The oneshot posted on Twi'd Smut Mondays 12/20:
Title: Dear Maggie
Category: AH, Romance/Drama
Standalone (as of now)
Profile link: .net/u/1939988/Jenny0719
A/N: The idea for a fic came to me in the form of a dream—as they usually do—and since I didn't have time to start another story (I was already juggling 3 – insanity, I know), I wanted to get out all the main ideas I had for it before I forgot it. This oneshot is what came out of that. It will eventually become what I have referred to as the "heart fic" for a while now and be posted as a multi-chapter fic.
Thanks to Stratan for being the badass beta that he is. He's my go-to guy and I hate to admit it (please don't rub it in later) but I'd be lost without him.
Thanks to Johnnyboy7 for approving the juicy factor. Everyone should go read his fics if you're not already.
Bella pulled into the parking lot and cursed when she saw the familiar silver Volvo standing alone. She parked her own beat up, rusty red truck as far away from it as humanly possible and took a deep breath, steeling herself against what she knew would be another infuriating encounter.
Because Edward Cullen was the most brutally hostile man she'd ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She shoved the notebook full of letters to a woman she'd never know aside, grabbed her gear, and headed to the baseball diamond, staring down at the pitted asphalt the entire way. She knew if she so much as glanced up at him, she was a goner. He somehow managed to have that effect on her no matter how hard she fought against it. It was maddening.
And it was all because of Maggie.
She sat on the bench in the dugout and slipped out of her sandals so that she could throw on her cleats. Tying them tightly, she sat up tall and inhaled the musky air while her hand involuntarily snuck up to rub her chest. She found herself doing that a lot these days, as if the heart she held inside her longed to be connected to something.
More specifically, someone.
Her eyes were drawn to the figure at the plate against her own volition. She mentally berated herself for a moment before finally giving in and enjoying the view-and what a view it was.
Rangy and powerful, Edward Cullen's lethal looks were like poison to her senses. For lack of a better word, she swooned at the sight of him. His tall body was made for sin; his hands calloused and strong, yet still somehow elegant. One look at those hands, and Bella knew they could surely bring a woman to her knees. His shiny, copper colored hair was hidden behind his black Mariner's cap, but Bella knew what lied beneath; tousled waves that no matter how often his hand reached up to tame it, stuck up in the most random and utterly charming way. His angular jaw ticked as he held the wooden bat in his hand and clenched as he swung…
And his eyes. Those gorgeous green eyes that could make your head spin with all the emotions he held in them. Rage mingled with sadness there, and at times there was a hint of longing that made Bella want to uncharacteristically latch onto him and make him hers.
But there were times the monster that he kept caged inside made her want to run, only she found her feet rooted in place. No matter how frightening he became, a part of her was drawn to him, though she didn't know why.
She knew she shouldn't be fascinated by the brooding man that stood before her, studiously ignoring her intrusion, but she was. She was without a doubt attracted to him with every inch of her body and every beat of her given heart. Desire unfurled deep within her belly with just a look. The occasional accidental touch-because Edward made sure to keep his distance from her-sent chills down her spine and made her skin tingle pleasantly.
She threw her sandals into her bag, disgusted with herself. He was beautiful, but he was rude, hateful, and bitter, and he clearly disliked her. She should be locked in a padded cell for even entertaining the idea that sex with him would be phenomenal, even with her lack of experience.
What woman in their right mind wanted to be with a man who hated her?
Certainly not Isabella Swan.
The wind shifted, and Bella's scent swirled around Edward. He gritted his teeth against the pain in his groin and took his frustration out on the ball that was currently hurtling through the air. The satisfying crack of the bat echoed throughout the still night air, and the ball disappeared somewhere over the fence.
He readied himself again and focused on the way the bat vibrated as he connected with the ball instead of the way the air around him fizzled and crackled with energy from Bella's mere presence.
