Golly GEE... how long has it been? I don't know... but I'm sure it's been even longer for my Tommy stories so I should probably go work on those too, huh?

... Oh yeah. And also I made a tribute for Jason and his mommy, so as soon as that's up on YouTube I'll give you guys a link. :D

Hope you guys like this episode!

OH YEAH. And before I forget. I was Jason for Halloween! And me and my boyfriend, Mario (XD), were walking down this one driveway and I was talking shit on Freddy. So I looked up, and standing on the porch... is Freddy. At first I thought it was just a statue or something. Then he waved his glove at me like "Hey Jason, hey buddy!" so I was like "Oh... hi, Freddy. What's up?"

... Then I had to start something. I was just all "You know, I could take you. Jason's better than you! I'm ready for Freddy, come on, you wanna go?" So he stepped down from the porch and started chasing me... and as I was running in cowardice away from him with my carboard-and-duct-tape machete, the lid came off my candy pail. But by the time I went back to get all the candy that fell, Freddy was back up on the porch laughing at me.

... And then I trick-or-treated at the house of this kid who's in the preschool where I teach, and I didn't know it was her house, so when I saw her I was all "Whoa! I didn't know you lived here!" And so she asked who I was and I said Jason, and she said "Who's that?" And we were all "Oh, Jason's from a grown-up movie, you haven't seen it". And she wanted a picture with me. So now, somewhere, those parents have a picture of Jason Voorhees hugging their Batman-costumed child.

... That'll keep people from knockin' on my door, right? XD

Best. Halloween. EVER.


He's back

The man behind the mask

And he's out of control

He's back

The man behind the mask

And he crawled out of his hole...


For once in his life, Jason Voorhees was completely, totally, and utterly bored. He could tell that Mary was too, and neither of them had any idea of what to do about it. There hadn't been any bad people at Camp Crystal Lake for two weeks. That meant neither Jason or Mary had killed for two weeks. It made them both a little on edge.

Jason coped with it by having conversations with his mother. He knew better, by now, than to go bugging Mary with conversations, trivial things. She'd just bitch at him again - "I really don't CARE what your favorite color is, okay, or what the weather's like today! Let me fucking sleep, asshole!" And that was cleaning up her language. He wondered where she learned to swear like that - had she ever known Freddy Krueger? Because that'd be a good guess.

He didn't know what she was doing to keep herself from going batty, but he sure wasn't going to ask. He was smart enough to know that if she wasn't walking around freely, he really shouldn't disturb her.

Today Jason was sitting in his room, quietly reading a book and waiting for bad people to come. He really wanted to go kill a bad person with Mary. As long as it wasn't another leprechaun, he would enjoy it. Anyone dumb enough to come onto their land deserved to be killed, and it really was a rush to rid the world of another person who would just screw it up.

He heard footsteps, and then looked up to see Mary. Her silver hair was messy, and she looked mad beyond belief. ... What's the matter...?

She held up her hairbrush, which had several broken and bent prongs. Her eye twitched, and she growled. "Jason Voorhees, why... was my brush... stuck to your mother's head?"

... Whoops. Jason gulped and dropped his book, scooting away. If Freddy Krueger was to be believed (and he had a lot of women serving him), there was nothing worse than a woman who was angry... especially if she was angry at you. This was not good. I, um, I... Mother wanted me to brush her hair! I don't have a hairbrush! Look at me, do you think I need one? There isn't much to brush, it's easy to manage, doesn't get tangled, I can just do it with my fingers-

He barely managed to dodge as the brush came flying at him, cutting his defensive speech short. Mary's already-sharp nails were starting to grow, and that was how he knew she was pissed beyond reason. "I will kill you one day, Jason Voorhees, I will kill you one day!"

Jason watched, slightly shaken, as she stalked off to who-knew-where. He rubbed the back of his head as he glanced at the mirror, wondering how in the hell she didn't break it. He blinked a few times, tilting his head to the side as he looked at his reflection. Well, what did I do?


"Hey Jason?"

Still in his room, Jason looked up at the doorway again. There was Mary, once more looking mad as all hell. He didn't know what the problem could be this time, he'd cleaned off her brush and put it back by her mirror. He didn't even know where she'd been. ... Yes? What is it?

