Mako's Message: Okay, so, this is a few days later than I told a few people it would be up. The reason was because I just didn't like what I had. But then, on Saturday, I had a bit of a breakthrough. But then I had to go to work and I worked in the morning on Sunday and FFN has been broken for the last 30 hours, at least, so that's why it didn't go up up until now.
That said, I love this chapter. It's also one of the longest ones I've written. Longer than 175, but not as long as 130. So...second longest. I think. Top three at least.
I'm kinda expecting mixed reviews on this. Don't care though. I had enough fun writing this that if you don't like it makes no difference to me.

But honestly, a lot of you should love, not like, LOVE this chapter.


Tonight went better than I thought it would. But then, I did try to have fun with it because, as Uncle John likes to says, "Otherwise, what's the point?"

And when else am I going to get a Dave-sanctioned opportunity to throw Katie to the wolves?

Not that I felt this good before hand obviously. I was still super pissed about doing this all day and had a hard time not ranting out loud about it.

So, when it got to be when Dave and I normally head out for our patrol, I put on my suit, threw a jacket and some sweatpants over it and headed for Katie's.

I knocked on the door and stood there hoping she wouldn't answer so I wouldn't have to do this and might even be able to get away with telling Dave she forfeit her chance. But she did. She opened the door in a bathrobe and she looked like the poster girl for domestic abuse. I have no idea how she was explaining the bruises to her parents. I mean, "I fell down some steps" only works so many times.

Anyway, she was surprised and more than a little scared to see me standing there, which improved my mood IMMENSLEY, and then she said, "Uh..M-Mindy. What- uh- are you doing here?"

And I said, "Go get your stupid fucking costume. We're having a girls night out."

She just stood there gaping for at least a full minute before she finally said, "Uh O-okay. I'll...just...five minutes."

When she came down she was wearing this coat that came down to her knees with her costume on underneath. It worked surprisingly well, since if you didn't know what was under the coat the...leggings or whatever they are and the boots actually wouldn't seem odd. She also had a big purse with her that had her helmet in it.

So we went out and cut through this little alley where we took off our cover ups and put on our headgear then put the coats and purse in a garbage bag I'd brought along and shoved behind a dumpster.

Walking down the street in costume with Katie was more amusing than I'd like to admit. Mostly because people know Kick-Ass and I are a team, so seeing me on my own with this unknown caused them to stop and stare and wonder who the fuck this other chick was. I even heard someone start asking his friend if he'd heard anything about Kick-Ass being hurt or us "breaking up". It was cute. I'll have to tell Dave.

I wasn't any happier about going on patrol with her, but I do like messing with people's heads.

So, as we walked threw town, I kept looking for things to do, like, "Help her load her groceries," or, "Get the little boys boy's balloon down from the tree," or, "Help the old lady cross the street"

She asked why I wasn't helping with any of this and I told her, "That's Kick-Ass stuff."

Okay, it's really more "The Gentleman" stuff but until we came across a mugging or something it kept her busy so she didn't start trying to talk to me. And any opportunity to order Katie around is an opportunity worth taking. But I'd gone looking through all our requests for the most dangerous thing I could find so I wasn't worried about not having any fire to throw Katie into.

Not that that ended up being a problem. While Katie was busy helping a kid hold on to a dog that was way too big for him while his Dad was in a store, I saw a guy follow a woman into one of those little alleys.

So, I grabbed the dog by the face, said, "Sit." and it sat and I gave the kid the leash back and got Katie across the street in time to catch the guy before he came back out of the alley with the lady's purse. He started to panic when he saw me, and I think he was about to hand it over on his own, but then I stood back and pushed Katie forward and said, "Well? Get it back."

And suddenly it looked like the guy thought he might have a chance. Like, if he could get past Katie he'd be free.

It was kinda funny. And sad. It almost made me want to take pity on the guy. Almost.

