Mako'a Message: Sorry about the delay on this one, again. As I said, this was a tricky chapter to write. They key part was trying to find the right tone. But I finally had a breakthrough last night and here we are.
I think it's a suitable 200th chapter, don't you?
Chris needs to die.
I need him dead.
I can't keep losing people.
Not to him.
I don't understand how these things can keep happening. How can the world allow-
I don't care if people say that people like Chris only exist because of people like me. I don't care because they're wrong. People like to say that The Joker exists only because of Batman, and while that's true, it doesn't change the fact there were still monsters out there. They just didn't wear masks.
Gotham was a corrupt and dangerous city. The only people that lived well were the mobsters and the corrupt officials that let them stay powerful for a share of the spoils. Batman may have made the crazies more noticeable, but they were always there.
And it takes people like me to clean up the mess.
I don't know how it started. I just know it blew up real fucking quick. The 911 lines practically crashed. Our twitter page broke. We got more messages in our inbox in those few hours than we have in the last couple of months.
It'd have been nice if the cops had helped, but they have some dumb ass policy about situations being "too dangerous". Sorry, but if you ask me, if your job is keep law and order in a city, then when two gangs are having an all out fucking WAR then you need to step in and put an end to it.
And it was ridiculous because it just kept escalating. I don't know where they were calling people in from but it seemed like more and more people just kept swarming in like flies to a corpse.
I even saw a few new heroes and some heroes I didn't know where still out there.
It's nice to know that there are still a few people around who wont put up with this shit.
It really was chaos. I can't even keep most of what happened straight. Dave and I got into the fight earlier than expected because while we were preparing to go in this guy came at us from behind. And then of course someone else saw us, and then someone else who had a gun saw us, and it just went down hill from there.
We shouldn't have come in from ground level. If we'd gone to the rooftops we could have engaged on our terms.
I might actually look into the tranquilizer gun thing. We went through our zip cuffs real fast, and I really wanted to start shooting motherfuckers, but I knew that would piss off Dave and well...
And I don't like shooting in close quarters with friendlies around. At the very least, if I hit Dave with a tranque then it's just "oops," not the end of the fucking world.
I really should have though. I should have just opened fire and wasted the motherfuckers. Dave could be mad at me if he wanted. I'd fix it. Eventually.
This I can't fix.
And it's my fault it happened anyway.
There were so many things I could have done differently, but there's only one thing I know for sure would have changed things.
If I hadn't stopped to catch my breath, if I'd just gone in and helped-
GODAMNIT! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!
WHY CANT HE JUST DIE ALREADY!?
Dave decides to try and go out and do some good in the world, and dresses up like a superhero just for the fun of it, and so now Chris has to do everything in his power to hurt as many people as he can? What the fuck is wrong with this world?!
If only we hadn't run into that fucking ninja bastard again I wouldn't have been so worn out. How is he so FAST? I swear to god I can barely see him MOVE some times. That's what I should be like.
I mean, that giant amazon bitch of Chris's was good. Really fucking scarily good. But she still seemed human. Dave and I were able to take her together. But this guy... it's like we're fighting two of him. He's everywhere at once. And it... I feel like this must be what it's like for all normal punks and junkies to fight me.
I hate it.
And what makes it worse that that I'm pretty sure the only reason Dave and I got out of that with only a few scratches is because the fucking Guardian showed up. That was the only time I've seen the guy use weapons too. And of course they were tonfa because what else would someone like him use?
Thanks to him were able to push the guy back and eventually run him off. The Guardian almost got himself killed too. The only good news about that is that by the time it happened the bastard was too worn out to keep fighting and used it as an opportunity to run for it.
At least White Mage was within shouting distance. Otherwise he'd probably be dead too. Or maybe instead of.
Why didn't the fucking cops help! Why didn't they do more than just keep it "contained"? Good people DIED because they were too fucking scared to step into the fire! And the fucking paramedics are even worse.
"It was too dangerous"
Fuck you. People are dying. Help them.
I'm just a godamn person. I can't fucking do EVERYTHING. I'm Hit Girl. Not Supergirl.
The worst part is that I can't stand the fact there isn't a hole. Not like when Marty was in the hospital. Not like when Jessi went away. Not even like when they fucking murdered Shield. I didn't even know his godamned NAME and it still hurt worse than this.
And that just makes me even more pissed off.
Or maybe the worst part is that I can't shake the feeling that if we hadn't tried to take down that grinning fuckhead he might have taken care of Chris for us.
I always assumed he was another of Chris' Supervillains, but the more I think about it the more I feel like he was chasing Chris too. Chris was already running full out when we ran into him. All seeing us did was making him change direction. He didn't even spare us an "oh shit!" he just...
Godfucking damnit. They were enemies. They had to have been. There's no other explanation. If they weren't, why didn't he run back to him? Or help him fight us?
