A/N Stephenie Meyer owns The Twilight Saga, all characters and all related references. The Black Crowes owns the song from which I borrowed the title for this fic. I own nothing. No joke. Thanks to Zigster for betaing.
I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fucking kill him!
I'm murderous as I speed through town, passing slow-moving traffic – and by slow, I mean driving the speed limit. I'm laying on my horn for the fuckers who won't show me some consideration by hopping the sidewalk so I can get around them, and stewing over what I stumbled upon just minutes before.
Jacob Fucking Black.
I'm going to kill him.
Not fifteen minutes ago, I got quite the surprise walking past Mr. Banner's empty classroom. I heard moans and whimpers drifting through the slightly cracked open door, so naturally, my curious ass had to see what was going down.
Apparently, what was going down was Jacob Black.
On my girlfriend.
That motherfucking mongrel!
I unconsciously slam my fist on the steering wheel to emphasize my inner monologue and cry out, certain that I've crushed my fingers. A horn blares as I nearly miss a head-on collision with another car and I prove that my fingers are in perfect working order when I expertly extend my middle finger in greeting to the douche I almost hit.
Ten minutes later, I find myself pulling into my best friend's driveway, putting my Volvo in park, and throwing a thrashing toddler fit in the driver's seat. Without even realizing I'm doing it, I lean my head against the steering wheel, causing the horn to blast. This apparently announces my arrival as Jasper is now knocking on my window.
Well, I'm assuming it's him. I certainly hope it's not his mother when I grumble into the steering wheel, "What the fuck do you want?"
"What the fuck do Iwant? You parked in my driveway, twatwaffle. What the fuck do you want?"
I turn away from the steering wheel to look at Jasper, and realize that he can probably tell that I've been crying in my frustration. Dammit.
He proves me right as his eyes widen, taking in my appearance and yanking open the car door. "Edward, what's wrong? Come on inside and talk to me." I'm such a pitiful fucker that I allow him to reach around me to unbuckle my seat belt. When he grasps my arm, I let him half-drag me out of the car.
"Jesus, Edward. You're scaring me. What's wrong?"
"I can't believe she let him….that she didn't…." I mumble.
"Huh? She? Are you talking about-"
"Don't say her name," I growl. "Don't even think it!"
With a curt nod, he leads me to the side door and we let ourselves inside. As we walk through the kitchen, Jasper quickly ducks his head into the fridge and grabs a couple bottles before shutting the door.
"Chocolate milk, Jazz? Seriously? What are we, fucking twelve?"
"Beggars can't be choosers, numb nuts. Take it or leave it," he retorts before heading towards the stairs, my grumbling ass in tow.
Upon reaching his bedroom, he quickly shuts the door behind us, pops the tops off our bottles of Yoo-fucking-Hoo, and hands one to me. When I plop down on his bed, I cause a bit of the beverage to slosh out of the bottle and onto my t-shirt. "Well, shit," I curse.
As if on cue, Jasper sets down his bottle and goes to his dresser. After rifling through its contents, he pulls out a t-shirt that says "Calm the Fuck Down".
"Really, Jasper? Does your mama know you wear such things?" I ask before setting down my drink and swiftly pulling my soiled shirt over my head. I raise an eyebrow when I hear him make some kind of strangled cough. "What's wrong?"
He simply shakes his head in response before he tosses me his t-shirt and grabs his bottle, only to down half the chocolate milk in two swallows. After pulling Jazz's t-shirt on, I automatically pull up a bit of the fabric and take a deep whiff. I did it out of habit; I normally do the same thing with my shirts when I get dressed at home, because Mom uses some scented detergent that just smells fuckingnice. This smells nothing like our detergent; it smells like Jasper. I find myself sniffing the fabric again, because, truth be told, Jasper doesn't smell half bad.
"What? Does it smell bad or something?" Jasper asks.
I shake my head with a sigh before settling back down on the bed.
"You gonna tell me what happened, Edward? Do I have to hurt someone?" he asks, sitting down next to me.
