Title: Something, Anything...Everything!
Author: Luna Knyte
Shows: Supernatural & Psych
Characters: Sam & Shawn
Rating: T for swearing and bit of violence
Summary: Shawn is ignored by his mother and Sam by his brother. Both are insulted and seen as disappointments by their fathers. When they run away they are depressed to realize that they don't have anywhere to run to, or anything to run from...but at least they aren't alone. They have one another. Another who understands completely. And what could possibly go wrong with a real psychic and a future fake psychic?
Dean hadn't told their dad about Sam sneaking out and returning mere minutes before he arrived. In fact he was too busy thinking about his baby brothers behavior. Sam had yet to utter a word since getting into the Impala. Of course Dean knew that their dad thought that Sam was just being moody and stubborn about moving yet again, but Dean knew it was more than that.
When they stopped at a hotel room and John told Sam that he'd be staying behind after all, Dean and John both expected there to be screaming and yelling, but that was the first clue John got that something was wrong.
There was definite hurt in Sam's eyes. Sammy's infamous puppy eyes were on full blast, but there was something else there too. John recognized it from his earlier years, namely from his service years in Corps. It was a mixture of betrayal and something akin to anger, but not at them surprisingly.
As John and Dean prepared to go off into the darkness they carefully watched as Sam prepared himself for bed. All the anger that would normally be in him was completely gone. Now in place of that anger was...nothingness. Sam seemed to be running on autopilot. And that, more than anything, scared them.
When they left Sam was very temped to call Shawn. To ask how he was doing, to see if he had taken care of that wound...Damn, I should have stayed and made sure he'd taken care of it. Sam thought as guilt set itself in his stomach.
Sam's thoughts wondered from Shawn to his family. Though once he began to think about them his head hurt and decided to try to get some sleep. Things would be different from now on...he just knew it.
The next day when Sam woke up he got his things ready while his father and brother slept in. Sam was used to waking up early. Since his dad didn't like him wasting time, Sam figured he'd get up early to do some of the things he liked, and then do things his father wanted when he awakened.
Sam had already had most of his stuff packed but then he examined this belongings closer. He had his clothes, some books, a few awards, and some pictures. The books were his favorites: Call of the Wild, Sherlock Holmes, and one or two of The Hardy Boys. The awards were of his academic achievements, all with different last names. From Winchester to Smith to Summers. The pictures were of some of the other kids that Shawn had introduced him to. They weren't really Shawn or his friends, they were just people who found them awesome and funny.
Besides a picture of Shawn and Sam together standing in front of the arcade, the rest, along with his books and awards, will be burned the next time they stop.
When John awoke a few days later after recovering from the hunt he told his sons that he had forgotten something and that they'd have one more day in Santa Barbara before they headed out. Dean knew that his father was trying to make amends with Sam and was glad for it. Sam's new behavior was really scaring him and he didn't like it when his baby brother was in pain.
Sam for his part felt like it was adding insult to injury because the damage had been done. Shawn was left alone, far more alone than Sam ever was, and that is saying something. Dean offered Sam a ride to anywhere he wanted to go but Sam declined. He asked quietly if he could go for a walk and John agreed.
With the skills he had received from both his father and brother Sam managed to sneak a liquor bottle from an already drunk, and stashed it in his bag. Next he went to the gas station and bought some matches. Even though he didn't know what to expect when he passes Shawn's house he couldn't help but go there anyway.
Whatever Sam had expected, finding the house completely empty wasn't one of the scenarios running through his head. There was no car in the driveway, no bike on the sidewalk, no windows open...nothing. Looking back and forth to make sure no one was watching, Sam approached the house and took a closer look. The kitchen was bare. No dishes on the table, the sink was dry as a bone, there was no radio on, the television from the living room was off, and there was no sign of anyone being there.
Sam frowned. He really wanted to see Shawn again. Even though they hadn't fought with each other Sam felt like he needed to apologize to him. He felt guilty about leaving Shawn there...in his own home. That sounded very off in Sam's head, but he supposed it made some sense. With what happened with Gus, and Shawn's parents divorce...Shawn was alone and highly misunderstood. Sam understood, and therefore felt somewhat protective of Shawn. When Shawn smiles and laughs for real at whatever joke or statement Sam made it made Sam feel accomplished. He assumed it was what Dean felt like sometimes with him. A brothers bond, who have lost everything, and only have each other to watch out for one another. That was what probably explained the guilt Sam was feeling.
Walking back to the hotel room Sam passed by the Guster home and saw Gus playing with one of the kids from school. Shawn was nowhere in sight and even though he was tempted to ask Gus if he'd seen Shawn, he still walked away.
When he got back Dean was out picking up some things for them. John was reading the newspaper and Sam took the opportunity to go out to the back and be by himself. He found an empty trash can and placed all of his books, awards, certificates, and pictures in them. Then he took out the stolen bottle of liquor and doused all of his belongings with it.
Looking down at it Sam felt his chest constrict in pain. Down there in the trash was what he wanted. All of those things meant normality...and it meant that he couldn't have it. In hunting it didn't matter if you were the smartest or if you could read in an incredible level for your age. All that mattered was speed and strength. Sam wanted to be noticed for doing good, in hunting it's best not to be noticed at all. Being normal was what he wanted, but it wasn't good enough for his father or for his brother. It wasn't good enough for the life that his father had set before him.
His entire life was a lie. The only thing he owned was his name, and sometimes...he wasn't even who he was born to be.
John rose from his seat at the table and walked over to over look the backyard. Considering that they hadn't been gone for more than three days, their old house that they used was still in their possession. As he over looked the backyard and saw his youngest. To say that he wasn't worried was an understatement. Sam was just as stubborn as him, so when he didn't explode the other day, it really brought John to worry.