He bristled as she leaned over and zipped her bag closed, exposing her perfectly round ass to him. His grip tightened on the bat to the point that it groaned in protest as his eyes wandered over to where she was standing.
She had angelic beauty, perfect features. Her dark brown hair was messily pulled away from her face, exposing the graceful line of her neck. His eyes trailed down that neck, longing for a peek of what lay beneath the dark cotton fabric of her t-shirt. Her luscious curves were hidden by the bulkiness of her sweatpants, but he knew how they could be packed into a pair of jeans and it was enough to make a man's blood boil beneath the skin.
Her long ponytail cascaded down the sinuous curve of her back, and her creamy skin glowed even beneath the harsh lights that lit up the darkness. He could feel his resolve slipping the longer he watched her. She'd been his weakness since the moment she stepped foot in his brother's garage. Something had been brought to life inside him, and he'd worked long and hard to quell the urge to succumb to it ever since.
He didn't know how to be the man she deserved. He'd been beaten and broken and irreparably damaged by nearly everyone he'd let get close to him, and he was so scarred inside, he'd shut himself off from the world. Now, he found he was completely unsure of how to become what he'd always strived to seem.
Her deep brown eyes met his, and she quickly averted her gaze while that beautiful, crimson blush pooled in her cheeks. She was afraid of him, rightfully so. She had no idea what lurked beneath the surface; what kind of animal he was inside and what he was truly capable of.
She had no idea what he'd done to survive. None of them did, not even Carlisle and Esme. He'd kept it a guarded secret since the day his parents had saved him from that world.
It was a secret he fully intended to take to his grave.
"Hi," she said shyly.
He simply grunted in response to the agony her sweet voice caused to rip through him and turned away from her.
She rolled her eyes at his typical response and stepped out of the dugout. Her cleat caught a rut in the dirt, and she lost her balance. She tumbled forward and landed on the ground with breath-taking force.
Edward watched as she jumped back up and dusted herself off and wondered how someone so agile in the game could be so clumsy everywhere else. She'd taken more falls than he could count since arriving in Forks.
"I'm fine," she said as casually as she could through the tears of embarrassment.
His eyes narrowed against his concern. "You're sure?" he asked stoically.
She stared up at him, wishing she could witness a smile crossing his features. Just once. "Fine."
He nodded and let the bat fall to his side. "You want a go?"
"That's what I came here for," she said, attempting to lighten him up a little.
"I'll change the settings."
"Wait!" she called after him. "I want it to throw fast pitch. I haven't practiced in a while."
He held up his hands and went to the fence. "Okay."
He leaned against the fence and brought one of his knees up as his arms crossed over his broad chest. She had to force herself to tear her eyes away from the perfect sight. Her only saving grace was the ball that whizzed past her head and brought her back to reality.
It'd be mortifying to get a black eye because she couldn't stop ogling the man behind her.
She took her stance and waited for the next ball, only to swing and miss.
"Damn it," she muttered. She planted her feet and adjusted her grip, concentrating on the machine that was going to launch another ball at her soon.
She swung and barely tipped the ball, sending it straight up.
"Mother-," she cut herself off and growled in frustration. Softball, baseball-anything on a diamond-had always come naturally to her, and now she looked like an inexperienced dolt.
"Widen your stance," Edward called from the fence.
Bella grudgingly obeyed, knowing that it had nothing to do with her stance and everything to do with the man standing behind her.
Another fly ball, this time popping so far back, that it nearly hit the pristine hood of Edward's silver Volvo.
"Watch what you're fucking doing!" he shouted, dragging his hands through his hair. If she'd hit his car he wouldn't have hesitated to throttle her.
"Sorry!" Bella called back, snickering under her breath. It served him right to have his precious car defiled.
The machine launched another ball at her; she swung and missed.
She threw the bat down in disgust and started to walk away, only to hear the clinking of the fence as Edward pushed away from it, picking the bat up on his way by.
"Get back up there. You're not finished yet."
"Yes, I am." She'd be damned if she humiliated herself further.