I couldn't hold back my snort of laughter from picturing Jasper and Jacob in a fight. Jasper is six feet tall if he's lucky and Jacob is six feet tall if he's sitting. The words "no contest" aren't strong enough. When I finally compose myself, I try my best to describe to Jasper what I discovered right before I stormed off campus and into the parking lot.
"I almost walked right past the room. Almost wish I did, but, it's better to know this kind of shit, right?" I ask. Jasper says nothing. Instead, he nods his head in agreement and takes another swig of his Yoohoo. Of course, he has no idea yet what he's agreeing with me on, but that doesn't really matter.
"She was in the back of the room, sitting on the window sill, leaning back with her leg hitched up and off to the side. And Jake…fucking Jake…he was on his knees…" I have to stop because I can't bring myself to say what exactly Jake was doing to my girl. A quick glance at Jasper's pained expression tells me that he already has a pretty good idea.
"Jasper, I don't get it. We've talked about this sort of thing many times. We've been together for a little while now and we talked about not wanting to rush into things… I mean, she was okay with that. I didn't wanna just…ya know…" I can't get my thoughts to make any sense so I decide that chugging the rest of my Yoohoo would be the next best thing.
Again, Jasper nods his head in agreement, this time with more enthusiasm.
The thing that really pisses me off is that I thought girls liked guys who were willing to respect them and wait until the time was right to be sexually intimate. I had cared about her and wanted it to be right. Never once during any of the times we made out, did it feel right enough for me to progress things past second base. Here I thought I was being a romantic, waiting for the right moment and she, apparently, had a case of blue balls.
One would think our roles would have been reversed.
And right now, I fucking hate her almost as much as I hate Jake.
"So, what are you gonna do, Edward?" he asks.
"I have no fricken clue what I wanna do about her. At the moment, I'm more concerned with what I'm gonna do about Jake," I muse.
"Not for nothing, man, but what could you do about Jake?"
Really, I have about as much of a chance at kicking Jake's ass in a fight that Jazz has. "Nothing, I guess," I grumble before adding, "they don't even know that I saw them."
Jasper takes a couple more sips of his chocolate milk, appearing to mull over the information I've shared with him. After several moments, he asks, "Well, who are you more mad at? Jake or-"
"I told you... don't even fucking say her name!" Christ! Is it too much to ask?
I glare at him as a wicked grin spreads across his face. "That tells me all I need to know."
Raising an eyebrow, I ask, "What do you mean?"
"Well, you can't even stand the thought of her name right now, so that tells me you are very pissed at her. And Jake? Well, you didn't ask for his trust did you? No. You asked for hers. She betrayed your trust and I say you respond in kind."
Looking at my best friend, I try to wrap my head around what he just suggested.
"Jazz, are you saying I should fuck around on her?"
"I wouldn't go that far," he says with a smirk. "She enjoyed a little extra-curricular oral sex, no reason why you shouldn't do the same." He finishes his statement with a wink and I suddenly find myself very much in love with my best friend. He's right. Why shouldn't I scratch the itch, too?
"Jazz, have I ever told you how much I love the way you think?"
With a chuckle, he replies, "Not often enough."
I begin to ponder the possibilities, trying to think of who I know that wouldn't mind a little random BJ rendezvous. Jessica? No, she's had her lips around seventy-five percent of the male student population; who knows what disease is currently cultivating inside her mouth? The thought makes me shudder. Victoria? No, she's a bit of a rabid bitch. With my luck, she'd probably bite it off. Thatthought makes me shudder even harder; hard enough to catch Jasper's attention.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
With a sigh, I reply, "I'm trying to think about who would be worth the effort. Coming up blank."
After a brief pause, he asks, "You've always hated Jake, right?"
"Can't stand that cocky, muscle-bound son of a bitch," I grumble.
"Well, then I suggest you go with someone that she dislikes just as much."
