A/N: Hi everyone! Hope your holidays have been great. I promise I am working on the third story of my series but I've hit a bit of a block and this is what has come of it. Not related to my other stories, completely a stand alone one-shot. This random scene popped into my head this afternoon and before I knew it I had written out half the dialogue. Then I realized I wanted to have fun with something only driven by the character's voice interactions. So I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed pulling it out of my head. Happy New Year!

A Petty Exchange

"I can't believe he brought her. Of all the available girls at Shiz, her? Really?"

"I'm sorry, my sweet, but unless you specify the whom I'm afraid I find myself a bit lost."

"Oz, Elphie, I know sometimes you are a bit daft when it comes to these things but even you have two perfectly working eyes, you must have seen them together!"

"If I play along and act as though I have will it appease you enough to cease this conversation?"

"No. You mean green-Oh! There! Look! They're by the punch. I bet she doesn't even realize she's a last resort."

"Can you please let go of my face Galinda?"

"Are you looking at them?"

"Uhh, ah yes, I can—thank you— I can clearly see Fiyero pouring some punch for Pfannee. Is that what has you so incensed?"

"Why bring her of all people! She's so vain, and manipulative, and pompous, and petty, and—"

"I'll just stop you there before you deplete your store of adjectives for the night. Besides you've pretty much just described yourself, you know."

"I am not any of those things Elphaba, and frankly I am a bit hurt that you think so."

"Oh please, Galinda, stop pouting. If it wasn't for who you are I wouldn't even be standing here beside you right now."

"What are you talking about? I asked you to accompany me here tonight."

"More like demanded but I digress."

"I couldn't very well show up alone. I'm currently not speaking with Fiyero and if I hadn't picked you then Boq would never have stopped pestering me."

"How very petty of you, my sweet."

"Stop smiling at me so! I am not petty! Oz, sometimes I believe you think I exist purely as a means to amuse you."

"That's not true, my sweet. You aren't a fleeting point of amusement in my life, you're quite the staple in fact."

"Oz, why must you be so insufferable and… and mean. Can we not have a nice evening out without –oh my oz! Don't say a word Elphie, she's heading this way."

"Who is? This place is packed, I can barely see three people ahead of us."

"Shut up, Elphie! Oh, hello Miss Pfannee, wonderful party, thank you so much for having us."

"It was my pleasure, Miss Galinda, though I must admit I was surprised when I found out you wouldn't be attending with Prince Fiyero."

"Yes well, we aren't currently speaking to one another at the moment. He's upset me very much and I felt it best we had a bit of a break."

"Very wise, very wise. And please don't take offense to him accompanying me tonight. I do have to tell you he's been quite the gentleman and was very kind to offer his services to me this evening. There will be a lot of clean up to do after all!"

"Oh, I'm sure he'll clean up just… fine."

"Well, I better be off. Lots of other guests to greet! Thank you for coming Miss Galinda. Miss Elphaba, nice to see the artichoke out of her garden… though won't you wilt without the constant stream of verbage from your watering tomes?"

"Excuse me while I momentarily burn this encounter to memory for I think it shall be the last time you say something quite so clever. Tell me, have you been ruminating over it all night or was it only after you decided to come mock Galinda that you were struck with the brilliance? Either way, bravo to you Miss Pfannee, now off you go, back to your own proverbial garden where you shall thrive amidst the constant stream of idiocracy spewed forth from your insipid guests."

"…Oh my Oz Elphie, that was brilliant! Did you see her face? She was livid! I knew bringing you would prove useful."

"Glad to know I am merely your 'plus one' as a means to thwart Pfannee's lame insults and not, as I had previously, and stupidly imagined, to accompany you."

"That isn't… that's not why I asked you."

"You could have asked anyone, Galinda. Oz, even I know you'd rather be on Avaric's arm then mine, so why me?"

"Firstly, if you must know, I'd rather a rock escort me over Avaric. The conversation would be vastly improved. But I did ask you for a reason. It's rather selfish and thinking on it now I feel really… for lack of a better word, petty."


