Disclaimer: I do not own Leverage. All recognizable characters and places are not mine and are property of the brilliant writers and creators of Leverage only the plot and the scenes product of my imagination. No profit is being made.
(This is a piece of ficsode I wrote after I had dream about Parker showing signs of pregnancy while on a con. I thought it was too good to not share. However, I could not think of the con. Then I read the piece of ficsode labeled "The Baby Shower Job" by Siria, /works/103932, and it was just to perfect so I decided to use it in my fic. I changed only a few things and added my own beginning and ending but everything starting from when they start the job is more or less the same as copied from the original source.)
"The Egg is now in my Ex-wife's possession and I know she plans to give it to her grandson from her first marriage. But I be damned if I let the bitch just give it away. That egg has been in my family for generations and belongs to be on display in my museum." Says the old man sitting across the table from Nathan Ford and Alec Hardison. He is dressed to the nines and has the look of wealth and fierceness about him. "I'll give you $500,000. To steal it back for me." Pleads Lord Covington. "We'll get it back to you Lord Covington." says Nate, as he taps Hardison on the arm to make him move out form the both.
Back at the teams headquarters the team assembles to review the job. Parker sits down with a plate of food.
"Parker what in the hell are you eating," demands Elliot.
"Yeah, damn girl. What's the funky smell?" Hardison wrinkles his nose and coughs.
"What it's just peanut butter, tuna fish, and bacon." Parker innocently shrugs
"That's nasty." Replies Hardison
"There is defiantly something wrong with you and now we all have to suffer for it?" yells Elliot.
"Yes, Parker, that really is quite disgusting, and anyway I just saw you eating not more than ten minutes ago." States Sophie as she sits next to Parker but inches as far away as she can with out it being obvious about it.
"Alright, Alright. Settle down everyone." Nate demands, coming to sit in his chair. "Run it Hardison."
"Well what we got here is a very simple recovery job. Recently divorced Lord Covington wants us to steal back the Faberge egg he lost in his divorce." Hardison states.
"It's an easy payday, steal back a man's Faberge egg. I could do that in my sleep." Parker states.
Then she suddenly rises with her hands on her mouth and leaves the room.
Sophie watches her for a moment then says, "Almost too easy. Are you sure this is the job you want us to do, Nate?" inquires Sophie looking quizzically at Nate. "Not that I'm complaining mind you. I mean who couldn't use an easy payday but it just doesn't seem like it's up your alley."
"You're right. We're not taking it. Hardison and Parker are taking it." States Nate matter-of-factly.
"Oh, yeah baby." Replies Hardison as his puts his hand out for a high five. Elliott leaves him hanging.
"Oh yeah just leave a brother hanging. I see how it is."
Sophie leans over to Nate. "Are you sure about this Nate?" she whispers.
"Don't worry it's an easy job they can handle it and you can supervise." Nate whispers back.
"Well, alright I guess." Sophie shrugs leaning back to her spot on the couch.
Parker returns to the room.
"Are you alright, Parker?" inquires Sophie looking concerned.
"Yeah. Fine. Must've been something I ate." Replies Parker nonchalantly.
"Yeah. I'll say." Scoffs an irritated Elliot glaring at Parker.
"So, if Parker and Hardison are stealing an egg, what are the rest of us doing Nate?" inquires Elliot.
"We are stealing a private army." Says Nate.
The Baby Shower Job
"Parker," Hardison said through gritted teeth, his mouth locked in a forced smile, "you can't con the baby. We will straight up go to hell if you try to run a con on a baby." One or two of the women on the other side of the room were glancing at them curiously, and Hardison nodded at them in what he hoped was a laid-back, congenial, nothing to see here kind of way.
Hormones, he mouthed at them, pointing surreptitiously at Parker, and felt all kinds of relieved when one of them smirked sympathetically, the other rolled her eyes, and they both turned away. "Okay," he said, "we got some kind of temporary cover from them thinking you're a crazy pregnant lady, but this is not going to last. Put down that baby and let's get out of here."