A metal pot clanged against his head, bouncing off the mask. It jarred him a little, and for a few seconds he saw two of Mary... and they were both angry. He blinked and a quick shake of the head remedied the problem. Hey!

"Clean up after yourself!" A ladle followed, though he managed not to get hit again. "I'm not the fucking maid! I didn't agree to stay here just so I could clean up your messes!" And off she stalked again - once more, he didn't know where to.

He looked down at the pot, picked it up, and blinked again. ... I didn't even use this today...


"What? You're not eating? I made it just the way you like it this time."

Jason looked up at Mary, who was still standing up, fists on her hips. One held a spatula, which she'd used to make breakfast for lunch. Normally I would, I'm just not hungry. You can save it for later and I'll eat it-

"Damn it!" Mary grabbed the bowl of oatmeal she'd put in front of him on the table, and tossed it at him. The contents spilled over his shirt, and the bowl, having completed its insidious mission, fell to the floor and proceeded to shatter. "I worked hard to make that, Jason! I busted my ass for you!" She turned on her heel and stormed into the living room.

Jason sat there for a few seconds, still confused. Well, now he had to go change his clothes. He looked down at the broken bowl. You broke one of Mother's bowls!

"So fix it!"

I can't! You BROKE it!

"Well, it isn't my fault that you're not good enough to fix it, now is it?"


Jason was fed up with this, totally and completely fed up. He didn't care if someone just spontaneously showed up at Crystal Lake for him to kill, Mary was going to be the next victim of his blade if she kept this up. He'd really done nothing wrong (okay, well, maybe the whole hairbrush thing had been a bit of a mistake...) and yet the whole day she'd been starting fights with him like he'd somehow screwed everything up. But he hadn't used that pot, and was it really his fault that he wasn't hungry enough to eat her probably crappy oatmeal?

She'd gone back into her mirror now, what a coward. Immediately after the oatmeal fiasco, she'd left the kitchen and retreated back into her mirror, all but locking herself in.

And he didn't care what she wanted to do, he wanted to talk to her.

He went straight into his room, marched right up to the mirror, and started pounding on it as hard as he could. Mary! Mary, get out here! He didn't want to hurt her, or break the mirror, but he was mad and just wanted to talk to her. What other way was there to get her out besides threatening? There were probably other ways, but this was the fastest.

"Will you stop that! Jason, you idiot, I had this conversation with you before! Knock it the hell off and leave my mirror alone, damn it!" She faded into the glass, in the same position as he was, with her arms reaching out to the edges of the mirror and looking royally pissed off. "Or are you still trying to trap me?"

I want to talk to you, Mary. He crossed his arms, and so did she. We seriously do have to talk. You're being insane about all this, I didn't barely do anything wrong so why do you keep yelling at me?

"Just because, Jason, you keep being so inconsiderate! You took my hairbrush, you did a cooking experiment in the damn pots and pans, and you're fucking ungrateful not eating what I made!" She glared at him, the only physical expression she could perform while he was in front of the mirror. "Let me out, Jason, you asshole."

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. It depends on if you're going to be nice or not. Are you going to stop yelling at me and blaming me for things I didn't do? Because the only thing you should have had a problem with was the hairbrush.

Mary glared at him. "I'll say it nicely one more time. One more time before I release killing intent. Let. Me. Out. Jason."

Jason shook his head. That didn't sound very nice to me, Mary. Want to try again?

Before he knew what was happening, Mary's hand shot out of the mirror. It ended up around his throat, with her nails digging into his skin. They were sharp, and he was reminded of the first time they'd met. Hadn't that position been something like this? Except he'd had his hand around her neck too. But he thought she couldn't move if someone else was in front of the mirror, so how was she doing this?

Well, it didn't matter. He could get close enough.

He reached out and grabbed her wrist, prying her fingers off him and ripping her nails from his flesh. Sure, it hurt, but anything to get this at-the-moment psycho off him. He wasn't quite sure how he did it, but somehow he'd pulled her out of the mirror, and with one toss, she was on the floor.

