I'm sitting on my bed over summer break crying from extreme writers block. Hate me. I really don't know what to do with this. I guess the last chapter will just be crappy and stupid. But yes, I know for sure there's gonna be another ending. I feel like Margaret needs some love, even though I hope she dies and Mordecai is all like, "hell yes," but no. So, there will be a lovely alternative ending posted sometime after this.
I wrote this over a billion times. I kept thinking, Mordecai should come out, but no. That's fucking stupid. Maybe later. So, no. I'm going to make this as fucking depressing as I can and ruin all your lives.
I groaned and fell back on my little bed. I won't tell anyone for now, I thought. No, its too early, and I don't know for sure. I'm not in love, yet. I never was in love, with anyone. Not Margaret, especially. Because I guess that was a sick illusion. I was drowned in lust and sex. I'm not in love with Rigby either. At least that's what I keep telling my self. Fuck, go away feelings.
Whats funny is that Margaret truly doesn't give two fucks. She doesn't care that I cared about her. Or maybe was just obsessive. And insane. Her sex drove me into insanity. I threw the camera lying on my bed at the wall and the lens popped out. Fuck that, it was cheap anyways.
But it wasn't. I spent like, two whole paychecks on that. It was the memory card I didn't want. There we go, Mordecai screws up. Again. Rigby comes in because he hears a crash. "What the hell, bro?"
"Oops," I muttered sarcastically, "My hand slipped."
"You're a good friend," He started, sitting on my bed, "but don't hurt yourself just because you want to be a jerk. Because you know you're not over that slut. But I'm here. Whatever you need, okay?" He stood up and walked away.
A fucking good friend, am I?
I stood up and told Rigby I'm going back to the coffee shop. He said, "Kay, but don't fucking screw up."
"Hm, hm." I said, kind of like our own little, 'affirmative'.
So I walked. I felt like Forrest Gump. I walked and walked until the little sign was in clear view, and I entered the empty café. Boz was back.
"I feel horrible about not paying."
"Its okay," he said, giving a little smile, "I mean, I'm 24, I handle the hate well." He grinned a little.
"I wasn't hating, its just… But I feel like, guilty, pain in my stomach. I'm not usually so fucking rude its just, things are…messed up. But, here." I handed him a twenty dollar bill, which was 17 dollars more than the coffee was. "Keep the change." I stopped for a second, then laughed. "Isn't that kind of ironic? Keep the change. Funny."
He blinked, "You're mentally crazy. Its kind of, cute. Insanity. But you're fucking insane. No way am I taking all this. Yeah, maybe a two dollar tip for being so damn adorable but seventeen dollars? Take it back."
"No way in hell. Wait, cute?"
"Shut the hell up, I've recently came out."
"You're kidding." I eyed him, thoughtfully. "Same here. Kind of."
"Good luck with that."
"Seriously though, keep the money. You need it more than I do. With that bitch as a manager, I think you've gone through enough hell."
"Mordecai. She's not a bitch. And you know that. If you have feelings for her… I mean, she doesn't stop talking about you. She's not ignoring you. She just…She's got some shit in her life too, its not just your life that's crap, okay? She still likes you, I suppose. I think she just is messed up."
"No, I don't have feelings for her. I'm not in love." I became angry.
"I never said you were-" Bosley started, only to be cut off by an annoyed groan.
"Ugh! I'm not in love, Boz. I, I don't have feelings. For anyone."
Bosley grabbed my wrists. "I think someone is here for you."
Rigby stood at the door, wide eyed. "Mordecai, you're still thinking about her, aren't you?"
Before I could protest, Rigby was off. So I just stood and watched him scamper off into the park, until his shadow was no longer visible. Then I walked out the café and then I came to a realization. An epiphany.
I do love Rigby, why else would my heart beat a million times faster when we kiss, or why does my heart sink whenever his eyes look sad, but his mouth forms into a forced smile? Yeah, I fucking do care about Rigby.
But he's gone. Wait, I can change that. I ran into the park, no way of knowing where the hell I was going. I covered every inch of the park I knew, and I found myself wandering into the more deserted part of the city. This is were the bars, dealers, and gangs were. I've been here plenty of times when I was younger.