So the guy tries to make a break for it, but Katie snags him by the arm and swings him into the wall. He takes a swing at her, which she ducks, the tries to run again but Katie grabs him by his jacket and yanks him back. He stumbles backward and makes a back handed swipe at her that she blocks then tries to push him back up against the wall.

He elbows her in the gut then turns and punches her in head which did more damage to his hand than her. This gave Katie a second to recover before he tried running again and when he did she just straight tackled the guy. So they ended up wrestling around the ground for a bit, then the guy managed to get on top and then break her grip on him and tried to run again.

But Katie pulled her foot up, put her foot against his head and kick/shoved it against the wall. Made a nice "crack" sound. If she'd managed to make him hit the wall that hard in the first place the fight would have been over a minute earlier.

So the guy was dazed and Katie jumped on him, pinned him face down on the ground, yanked the purse out of his hands, and didn't seem to know what to do from there. So I said, "Cuff him and call it," and tossed some zip cuffs to her. It took her a minute to get them on him but she did eventually get them on him. She pulled them nice and tight too.

Then she said, "Uh, I don't have a phone."

It was almost as hard for me not to smack myself in the face as it was not to smack her.

The one of the people who'd been standing around watching stepped forward, said, "" and handed her his phone.

And Kaite said, "Uh, thanks," and started to dial the phone.

I sighed and said, "If you're not dialing 911 hang up. Tell them the offense and the nearest intersection."

After she did that I dragged the guy to the intersection and used another set of cuffs to secure him to a street sign and said, "Alright, let's go."

And Katie said, "We're not going to wait?"

So I said, "No, we've got other shit to do."

And she asked, "But what if he escapes?"

And I just grinned and walked over to him, gave him a pat on the face that was almost a slap, and said, "You're not going to do that, are you? No, you're going to be a good boy and wait here," then I grabbed his face, squeezed, pulled his head down to look me in the eye and said, "Because if I catch you again I'm going to do something permanent."

I don't know for a fact that he pissed himself, but going by his expression I'm pretty sure he did.

So we kept walking, and then while we were passing I saw someone I knew. He was standing in an alley behind a restaurant, talking to some guys that looked like they were having a smoke break. I yelled out, "Hey!"

And he looked at me, went wide eyed, said, "Oh SHIT!" and started running.

I caught up to him pretty quick and body checked him into a wall, then pinned him to it. "Hey, long time no see."

He had his hands up, clenching and unclenching his fingers and refusing to look at me, "I didn't do anything I swear!"

I just grinned at him and said, "We both know that's not why we're here."

He grimaced and looked like he wanted to cry, "I don't know anything!"

That's when Katie caught up, so I said, "Oh, please, tell me you've got nothing for me again, because I've got this rookie here," and pointed to Katie, "And she could use a good lesson in interrogation, so tell me you know nothing again, please."

And his face got all scrunched up and started turning red and his fists were clenched and shaking and he practically yelled, "I got nothing new for you!"

So I sighed, rolled my eyes, and drove my fist into his gut, doubling him over and let him cough up his dinner, "You sure about that?"

"I swear," he gasped, "You hit me up only last week. I don't get info that fast."

So I pulled a knife, pulled his head back by the hair, and stuck it up his nose just enough to make a small cut, "Last chance."


That made me smile. Because the last time we did this, and he didn't cough something up in first few seconds, he said, "I swear to god" and I got to yell, "Swear to me!" It's nice when people remember things like that.

So I cuffed him, threw him against a wall, and pretended to make a call to the police. Then I whispered to him, "Have something for me next time or I wont fake the call, and you wont get a chance to run away."

He just lay there on the ground playing dead except for a quick nod and then Katie and I were on our way.

Not much later I decided it was time to stop the general patrol and get to the good stuff. The stuff that would make, break, or possibly kill Katie.

It was about a half mile to where we were going, and it ended up being pretty quite. Couldn't even find any civilians needing help with anything. Not even a door I could make her open for someone. So she started trying to talk to me again.

Of course she wanted to know why I'd taken her out here. If something had happened to Dave. I think she also wanted to ask if I was going to kill her, but thought she was being paranoid.