Well, that certainly doesn't help me. She's actually a really sweet girl and rarely ever has a bad thing to say about anyone. The only person she has ever had a problem with is Jasper. She can't stand the fact that he and I spend so much time together. "Bros before hoes" means nothing to her, apparently. Of course, I would never use that exact phrase to describe the concept to her, but dammit, Jazz is my best friend. I shouldn't have to explain it.
"That's a valid suggestion, Jasper, but you know that you're the only person that she can't really stand." I drag my hand down my face as I start to give up on the idea. Having a random girl give me a blowjob isn't gonna change the fact that my girl cheated on me. And let's not forget that this all occurred because I wanted to wait for the right moment. Who's to say that it would be the right moment with someone else?
Jasper is staring at me.
"What?" I ask.
"I'm well aware of the fact that she can't stand me. Why do you think I would have suggested that?"
A bark of laughter immediately escapes me as I nearly fall off the bed. After a few moments of clutching my stomach in an effort to somewhat contain my amusement, I catch my breath to respond. "Christ, Jazz. That almost sounded like you-" my words cut off as I take in the expression on his face. "Holy shit, you're serious."
Jasper immediately drops his eyes and his face is tinged a furious shade of red.
Oh. My. God.
"Jasper, you're…? I mean, it's okay with me if you are…but I'm-" My verbal spew is interrupted as Jasper swiftly leans in, clasps my face… and kisses me?
His lips are warm and his hands are warmer. He gives me a few small pecks before leaning his forehead against mine. "Jasper, I-", I'm cut off again as his lips brush against mine and his hands slip from my face into my hair, tugging gently. Paralyzed in my shock, I don't know how to respond. When he whimpers against my lips and tightens his grip on my hair, a red neon sign flashes repeatedly in my head.
RIGHT TIME! RIGHT TIME! RIGHT TIME!
My hands move of their own volition as they slip around his back and attempt to pull him closer to me.
I'm kissing him back. Oh my fucking God, I'm kissing him back!
As I twist my body to face him, he raises up to his knees, looming over me; his lips never leaving mine, his hands still fisted in my hair. Without giving it a second thought, I'm raising to my knees as well, matching his stance as his lips continue to slide against mine. After pulling back to try and catch my breath, I ask, "How long have you-"
"A while," he interrupts in a grating, husky voice.
My heart is pounding in my ears and my body is filled with a fiery heat that I never once felt with her during any of our awkward gropefests. That simple kiss with Jasper was such a fucking rush!
"Do you want me to stop, Edward?" he whispers.
I shake my head furiously. "No, please don't," I beg.
With a triumphant smile, he leans in to kiss me again, pausing briefly when I part my lips. I hear his breath catch when I flick his bottom lip with my tongue, silently asking for entry. When his mouth opens the smallest bit, I tilt my head before slipping my tongue inside, his tongue hesitantly meeting mine. I can't help but moan into his mouth, he tastes so good!
I break the kiss to slowly drag my lips up his jawline, lightly dusted with blond stubble, to kiss the sweet spot below his ear. "Jazz…I can't believe how sweet you taste," I murmur against his skin.
His body shudders against mine and he draws in a sharp hissing breath when I start to kiss and lick the heated flesh of his neck. Bringing my lips up to his ear, I ask, "Do you like that?" His lower body answers my question as he presses himself flush against me. He's hard as a fucking rock against my leg and I'm beyond shocked at the fact that I'm just as hard knowing that I have this effect on him.
My mind is racing in so many different directions: I'm nervous about being intimate with someone new, I'm really nervous about being intimate with a guy, and I'm terrified about the fact that my reaction to Jasper means that I'm gay.
I never once considered the possibility that I might be gay. I've gone on dates with a few girls, had one serious girlfriend, and she and I shared several semi-intimate – albeit clumsy – encounters. I chose to look past the awkwardness, thinking that we were young and that it was all part of learning how to please each other. It never occurred to me that it was awkward because I was with the wrong person, or with the wrong gender.