"I uh... I wanted to make Fiyero jealous…. Stop laughing Elphaba! I'm being absolutely serious!"

"My sweet, let me get this all sorted in my head. You asked me, the green girl, the recluse, the one person at Shiz with a reputation sure to mar yours, to Pfannee's party in order to make your boyfriend jealous?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"You two are attached at the hip, how is it he's not by now?"

"Why Elphaba, are you finally interested in my little social life? I'd be touched if I didn't know you're only trying to peg me for another, albeit far hotter, version of Pfannee."

"I am not interested in your, apparent lacking now, social life Galinda. But it does strike me curious. Why the sudden separation of Shiz's golden couple?"

"I saw him with another woman."

"Oh... I'm sorry, my sweet. What were they doing?"


"Ah, excuse me?"

"Stop laughing Elphaba! This is not funny! He was in the library reading with a girl that was so obviously not me!"

"Of course it wasn't you, you never step foot inside the library lest your cute little head explode from the embarrassment."

"He was reading with you, Elphaba! Why was my boyfriend-to-be in a corner of the library looking very cozy with you?!"

"And yet you asked me to… wait. I see now. You think there's something between us don't you? That's why you dragged me here."

"Don't change the subject, Elphaba! Why were you with him?"

"Since when does reading in the library with someone count as an offense?"

"Reading cozily, Elphaba! Cozily!"

"It was anything but cozy for me. I wanted him gone the moment he sat down. Apparently being your roommate gave him the impression that I'd share my notes with him."

"I bet he shared well, didn't he."

"Enough Galinda. This pettiness is tiring. It's actually giving me a headache."

"So then you admit to it. You admit to feelings for Fiyero."

"Hardly. And if reading with someone qualifies for such then you and I must be desperately in love."

"D-don't be silly Elphaba, that's absurd."

"Like your accusations."

"I hate that you make me feel so stupid sometimes."

"Dance with me."

"I can't dance with you Elphaba, everyone will see. And as you mentioned your reputation is sure to mar mine."

"Thank you for asserting in my mind what I've always hoped you not to be."

"Let me save you the trouble of speaking, seeing as I've somehow upset you, and imagine what it is for myself."

"You're a stupid, silly little girl."

"And you're a green, insufferable monstrosity."

"Ever the enlightening one, my sweet."

"Stop calling me that! I'm not your anything."

"Oh, but I am Galinda. I am your date tonight. And as such I will extend my offer again, would you care to dance?"

"Never in a thousand, million ye-oh! Quick, put you arm around my waist!"


"Oh never mind, just shut up and pretend like you care about me for a second."

"Galinda! I've been meaning to get a chance to speak with you tonight. I don't know how long till Pfannee drags me back but we really must talk... Galinda?"

"Hi Fiyero, I think her prolonged silence is a means to inform you she is still not on speaking terms with you."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you Elphaba. And since you seem to be speaking with me can you let me in on why Galinda seems intent on glaring until I vaporize before her eyes?"

"Apparently you and I are recently in love with one another as proved by your attempt to copy my notes in the library this past week."

"Well, then it's only fair that I request a dance from my so called love. Elphaba, shall we?"

"She shall not!"

"Oh, Galinda, are you speaking with me now?"

"As if! Get away from her you, you…arg! I've run out of adjectives! And as for you!"

"As for me what, my sweet?"

"We're dancing!"

"Seems as though my date requires me on the floor. Good night, Fiyero!"

"Farewell, dearest Elphaba!"

"Argh! Get out of my way! Move!"

"Whoa, Galinda, calm down. Now that you've pulled me out here I apologize if I miss a step or two but one of my feet seems to be swelling thanks to your little jealous streak back there."

"Oh shut up Elphie, put your hand here, no not there! Here! Oz, if I wanted to dance with Avaric I would have just asked him here tonight."

"But you didn't. You asked me."

"Damn right I asked you! Can you believe the nerve of that idiot? Asking you to dance when it's obvious you're my date."

"I thought I was not your anything?"

"He's not your date and he's certainly not your sweet. That is me. I am your sweet!"

"Whatever you say, my sweet."

"Damn right."