Potential Employee




"So," Pein consulted the thin pile of papers that were laid before him on his desk, "Tell me about yourself." He looked up expectantly at Orochimaru, the man (?) he was currently interviewing to see if he was Akatsuki material.

Orochimaru straightened his tye, trying not to look nervous. "Well, I like little boys, long walks on the beach, evil plots, un-happy endings, the movie 'Jaws', and little boys. Especially little boys." He gave Pein his best pedosmile, hoping he made a good impression.

"Ah..I see." Pein nervously checked the papers-which really just had a bunch of interview questions Konan had instructed him to ask written on them-and tried not to make eye contact. As he was slightly disturbed by the man across from him.

"Why did you leave your last job?"

"Oh, I had to because my old sensei caught me doing exotic experiments on little boys." Orochimaru replied carelessly, as if they were talking about the weather.

Pein stayed silent for a moment, before deciding it was best not to comment and to just move on. "What experience do you have in this field?"

"I play for the other field, if you catch my drift."

Pein did most certainly not catch Orochimaru's drift, and he was comforted by that fact. He cleared his throat. "Do you consider yourself successful?"

Orochimaru seemed to think before giving his answer, "Somewhat. Are pedophiles considered successful?"

"No particularly."

"Well...I like little boys."

"I can tell. What do co-workers say about you?"

"Normally just scream my name along with a line of profanities. MY old teammate Tsunade once call me a 'sadistic son-of-a-snake'." Orochimaru grinned and crossed his legs, leaning back in an easygoing manner.

"How...creative?" Pein looked worried, but it was hard to tell with all the peircings covering his face. "What do you know about this organization?"

"That Itachi Uchiha is a part of it, and-" Orochimaru licked his lips, "-His sharigan brings all the snakes to the yard."

Pein blinked, looked down at his paper, and back up at the man across from him. "Are you applying for other jobs?"

Orochimaru sighed, "Though the Akatsuki is my first choice, I'm a part-time stripper at this club downtown."

Pein leaned back in his chair, trying to looked casual as he sidled as far away from the snake sanin as possible. He checked his paper and Orochimaru winked at him when he looked back up.

"Um...Are you a team player?"

"Like I said, I play for the other field."

"...Why exactly should we hire you?"

"I'm work well with younger men." Wink.

Scareface. "Next question. What is your greatest strength?"

"I'm pretty good at biting people. I leave these huge marks..."

"Ah. What kind of person do you refuse to work with?"

"One with breasts."

"That's a little sexist, don't you think?"

Orochimaru shrugged. "I'm gay, in case you didn't get the memo."

"...Um, yah. Do you have any blind spots?"

"I don't have the Byakugan. Yet."

"Last question. Thank me. Do you have any questions?"

"Yes; Are you into bondage?"


"How about yaoi? You look like a yaoi sort of guy."


"How about-"

"I'll give you the job if you just shut up and leave!"

Orochimaru smiled, once again amazed at his own ability at charming people into getting what he wanted. He was like a young Voldemort. "Thank you for your time."






The End :D