Parker didn't look at him. She was glaring at the kid she was holding at arm's length—a chubby blond six-month-old who looked like he'd come right from White Folks Central Casting—and the kid was giving as good as he got. It was kind of eerie, like watching Damien from The Omen face off with Cameron from Terminator—and while Hardison wasn't denying that that was some intriguing crossover potential right there, it also made him want to stand far away from anything sharp or breakable.
"It's a fair con," Parker told him. She deposited the kid back in the crib, took a step back and continued glaring at him. Dressed as Sophie had ordered—her hair in some kind of hipster-messy braid, 50s-style printed sundress over a fake pregnant belly, strappy flat sandals—with her hands on her newly-padded hips and a manic gleam in her eyes, she looked like a Stepford wife gone rogue. "The baby has the Fabergé egg, we need the Fabergé egg. It's not like he needs it for anything."
Hardison peered into the crib. The kid blew a spit bubble at him. "He's like six months old, Parker. He doesn't need anything right now except a fresh diaper and reruns of Dora the Explorer." He made a reluctant face. "Besides, it's a present to him from his Nana. Taking it from him feels kind of... you know. Wrong." In Hardison's extensive experience, Nanas were sacred. You didn't mess with Nana presents. A couple of jocks from back in his high school days had the life-long credit scores to prove it.
Parker bared her teeth at him, and Hardison felt he had no choice but to snag a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter and down it in one gulp. Say what you wanted about the Park Avenue set, but they knew how to throw a baby shower—alcohol; a string quartet working their way through Strauss' greatest hits; guests made up of low-key celebrities, old money, and a couple of politicians clever enough not to have been caught in a sex scandal yet; and no one at all interested in the kid or vulgar enough to pay any attention to the stack of wrapped presents sitting in one corner of the room. He put the empty glass back on the tray and took another full one. The waiter raised an eyebrow at him, but Hardison just nodded at Parker—whose upper lip was still curled disdainfully—and said, "Hey man, I'm drinking for two."
The waiter backed away slowly. Parker cocked her head. "Now's our chance. You distract the baby while I get the egg."
Hardison stared at her. "Distract a—how am I supposed to distract a baby? It's not like it's got a high attention span at the best of times."
"Talk at it," Parker said, focusing at that same indeterminate spot over his shoulder that she always looked at when she was talking to him and didn't want to meet his eyes. "With your mouth." She marched off, back straight despite the great swell of the fake belly, blonde ponytail bouncing.
Hardison stared after her for a moment, then looked down at the baby. "That was weird, right? Y'all agree with me that was weird?"
The kid babbled at him; Hardison decided to take that as agreement, because the good Lord knew he needed all the people in his corner that he could get when it came to him and Parker. He leaned over, resting his folded arms on the side of the crib. "I'm glad someone's with me on this. We got the whole pretzel agreement going on, but you know she still confuses the hell out of me sometimes."
The kid blew a raspberry.
Hardison sighed. "Ain't that the truth." He Smiled. This job was easy and everything was going so well. How could Nate say that he wasn't ready to run his own crew one day and then hand him this easy job the next. Did Nate really expect that he would fail and come back with his tail between his legs. The man claimed to be a mastermind, but sometimes Hardison thought he was just a drunk. "Genius, my ass," he mumbled.
"Why are you talking about your ass to the baby?" Parker said, from right beside him.
"My—I was not talking about my ass in front of the baby," Hardison hissed. He realized Parker's hands were empty. "You didn't get the egg? Tell me you got the egg."
"I got it," Parker said, smiling dreamily. It was a very odd expression to see on her face. She ran her hand over the swell of her fake belly. "My belly has a false bottom."
Hardison boggled—it was a quiet boggling, but it was definitely a boggling.
"Your belly has a what now?"
Parker was still rubbing her stomach like it was a good luck charm or something. "It's a good idea. I think we should use it in cons more. I can't climb through a vent like this, though." She scrunched up her eyebrows. "Unless it was a collapsible belly. I bet we could rig one that's inflatable."
