By popular demand- the sequal/prequel to Sweetheart. So far it's jimmy and Cas, might include some pre-teen Dean later, because I'm interested in what he was doing with his adolescence. Trying to blitz through this didn't really work, let me know if you think it's going too fast.
Jimmy and Castiel are eight the first time they say 'I love you'. Of course they say it to each other, already knowing they don't need anyone else.
They're lying awake in their bunk beds, waiting for sleep to catch up with them after a day at school. Jimmy says it first, looking up at the slats of Castiel's bed, above him.
"I love you too" he whispers back, without hesitation. He would never hesitate to give Jimmy anything.
Maybe all things are clearer with hindsight. Because right then possibly isn't where it started. Or perhaps it was always going to happen, Castiel will spend a lot of time wondering, as will Jimmy. They'll never work it out, but they both remember this moment, and think perhaps it began that night.
Right now they go to sleep not realising that they're subtly slipping off track, going off the script for brothers and sliding into something else.
They're only eight years old, twin children, but already they're losing themselves to each other.
Six Years Later
They kiss because they're young, because they're already used to touching all the time anyway. They're waiting for girls to come along, for dating to start and for their chance to be with someone and not just working through puberty solo.
It doesn't even feel weird.
"Move your head" Castiel mutters, they're sitting, face to face, on Jimmy's bed, dry lipped and nervous. "the other way." He smiles as Jimmy tips left, then right. Neither of them has ever kissed before, but Castiel is used to directing his brother in everything else. Slowly he leans forward, hand sliding around to the back of Jimmy's head.
The first brush of their lips is dry and awkward, neither one of them sure how to move or what to do. Castiel is the first to suck on Jimmy's lower lip, nudging his mouth open and sighing into it when Jimmy responds. The contact is electric and Castiel finds himself gripping his brother, pulling him closer and rubbing against him.
This is the moment it actually happens, the second they change from introverted and slightly too involved siblings into something altogether different.
Because Jimmy rubs back, and the innocent, curious and frustrated kiss turns into something else. Castiel pressed between his brothers spread legs and rutting up against him, moaning into each other's mouths in between working their shirts off.
Later, lying half clothed and spent, Castiel whispers "I love you" Jimmy kisses his neck softly. "I love you too"
One Year Later
Jimmy's eyes are closed, head lolling sideways against the dented pillow underneath him. Castiel's face is buried in the soft, sweat damp hair at the back of his neck. He feels...well, fantastic. Sore but gloriously tired and warm, Castiel plastered down his naked back and still moving a little with the rhythm that had carried him over the edge. Jimmy only responds to Castiel's murmured 'Wow' when he feels a long finger probing him, breaching him where Castiel had ridden not five minutes ago. Even then he only turns his face into the pillow, moaning loudly enough to wake the house, had anyone actually been home. Castiel moves away from him slightly, watching his finger slowly pressing into his brother.
"That" he nips harshly at Jimmy's back, licking the brief red mark. "is hot."
"Mmmm" is all he can manage, pressing back into Castiel's hand as his finger strokes his walls through a mess of ejaculate and lube. The tip of his finger nudges his prostate and Jimmy moves backwards more forcefully. "Cas..."
"I know" Castiel presses himself against Jimmy again, renewed hardness digging into his hip. Jimmy hums happily, stretching his legs open again. "and we have all night."
Jimmy groans when Castiel finally seats himself inside of him again. Cas can only give short, butchered grunts as he pitches into the body beneath him. His brother's body, so hot and responsive is driving him crazy, and if he thought finally doing this would make him want Jimmy less, make him love him less – he was dead wrong.
Right now he can't imagine being without this warmth, without the boy underneath him.
Castiel is fifteen and he's in love with his brother. He's losing his virginity, his heart to his twin.
He's the happiest he's ever been.
Two Months Later
Jimmy forgets that he has a bottle of lube in his gym bag, bought on the sly on his way home from school.
Michael Garrison finds it while he's stealing Jimmy's kit to hide under the changing room benches.
He and two of his friends wait for him after class and work him over, leaving him with a huge black eye and a bruised jaw, amongst other wounds. They call him a fag, say that he's disgusting, that he's going to hell. They spit on him and kick him in the stomach until he starts to believe it.
He's everything they say he as – and worse, because Castiel is his brother, and he can't stop wanting him.
Three hours Later
"Jimmy...I love you" Castiel sits across from him on the bed, clenching a half melted ice pack in his hands.
"Cas...please don't, ok? Just..." Jimmy winces, pressing a fresh ice pack to his jaw. "Just stop"
"No you don't" Jimmy says, forcefully. "You don't love me, not that way. And I certainly don't want you...like that." He closes his eyes. "We're just...we're fucked up, Cas, and we don't have to be...not if we stop, now."
"I don't think I can" Castiel says, quietly.
"Try" Jimmy urges.
One Year Later
Castiel first gets drunk a few months after Jimmy stops talking to him. Stops touching him when it can be avoided.