"No, you're not." Edward thrust the bat at her. His green eyes trapped hers for a brief moment, long enough to destroy her resolve and take it from him. Her fingers brushed against his, and she nearly moaned with how good his skin felt on hers.
"Go back up there," he repeated sternly.
She stomped back up to the plate and took her position again, focusing on the arm of the machine again. Any second it would launch…
"Here, Bella," Edward's seductive voice murmured in her ear. She jumped at her body's involuntary reaction to the sound. It was like fire swept through her veins each time he said her name.
He gently nudged her feet apart with his own foot and gently grabbed her hips to adjust her weight distribution. His fingers slightly curled into the soft flesh before he caught himself and jerked them away.
"What about my hands?" Bella asked huskily. The air was thick around them, and her body had sprinted into overdrive with the feel of his hands at her waist.
"Like this," he said smoothly, adjusting her hands with his own.
She hated that Edward was fixing all her mistakes. She prided herself on the fact that she shocked the hell out of him every time she played. But with the electricity sparking around them, she couldn't find it in her to care enough to make his mouth gape open with surprise again. There was none of her usual defiance against his surly demeanor.
They both stood at a complete standstill, drowning in sensation. Bella swallowed and attempted to speak, only to feel Edward's hot breath ghost over her neck and moan instead.
Bella closed her eyes and reveled in the drone. "What is that?" she dared to ask.
"I have no fucking idea," he responded tightly.
She gritted her teeth against the fury that swelled in her chest. "Are you always so angry? Or is it just me?"
"Both, actually," he admitted.
"What did I ever do to you?" she asked hotly.
"You live," he answered simply. Because of a life he'd worked so hard to forget.
That stunned her. "You'd rather me die?" she asked weakly.
The thought made his chest tighten painfully. "No."
She dropped the bat and spun around in his arms. Without thought, her hand came up to yank his hat off and throw it aside before lightly brushing through his hair. A shaky breath left her lips, showing him that her boldness was just that. Show. His cock twitched with the feeling of her fingertips grazing his scalp, and a soft groan fell from his lips.
"Why do you push me away? Why do you try to make me hate you?"
"You don't want me. I'm not any good for you," he said, breathing heavily.
His eyes bore into hers intensely. "If you knew what I did, what my so-called mother put me through, you'd understand."
"Then make me understand," she pleaded. "I need to know."
His eyes closed, and he shook his head with a pained expression, so she relented. For now.
"Kiss me?" she asked in a whisper.
His eyes snapped back open. "I don't like kissing." He knew he'd never be able to stay away from her if he kissed her.
"Like Richard Gere? Are you pulling a Pretty Woman on me?" she asked incredulously.
"No, I..." How could he make her see that he would be her biggest mistake?
"Please? I've never kissed anyone before. I'd like to know what it feels like."
He blinked in shock, unable to comprehend how someone as beautiful as she could never have had that first teenage kiss. "What? How?"
She shrugged. "I was sick. Hospital rooms aren't the most romantic of places and they don't allow your social life to really bloom, if you know what I mean."
His eyes trailed down to the vee of her shirt. He cautiously pushed the fabric away so he could see the tip of the long, pink, puckered scar that divided her chest.
Bella blushed self-consciously. "It's ugly." She brought her hand up to Edward's and tried to pull it away. "Don't-"
"It's beautiful," he breathed. "Evidence that you belong here, no matter what I might say or how I might act."
It was the most honest thing she'd ever heard him say.
"Thanks to your sister," she said timidly, terrified of his response. He'd been so volatile every time she'd mentioned it before.
Anger flashed in his eyes, before he quickly shoved it down. His life before was in no way her fault, he reminded himself. "I don't have a sister," he told her again. "Just someone who happened to share one half of my DNA."
"I hear she was amazing."
Edward swallowed thickly and let his finger race over the raised scar. His... sister had given this beautiful creature life and somehow brought her to him. Fate was taunting Edward openly, and it seemed he simply had no choice in the matter anymore. But that didn't mean he was going to let fate win so easily.