My thoughts are interrupted as Jasper gives my neck the same attention I just gave his. Whatever verbal filter I possessed until this point has been thrown out the window as I moan, "Fuck that feels good." Encouraged, his mouth makes a trail to the other side of my neck, pausing briefly to suck at my Adam's apple. My hands, which were previously clinging to the back of his t-shirt, have now slipped down to the hem where his shirt is riding slightly above the low-slung waistband of his jeans, exposing a sliver of warm skin. I let my fingers slide up underneath his t-shirt to caress the toned flesh of his back.
"Oh, God!" he groans, his words muffled against my neck. Pulling back, he reaches behind him to pull his t-shirt over his head before throwing it across the room in the general direction of his hamper.
He nervously rakes his fingers through his hair with a half-smirk on his face. My heartbeat is deafening in my ears as I reach for the hem of the t-shirt I just, all too recently, put on. I've been in various stages of undress in front of Jasper countless times: changing clothes at each others' houses, showering at school, and swimming. Why am I nervous right now? I feel my hands shaking as I grasp the hem of the t-shirt and slowly drag it over my head before tossing it across the room to join Jasper's. I become even more nervous as he fixes a lustful gaze upon me.
Reaching out a trembling hand, he places it on my collarbone. I'm shocked to find myself leaning into his touch as it slides down my chest, fingers splayed, applying feather-light pressure to my skin, until he reaches my hip and the waistband of my jeans.
"Do you have any idea how hard it's been to not just openly gape at you every time I've seen you with your shirt off?" he asks.
Up until now, I had no idea that you could actually feel someone's eyes on you, but right now, his gaze feels like a million tiny fingers fluttering against my skin as he slowly drags his eyes down my body to follow the path of his hand. "I mean…just look at you," he sighs. Bringing both hands back up to my chest he repeats the course his hand previously made, only this time he presses his fingers into my skin, as if he's trying to push me backwards. For all I know, that just may be his intention. Goosebumps break out and spread across my body at the sensations created by both his visual and tactile appreciation of my body.
"Edward, look at me," he whispers. It's then that I realize my eyes had been closed as I lock them with his burning gaze just before he pulls me to him for another kiss. This kiss isn't timid like the first time his lips met mine. His tongue immediately darts out to sweep across my bottom lip and I am powerless to deny his unspoken request. Our tongues slide against each other, hungry and needy as the intensity of our kiss grows and before I know it, we're clinging to each other, hands gripping, caressing, and pressing until he actually does push me backwards onto the bed.
I'm panting and my heart is thrumming in my chest like an overgrown hummingbird's. My condition is only made more acute as he breaks contact with my lips and begins to kiss a swift, wet trail down my throat to my chest, down my belly and finally ending at my belt. I'm struggling to draw breath and I begin to panic, remembering that this all started because Jasper suggested I get a blowjob from someone to retaliate for the shit I witnessed in Mr. Banner's classroom. I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't want a blowjob, but right now, I'm terrified that I would last all of fifteen seconds and humiliate myself beyond measure.
"Jasper," I pant. My throat is beginning to constrict and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to voice my concern.
He looks up at me through his lashes and I'm dumbstruck by how beautiful his eyes are and how erotic it is to see his expression from this angle. A small smirk pulls up the corner of his mouth as he sits back and reaches for my belt buckle. Again, I notice his hands are trembling and I can't help but wonder if he's as nervous as I am. Instead of pulling the leather strap through the chrome buckle, he slides his hands down my thighs and gently massages the muscles beneath the denim before he bows his head.
"Edward…d-don't be mad at me," he swallows before continuing, "but, I don't think I can do this. I don't want to fuck it up. I want you but, I don't know what I'm doing."
Covering my face with my hands, I groan, "Oh, thank God!"
"Wait…what?" he asks.
After taking a few deep breaths, I prop myself up on my elbows to look at him. "I was just thinking that I may not be ready for this. I was scared shitless that I'd embarrass myself and blow it damn near immediately."
His shoulders sag with relief as he asks, "So, you're not mad?"