He's at a house party of someone in their grade when someone offers him whisky, one of Michael Garrison's buddies. He drinks it down, has two more and ends up in a strangers washroom with a football players dick in his mouth. His eyes are squeezed shut as he jerks himself off onto the floor, moaning softly around the flesh pressed against his throat.
It doesn't mean anything, he isn't even sure why he did it. But it feels good, to be wanted, to offer himself and have someone say yes, that they want to be with him.
He starts to hang around with the few 'out' guys at his school. Fools around with them when they're alone in each other's rooms.
One of them offers him a toke and he takes him up on it, feeling smoothed out and malleable. The same guy wants Castiel to fuck him, but he just shakes his head. He can't do that for someone else, not since his time with Jimmy. The guy doesn't take it to heart, just tops him instead. Castiel likes the feeling of being crowded in on, pressed down. He closes his eyes and just feels.
Two Years Later
Castiel is seventeen and should probably not be drunk, but he is. Jimmy notices straight away.
"Where have you been? It's almost two in the morning." He hisses as Castiel drops in through the bedroom window, sliding it shut behind him. He starts to shed his clothing and Jimmy turns his back, rolling to the other side of his bed.
"Out" Castiel flings his shirt petulantly in his direction. A waft of sweat and musky smoke follows the fabric. Weed and sex, Castiel's new favourite pastimes.
"Not that it's any of your business" Castiel slinks closer, naked legs shimmying up the ladder. "but no." The mattress about his head shifts with his brother's weight. "I was with Crowley"
"Castiel! He's forty and...he's a pervert" Jimmy's seen Crowley, he owns the sleaziest club in town and he runs drugs to all the known pushers in their high school. The previous year he was arrested for killing a young man in New York, but since he was a rent boy no-one could prove for certain that Crowley was the only one with any kind of motive.
Castiel chuckles to himself. No point trying to reason with him until he came down...whenever that would be.
"He's hot" Castiel points out, he stretches out and the slats creak under him. "and he has good stuff."
"You're screwing for drugs now?" Jimmy can't keep the disgust from his voice, doesn't even try.
"I'm screwing for fun. The drugs are just...a favour" Castiel's voice loses some of its intoxicated bliss. "Like you give a fuck anyway."
"I care about you Cas"
"Better repent Jimbo" Castiel's head appears over the edge of the bed, frowning down with mock severity. "Wouldn't want you to wind up..." he whispers the next part with sinister venom "downstairs". He laughs to himself.
"Doesn't look like I'd be there alone"
"Mmmhmmm" Castiel murmurs darkly, moving out of sight. "But at least I'll go out with a bang...not wasting my time being fucking miserable."
"I'm happy Cas"
"Great. Good for you." Castiel's voice is muffled, like he's turned to the wall. "So don't come down on me."
Jimmy can't keep the fight going. He lets it drop.
Three Months Later
This time Castiel comes home from Crowley's with a black eye.
Jimmy can't take it anymore.
"Why are you letting him do this to you?"
Castiel bends over the wash stand and washes his face, he stands up, rubs a towel over his skin and shakes his head.
"You told me you didn't want me. Fine. This is me, coping."
"Does it work?"
Castiel looks at Jimmy via the mirror, face tired and belligerent.
"No" he rasps, eyes lowering as he draws a glass of water.
"So why let him use you?" Jimmy's voice is gentle, Cas is screwed up, strung out and hurting. All he wants to do is make him feel better, try to mend what he broke in him.
"Why not?" he's being flippant on purpose. He turns to look at Jimmy, leaning back against the sink. He's skinner now, harder and unshaven. "best offer I've had for a while."
"Don't call me that." The shutters slam down and Castiel looks at him, hard. "You don't get to do that, not now."
"I'm still your brother...I love you."
Castiel looks at him for a moment longer, then slowly comes to stand in front of him. He raises his hand to Jimmy's face, blank expression wavering when Jimmy winces. He leans forward, breath ghosting on Jimmy's face before he kisses him. His brother responds, kissing Castiel back with all the emotion he keeps buried. Castiel's mouth has changed, it works differently now, more adeptly sweeping his open and flicking his tongue inside. He tastes alcohol there, and something else that makes him want to retch, he shoves Castiel away.
Castiel looks hurt for maybe half a second before he covers it with anger.
"You know what, fuck you. I don't need this."
"Need what? Jesus Cas." Jimmy's face twists in disgust. "You could've washed your mouth out. I can taste..." he flushes, he can't even bring himself to say it.
Castiel just looks wrung out and bitter.
"What? Come?" he sighs. "So before you didn't want me because it was bad...now it's just 'cause of where I've been?" his eyes are filled with pain, years old and new. "You think I'm that disgusting?"
In his back pocket he has a wad of crumpled notes, a pay off from one of Crowley's friends. Castiel knows he's disgusting. He's a whore for fucks sake, but he didn't think Jimmy would ever see him that way. And even now he doesn't know the truth of how low Castiel has gone.
"I think you need help." Jimmy says, quietly. "Crowley...he isn't good for you and you're...you're slipping Castiel."
Castiel says nothing.
Three months later Jimmy goes off to college, still worrying about his twin brother. Castiel doesn't get help.
Jimmy meets Amelia.