As he saw Sam throw things into the trash John was a bit baffled, and even more so when he was what he was throwing in there. He saw the title of the books and knew they were Sam's favorite. He saw the awards and certificates. And he saw the pictures. A weird feeling crept from the pit of his stomach to his chest as he realized what Sam was doing. There was some pride in there, but he never would have thought that after so much time demanding Sam to give up on bring normal that this is what he'd feel.
He didn't understand why his heart plummeted when he saw his youngest son drench everything that made him Sam with liquor and then light that match. A part of him wanted to run out there and stop him, but he wasn't able to move. Both him and Sam just watch as everything that made Sam an individual burned down to nothing but ashes that would scatter into the four corners of the earth.
John turned around and looked at his oldest. That pain from before rose again but this time with guilt. John didn't understand why he was feeling like this so he just shook his head and said, "We're leaving tonight Dean. This time...we'll be going East."
Dean looked at his dad funny but nodded nonetheless. Sam came into the room and looked at them.
"Hey Sammy. How was your day?" Dean asked.
"It's Sam. S'ok...when are we leaving?" Sam asked.
Dean frowned at this and John answered, "Tonight tiger. Everything ready?"
"Yes sir," Sam replied and went up to his room with a much less heavy bag, John noticed.
Once Sam was out of view Dean turned to his father and said, "I'm worried about him dad...he's different."
"I know...but he'll get over it Dean," John replied.
Dean didn't look any less worried but sighed and said, "If you say so dad."
Two days earlier
It was four in the morning and Henry was still asleep. Shawn walked on the balls of his feet as to not make any noise, just like his dad taught him, and went downstairs. He looked around the corners and over the things he was hiding behind and once the coast was clear he disconnected all of the phones, but made sure it didn't look like anyone tampered with them. Snoring alerted him that his father had fallen asleep on the couch.
Shawn's heart began to race thinking that he'd already been caught or he was going to be. Instead anger rose in him when his eyes landed on the bottle on the coffee table next to the couch his father was lying on. He was drunk again and probably wouldn't be waking up any time soon.
Shawn clenched his fist in anger but he calmed himself down. This could be a blessing in disguise and actually work in his favor. He'd be able to speed up his plans. Once again walking on the balls of his feet, Shawn walked up the stairs and headed towards his fathers room. He gently closed the door behind him. Standing in the center of the room Shawn didn't move a muscle and he listened. He could hear the blood pulsing through him, he could hear his even breathing, and the snoring from downstairs. Outside of the house he could hear the early birds getting into their cars, he could hear the paper boys bike because they had a card clipped to the wheel to make noise, and the neighbors dog being let out to do its business.
Taking a deep breath and just indulging in the silence Shawn walked up to his fathers closet and opened it. Holding still for another minute to make sure everything was still quiet and that his father was still downstairs, Shawn let out a breath of relief. Kneeling down on his knees and looking over his shoulder Shawn then looked back at the closet and found what he had come for. Taking another look over his shoulder Shawn closed his eyes for half a minute trying to find the memory of three years and five months ago when he saw his father open the safe. When the safe opened, Shawn, yet again looked over his shoulder and was pleased that everything was still the way it had been, though he half expected his father to come barging in on him.
Looking in the safe Shawn took another deep breath to steady himself and his resolve. He was going to do this...
Taking the gun and the bullets Shawn closed it and placed it back to zero, and placed it back to its original location. Then he closed the closet and walked out and headed towards his room. His plan is now ready. It had been ready for awhile. Only because of Sam did he delay his plans but now...
A few hours later Shawn walked down the stairs with his backpack on. Inside it were the last of his things before he headed out. He would be leaving this morning, everyone who cared to notice will assume he's off to school, but really it'll be time he'll use to get away from here and everything this place brings with it.
Shawn was a little startled to hear his dad from behind him. He turned around and looked at Henry with widen and possibly scared eyes. In his mind Shawn thought that he was caught, but when he saw his father take a step back he realized what must have been going through Henry's mind.
Shawn had avoided his father after the whole indecent and refused to talk about it. He was still sporting the bruise on his face and he was sure he had a scar on the back of his head forming. But he had cleaned it and it hurt less now. Henry must have thought that Shawn was scared of him, which Shawn wasn't going to deny either. Though it wasn't fear of the man hitting him, as more as his father rejecting him. Fear of actually being a disappointment and failure to his father.
"I'm...I'm g-going to school now," Shawn cursed in his mind for stuttering. That was a usual dead give away that he was up to something.
"I'll take you," Henry said pushing his hair back and looking around for his keys.
"That's okay...I'll just walk. It's good for me, and besides...you shouldn't really be driving right now," Shawn whispered and obviously looked towards the living room and looked directly at the bottle.
Henry clenched his fingers on the bridge of his nose and signed while silently cursing himself.
"Okay...uh, be careful. And Shawn?" Henry said.
"Yeah?" Shawn replied looking down at his feet.
"We...we should really talk when you get back," Henry said.
Shawn bit his lip...it was supposed to be easy. But he was in pain, both physical and emotional, but nodded his head and answered, "When I get back...sure."
Shawn walked out of his childhood home and made it across the lawn and to the sidewalk. Unable to resist looking back Shawn saw his dad watching him from window. Henry waved at him and Shawn raised his hand at him, didn't wave it, and whispered, "Goodbye dad."
You guys ever go on someone's profile and be amazed that someone from the other side of the world had read or is reading your story? Amazing isn't it. It makes people feel like the world isn't as big as we once thought. On that note, and out of curiosity...does anyone live in the South Side of Chicago? or attend Moraine Valley in Palos Hills Illinois? If so...let me know.
Um...otherwise, please ignore any mistakes, I'll look over it later, please review :]