edward's breathing.
Even though there was never a word said between us at night. It was just easier to get into bed when he was already asleep.
It sounded like he was almost asleep, just hanging on the edge of it. I tried to settle into bed as best I could without disturbing him.
I don't know why it mattered. But I didn't want to wake him. I felt responsible for his sleep loss. Well….I AM responsible. He doesn't HAVE to get up with me during the night. I do it to get some distance, but he just follows anyway without a word.
I want to sleep in a different bed. One without him. But that, he'd never allow. We know I can't fight that battle. I know that if I ask him, he'll laugh. He knows why.
As I lay silently, trying to clear my mind, to fall asleep sooner, I heard Edward sighed in frustration. I left a small dip in the mattress and I shifted slightly towards the middle. Losing my view of the full window-wall of the Seattle lights. I just looked straight at the ceiling above instead.
I tensed when I felt Edward lean over and pull the sheets off me. I stayed completely motionless. I was confused at first, and then I remembered. He was being cruel again.
I closed my eyes and waited for him.
His hands gently grazed my hips a few times, moving up and down. Then settled to just holding me still, even though I didn't move. Or breathe for that matter.
He leaned down to just below my belly button, slowly pulling up my white silk night gown.
My breath hitched when he did so. Edward paused when he heard me. He's seen everything before. But it's been so long since; anything remotely sexual was a possibility.
When he realized I wasn't going to say or do anything, he pulled up my night gown until it exposed the area just below my belly button.
He ever so softly kissed the spot reverently. I closed my eyes tighter. I wanted to cry. I bit my tongue to fight it. But I still felt the tears welling up behind my lids.
Edward kissed the spot again, but when he raised his lips from my skin he said,
"Good night, baby, I love you".
He wasn't talking to me.
I pulled away and pulled down my night gown and threw the covers back over me. Edward went to his side of the bed and lay down again.
He hated me and it's my own doing.
I quickly went back to lying on my side, facing the view of Seattle lights. The tears that welled up from before were shed when I opened them. I felt the warm pools run down my checks. I clenched my fists to fight off making a sound. I didn't want Edward to know, he got what he wanted.
Unfortunately, I lost. A small sob escaped my lips. I knew he heard because, I felt the bed shift again. I knew he was in a slight sitting position looking at me. I could feel his eyes on my back.
I guess he thought I didn't have the right to cry. I had a slight victory though. The rest of the night, my cries were silent sobs. He wouldn't know I was crying anymore than the one sob he heard.
I looked at her small shaking shoulders. I almost reached out to rub her back gently, but refrained from touching her more than I already had tonight. She would hate me more if I did.
I lay down again, and listened to her sniffles and shuddering breathes; and felt the bed shake subtly from her silent sobs until she quieted down and fell asleep.
I listened to her silent crying more times, than I'd like to recall.
I hated making her cry.
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