"Rigby? Rigby! Where the hell are you?"
I didn't see anyone. No bar was open, no man, or animal, in sight. Just the smell of garbage and cannabis. The smell of teenagers. It was hilarious how immature kids are in high school. How its so freaking cool to be high. Let me be the first to say that it seriously sucks.
"Rigby?" I walked around the neighborhood and moved back into the park. Then I remembered, that secret place only Rigby and I knew. It was just a really big tree with a ton of rocks at the bottom of the trunk. It was funny how much that place meant to Rigby. When he first lost his virginity when he wasn't even a teenager yet he came here to cry. He was high, he blubbered. It was just a party. Mordecai, what do I do? I told him he was lucky to have someone to fuck him even if she was high. (Or he was high) But that was mean. It was messed up for me to say that, since I (I won't say fucked) did him. Kind of.
God, that didn't mean anything did it? It was kind of a moment thing. He'd never do it again. And those kisses? Of course they don't mean nothing. He's just as in love with me as I am with him.
"If you do that I'm gonna lose every inch of respect I have for you!" He said, as I waved my hand jokingly over the alcohol on the counter. Alcohol that was Benson's. Someone had a dirty little secret.
"Good, then we'll have the same amount of respect for each other." I grabbed the bottle and swallowed a tiny amount.
But I do have respect for him. He's had his heart broken for the past, what, six weeks because he knew I was fucking Margaret ever friggin' night. But then I kind of mended it. Then broke it again.
I found him sitting in the tree, mumbling some shit and crying. He was crying. And I couldn't climb the tree. So I shouted, "Rigby! Come down here. Please." I tried. Before he responded I started crying as well.
"Fuck you, Mordecai. I loved you and you're still thinking about her!"
"You never loved me," I said softly. "It was just to make me feel better. You never loved me."
"I wouldn't make love to someone if I didn't love them!"
"Then why did you in eighth grade?" I have gone too far. Rigby started sputtering and crying louder.
"Stop talking!" He yelled, then added softly, "How do you know I didn't love him?"
"Him?" Now I was curious, and the tears stopped, and I gripped the trunk of the tree in an attempt to climb up.
"Yeah," he sniffled, "his name was Bosley. I- I don't know where he is now. He probably doesn't even fucking remember me. But, but…Yeah, I can love."
"Get down here." I commanded, my voice a little harsher than I had intended.
Rigby climbed down the tree and stared at me in the eyes, making me feel weaker. These are the eyes I fell into, and I walked draw closer and further as he did. They began to water a little bit, then they cleared up, so I could see the dark brown that I liked ever so much.
"I'm a fucking good friend, aren't I?" I grabbed him by the shoulders. "You don't…love friends in an intimate way. Or are you just messed up?"
"You are a good friend, Mordecai. You're also my best friend, and my lover. You can be three things at once. You, I mean, I love you."
"Shut the fuck up and kiss me."
And he did. He smelled like leaves and coffee with a hint of nerd. But I guess I loved him because of that. Yeah, I think I loved Rigby. My best friend, lover, and boyfriend. Funny how messed up it sounded. Yeah, he's my boyfriend. But we were just messed up. Everyone is on the inside. We're all just a little screwed up. Because no matter how regular our job is, or how regular our town is, or how regular it all seems, its really anything but.
And that's where I'm ending it. Alternative chapter later, I still need to think of what I'm gonna use Rigby for in that, he probably just won't be a big part of it. So, how did you like it? I wrote this with all the fucking emotion I could muster and shed a tear or two when thinking of other possibilities that won't live up to this story's T rating. So, please review and share with your friends and cats, favorite if you like it, and favorite me as an author if you really liked it.
And yes, there will be another Regular Show fanfic sometime soon. And it might not be MxR, might be something worse so look out for it. Also look out for the alternative ending if you're into MxM, I guess. But that's gonna be a pain in the fucking ass for me to write, since you know I hate Margaret. Okay, I love you assholes. Rain on my Parade, Bitch, 3.