Hardison was almost certain that if he let himself think about the image that called up too closely, he would have some kind of seizure. He tried his best to repress. "We are so outa here." he mumbled under his breath as he started to hustle Parker towards the door. The crowd was thick here, but apparently having your arm around a pregnant woman helped you cut a path through it pretty quickly.
"First time dad, huh?" said a man who was walking in the same direction. He had a comb-over, a glass of expensive brandy in his hand, and a look of pure sympathy on his face. "Good luck, son."
"Oh," Hardison said, slapping the man hard enough on the shoulder to make a little brandy slop out over the rim of his glass, "ha ha, yeah, first time for everything, am I right?"
"When are you due?" the man asked Parker. "Looks like it's any time now."
Parker was looking down at the fake swell of her belly with a greedy look on her face. "Oh, this egg should pop out any minute."
The man laughed. "Laura and I had nicknames for ours before they were born, too. Didn't want to jinx it. Got any idea for the baby's real name yet?"
Parker stared at him like he'd grown a second head. It was an expression Hardison was really, really familiar with. "I just said, it's called egg."
And that was another really familiar expression, the one on the guy's face—the one that said he'd found something very interesting and pressing to do, all the way on the other side of the room from Parker.
"You a freak of nature, you know that, right?"
Parker looked at him sidelong from beneath narrowed eyelids as they started down the stairs that led down to the entrance hall. "You don't say that like it's a bad thing."
Hardison snorted a little under his breath. "Girl, I gave up on thinking anything different a long time ago. Now come on, let's go hatch this egg of yours."
(end of original Baby Shower job)
"Okay," Parker said, but just before they pushed through the door that led to the hall and outside they saw security on the other side. Turning around they realized they were trapped.
"Excuse me, but it seems that you two weren't on the guest list and we are going to have to pat you down and escort you out." says the security officer. Well now, thought Hardison, Elliott might be a pain in the ass but he sure wished he was here now…or if only Nate was on the other end of the comm. With a plan and could tell him what to do because he sure as shit had no ideas of his own.
"What do you mean we're not on the list?" Hardison attempts to explain. Praying they would fall for the con and just let them go. He didn't want to fail at the first con Nate let him run. He had to prove he could run cons too. "Do you know who this is? She is the baby's first cousin and she's pregnant. And she's not feeling well so if you'd just excuse us." He put is arm around parker, who promptly threw up. And the security guard let them pass with their apologies. In the corner watching the scene is Sophie who turns to talk to someone once Parker and Hardison were out the door.
Outside Hardison is ecstatic. "Way to sell the con Parker. That was great! Gross but great."
Back at HQ with both jobs gone successfully the team goes their separate ways. Hardison is talking to Nate about running more jobs. Nate disagrees pointing out that they almost got caught and it was a simple job. Hardison wonders how Nate could possibly know about that. And Nate replies, "That's another reason."
In the kitchen Parker is sitting on the counter, and she and Sophie are watching Elliot cook. Elliot asks her if she wants some and gives her a taste on a spoon, she shakes her head and swiftly leaves the room and Sophie follows.
Outside the bathroom Sophie can hear Parker once again getting sick. She knocks on the door. "Parker, are you alright?" she asks with concern. There is no answer. "Parker, can I come in?" Sophie asks. The door opens in response so she enters the bathroom. Parker is sitting in the bathtub.
"I don't know what's wrong with me one minute I feel fine the next I'm getting sick." Parker replies, "Do you think I'm dying?"
"No Parker I don't." Sophie says, while feeling Parker's forehead and nodding. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
When is the last time you had a visit from aunt flow?"
"Huh? Who is aunt flow?"
"Your period Parker. When was your last period?"
"What? Seriously?" replies Sophie looking bewildered.
"Yeah, I stopped when I was 17 and it's come and gone ever since then…is that bad?"