I didn't answer her. I didn't feel like telling her Dave wanted me to train her or anything even close to to the truth because then she'd just start asking me MORE stuff. And I was going to tell her if she survived the night anyway so it didn't matter.

When we got to where we were going, or in the building at least, she finally asked something I could answer, "What are we doing here?"

"We got a few requests saying that there was a guy dealing drugs out this apartment. Pretty seriously if they're to be believed. Probably even a supplier for smaller dealers.

Then she asked, "Why haven't the cops done anything yet?"

I didn't know whether to slap her or myself. "Because if these guys have anything to do with The Motherfucker then the cops are being either paid off or blackmailed into leaving them alone, and if they aren't they probably have protection from someone because the NYPD is corrupt as shit and whoever they DO work for bought protection."

Then she saays, "But, isn't you-" and I whipped her around, covering her mouth and slamming her into a wall before she could finish even THINKING that comment.

I said, "Yes. Who do you think told me?"

Her eyes went wide and she said, "He told you?"

I let her go and said, "Well, not exactly, but he talks to himself when he gets upset, and I listen to his phone calls when I can. The point is that out side of street crime and violent crime, like murders and rapes, the cops can't really do anything. So things like this? Anything connected to anything resembling organized crime, they're either paid not to touch or too scared to."

She was silent for a bit before asking, "Are you sure they're dealers?"

"No. They could be thieves and instead of selling drugs they're selling, or just passing around, stolen phones or other electronics. Or they could just be a bunch of ghetto, rap blasting, douchbags."

" will we know?"

"By how they react to us." And I turned to the door, banged on it and yelled, "Girl Scouts!"

There was some muffled voices, then footsteps, someone put their hand on the door, looked through a slot in the door, yelled, "OH SHIT!" shut it, and then there was a bunch of yelling other noise from inside.

I shrugged, said, "And they're guilty," and kicked the door in.

There were a bunch of guys throwing stuff in bags in the middle of the room, and some running towards the back. One turned and threw a punch at me. I deflected it and hit him with a leaping, 360, double fan kick.

I like to start with something flashy since it tends to break morale and if I don't open with it things might get too clusterfucky for me to do it later.

Anyway, so the guy went down hard as I basically slammed his head to the ground with my foot, then I pulled my nunchucks(Which I've been using a lot since that girl broke my swords and I don't have anything else suitably bloodless), smiled and said, "Guess you don't want any cookies then," and started cracking skulls.

It was weird not working with Dave, or anybody else really. I haven't done that in awhile. And Katie doesn't count because she didn't do much more than plaster herself to a wall.

It was also kinda exhilarating. Just me against a room full of thugs.

It was harder than it'd been before though, since I wasn't cutting them down it was easier for them to get back up since I didn't have time to put one down for good, without killing him, since there was always someone else requiring my immediate attention.

Of course, I'm also bigger, stronger, and faster than I was the last time I did this on my own so it wasn't TOO much harder. Especially since Dave had talked me into leaving people alive. Beaten and broken, but alive.

One of them tried to climb out a window with a bag of dope and money, but since I couldn't get to him before he was out the window, and if I chased him out the window that'd leave Katie alone with the rest of them and even though some of them bad broken limbs and at least once of them was concussed Katie wouldn't be able to stop them from getting away, so I threw a couple knives into his back.

One of the guys pulled a sword on me. Not a kitchen knife, not a machete, but an actual fucking sword. It was so cool! So the nunchucks went back into their holster and the butterfly sword came off my back. I let hm take a swing, and then another swing at me, each time I "just barely" deflected it, the on the third one, which he swung at me like he was trying to crush me with it instead of cut me, I knocked it wide then jabbed him in the shoulder with the opposite end.

He screamed then tried another swipe, and I did the same thing with his other shoulder.