"What you know is dangerous to your enemy. What you think you know is dangerous to yourself."
Thanks Dad. Learned that lesson a little too late.
Just like I thought I knew Biker Knight could handle Chris. Like I thought I knew I didn't need to step in. Like how I thought this would be a good chance to catch my breath and watch Chris get his ass kicked.
It wasn't even wrong, really. I just.. shit happens.
How was I supposed to know that because of stupid piece of wood Biker Knight would stumble, which would let Chris kick her off the loading dock, and then jump off after her and impale her before she could recover.
God I can still hear her scream.
I was too shocked to move at first, but it didn't matter. There was nothing I could have done at that point. Not unless I could jump back in time and shoot that motherfucker in the face as soon as I saw him.
I fucking hate his face so much. I'm gonna shoot him in it until he doesn't have one anymore. I keep seeing that triumphant, manic fucking glee as he twisted the sword in her.
And I couldn't DO ANYTHING!
I couldn't even move until he fucking laughed at us and ran.
My aim was all thrown off and he was gone before I could correct it. Wasted half a fucking magazine.
When I finally got to her she was clawing at her helmet and there was blood dripping out from under it. It felt like forever before I was able to get it off her. It didn't help that there was some sort of oxygen mask under the helmet.
Actually I guess it did. Once we were able to get it off her it was probably the only reason she lived as long as she did. But while it was just filling up with the blood she kept coughing up and choking her it was only making it worse.
That is really not the way I wanted to see her face.
She was beautiful too. In a harsh, stark kind of way. Her features were very sharp, like she was carved out of stone, and she- well, she was probably pale because of the blood loss, but her hair was this straight, pale blond and she had these clear, pale, ice blue eyes.
I don't think I've ever looked into someone's eyes as they died before.
And it took me a minute to realize that's what I was doing. I kept screaming for help. For Dave, or Alice, or anyone. Alice was still patching up The Guardian when it happened. Dave only knows the most basic first aid and... all I could think was think "I can't believe I'm going to watch her die".
Dave was scared to move her, so he ran off to try and drag some paramedics over, and he did eventually manage it, but it was too late.
I wish I could have done something. All I did was freak out like a little bitch and hold her hand in mine and her head in my lap.
She squeezed my hand and made me look at her, and choked out, "Promise me. Promise me. Please."
Of course I did. I have no idea what she meant, but I promised.
I can't stand that I wasn't able to do anything! There should have been something I could have done. ANYTHIGN besides sit there and hold her and put pressure on the wound which was fucking pointless because not only did he ram his sword straight through her into the concrete, but he fucking twisted it wide open.
Alice got there maybe a minute before the paramedics. They did what they could, or at least what they were supposed to, but it didn't really matter. She was too far gone.
One of them looked like they were going to try and stop me from riding with her, but they thought better of it.
She didn't make it to the hospital.
It wasn't until I was was sitting there in the emergency ambulance parking area waiting for Dave to get there to pick me up that I realized she'd given me a set of dog tags.
So at least I know her name now.
And somehow that just makes it worse. That I didn't learn her name until she was dead.
I feel like I've known her for... god. I remember seeing her for the first time way back in September...or was it October? Of 2010. Almost two years ago. I feel like we've been through so much together but I don't know a damn thing about her. I don't know her at all. I never even knew what she fucking called herself when she was in costume.
So here's this person I've known- known of for longer than I've known Angela or Jessi, who I fought side by side with, and she's dead now and...
I barely feel anything.
I fought with this woman but I never KNEW her. She was always this faceless, silent, badass and there's a part of me that's going, "Wow. We'll never get to work with her again. That sucks." but it's not SAD.
And I fucking HATE it.
I HATE IT
She deserves better than that!
She was one of the best of us. She was one of the top five heroes in the city. Maybe even top three. And now she's gone and...
How can we miss someone we didn't know?
It's wrong. I hate it. So much.
Why couldn't she tell us anything? Why'd she have to wear that damn mask that muffled her voice so much that even when she fucking screamed I could barely hear her?
God that's fucked up. First time I hear her voice after almost two years and it's her death scream.
Part of me wants to start looking for her. Find out who she was. Where her family is. Maybe let them know what happened to her or something I don't fucking know.
But another part of me doesn't WANT to know her. Because when I learn about her... I mean, what if she had KIDS or something? If I learn about who she is...then I WILL feel sad. Or at least I hope I would. But I don't WANT to feel that. But she deserves it and..
I don't fucking know.
I wish Dave was here
I need him so much right now.
But he ran off as soon as he could.
I don't really blame him. He's always kicking himself about not doing something about Chris when he had the chance. I can't imagine what he's going through right now.
I just wish he was going through it with me.
But that's probably my own fault.
Instead he's with Riley.
He should be with me. He's SUPPOSED to be with me right now.
This is all just wrong.
So fucking wrong.