There is no such thing
As not belonging somewhere,
We had woken up to the unusual sound of pattering against the window. It had been the first rain storm I had experienced in mid-November.
The air had been thick with the sense of unknown and mystery. The storm seemed to have a cooling effect on every citizen of South Park. Kyle's mom hadn't even said anything about my staying the night with no warning what so ever. Usually she would have popped a blood vessel over Kyle's 'insubordination'.
Secretly, I've always loved rainy days. It had remained a secret because I hated the fact that I didn't know why I loved them.
So we sat in his room, backs against the side of his bed, eyes staring out the window, fingers interlaced and sharing a single set of earphones.
I had been stalling the discussion I had so desperately wanted to have last night and was just basking in the calming aura of the storm.
He hummed back as if to ask what it was I was going on about.
"I don't know why you care about me, but thank you."
My voice had broken on the 'me' and my eyes had slid closed as I had said it. It was always difficult to face the truth. In this case the truth had incontestably been that there was no way I could possibly deserve care from someone like him.
I was expecting the scene to collapse on itself as I faced this truth. But the only thing that changed was the tightening of his grip on my hand and the beats playing in our ears.
"Kenny. What are you talking about?"
He spoke quietly as if he too was afraid of the moment disintegrating back into nothingness.
"You're this incredible person and I'm just this… Waste of space."
I leaned my head back onto the mattress and breathed deeply. I was putting my foot down in unknown and mysterious territory just as the day called for. All I wished for was for things to not go back to what they were before this autumn.
"You're still not making sense."
He said so with forced light-heartedness but I knew him too well and recognised the dread in his voice.
"You've done so much for me. You made me happy again. And I can never give you anything back."
Feeling a little braver I opened up my eyes to stare at the ceiling. His grip on my hand kept getting tighter and tighter as I spoke.
"Kenny," he began with a sorrowful tone "Throughout the years you've always been by my side. You were there for me and I wasn't there for you up until recently. I want to be with you because I love you. And you don't need to force yourself or furnish efforts to repay me; because you've always made me happy."
There was a pause in his monologue as I blinked disbelievingly up at the ceiling.
"I want you to keep being by my side… Forever."
As I lifted my head back up he turned his away from the window and towards me. We locked intense gazes as if to assure each other that we were being as honest as could be.
He inclined his head and I inclined mine as we met in a passionate kiss. My right hand, which had been fiddling with the string of my hoodie, sought out his and now each one of my hands were holding one of his. My left ear listened to acoustic guitar as my right ear listened to the pitter-patter of the rain, my body was listening to his heartbeat.
He pulled away and continued to look at me penetratingly. Not wanting to break the contact of our interlocked hands he leaned his cheek towards mine to wipe at the tears I didn't know had fallen.
I choked out what was truly on my heart, "I felt so isolated," fighting the tears back I continued unevenly "Y-You make me feel complete."
I hid my face into his shoulder as true tears of pain made their way down my face, relenting in the feelings that had dominated my teenage years. The isolation, the loneliness, the seclusion, the longing.
"You didn't know, but your place was always here next to me. You always belonged and always will."
His voice was surprisingly steady; he didn't usually cope well in emotional situations, true to his boyish ways. But this was much too important for the both of us for him to treat it casually. I continued sobbing louder and louder as I found the new feelings of relief, belonging and love.
We kept our fingers intertwined for the entire time of my mini breakdown and when I finally met his eyes again it was with gratefulness and adoration. I was surprised to see the same emotion reflect in his eyes.
"From now on, there will always be someone waiting for you to revive and that will notice and miss you when you're gone."
We kissed again but this time with light-heartedness and happiness. There was a break in the song that was playing and then lyrics rung out that made me smile into the kiss.
This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
I couldn't agree more. I felt more real than I had in years.
Don't own South Park.
Okay haha this is the end :)
The song is A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie which actually inspired this story.
I will have a new K2 story out in no time.
But for this one, that is all.