"No," I chuckle, "not at all."
His smile takes up the entire bottom half of his face as he leans in to kiss me again.
"I can't fucking believe how much I enjoy kissing you," I murmur against his lips.
"I can't fucking believe that I finally worked up the balls to just kiss you," he chuckles against mine.
I let my upper body fall back against the pillows, taking Jasper with me as we continue to enjoy the feeling of our lips on each other. Before long, though, our hips prove they have a mind of their own as they start to grind against one another. Jasper is haphazardly sprawled out on top of me, his left hand holding my right hand above my head, and he's straddling my left leg. The friction feels fucking incredible as Jasper sets a rhythm of rolling his hips against me as my hips repeatedly lift of the bed in answer.
"Oh, God," he whispers as he drops his head to my shoulder. In truth, it sounded more like he whispered, "Ho guuhh," but I'm pretty sure he meant "Oh, God". It doesn't really matter because I am not physically capable of anything more complicated than a groan or a grunt as my hips begin to thrust harder against him.
As reluctant as I am to release Jasper's hand where he has it pinned above my head into the mattress, I wrench it free and bring it, along with my other hand, to Jasper's ass and encourage him to grind harder against me.
I certainly didn't come over here with the intention of getting dry-humped by my best friend on his bed, but damn it if I wasn't really fricken close to coming right now from just that.
"Fuck, Edward," he growls in my ear as I squeeze the firm muscles of his ass.
Forget soft and curvy. Give me hard and firm any fucking day!
Jasper starts to thrust his hips against me with abandon as his hot mouth leaves wet kisses, licks, and none-too-gentle bites along my shoulder. The familiar tightening spring sensation twists in my groin and the rush of electric current surges in my veins, signaling my impending climax.
"Fuck yeah, Jazz. Just like that. You're gonna make me come," I grunt, squeezing him harder.
I'll take "Words I Never Dreamed I'd Ever Fucking Say to My Best Friend" for $400, Alex!
Following a low, deep moan, his thick, lust-filled voice fills my ear, "You have no fucking clue how badly I've wanted to hear you say those words to me." When he sucks my earlobe into his mouth, I'm a goner. I hiss as my body stiffens beneath him and my orgasm surges through me. "Ugh…that's it, come for me, Edward," he groans.
Before I can even think about recovering from the strength of my climax, Jasper shocks the fuck out of me by flipping me onto my stomach like I'm some rag doll. Reaching between my belly and mattress, he uses his arm to lift my lower body off the bed until I'm on my knees with my ass in the air.
"Jesus, Jasper! What the fu-" I gasp just before he grabs my hips in a death grip and continues his vigorous thrusting, only now, instead of against my erection, it's against my ass.
I never believed that one could forget to breathe, so imagine my surprise when I did just that. Imagine my even greater surprise as I not only have forgotten how to breathe, but that I have also begun to rock back on my knees to meet each of his thrusts against me.
When my lungs are full to the point of bursting, I finally release it in a gush as I cry out, "Sweet fucking Christ!"
I don't even have time to try to process my thoughts about what's happening before Jasper grunts, "Fuck!" and his body stills behind me. By some alien compulsion, I continue to rock back on my knees to press against him. Moments later, he collapses on the bed beside me and pulls me onto my side, drawing my back against his chest. Our breathing is ragged-mine burning in my chest, his hot against my back as I hold tight to his arms wrapped around my waist.
Finally, after several moments, Jasper finds his voice. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, I just couldn't stop myself. Please God, tell me you don't hate me-" he stammers.
"Jazz, I don't hate you. Just calm the fuck down and breathe," I whisper, trying desperately to take my own advice.
For a good while, the only sounds in the room are our labored breathing; mine through my mouth, his through his nose as he intermittently nuzzles the back of my neck.
"I've fantasized about having you in my bed more times than I could count, Edward. I was just so overwhelmed by everything that I just snapped…please, forgive me."