"This doesn't mean that we..." He stared at her uncertainly. "I mean, I can't be what you want. I'm incapable."
I'm not worthy, he thought despondently.
"I want you, Edward," she said with a smile. "Even though you've been nothing but a complete dick since I got here."
He laughed once, and Bella's eyebrows shot up with the wondrous sound. She could hear it again and again and never tire of it. "Was that a laugh?"
He shrugged his shoulder once. "There's a first time for everything."
She smirked up at him and that simple, knowing curve of her lips was his undoing. He brushed his lips against her once, before he was consumed by a fire that burned hotter than anything he'd ever felt before. He yanked her against him so that her body was flush against his and recklessly plundered her mouth. Her taste was drugging to him, even more pungent combined with her scent, taunting some hidden part inside him and attempting to coax it out. She fit perfectly against him, curve for curve, line for line. She moaned as his greedy hands groped her, too wrapped up in the feel of her underneath him to realize he was very nearly undressing her at home plate.
He abruptly pulled back to smirk down at her himself. He loved that he had such an effect on her. Her breathing came out harshly and her face was beautifully flushed. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize. I'd like to do it again," she whispered through still tingling lips. His taste lingered on them, spicy-hot and male and oh, so sweet.
He raised his brows with her admission, and for some strange reason, he was pleased to hear those words.
"I want to do a lot of things with you." She was so quiet, he barely heard the words.
He'd wanted to go slow, to cherish the angel that was standing before him, but the minute their lips met, something buried deep inside him snapped. He took her mouth heedlessly in an attempt to satisfy the destructive ache that was tearing through him. Fingers fumbled, clothes rendered at each other's hands, and giggles escaped her mouth as he threw her on the plush grass. He'd never needed someone like this. He'd never been consumed by someone. Sex was always forced upon him in some way and to feel what it was like to truly want to give himself to someone like this... It was enough to make him panic.
Panic slowly subsided when his tongue finally tasted the delicate skin of her neck. He let himself get lost inside those heavy, dark brown orbs and smiled softly when her lashes fluttered with his touch.
A hundred feelings battered her senses; a thousand sensations shot through her as he skillfully touched her and brought his mouth to her breasts. The groan she emitted as his tongue swirled and flicked at her sensitive nipple surprised her. She never knew anything could feel as wonderful and powerful as this. She thought that her first time would be filled with nerves and awkwardness, but as his hands ranged over her body, bringing her more pleasure with a touch than she'd thought possible, there was nothing but the simple rise and falls as he brought her toward release.
He snaked his fingers under her panties and slid them down her legs, and then sat back on his heels to appreciate the woman in front of him. Her cheeks flamed with color as he dragged his gaze over her, and he nearly drove into her then, but he willed himself to stay gentle. Bringing his mouth down to hers again, he slowly stroked the slick skin between her legs and felt her response immediately, wetting his fingers with her delicious warmth.
She could feel his taut muscles quiver and shake as he trailed his fingers over her while he held on to that thinning chain of control. His scorching eyes met hers when he pulled away and moved down to draw her breast into his mouth again. The blaze that he held so determinately inside him stunned her. He showed her tenderness in his touch, even though she knew he wanted to release that heat again and destroy her. If she wasn't so afraid of the pain that was bound to come, she might have wanted it rough and hard.
She wiggled under him and moaned as his thumb came in contact with that little bundle of nerves nestled there. Her hands gripped his strong shoulders while his fingers curled inside her, making her gasp as pleasure bulleted through her, and he paused as he realized the implications of what was happening.
"Bella, we can't." His voice was raspy from need.
"Because you're a virgin," he answered, looking away in shame. He'd let his guard down for a brief moment, and he'd nearly done something he was sure she'd regret tomorrow.
"So..." He shifted on top of her and let his gaze drift to the scar on her chest. "I'm not worthy of something like this, Bella. Not to mention your first time deserves to be special and not on the ground."
