okay, this is just a fill from the masskink meme. request was:

...
This anon is terribly intrigued by the idea of Saren sent to evaluate Shep instead of Nihlus.

What I'd like to see is humanity-first-Shepard and I-hate-humans-Saren forced to endure each other. Saren trying to get rid of her the same way he did with Anderson, only to discover that she cares about collateral damage as much as he does, which equals zero. And of course, at some point they end up having rough, I-hate-you-fuck-me sex. :p Whether it's a one-night stand or they find themselves in a weird love-hate relationship is up to anon. I only ask that it be consensual, as they'd be an even match in this. Also, snark is a must. :D

...

I'm know I'm not much of a writer, but I'm posting this on the off chance someone gets some amusement out of it.


Alliance Commander Shepard, N7, was aware that being a Spectre-candidate in training was to be considered a great honour. After all, she had been told as much both by her own superiors, various Alliance diplomats and paper pushers and an innumerable parade of various aliens. Repeatedly. It had to do with the fact that she was the first human to be considered for this, of course, so the political interest was enormous.
She grimaced. Everyone going on in great length on about great honour obviously hadn't met the Spectre who was supposed to train and observe her. Granted, his reputation said that he was the best, period, but what everyone failed to take into account was that said Spectre was an arrogant, bad tempered, sociopathic turian who was feared for his ruthlessness. None of that was the problem. He also hated humans with a passion. That, however, was.
He hadn't been able to refuse the assignment any more than she had, and that hadn't improved his already rotten temper any.
Shepard wasn't happy by any definition of the word, either, but since the prospect of becoming a Spectre suited her, and there was no way around this, she was less vocal in expressing her displeasure. For now.

It was far from settled, though. It had been almost four months now and a steady stream of combat assignments. He was insulting her constantly, and she wasn't holding back on her opinions, either, on the general principle that he wouldn't ever respect anyone who quietly let themselves be insulted. Plus, she'd be damned before backing down before anyone, let alone a spiky alien, regardless of how nasty a piece of work he happened to be. She'd even told him this right on their first meeting, although in a bit more polite wording. She wasn't scared of him, and she'd lived through worse than whatever he could come up with. The jury was still out on whether that tactic worked or not, but it certainly didn't make for harmonious teamwork.

She threw an evil look at the back of the Spectre in question. They were working their way through an electronics factory owned by some large intergalactic company. The employees seemed to be salarians mainly, with some humans thrown in. Shepard wasn't certain what exactly they produced here nor did she really care, but it had to be something that was valuable enough to someone else to hire a team of mercenaries to get the prototypes of, as opposed to the much more common, nonviolent method of discreet industrial espionage. Odds were it was something illegal, which made the whole situation vaguely more interesting.
They had several teams of mercs scattered through the factory, and a good number of confused civilians thrown into the mix.
Saren had offered her to split up, which she had declined. It made no sense to her at all to divide their forces, and besides that, what good was she supposed to do alone? From a tactical point of view it was an absurd idea, and she wondered why he'd even suggested it. She wondered even more why he appeared to be slightly surprised at her refusal.

They neutralised one team without any real trouble, but the second one they encountered had had the bright idea to take some hostages from the factory workers, five salarians, one human.
Why they thought that that would make her spare them was beyond her, but it annoyed her on a general principle, with the result that the leader of that team had a bullet through his head before he was even finished with his demands. When the last of the mercs had been down, Shepard had noted with satisfaction that they'd only lost two of the hostages. The rest were alive and could take care of themselves. Acceptable losses.

She turned to the turian to find him staring at her with odd interest. "What?" she asked as they were turning to leave the scene of battle.

Saren seemed almost amused but didn't reply.

She looked at him in irritation. "Did you expect me to negotiate with them?"

He shook his spiked head. "Not at all. I was just reminded of a human soldier I briefly worked with some years back, and reflecting on the differences."

He didn't share any further information, so she shrugged. "We are individuals, you know." She engaged her combat scanner. "Now, where's that last group of them?"

The last merc team had had enough time and warning to try and set an ambush for them. They had holed up in a large storage room stacked high with crates, providing far too much cover for them for Shepard's liking. She usually was in favour of taking out enemies from a distance, but this wasn't possible here, so she checked her kinetic shields and her assault rifle and went in.
She drew their fire immediately, counting four of them- one batarian, three humans - and had only time to fire at one briefly before her shields flickered out and she had dive to cover. A flash of grey in her peripheral vision let her know that the Spectre was moving, and she came up again, firing at the same target as him. The batarian merc went down noisily.
One down, three to go.
The bad thing was that the three remaining were trying to rush them now, forcing the both of them into cover as they advanced in a passable display of teamwork.
She could see Saren a few paces over crouching behind another row of crates. He stood suddenly, tossing them a grenade and went into cover again to the sound of an explosion and various screams. Shepard grimaced. She hated when he did that; he considered safety margins a polite suggestion that could be ignored freely.
No matter; they both came out of cover and went for the mercs.
The grenade had given them something to think about, but all three were still standing, their shields having taken most of the damage. Saren went straight at the first of them, too fast for the human to react as a black gloved talon closed around his neck. He screamed briefly, but the sound cut off almost immediately, and Shepard considered that one done for and slammed the butt of her rifle into the face of the second, who was too slow to react, his attention apparently on what Saren did to his teammate somewhere to her right. As a follow-up, she put the rifle's muzzle flat against his midsection, pulled the trigger briefly and made sure that one wouldn't get up again. As he started to crumple, she tried to turn around to deal with the last one, but Saren chose that precise moment to throw the limp form of the third merc at the one she'd just shot, and the falling merc staggered against her, trapping her rifle and hindering her movement for a moment.

That was time enough for the other one to yank her over, keeping her between Saren and himself while holding his own gun to her head.
It wasn't even remotely funny, but the irony of it made her roll her eyes, even as she let go of her rifle.

She was treated to the view of Saren looking slightly surprised and then darkly amused, damn him.
The turian shook his head slightly in amazement."I honestly don't think anyone has ever tried that on me. You don't know who I am, do you?"

"I don't care! Don't come any closer" the idiot behind her stammered. "If you do I swear I will kill her."

Saren's cybernetic eyes glittered in a very disturbing manner. "Do you have any idea of how tempting that prospect is?" he asked, his voice a particular unpleasant purr.

Shepard narrowed her eyes, glared at him, then decided that it wasn't really wise to rely on the turian's good sense not to set the merc off just for the hell of it. She turned very slightly, to test the situation, but the merc's attention was fully on Saren, frightened as he was.
Well, he had good reason to be. Too bad he didn't have the sense to be afraid of her, too.

She spun around fully, in the same fluid motion ducking down, hitting her armoured lower arm hard against the hand holding the gun and knocking it aside, while she flicked her wrist in the right way to release her small knife from its wrist sheath.
She unerringly found a gap in the merc's armour that made a nice target for the knife, and as he doubled over in surprise and pain, Saren calmly fired his pistol, clearing away most of his head.

Shepard cursed as blood splattered on her. She stepped away from the body, again glaring at the turian. "That was unnecessary. I had it under control."

"Really?" It was beyond her how one could put that much insult into one neutral word. "You are aware that I am required to at least make a reasonable effort to keep you alive."

"Could have fooled me, considering it was you who put me into that situation in the first place."

He didn't even try to deny it. "I'm also expected to evaluate your skills. I wanted to see how you improvise."

Shepard snorted and bent down to retrieve her knife. "Whatever. Now, I think that was the last of them. What's next?"

The Spectre seemed to consider the question for a second.
"Omega, I think" he finally replied.

"Oh, great."