Scar That I Caused
Summary: Ritsuka realizes that Soubi hides things, lies, and disappears from time to time because he cares for the young sacrifice, but sometimes Ritsuka wonders if his fighter really does love him. Yaoi. One-shot. This is my first Loveless ff. You've been warned.
"I'm sorry, but the person you are trying to reach is outside the calling area…"
"Damnit." I hissed as I hung up the phone. For the past three days, that lady's automatic voice is all I've been hearing every time I call my fighter, Soubi Agatsuma. "That bastard." I mumbled to myself as I continued the silent walk back to my hell hole of a home. Sure my two best friends, Yuiko Hawatari, a pink haired, naïve girl who became my first real friend when I transferred schools, and Yayoi Shioiri, the long, two toned, haired second best friend who's in love with Yuiko, offered to walk me home, but I politely declined. "This walk will give me some time to think about my life."
Things haven't been going well ever since I discover that I had fallen in love with the adult male. He's the one I run to whenever life becomes too hard. He's always there for me. He whispers 'I love you' into my ear whenever he wants. It hurt so much, at first, to hear those words slip from his lips. Every now and again I would have to stop myself from saying them back. He would hold me in his arms. He would kiss me in almost every place he could. I welcomed each touch, but now… I don't wanna even hear his voice.
He's had a tendency to go about an aggravating way of trying to protect me. I hate the way he lies to me, hides things, and disappears for days on end without telling me. Like now… The day before he suddenly disappeared, Soubi seem exhausted. When I asked him about it, he politely brushed me off. Even though he tries not to worry me, he makes me ill. Even though I constantly demand for the truth from him, he tries his hardest to make sure that it doesn't slip. I wish that he would stop treating me like a child. Despite that fact I still have ears and also because of my age and height, I'm far more mature that Soubi gives me credit for. Despite all this. Despite the pain. The heartache. The headaches. The tiresome nights. No matter what… I still can't bring myself to stop loving him…
When I arrived home… everything was similar. Misaki Aoyagi, my mother prepared all the foods that the 'Old Ritsuka' didn't liked. It was another one of her stupid tests to see if her true son had finally returned. It's been almost three years since the 'Old Ritsuka' disappeared and was replace by me. Every day, I strive to be that person again, even though I have no recollection as to whom or what I used to be.
But today… today was a different story. I didn't care if my mother didn't like the son she was forced to live with. Today… I was nothing but an emptied walking, talking shell of a 'nothing'. I was hungry, from almost not eating for three days, so I ate any and everything I could get my hands on. I didn't even think once about what my mother would say. For the first time that day, I actually looked up to see the shocked expression that played on my mother's face.
Just looking at her shocked expression made my apatite leave me. I gently placed my chopsticks on top of my finished bowl of rice before excusing myself form the table. Right when I passed my mother to go to my room, she grabbed me by my hair and threw me to the floor. I hissed in pain as I sat up.
"You are not my Ritsuka! Ritsuka would never disrespect his mother like that! I salved over a hot stove to make all the foods that my Ritsuka hates. How dare you disrespect me and eat them! Why don't you just leave! You're not my son! You are not welcomed here so just leave!" She yelled at me.
"… …" I didn't respond. There was nothing for me to say. It's not like it mattered anyway. She was going to beat me either way. This was nothing new.
"Fine then… I'll just beat you out of here!" He yelled before running over to the kitchen drawer and pulled out a knife.
She kneeled besides me and made a swift cut on my shoulder. I moaned as I grabbed the wound. It hurt, but I refused to voice any objections to her doing it. With any luck she just might kill me. I think that what I wanted all along. "Since no one truly loved me. I saw no reason to stay alive in this world. There's nothing here for me to do. So what if I die… no one would miss me." I thought to myself as I endured the cutting.
When she realized that I was ignoring her, she dragged me by my hair up the stairs, making sure to hit my head on each step. When she threw me into the bathroom, like a rag doll, she started to punch, slap, and kick me. I don't think any of my bones were broken. I don't know why, but I felt a little relieved. I noticed that while I gripped myself, my mother grabbed the shower's removable head and tried to dry drown me before beating me with it. I was in so much pain. I knew I was crying, but the water mixed with my tears too much. It was impossible for me to tell the difference between the two.