His concern touched her. She placed her hand on his face and stared up at him. Something was so different about him tonight. He no longer seemed to harbor hatred toward her, but instead had allowed her to wiggle her way into his heart. And she found that she wanted to live there forever.
"Why would you ever say you aren't worthy of me? Beneath all that armor, you are the most amazing man I've ever known."
"Don't say that," he snapped. "You know nothing about me."
"So you keep saying," she said dryly, earning a glower from Edward in return. "Explain it to me. I'm not asking again."
He took a deep breath and decided to purge the secret that had tormented him for years. Partially, anyway. "When you wake up tomorrow and find out I'm not what you think I am, you'll be disgusted. I... The woman who was supposed to have been my mother-Maggie's biological mother-sold me for a quick buck to skip town."
"Sold you?" Bella asked, unable to understand. "Like on the black market?"
"No. Like a whore," he spat. "My first time was in the back of a blacked out van when I was thirteen to a man I couldn't even look at. He didn't even care that he hurt me, so long as it felt good for him."
The shame in his voice was unbearable for her. "You've never had a normal sexual encounter?"
He shook his head, staring at the ground beneath them.
"Why would you think that I would be disgusted? You didn't do anything wrong!" Bella said passionately. "She did!"
"Bella, it's not that simple. It happened over and over again until I ran away. I didn't know any other way to survive." He swallowed hard. "I eventually did it willingly."
Her heart broke for everything he'd been through. "It doesn't define who you are, Edward. Why do you let it?"
He stared at her hard, trying to see through her words. It was unbelievable to him that anyone would be so accepting of such a horrific past. He saw nothing but honesty in those dark eyes of hers, and her sincerity seemed to erase a part of his scars.
But it did nothing to change his mind about himself. He was still certain that he was too damaged for her. He'd never be able to give her what most girls dreamed of. A family.
His genetics were so deeply flawed; there was no way he would ever readily pass the destructive monster that he held within to an innocent child.
"It still changes nothing," he said resolutely.
"If you say so." Her smile told him she thought otherwise.
A slow, crooked smile crossed his lips with her obstinacy, and Bella's head swam at the sight. She sucked in a deep breath so she could concentrate on how boyishly handsome he looked and how that one smile managed to make her heart flutter and her stomach quiver.
"Smile more often," she said with her own grin. "It's incredible."
"You're an idiot."
She shook her head. "I'm right."
He chuckled and treated himself to the taste of her skin while he fumbled for a condom. "This is going to hurt," he murmured. "Tell me if you need me to stop."
She nodded and blew out a shaky breath. She glanced over at the condom he pulled out of his wallet and frowned. "For someone who doesn't have sex, you sure are prepared. Were you a Boy Scout?"
His lips twitched against the foil package. "No." He really wasn't sure why he had a condom in his wallet. He simply did.
"Hang on a sec." He leaped up and ran over to his car to grab a blue fleece blanket out of the back.
She giggled at the sight of him running back to her, naked, with a blanket.
"Just in case," he said sheepishly, laying back down and covering their bodies with the blanket.
He rolled his eyes and positioned himself in between her thighs, letting his fingers trace over her again. "Are you sure?"
She nodded. "It's you." She wasn't sure how she knew that he was meant to be her first, she just did.
Slowly, gently, he pushed himself inside her and fought back the urge to come as soon as he was buried to the hilt. She was like heaven wrapped around him. Her body trembled like glory beneath him.
It wasn't the sharp streak of pain she'd been expecting, more of a fullness; a discomfort that was slowly subsiding, leaving her with a pleasant feeling she wanted to explore. She rolled her hips under him and watched as his eyes sharpened and the muscles in his jaw ticked. He was so close to losing control; so close to pounding himself inside her until that blinding force shot through him.
