Pandemonium, Please

This is a silly Diablo II dump that I had to get out of my mind and into words. It features my personal favorite character, Tyrael. It also features Ulandra, a sorceress who is both a goof and extremely serious woman when it comes to her work. It also involves other silly things all taking place in the Pandemonium Fortress. I hope you enjoy. This will update when I get inspired to write another short silly event.

As always,

Le Pomme

Chapter 1: The Unbelievable Joy of Archangel Wings

The Sorceress, Ulandra sat back looking about the Pandemonium Fortress with some interest but for the most part the structure didn't intrigue her very much. No, what really drew her attention was something else. It wasn't the wide expanses of Hell or the people that wandered about the fortress, no, it was the Arch Angel Tyrael. More importantly, his wings.

They always intrigued her. Her first thought was to try and hit them like a cat with a string. She ached to swat at them. She dreamed of twisting them about her fingers and happily playing with them. But she kept that to herself...usually.

Now though she stepping out of a town portal, fresh from Hell smelling like brimstone, sulfur, and blood and she felt fantastic. There had to be something in the health potions. That was what she figured. Something in the health potions was making her feel giddy. Probably most likely it was because she drank a punch to many this run through Hell. She strode up the stairs and made a beeline for Tyrael bursting with her liquid courage, grinning like a two year old.

The archangel regarded her tilting his head at her pleasant mood for one who just came back from Hell. She didn't say a word and stopped in front of him looking him square in the eye, or at least where his eyes would be in the area of his hood.

"Can I help you, hero?"

Ulandra stared at him for a bit more before stepping to the side raising a hand...and gave his wings a swat giving a giggle at the sudden thrill that came up her arm from touching it. It was liking swatting at silk blowing in the wind. She ignore the Arch angel who gave a cough as the sorceress continued to happily play with his wings, the glowing appendages moving shyly about form her touch and other times caressing her like silvery webs. She laughed, "I've been wanting to do this ever since I saw you the first time!"


Tyrael seemed actually confused by her behavior turning to watch her play with his wings like they were there for her entertainment. Ulandra gave him a winning smile giving a tendril of his wings a firm tug causing him to jerk slightly and the tendril to snap out of her grip quickly, "They look so fun to play around with. I like touching them,"

The archangel coughed and turned taking his wings out of the sorceress's reach, "Are you feeling well hero?"

Ulandra frowned a bit putting her hands on her hips, "I'm feeling fine. There is no curse upon me that gives me the impulse to molest angel wings...I just wanted to,"

Tyrael shifted again and gave another cough. If she didn't know better, she would say the powerful archangel was at a loss of how to respond to this situation. She only grinned more and tried to sidle closer to get back at swatting at his exotic wings. He moved again, keeping them out of her reach, spreading them back far. It was a funny sight for sure of this sorceress trying to get around a rapidly retreating archangel.

"Come on, just one more touch and I'll be done!" Ulandra whinned slightly.

"Please mortal, they are ...delicate. I don't like them to be touched," He said in a gentle tone although she heard a tinge of embarrassment to them.

Delicate? They didn't feel all too delicate to her. Ulandra paused her brow furrowing and her face took on a serious expression. She thought hard, the pieces slowly clinking in her mind. She looked up to Tyrael who regarded her just a coolly.

" touching your wings some sort of angelic foreplay?"

If Tyrael had been standing he would've stumbled back. Floating he could limit his surprise at her question to his wings flaring up more. She had even said it with a straight serious face. He looked away, "They are...sensitive to touch," he said slowly, "Take that as you will,"

Ulandra nodded and then moved forward and swatted at a wing and he let out a sigh and let her do it. There was clearly no reasoning with this woman at the momment. The sorceress took her last few swats and turned to him giving a mysterious little smile, "Don't worry. I won't tell Tyrael," She said, "as long as you assist me maybe with demon slaying?"

"Hero, I told you that I am forbidden from intervening with your quest," Tyrael said with a slight sigh.

"I know. I was joking anyways. So long Tyrael,"

Then as suddenly as she had come, she was back through and back to Hell to fight the hordes of demons. The archangel self consciously turned to inspect his wings still feeling the touch of her hands on the delicate ends. So what if it was...somewhat stimulating to have someone playing with his wings? To tell mortals such things was like encouraging them to do it more. Tyrael sighed and turned to regard the fireplace.

"Mortals..." he grumbled.