"You know, not even once did I imagine my life without her. I couldn't; I just couldn't think about life without Katniss Everdeen."
He stared at me for a moment, his blue eyes filled with pity. I couldn't take it; I didn't want him to feel sorry for me. I didn't need his pity.
"Don't look so sorry. You know as well as I do that this is exactly what you wanted. Why need me when she has you?"
He still didn't speak. It was as if his mouth was glued shut, forming a straight line. I looked at him for a moment, waiting for him to say something, anything. I couldn't take the silence. I felt like I was speaking to a wall, a brick wall.
"Not that it matters anymore. She'll never care for me after what I did. All she ever wanted was for Prim to be safe, and I screwed all that up when I designed the bomb. Katniss will never forgive me. It might be for the best though; our friendship crumbled a long time ago. It was missing something, like one big messed up puzzle that had some of its pieces missing."
I sighed when all he did was stare at me some more. I wanted him to say something that would make sense, something that would make me feel again.
"Well, are you going to say something or just continue to stare at me?" I questioned. He stood up from the brown chair and walked over to the couch I was sitting on.
"Sometimes, I would wonder what it was like to be with Katniss. I would always dream of her loving me and caring for me. I would sometimes pretend I was you. That I was the one who made her smile and who helped her look after her sister. I wanted to be in your position," Peeta replied.
"I bet you're thinking twice about that now," I laughed without humor. "Who would want to be in my position? The long forgotten 'cousin' who killed the sister of the only person he's ever loved. I don't even want to be in my place."
"Have you tried talking to her?" he questioned. I scoffed, what does he know?
"The last time I talked to her was before she killed Coin, when I gave her the arrow. I knew that when I walked out of that room that I'd never see her again. I just didn't want to accept it."
Peeta sat back down in his chair. I looked around the small, woodened room. I would be leaving for District 2 soon. All my things were packed - that didn't take too long - and I was as ready as I'd ever be.
"Maybe you should try to talk to her again, to make things-"
"You don't get it. She hates me! Why on this damned Earth would she want to see me? I murdered her sister! The only one she has truly ever loved! How can that be forgiven?" I snapped. He wasn't even fazed by my outburst. He just sat there, his hands in his lap, and stared at me some more.
"I've lost all I've ever had," I said quietly. "And there wasn't much to begin with. Just my family, who I probably won't see anymore, and the Everdeens. We both know how that last one was ruined forever. What's left but an empty job in District 2?"
"I can't say I know what you're going through, but I can say I know what it's like to lose people you love. I lost my whole family in the bombing of 12. Sure, my mother didn't love me, and my siblings paid no attention to me, but they were still my family. And I like to believe that they cared, even if it was only a little piece of them buried under all their hate."
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and pointer finger. I could feel a head ache coming on.
"Well, I guess we have more in common than we thought," I told him. He didn't nod or say anything else. He just went back to studying me.
"We've always had a lot in common." I knew he was referring to loving the same girl. Something that I wish we never did share.
"Just one difference: you win, I lose." He stood up and looked down at me. He grabbed his things - a coat and bag - and walked up to me once more.
"You only lose if you truly think you've lost. Sometimes even losers can become winners; you just have to take the time to wait for when that day comes."
He then walked away, leaving me staring after him. I got up shortly after and headed out of what they called the 'Station'. I had a flight to catch, one that would take me far from here. That's just what I needed, to be rid of these horrible memories.
I guess that's a small win in itself.