Without my permission, my body started fighting my mother back. I tried to stop it, but it just wouldn't listen. Inside my head a faint little voice was telling me that I did have someone to live for. I didn't want to believe them, but just before slipping into unconsciousness I felt my heart and mind call out the one person I could always count on… "Soubi".
When I felt myself coming too, I felt as though I was on some type of could. I rolled over on my side and cracked my eyes open. I was inside of a wooden home that looked more like a log cabin than a home. There was only one place that I knew of that looked like this.
"I'm in Soubi's house? But, how did I get here?"
"I brought you here… after you called for me." I heard a calm voice call from the door frame.
There stood Soubi with two cups of a steaming liquid and a smile.
"Oh. I said as I turned away from him and pulled my knees into my chest. "When did you finally decide to get back?" I asked in a harsh tone.
"Earlier today. Here… drink this. It'll make you feel better." He offered as he sat next to me on his bed.
I wanted to be rude and throw the hot liquid in his face, but I just couldn't. I tried to try and feel nothing for the adult sitting next to me, but who was I kidding? I know I love this guy. He makes me feel safe and comfortable. I nodded before taking the hot drink.
I was shocked when I looked at my refection in the small cup. I looked like hell. There were bandages on my arms and around my head. I wanted to cry, but stopped myself. I didn't want to appear weak in front of Soubi. I didn't want him to think that I was only dependent on him. But I was just fooling myself… Soubi Agatsuma is my everything.
I let my arms rest at my side when I felt him take my cup away before pulling me into his lightly clothed chest. That's when I broke down. Tears started spilling from my eyes as I clenched his shirt and cried into his chest.
"I'm sorry Ritsuka… I'm sorry I wasn't right there when you needed me. I promise that I will always remain where you could reach me." He promised before he kissed my crown.
"Where were you?" I mumbled into his chest.
"I went to find you the perfect birthday gift after I finally got a break from my studies. But, within those three days, I didn't find anything, so I decided to come back." He explained.
I felt enraged. All this worry over a present? I pushed the older man away from me before glaring at him. "Do you know how worried I was about you? I've been calling non-stop for three days! I was petrified that you weren't coming back. I hate you right now! You didn't have to lie to me! All I ever ask is for you to tell me the truth! I know I may not look it, but I can handle a lot more than you give me credit for, Soubi! Please stop treating me like a child! When you do that… … it makes me think that you really don't love me like you say you do." The last part came out as more of a whisper. I turned my head and hid my face behind my bangs. I felt more and more tears falling from my eyes.
The next thing next thing I knew, Soubi forced my head to face his before he captured me lips. I was shocked at first, but surrendered. Kissing was nothing new, but this one… it felt as though all the love that Soubi expresses to me, almost daily, was poured into that one long lasting passionate kiss. His hands cupped both my cheeks while I gripped at his scalp. Even though my eyes were closed, I was completely aware of everything that was going on. The way our lips molded together. Me being pulled into his lap… I knew it all. Soubi Agatsuma. The only person who can hide things and lie to me. The only one who I can get mad. The only one who can care for me like he does. The only one I can forgive for everything he does, did, or will do. The only one I will ever love.
When we pulled apart, my violet eyes met his purple ones. His smile was so warm. I felt so safe within his arms. "You're the only one who can shield me from the world, Soubi Agatsuma."
"I've known for a long time that you don't believe me when I tell you those words, but I do. From the bottom of my heart I do Ritsuka. You are the most important person in my life. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I couldn't hold you anymore. I think I would be lost without you here to keep me in order." He lightly chuckled.
I didn't move. I refused to move. There was nothing I wanted more than to stay here with this man, trapped in this moment… forever. He leaned in for another kiss. I lightly parted my lips and allowed his tongue to enter and feel my cavern. Sometime during the kiss I ended up lying on my back with Soubi in between my spread legs. When he pulled away, I grabbed his face and pulled him towards me. Our foreheads were touching while my pants grazed over his lips.
"Soubi… will you… please… take… my ears…?" I panted.
"Are you sure? You're still so young. Even though you had turned another year older… you're still too young…" He said, but stopped when he saw the lust and desperation in my eyes. I don't know why, but my body ached to be touched by him and only him. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this now without regrets?" He asked again.
"Yes… I desperately need to be touched and filled by you. Please… Soubi. As my fighter… Please grant me this one request." I pleaded.
"I love Soubi so much… no matter how much he leaves a scar in my heart… I could never deny myself of him."