She immediately leapt up, barely there for two seconds, and tackled him, pinning him to the wall by way of her own body. "You listen to me, you socially-deprived, one-step-from-autism child," she growled, and she actually growled. "Nobody, not even you, speaks like that to me. Do you have any idea how condescending and patronizing you sounded just now? Like you were talking to a kid! How do you think that makes me feel? Huh? Not good!"

I didn't know it came out that way. I didn't mean it like that.

"Fucking liar!" She went to rake her nails across his mask, fling it off, her nails were already tearing into his arm. "I won't be lied to by a stupid man again!"

He was cornered... cornered, like an animal. He was so scared... he hated being boxed in like this. Like he wasn't even worthy to live. It brought up bad memories... horrible memories...


"Freak show! Freak show!"

"No I'm NOT!"

He tried to run. He tried to get away, to run and find his mother. But he wasn't fast enough, and before he knew it he was at the end of the dock. He tried to get away again; he was scared of water, he didn't want to fall in. "Let me out! Let me out!"

There was nowhere else for him to go. He couldn't push through them; they were all stronger than him and there were more of them. He backed up, but there was no more dock.

Shove. Splash.

He struggled to keep his head up, but he couldn't. He smacked frantically at the water, screaming as loud as he could, as if he thought someone would hear him and care. "Help! Mommy! Help! Please! HELP!"


His eyes widened behind the mask, and before he knew what he was doing he had his machete in his hand. No! I won't let you hurt me again!

Without thinking, he brought his arm back as far as he could and slammed the sharp end into Mary's stomach.

He didn't mean to do it, but he didn't think it would really hurt her that bad. He'd hurt her on accident before, and she was never in much pain - just like him, it was almost like she barely felt it. But this time she let out an ear-splitting scream as she doubled over in agony, letting go of him. She just about collapsed on the floor right there, falling over herself. "JASON!" she cried, and he could see tears starting to stream down her face. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

Surprised by what he'd just done and why he'd done it, Jason dropped his machete and it clattered to the floor. I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I don't know why I did that!

"STOP LYING TO ME, DAMN IT!" She grabbed the machete and started hacking and slashing at his mask. "I'm not going to believe a word you say, Jason! I hate you! God, I hate you!"

He could protect himself, thankfully, but her words stung too. She hated him? That wasn't fair, all he'd ever done was be nice to her! He told her he didn't mean to do that! Stop it! Ow! Will you stop - come on! I said sorry!

Mary screeched and tossed the machete down, where it once again clanged on the floor. "I WISH I'D NEVER MET YOU, JASON VOORHEES!"

With that, she gave him a hard shove and dove back into the mirror. Her eyes weren't even visible. There was a wisp of mist where she'd just been, but other than that, no indication that she'd just been there. Hey, Mary-!

"Leave me alone! What part of 'I wish I'd never met you' don't you GET?" Her voice was a distant whisper, barely audible unless you were listening for it.

Jason sighed and picked up his machete, sliding it back into his belt loop, then looked over at the mirror. Just his reflection. Nothing else. Mary... Trying to keep his thoughts to himself, he shook his head. What's the matter with you lately...?


~And the mirror, mirror on the wall

Ca-Ca-Can you see me through it all?

Maybe I'm not alone

Through this mirror, mirror in my heart

I-I-I can see you, we're apart

But maybe I'm finally home~


WOOOOO.

... Mary was kind of a bitch to Jason in this episode. Sorry about that, but that's... just... you know... HER.

Will we ever find out why she's in such a bad mood? Why in the name of hell was Jason brushing Pam's hair with Mary's brush? And the question we all want to know... how does Jason like his oatmeal? Because Mary made it just the way he liked it.

... Stay tuned... for the answers to these questions, AND more...

OKAY. So I got this idea today. Every other holiday has, like, a horror movie for them, right? Halloween, Friday the 13th, prom night... WHY DOESN'T CHRISTMAS HAVE A HORROR ICON? I want to invent one, but what should I call her and what should she do? It would be awesome to have her and Freddy go, like, on a killing spree together! And then go get a beer afterwards. XD

Well anyway, thanks for reading, reviews are welcome! ^^