Swallowing hard, I answer, "Forgive you for what, Jasper? I wasn't exactly complaining."
If nothing else, this should help us skip that whole awkward "Top or Bottom" conversation later.
I chuckle at the absurdity of the thought and inwardly cringe as the reality of our situation sets in. If the thought of a blowjob made me nervous, the thought of that just plain scares me to death.
Truth be told, the thought that terrifies me out of my skull is…what now? This afternoon went from me being homicidal from catching Jake and my girl getting down and dirty at school, to joking around with Jasper about a revenge blowjob, to curious kisses and touches, to grinding on the bed, to Jasper all but fucking me with my pants on. Jasper's made it clear that he's been into me for a while, but this is all so fucking new to me.
I've never had a problem with homosexuality. I still don't! That doesn't, however, change the fact that I'm scared about possibly being gay.
Possibly? Before today, you've been lucky to reach second base with a girl. If it weren't for two layers of denim and boxers you just rounded home plate with a guy. That, does not a straight man make.
"I don't regret what just happened, Jasper. I am nervous about where we go from here, though," I say with a sigh.
"Me, too," Jasper mumbles against my neck as he tightens his arms around my waist.
I nearly jump out of my skin when there's a knock on Jasper's bedroom door.
"Edward, honey, will you be joining us for dinner?" his mother asks through the door. For a moment, I begin to panic, wondering how she knew I was here.
Christ, did she hear us?
Seconds later, I feel stupid as I realize that my car is in the driveway. Duh.
Jasper kisses the spot where my neck meets my shoulders, causing me to shiver before I can respond to her question. "Please stay," he whispers.
"Yes, ma'am. If you don't mind, that is," I call back to her.
"Not at all, sweetie. Dinner should be ready in thirty, boys!" she says before I hear the sound of her retreating footsteps.
She no sooner leaves when my jeans pocket begins to vibrate against my thigh. I'm momentarily confused due to the fact that I just nearly had a heart attack from almost getting caught in bed with Jasper by his mother. I quickly realize it's my cell phone signaling a text. Rolling over in Jasper's embrace onto my back, I pull out my cell to see who is trying to get a hold of me.
Message received from Alice Cell.
"Ahh, fuck. I so don't wanna deal with you right now," I groan.
"What's wrong?" Jasper asks as I open the message.
Are we still on for dinner?
"Uh, that would be a giant 'Fuck no', sweetheart," I say as I start to click out a reply.
"Uh-oh. Is that her?" he asks, looking over my shoulder at my cell.
I nod as I continue my message.
I've made other plans. Why don't you let Jake take you to dinner?
Turning off my cell phone, I slip it back into my pocket before rolling over onto my side to face Jasper.
"Did you just break up with your girlfriend via text message?"
"More or less. I'll talk with her face-to-face tomorrow. Right now, I just don't want to deal with her."
"What do you wanna deal with right now, Edward?" he asks, searching my eyes for answers to his question.
"I'm a bit overwhelmed, Jasper. It's like I'm seeing things for the first time today. First Alice, then you. I'm angry, confused, scared..." I let my thoughts trail off as I play with a blond curl by his ear.
"I don't know if I can help you with the confused and scared part, because truthfully, I'm right there with you. As far as being angry, that is completely understandable. I can't undo what she did to you, but I can promise to never treat you that way. I won't ever do that to you, Edward."
I can't help but smile at the thought that my best friend just promised to be true to me.
"You know how I can tell you're feeling better?" he asks with a grin.
Um, let's see…I'm still coming down from an amazing orgasm high? I'm smiling? I just threw my leg over your hip like it was the most natural thing in the world?
"How's that, Jazz?" I ask, humoring him.
"You said her name," he responds with a smirk.
"I did, didn't I?"
"I'd much rather hear you say my name though…repeatedly," he croons in my ear.
Smiling even though he can't see it, I reply, "You know what? That doesn't sound like such a bad idea."
A/N Video for Seeing Things by The Black Crowes can be found on my profile. Thanks for reading!