He dropped his sword then, and everybody who'd backed up to avoid getting hit by the dumbass from the "the pointy end goes in the other man" school of swordplay decided to try and rush me. A twirl and spin with the butterfly sword made them back the fuck up real quick and I finished it with kick to the chest of the guy with the sword, who went backwards, fell over the couch, and put his head through the plaster.

When I spun my sword around to get a little breathing room, one of the guys seemed to finally notice Katie was standing there and went after with a knife.

Katie managed to push the guys arm to the side so the knife went into the wall, then kneed him in the balls.

If it had been anyone else I'd have been proud of them. But since it was Katie I was annoyed because it meant I might actually end up having to train the bitch.

And then, to make it worse, when there was only one guy left, and he was trying to figure out which way to run and I was about to knock him the fuck out, Katie hits him over the head with a lamp.

If there was ever a time for her to be a worthless bitch this would have been it. But no, she just had to go and try to be helpful.

Then she looks around the room and says, "Wow. You- you're amazing."

And I almost smiled at the compliment, but then I was like, "No! This is KATIE! We do not accept compliments from her!"

So I said, "Shut up and gather up the cash."

And Katie was like, "We're going to take the money?"

And I just looked her like, "Of course we're going to take the money you stupid cunt", but what I SAID was, "Of course we're going to take the money. You think our equipment comes cheap?"

And she said, "I just thougt-"

And I said, "You thought what? That Kick-Ass's job was keeping Hit Mobile sheltered and fueled up? Or that we don't need to repair our suits? Or that we have fucking cosmo guns that never run out of ammo?"

And she stood there for a second then said, "I'll get a bag."

So Katie grabbed one of the bags the dealers were suing and dumped it out while I started cuffing everybody. The guy who'd tried to go out the window groaned when I pulled him back in and I said, "Oh stop being such a pussy, you'll live." and pulled the knives out of him and cleaned them off on his shirt.

Then I went through the apartment checking for hidey-holes. If I found money I took it, but if it was drugs or anything that was probably stolen I just left it there for the cops to find. Once I was done with that I dialed 911 again to report multiple serious injuries and gave them the address.

She asked why I didn't mention the drugs, and I said, "Because the cops will get here faster if they don't know it's something they're being told to ignore."

Then I threw the backpack over my shoulder and we headed out.

A couple blocks later we spotted a hot dog vender. I gave Katie a twenty and told her to go get us some food and then to meet me on one of the rooftops.

I was waiting up there for awhile. Long enough that I was starting to think she wouldn't be able to make it. I was really hoping she wouldn't. But she did make it up there.

As she came across the roof she said, "Grabbing the fire escape is really hard when you're carrying food," then handed me my hot dog and a bag of chips.

I said, "Dave does it all the time."



Then she started to ask, "Why did you-"

And I interrupted with, "Katie, shut the fuck up. If I have to listen to your voice while I eat I might vomit."

So we sat there and ate in silence.

When we'd both finished I stood up and started walking back towards the fire escape, but stopped and turned around when Katie started to follow me. I looked up at her and said, "You know I hate you, right?"

Even though I couldn't see her face, I could tell she'd suddenly gotten very nervous and she said, "Yes."

I said, "Good. I just want to make sure we were clear that I hate you. In fact, I'm pretty sure I hate you more than any other person in this city hates you. There is only one person in this city that you should be more afraid of being alone on a rooftop with than me, and that's only because he'd enjoy killing you just because of the costume you're wearing."

That's when she started backing up and said, "Mi- Hit Girl..."

Then I lunged forward, grabbed her by the front of her costume and pushed her off the roof. Well, held her off over the edge, really. She screamed at first, but got herself under control pretty quickly once she realized I was holding on to her.

She started to say something but I told her to shut up.

"I would love to hear you scream as you fall. I'd record it and listen to it as I fall asleep. There's another person in this city that would love it almost as much as I would. Do you know who it is?"

She didn't answer immediately so I shook her and yelled, "DO YOU?!"

And she yelled, "The Motherfucker!"

And I said, "That's right. He doesn't know you, he doesn't care who you are, but if him or any of his gang catch you they'll kill you anyway."

