I am Konohamaru

This is simply an attempt to write a bit of the second chapter from Konohamaru's POV. The rest of this story (this was once the beginning of a story) didn't happen, but I thought this was funny.


Ebisu-sensei's small smile hadn't gone away yet.

Konohamaru really didn't like that smile very much. It was very small and it never went away. It was like someone had drawn it on.

Lots of people smiled like that around Konohamaru.

"Honourable Grandson?" Ebisu prompted.

"I don't know," Konohamaru admitted. Why did he have to know these silly rules anyway? It's not like enemy ninja were going to invite him to have a pop quiz…

"Shinobi rule 24: a shinobi must never show tears. Repeat."

"Shinobi rule 24: a shinobi must never show tears," Konohamaru repeated, rolling his eyes.

Ebisu-sensei was probably the most boring sensei that Konohamaru had ever had, not that he had had another. He was always asking Konohamaru about shinobi rules. Konohamaru really didn't see the point, or how knowing them could make him Hokage.

Jiji never had to repeat the shinobi rules to anyone!

He was never going to become Hokage if Ebisu-sensei didn't teach him anything!

Ebisu-sensei was still smiling.

"Why shouldn't a shinobi show tears, Honourable Grandson?"

Konohamaru grunted and glared up at Ebisu-sensei. Was it because they had to look like zombies in front of the people they were doing missions for, or was it because if they cried they might become so sad that they couldn't continue the mission or was it because—

"What if I get something in my eye?"

Ebisu-sensei blinked.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut and slapped his forehead.

Score! thought Konohamaru, removing a live shuriken from the pouch that Ebisu-sensei had brought with him and then darting towards the Hokage tower.

No-one tried to stop him as he approached Jiji's door. Konohamaru wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It was good because he could prove to gramps that he was going to be Hokage. It was bad because they weren't stopping him because he was the Hounourable Grandson.

But, that doesn't matter! He's going to make sure they let him through because he's Konohamaru! Konohamaru will become Hokage at an even younger age than his grandfather did!

Konohamaru set his mouth and clutched the shuriken, edging closer to the door. He paused, because there was voices coming from inside.

Someone was arguing with Jiji, and then he heard a thump of a chair falling over. A few moments later, his grandfather muttered, no, grumpled, about the person's jutsu. Konohamaru edged himself closer to the door. His eyes widened.

His grandfather had been taken out by a single jutsu!

This was his chance! He was going to finally, finally prove himself to everyone. With his grandfather recovering, it would be a simple matter to beat him.

Konohamaru paused at the door to asses the situation. The current Hokage sat behind his desk, as usual, his pipe hanging from his lips. The old man was trapped. Unsuspecting.

He raced into the room with a plan for victory.

"The Godaime's name will be mine! Hokage Konohamaru-sama!" he cried.

His sandals beat the floor as he raced toward the – venerable, vulnerable – old man. His eyes sparked with fire. His mouth twitched into a smile as he prepared to throw his shuriken and –


Konohamaru landed with a whimper.

For a moment he could feel nothing but the pain in his stomach, but that moment passed. He crawled to his knees and tried to figure out what had happened.

A trap?

But there had never been a trap before…

"Who set a trap?" he mumbled as he got to his knees.

"A trap? There is no trap. Are you alright, Honourable Grandson?"

Damn it! Ebisu-sensei's here!

Wow! Not even Ebisu-sensei could sense the trap!

That was the longest it had taken for Ebisu-sensei to find him. Maybe Ebisu-sensei had been delayed by a trap too?

Konohmaru looked up and saw him.

He was pretty big. Not as big as Grandfather or Ebisu-sensei, but definitely big.

And he hadn't fallen out of his chair.

He must have been the one who set the trap! He was plainly pretending that he hadn't though.

Konohamaru would make him admit it! It was silly to pretend not to have done something that you had obviously done!

"Hey!" he called. "You! I know you set that trap!"

He gagged a little bit as the older boy grabbed up by his scarf. Konohamaru could see the whites of his eyes all around the blue irises. It was kind of creepy.

"I didn't do anything, idiot! You tripped all by yourself!"

Konohamaru pulled his tongue back to where it was supposed to be (it had almost come out when he had been grabbed) and stared.

This guy's mouth wasn't in a small smile, it was angry.

Konohamaru shuddered. He decided that it was nice to see a change, but he wasn't quite sure if this was the change he was looking for.

"What do you think you're doing? Put Hokage-sama's Honourable Grandson down! You can't do that!"

For half a moment, Konohamaru pictured battling a fierce Kumo jounin only to have Ebisu-sensei pull them apart, hold them by the scruffs of their necks and shout at the Kumo-nin for threatening the Honourable Grandson of the Third Hokage.

Then he realised that the hand holding him had gone slack, and the eyes had stopped looking creepy.

Konohamaru glared. He'd thought this guy was going to be cool, but no! Not at all. He was just another—another Ebisu-sensei who thought he was nothing but an Honourable Grandson!

Konohamaru felt like a little flame made of anger was lit at the base of his spine. It travelled upwards quicker and quicker. Then it burst out his mouth.

"So now you know I'm the Honourable Grandson you're a mouse! You're like every—"

He couldn't quite tell what the boy said next because his head hurt (again and a lot) and the ground was fast approaching.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that thought Konohamaru.

Ebisu-sensei was squeaking.

Konohamaru wanted to tell him to stop, because his head was hurting, but he thought that that would just make his head hurt more.

"You are dismissed, Naruto."

The other boy's steps reverberated through the floorboards and hurt Konohamaru's head. But it hurt a bit less now.

And now he knew the guy's name! Naruto!

As soon as he was able to stand up he was going to find him.

It took a few tries, but he was able to stand on his feet. He realised when he did that Ebisu was standing on his feet too, and that he was in front of Konohamaru.

And he was lecturing!

"Honourable Grandson, even though that brat punched you, you can't pay attention to people like him. They're not the sort of people that a Hokage wants to know. You want to become the Fifth Hokage, right? Well—"

Konohamaru knew when to stop listening. Besides, his grandfather was Hokage, and he was around Naruto just a second ago, wasn't he? Ebisu-sensei lied! And what's more, Ebisu-sensei didn't approve of Naruto and Konohamaru didn't approve of Ebisu-sensei. So he should approve of someone who someone he disapproved of disapproved of, right?


Konohamaru dashed out the door. He needed to find Naruto!