""Well, I don't know I'm not a doctor, but it's definitely not normal." Sophie shrugs. Then she looks at Parker, takes a breath and asks the question she should have asked first. "Is there any chance that you might be…well you know…?"
"Pregnant. Parker is there any chance you might be pregnant?"
"Nah, I can't be pregnant." shrugs Parker.
"What do you mean you can't be pregnant you do know that even on birth control you can sometimes get pregnant?"
"No, I didn't know that. But it doesn't matter because I don't use birth control. Makes me crazy."
"Yeah, that's what does it." Sophie mutters under her breath. "Well," she says aloud "if you don't use birth control and don't know if you missed your period. You can't be sure you're not pregnant because I have to say, you are showing all the signs."
"I am?" Parker Looks bewildered and scared.
"Yes, Parker you are, so I bought a home pregnancy test for you. So all you have to do is pee on the stick and then we'll know." Sophie hands over the test and gives Parker a squeeze before she goes to leave.
"Sophie." Squeaks Parker before the door closes. "Stay with me? Please?"
Sophie turns around and looks at Parker.
She wants to leave. The thought of staying to watch Parker pee makes her cringe inside but seeing that scared little girl look on Parkers face, she can't force herself to leave the room no matter how much she wants too. "Okay" she sighs "I'll stay."
So, Parker quickly pulls down her pants and sits on the toilet and starts to pee on the stick. Sophie hurriedly turns around and shuts the door putting her back to Parker so she doesn't see anything. She still doesn't understand why Parker does things like that, it bothers her that Parker doesn't seem to be embarrassed about such things. But on the other side of the coin sometimes Parker seems so secretive and innocent. Sophie just can't figure it out. Parker takes the stick and slams it on the counter. "Done!" she exclaims.
"Parker!" an exasperated Sophie exclaims. "Don't slam it like that."
"OK. Sorry. So, what does it say?" Parker asks.
"It takes a few minutes Parker." sighs Sophie.
There's a knock on the door. "Hey, I need to use the bathroom." Hardison shouts through the door.
"GO AWAY!" screams Parker "LEAVE US ALONE!"
"Parker?…" Hardison tentatively asks "Hey... are you okay?"
"It's just me and Parker, Hardison, everything's fine. But we might be awhile. Why don't you use the restroom down stairs." Sophie calmly says keeping her voice light and almost cheerful in an attempt to make up for Parker's yelling. She leans against the door just to make sure it's locked and so they don't have to yell.
"What are you guys doing in there?' Hardison asks clearly bewildered.
"Just…you know…girl stuff." She laughs a little to make him think everything is just peachy keen.
When Hardison leaves. Sophie turns around to see a wide-eyed Parker holding the test and sitting on the floor.
"I'm pregnant." She whispers and looks up.
"Oh, Parker." Sophie sighs crossing the room to the huddled girl. She puts her hand across her shoulders and gives her a sideways hug. They sit in silence for a few minuets. Parker looks like she has gone into a trance. After a while Sophie says softly "It's alright Parker, everything will be alright. I'm going to take you home-"
"I don't want to go home." Interrupts Parker, vaguely as if she isn't really thinking about what she just said but is still lost inside her own head.
"My home Parker, I'm going to take you home with me, Okay?" she waits for Parker to nod before continuing, "You need some rest. And, tomorrow I will take you to the doctor and we can talk about your options." She gently pulls Parker to her feet and leads her out the door.
Nate, Elliot, and Hardison are all in the living room for all appearance they appeared to be just sitting watching a game on TV. Sophie is not fooled. Hardison gets up and goes to Parker. While Nate asks without turning around, "Everything alright with you girls?"
Hardison is standing in front of Parker asking tenderly "Are you sure that you are okay?"
"I'm fine, it's nothing. I'm sorry I yelled." Replies Parker.
"Well, that's good. And don't worry about it." Hardison shrugs no longer looking as worried. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you what a good job you did on the con by the way. We make a pretty good team heh?" He smiles and Parker smiles back.
Meanwhile, Sophie is talking to Nate.