And she cried, "I know! I know."

And I said, "Good." and let her go.

I really wish she hadn't put her helmet back on after she finished eating. I would have loved to have seen the expression on her face.

Unfortunately she didn't start screaming before I grabbed her by her belt.

I think she might have been on the verge of tears though. I thought I could hear sobbing but that may have just been wishful thinking.

I asked her, "Are you scared?"

She nodded. Which was kinda weird seeing as she was almost upside down.

I asked her, "Are you ready to face this every night? Are you ready to face down death?! Because that's what being a hero in this town means!" I paused for a minute then asked, "Still want to be a hero?"

And she said, "Yes."

And I said, "Fuck." and pulled her back onto the roof. Then while she was collapsed on the roof and trying to stop hyperventaliting I kicked the roof and yelled, "FUCK!" again. Because, really, what else could I do? Whether she was still doing this to win Dave back or not she was sticking to her guns and unless I wanted Dave to think I killed her, and no matter how plausible a story I told him he'd always wonder, there was no way I could get away from the fact that the bitch passed my test.

So I sighed and asked her, "What the fuck are you calling yourself anyway?"

It took her a minute to get it together enough to answer. And ya know what she said? "Heartbreaker"

I rounded on her and yelled, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" I almost threw her off the roof for real.

She squirmed and said, "I like it."

I said, "Well you need a fucking new one."

Heartbreaker. Fucking hell.

So I sent a text to Uncle John saying we were heading over and Katie and I went back down to ground level and started walking.

We stopped a mugging on the way. A guy was holding a knife to another guy's neck while he went through his pockets. Katie saw them first since she was walking ahead of me and yelled out. The mugger looked over at us and then dropped his knife and ran. I doubt he recognized or cared who Katie was, but I'm fairly recognizable even in bad light.

It's almost enough to make me want to make a new costume so people will stop running from me, except I do kinda like watching people see me and shit their pants.

The guy had too much of a lead on us and was gone before we go to the other end of the alley.

We got to headquarters without any other incidents, but when we got there White Mage was coming down the alley. I told Katie to wait by the elevator and ran down to talk with her.

First thing I asked was, "Is something going on?"

And she said, "Not with me. Stars told me about this and I wanted to come and tell you were doing a good thing." Then she looked over me at Katie and said, "I also wanted to see this bitch for myself."

I love her.

So we walked back to the elevator, rode it down, and when the doors opened all the lights were off, and the place lit by a few candles. Went into the main room, and Col. Stars was standing in the center of the room and told Katie to "Approach"

So she walked up and he made her hold a lit candle and swear an oath to truth and justice. I noticed he put a little more emphasis on "Truth" than "Justice", but otherwise it was ripped straight out of the comic.

So, once she was done with her oath and he'd acknowledged her a member of Justice Forever, she came over and tried to thank me.

I stopped her and said, "Don't thank me. I meant what I said on the roof. I only did this because Dave didn't want to see you get your dumb ass killed out there."

So of course Alice asked, "What did you say on the roof?"

I looked at her and said, "That the sound of her screams could lull me to sleep," and then smiled sweetly at Katie, who looked like she wasn't sure if I was going to try to kill her after all or not.

Alice just said, "I can believe that actually."

Then we went straight back, instead of winding through the city so we got back to were we left our jackets in a little less than quarter of the time it took us to walk out in the first place. While we were putting out jackets on I told her I'd contact her about where and when her training was going to start.

She seemed surprised by that. I guess she figured that getting on the team was a far as this was going to go.

Then I went one way and she went the other and I called Dave to tell him Katie lived and that I'd start training her as soon as I found a place to do it. The safehouse is our special place and I want to keep it that way.

I'm not happy about this, but I keep my word.

And it was kinda fun getting to order Katie around and dangle her off a roof.

I also get to beat the crap out of her in the name of training, so I'll probably end up enjoying this after all.

More Message:Over the holidays Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf came up on my Pandora a couple times. Kept making me think of this chapter.