A/N: This is a very angsty one-shot but very nice, I don't know where the idea came from but it came…..enjoy
Disclaimer: As always I don't own Bones
The lock clicked in the door as he opened it, he was greeted by partial darkness as he had been for the past 3 weeks, as usual, the only thing humming, glowing or making noise or even showing any signs of life were the fridge, the muted T.V and the blinking answering machine, apart from those three devices he could have as well been alone in his home, but he was not. He dropped his suit, keys and attaché case, loosened and took off his tie, took off his shoes and socks as well, rolled up his sleeves mid way and walked down to where he knew she was. He opened the cream colored door to the nursery they had both decorated and had Angela paint little cartoon-y bones and constellations in at that time, she had said it didn't make sense having bones and stars in one place, but he could see she loved it. He entered the room and saw her immediately, she was lying on the floor in a fetal position, using a large brown teddy bear as a pillow, one hand was clutching her still protruded stomach, the doctor had said it would take some time about 4-6 months to go back to normal, her other hand was holding a yellow onesie with dancing fingers or as she would say 'phalanges', he lowered himself to the floor behind her, just beside the crib, he ran his hand through her hair, immediately his hand touched her hair, she shuddered then sat up, turned and let her body fall on his, the hand holding the onesie went around his neck but the one holding her stomach never left its position
"What time is it?"
"8:30?, that means I've been here..." she easily calculated the hours spent in her near catatonic state "...for 6 hours" his face donned a concerned look as he rested his palm on her lower back and his other hand over her hand on her stomach, she flinched a bit like he had pinched her, it pained him to no end to see the woman she had become, jumpy, depressed and unsmiling, a shadow of her former self, he could clearly remember the day, that awful day when their lives changed, she had been inn labor for 12 hours before the baby, their daughter finally came at 11:40 pm, he remembered the time because even with all the relief that poured over her body and his face, there was still something missing, the sharp cry of their daughter, she noticed it too and they both helplessly watched as the doctors and neo-natal doctors struggled to save their precious baby, he remembered the time exact time of her birth because 10 minutes later the doctors pronounced her dead. Immediately the doctors said it, it was like the room dropped temp to freezing point, her, she just sat there breathing heavily, staring at the wall opposite her, she didn't react, only asked if she could hold her, the minute their daughter was placed in her arms she literally broke to pieces, she slowly lowered her head to the pink bundle she was holding, Booth was a strong man, he could confidently count on one hand the number of times he had cried but looking down at his wife all shattered and holding their dead baby was enough to break his heart 10x over, Tempe still had some of her hair pasted to her sweaty skin, her legs were still in stirrups but her forehead was leaning on the forehead of their baby, her body was shaking with silent sobs, he couldn't see her eyes but he could guess that they were red which would make the blue of her irises stand out, he thought for a second, maybe their daughter would have had her piercing blue eyes, he dropped down beside her and wrapped his arms around her quaking shoulders, she lifted her head off the bundle and dropped it in the crook of his neck and then him being the man and all silently instructed a nearby nurse to come take their baby away, but as the nurses came and laid hands on her, Tempe's whole body tensed up and she held on to her tighter
"My baby..." those were her first words since her painful, long labor"...my baby..."
"Temperance please" he didn't want to but he had to
"...Seeley they want to take away my baby..." now those aforementioned bluish-red eyes were looking at him, begging him to stop this monstrous nurse trying to take away her baby
"...please don't let them take her away" he wanted to cry but he had to be strong for them both
"...please give her to the nurse" he stared into her eyes imploring her to please understand
"Ok...but only coz you say so" she took one last look at her baby and slowly but reluctantly handed over the limp baby to the nurse who looked like she was going to cry herself, immediately the baby was away from her, she wrapped herself on Booth and cries her heart out. 3 weeks later she was still detached from the world around her apart from him, sometimes she just sat in the shower and let the water cascade over her body until he decides she'd spent way too much time bathing and then he goes in to help her, sometimes at night she just laid curled up to him with her eyes open unwilling to sleep and sometimes like right now, she just lost track of time in this room. He pulled her back a bit so he could look at her face but her eyes were riveted to the floor
"Temperance..." her sight was still rooted to the floor so he called her by a name he knew she would respond to "...Bones..." and like someone had turned her switch, she looked at him, her eyes held a vacant look but at least the hope of life flickered behind them"...talk to me" she said something but in a whisper and he didn't hear her
"I said I'm scared"
"It's just..." now the hand under his on her belly squeezed a little and he rubbed his thumb in slow circles over her hand then she unclenched "...what if...I couldn't have her coz I'm not good enough" the shock of her revelation hit him so hard, he was stunned into silence, how could she think she wasn't good enough or that she would make a bad mom.
"Temperance, you're not a bad person and you could never make a bad mom...ever"
"Why then did I lose her?...because I've spent every waking hour for the past 3 weeks going over every single month and I did everything by the book Seeley, I took my vitamins, I was early for all my classes and all my *amniotic* tests I did everything but still...I know it's illogical to miss something you never had or someone you never knew but Seeley..." she stopped so she could catch her breath"...I wake up some mornings and it hurts so bad, it's like the hurt is suffocating me, the emotional hurt is so bad Booth, I can actually feel my heart physically hurt, every time I see or hear a baby anywhere I recluse, every time my body reminds me about her I want to tear myself to pieces, every time I walk past thus door its heart wrenching and the only time I feel at peace is when I'm in this room, it's like I'm here with her...I..." she was crying again and she brought up her hand and used the onesie to wipe away tears from her face and his, he didn't even know he was crying
"...what if I never get another chance?" there she finally said it, her greatest fear, he wanted her to talk to him and now she had, she somehow felt lighter
"What?" to say she was shocked was an understatement, why was he sorry?
"I'm sorry you feel this way, I'm sorry you think you're not good enough but Tempe, I want you to know that you are better than just good enough and yes you would have made a mighty fine mom..." she was going to interrupt him, but he shushed her with one finger against her lips"...don't, let me finish, you are the most infuriatingly amazingly, beautiful headstrong woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and if you ever doubt that, then I would gladly spend the rest of my remaining mortal years reminding you of it until you get tired of hearing me say it and maybe konk me over the head or something..." for the first time in 3 weeks she cracked a smile and though it was a weak one, it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen, he didn't realize he'd missed it until then"...but know in your heart that I Seeley Joseph Booth love you Temperance Brennan-Booth very, very, very much..." each of his very's were punctuated with light kisses on her knuckles the last one ending on her ring finger"...now come on, let's get you something to eat, I'm starving and I know you are too"
"Thank you Booth"
"It was my pleasure"
"Seeley wait..." they stopped outside the door of the nursery"...I'm not going to heal in a day"
"Its gonna take some time"
"...a long, long...ok maybe not so long but long time"
"I know that Bones and I'm gonna here every step of the way, you're not getting rid of me that easy lil' lady" she turned to face him and fiercely wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him for a tight hug and even though the press of her still swollen belly against his abdomen was a reminder of what they had lost, the feeling of being there, together, was a reminder of what they did have.