"Everything's is fine, Nate. It's just a little girl stuff. But I do need you to do something for me." Sophie says while crouching down next to Nate's chair.
"And what would that be?" Nate asks raising one eyebrow.
"I need Parkers medical records. As far back as you can go. And I need them in the name of Alice White."
Nate quickly looks over his shoulder at Parker before turning back to Sophie. "Anything I should know?"
"No, I got it covered. Oh and don't outsource this one okay." she says pointing her eyes to Hardison, who is still talking with Parker.
"Will do. I'll have them for you tomorrow if you'd like."
"Thanks Nate, I'll see you later." She stands up. "Bye Elliot. Hardison."
She goes to Parker "Come on Parker, let's go."
"Bye" says Parker as they walk out the door.
The next day Sophie and Parker are at the Obstetrician's office. Parker is on the table looking at the posters of female antimony and fetuses with a look of amazement. Sophie is standing beside her holding her hand while looking at the doctor who is speaking to his new patient.
"Well, Alice, it looks like you are about 6-8 weeks along. So far everything appears to be fine but your history does concern me a bit. The lack of menstruation for example could be a benign condition, something that is fairly common among competitive female athletes or a sign of a serious medical condition. I see here that you enjoy a number of physically demanding activities such as repelling, rock climbing, kickboxing, and gymnastics. So it is likely to be the first condition. Of course I would like to run some more test just to rule out and physical anomalies such as twisted cist or tumors." States the doctor while reviewing the patient's chart in his hands.
"Okay Doctor, what ever you say." Agrees Sophie nodding.
"What is that?" Parker says while pointing to one of the diagrams on the wall.
"That is a uterus with a six week old fetus. It's actually pretty close to what it looks like inside your body right now." Says the doctor looking at Parker. His tone suggest that he believe her to be mentally challenged, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before and would explain why she seems to need this other woman holding her hand.
"Really?" says Parker with a strange look on her face. "But, it looks so weird. Like an alien or something I ate maybe."
"Okay, well lets get started on those test and then I'll be better able to present you with your options." The doctor turns and leaves the room.
"Options?" Inquires Parker as he goes. As Sophie glares at his back, pissed already with the quack because he left without asking Parker if she had any questions, which of course left her in the awkward position she has found herself in last night. Answering questions from someone who clearly had no sex education and had absolutely no idea of how the real world worked when it came to the birds and the bees.
"I think he means like whether or not you want to keep the baby or-"
"Oh I definitely want to keep it." Interrupts Parker with resolve.
"Well… now, Parker just… wait a minuet... No one's saying that you shouldn't keep it, if that's want you really want. But you have to understand all your options and consider the impact this decision will have on you life. It's a big life changing event to carry a baby for nine months…I mean you can't exactly go crawling around in air ducts and jumping off buildings when you're pregnant. You can't drink alcohol or eat fish… This is a major decision Parker and I think you should take your time and listen to the doctor and then decide what you want to do."
Sophie looks at Parker with a slight frown not knowing if anything she is saying will convince Parker to slow down and think things through. It's not that she wanted Parker to not have the baby. It's just that she has serious doubts about Parker being a responsible parent or responsible pregnant woman for that matter. After all the Parker she has come to know and yes even love was impractical and impulsive much like a child herself for that matter.
(This is all I had to write. I could see the story going a few different ways from here. She could need to have an abortion for medical reasons, she could change her mind, she could lose the baby, etc. I thought it would be kinda cool if eventually it evolved so that she kept the baby and in a future episode the nanny took it to the park where it steals a gold bracelet. The nanny doesn't find it until they get back. She gives it to Parker and says "I'm sorry senora. I don't know where he/she could have gotten it. The baby never left my sight." And everyone smiles because the baby is just like her.
Oh yeah, and before you write me about it. I know I never wrote about the other con involving Nate and Elliot. I never planned to write it. I just put that in to explain why Parker, Hardison, and Sophie were alone on the job. Someone else can write that fic if they want.)