He pulled back slowly, testing her, and thrust into her again. Her eyes nearly rolled to the back of her head as her stomach tightened, and he brought her up against him so that their chests were touching and their hearts were hammering together. The blanket pooled down at their intertwined legs, but neither of them cared.
The only thing that mattered was what was happening between them.
She noticed the raised scars on his chest immediately, completely different from her own. Tentatively, she reached out to touch the foreign-feeling lines and circular scar. Edward gently captured her wrist and brought her palm to his lips in a gesture uncharacteristically romantic. Her eyes widened with the smirk his mouth had formed around her finger and a flash of heat shot through her, causing her to whimper.
It wasn't that he didn't want to be touched, he thought. Strangely, he craved her touch, but he thought that keeping the intimacy out of it might help him keep his distance from the gorgeous creature he was stupidly buried inside of.
He let her set the pace while his hands roamed freely over her back, steadying her, and felt the soft, damp flesh under his fingertips. He let himself slide into another kiss, no longer consumed by the raw passion that had began their interlude, but was now met with a frenzy of feelings that bubbled to the surface, begging to be released when he finally came.
Bella's breathing was labored against his lips, embarrassingly loud, and she knew she was unbelievably on the edge of something spectacular. She'd never expected any kind of climax during her first time with a man. She knew for most women it was extremely unlikely, but everything, from the feel of his lips to the gentle way he held her felt natural. Right.
He could feel her body clenching up and knew she was close. "Come on, Bella. Let go," he said softly.
Her brows knit in a split second of confusion before she was pushed over that elusive edge by the feel of his teeth grazing over her shoulder. She screamed out, just as much in surprise as ecstasy, and the world tilted and spun out as he shoved her back to the ground.
The control was gone now. The gentle caresses and soft moans were replaced by demand and desperation. He drove into her again roughly, grinding his pelvis into hers and listening to the sounds of their slapping skin reverberate in the air around them. He groaned gutturally as he slammed into her, watching her breasts bounce in time with his movements and hearing her sharp gasps as he, in essence, fucked her wildly.
Hitching her legs around his waist, he hammered himself deeper inside her and felt her body clench up while her strangled moan rang in his ears. Losing himself to the violence that lay within him, he forced her to the brink again cruelly. She came again hard, crying out as the shock of another climax nearly drove her to insanity, and dragged him with her.
He grunted as his orgasm pulsed through him and gripped her thighs as he released deep inside her. He let her legs fall limply to his sides and laid his head on her shoulder while his arms curled themselves around her, anchoring her to him. As soon as he was sure he could move, he shifted them so that the weight of his body wasn't crushing her and surprising himself, ripped the condom off and snuggled up next to her, right there on the cool, damp grass.
She slowly trailed a finger over the sharp line of his jaw. "I thought most redheads had freckles."
"Guess I'm just lucky," he said shortly. His mother hadn't had a single freckle, either.
"That was really nice," she said lightly with a yawn.
His eyes flashed with amusement. "You liked that, huh?" he asked with a devilish grin.
She smiled warmly, causing some sort of emotion to swell inside him. "I really did. You couldn't tell?"
He nodded against her and pressed a kiss to her soft lips. "So did I."
"Can we do it again?"
"Maybe." He wasn't going to ruin the moment with a definitive "no", even though he knew he could never have her like this again. To have her become attached to him, only to find that he was as he said-incapable of being with her in the way she deserved-would crush him.
He stared at her sleepy, flushed face in the soft light that streamed down on her and knew he should leave. He knew he should get up, clean himself off, get dressed and head back home, but he couldn't force his arms to unwrap themselves around her. Her breathing quickly took on a deep, sated quality, and he knew she slept. He had every intention of dressing and carrying her to her own car, but as he started to move, her lips curved and she breathed out his name.
Heart pounding, body frozen, he stared at Bella as a part of him rejoiced at the sound of his name on her lips. While his brain was still struggling to come to terms with that, he somehow slipped into sleep himself, breathing in the scent of a woman that had managed to change something inside him.