After hearing those words, Soubi Agatsuma nodded before reconnecting his lips with the pale soft ones below him. Ritsuka immediately wrapped his arms around Soubi's bandaged neck while ignoring the slight protest from his left arm where he was cut. The man above went under the large white t-shirt, which he leant the younger boy, to play with Ritsuka's nipples. The cat boy purred and moaned into the kiss as he arched his back in response to the older man's touches.
They pulled apart so that they could remove the giant white t-shirt, leaving Ritsuka only in his boxers. Before Soubi could attack his sacrifice's chest, Ritsuka stopped him. He felt a little embarrassed about being the only one who was half naked. Picking up on this, Soubi had quickly removed his shirt and pants before asking permission to continue. Ritsuka nodded a 'yes' before he gasped when he felt saliva, warm breath, and a slicked tongue playing and flicking at each nipple.
This was unlike anything he ever felt before. It was true that Ritsuka heard about how sex felt, but this… this was way better than he thought it should be. After completing the mission of hardening Ritsuka's nipples, Soubi moved back to kiss the panting and moaning boy.
The kiss was gentle, but the catboy's breath hitched when he felt the adult's hand start to stroke and pump him at a slow pace. Ritsuka had touched himself in the past. Just to experience it for himself. But when someone else was doing it… it was mind blowing. Soubi had to hold Ritsuka's hips down to stop the younger male to stop the bucking. With a loud moan of Soubi's name, Ritsuka's body shook as he emptied his hot seed onto the adult's hand.
After licking all of Ritsuka's essence off of his hand, Soubi leaned over and grabbed some lube from his nightstand and lathered his fingers up before he pulled down Ritsuka's boxers.
"This is going to hurt, but I'll help you relax. Just listen to everything I say." Soubi reassured his sacrifice before entering one of his digits passed the tight ring of muscles.
Soubi's junior's breath hitched again upon feeling something inside of him that "technically" shouldn't be there. Soubi waited for a minute before he started to move and wiggle the digit around to thrust it. Between kissing, touching, nibbling, and stroking, Soubi was able to help Ritsuka relax through all three fingers. Ritsuka moaned louder when the combination of being pumped and fingers hitting his prostate dead on hit at the same time. After a few more thrusts and trying to remember the angle, Soubi removed his fingers and boxers, lathered himself up and positioned himself at a trembling Ritsuka's hole.
"Are you ready, master?" Soubi whispered in the boy's ear.
"Go for it."
And with that, Ritsuka's senior started to enter through the pulsing hole he just finished stretching. To calm and relax his partner, Soubi rubbed his hands in circles and messaged certain muscles. Once Soubi was fully sheathed inside warmth he waited for the sign to move. Ritsuka nodded and held his breath. He tried not to moan from the friction, but when Soubi plunged into that wonderfully tight hole, Ritsuka had to scream and shake.
Soubi was afraid. He thought he had seriously hurt his sacrifice. He wanted to stop, but when Ritsuka shook his head and pecked Soubi's lips, the older gentleman continued with his actions as commanded. The room started to reek of sex and sweat, but to the two lovers it was intoxicating. At first, Ritsuka's hisses were from the combination of friction and the pain he felt, but after Soubi hit his sweet spot, only moans escaped the thirteen year old. Ritsuka threw his head back and practically screamed from the pleasure, ramming, and ecstasy his body was experiencing from his new lover. With the combination of awesome sex and a nice, firm pumping of his member, Ritsuka came hard onto both stomachs and chests. He was drained. Any anger or sadness he held for his fighter was emptied as well. He slumped into the sheets. Not caring that he had blood under his fingernails from clawing up Soubi's back. After a few more hard thrusts, Soubi grunted his sacrifice's name was his hot seed filled the boy. To most, being filled with someone's seed would be gross, but to the panting and sweating couple… it was something magical.
His legs and body ached, but he didn't regret a thing from tonight. After being cleaned off and snuggle with, Ritsuka was content for the first time that day. Closing his eyes and slowing his breathing, Ritsuka was about to go to sleep.
"Ritsuka?" Called Soubi.
"Hn." Said boy answered while cracking one eye open.
"… Do you love me…?"
"I do love you Soubi. But… my heart can't take a lot of lying from you. Please lower how much you mentally hurt me… please…" Pleaded the tired boy.
Soubi smiled, kissed the boy and pulled the boy closer. "Wish granted…"