I told myself that I shouldn't be here, that nothing good could come of it be here I sat in the back pew of Forks Baptist Church watching the man I love marry another woman. Love is too loose of a word to subscribe how I feel about him though. People love chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream, people love their pets and their cars. No what I feel isn't love, its passion, fire, need, and want; it was imprinting. The one thing I thought I would never have and I get it plus a slap to the face. The legends say that the first time you see the person you're meant to be with once you've become a werewolf you can tell that you've imprinted but I had known Jake all my life.
It wasn't until we were on first beach talking about how crappy our love lives were that I realized Jake was even a man, much less an option or candidate for the joke that was my love life. That was the day I found out the Jake wasn't just the kid I had known forever, he was the man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I remember we were talking about how I no longer resented Emily, and how I understood that there really was no choice when it came to imprinting. I remember telling him that the only thing I hated was that she had a way to escape our crazy ass family, while I was still stuck at home. He thought I was lying, that I was pretending so that everyone would just drop the whole ordeal. I told him to look me straight in the eyes and see if he could tell if I was lying. As soon as my eyes meet his I felt the steel cables, the racing heart, and the tingling all over my skin. It was like in that instance I was suddenly hyper aware of how close we were, exactly what he smelled like, and the way his eyes sparkled.
For weeks after that I hoped and prayed that he felt it too but he was still hung up on Bella. I poured my heart into all the old legends hoping to find something to explain why I imprinted on another wolf and why he didn't feel the same way back. I had come up with the conclusion that since imprinting was so that you would the best mate to carry on the best genotype possible then obviously there was someone out that was better for him than I was. When Bella came back from her honeymoon I found out who that woman was. I knew when I woke up that morning that something was about to happen, something that would change my life forever. By this time our pack had gotten used to eating breakfast at the Cullen's, for a vampire Mrs. C sure could cook, and so when I woke up alone I figured that's where everyone would be. At about a mile away I heard the screams, I raced that house and threw open the backdoor only to have my world crumble. There stood Jake holding this tiny baby looking straight into her eyes. I knew that look, that look meant that I had finally lost. Time stood still and I had trouble standing, somehow I made it out to the backyard and I just fell. I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry, I remember feeling goose bumps and shaking. It felt like my heart was missing like somehow it just disappeared. I knew where it was though, in that living room slowly dying watching my fairy tale ending happen without me. I hated that looks I got from Jasper and Edward, especially Edward. I mean damn it it was his fucking daughter that gets to live the life I wanted, he shouldn't pity me he should be rejoicing, she won not me. As soon as all the threats were over with I had to get out of Forks, hell I had to get out of the state. For a year I lived out of motel rooms and on horrible fast food all because I was trying to escape and forget. The steel cables didn't make it any easier, but eventually they became a dull ache. Since that day I've never really felt like my heart was returned to me and it probably won't ever get returned.
Being in this church, in this pew was a mistake, a stupid pointless mistake. She walked down the aisle looking flawless, but my eyes were only a Jake. Jake had that stupid love struck grin on his face and I knew me staying out of the way of their relationship was the best decision I ever made. He was so happy and I could never take that away from him. As soon as the ceremony was over I made a B line straight for the doors of freedom. I figured I was safe once I got outside, I was wrong.
"Leah!" A shocked started voice called out to me, his voice.
I turned around slowly mentally preparing myself not to look at his eyes at all. "Hey Jake." I replied timidly.
"I can't believe you came, I was really hoping you would, but we hadn't from you at all in like a year so I was a little skeptical." Damn I guess he did notice I was gone, shit he's moving toward me to give me a hug. I have to avoid that; his touch could probably cause too much pain for me to hide it from him.
"Well I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world." I said while crossing my arms and moving back a few steps hoping he wouldn't notice.
"Leah what's wrong why are you trying to avoid me" I should have known he would notice.
"I'm not avoiding you I just have to get back on the road and I don't want to take too much of your time." I whispered looking down at me feet. Then I felt his finger under my chin trying to lift my head up.
"Leah I know that's a damn lie, and why won't you look me in the face."
"Jake just drop it I'm fine and I really have to go, so goodbye." I felt his hands come to rest on the sides of my face and force my eyes to meet his. I felt the goose bumps, the steel cables and I was starting to shake. I was caught off guard and I know there was no way to hide the pain screaming out of my eyes.
"Leah what wrong, tell me please you're scaring me" He whispered to me softly and my walls broke. There was no way I could keep lying to him now and whether I liked it or not the truth was about to come out.
"Jake I really don't want to do this please just let me walk to my car and we can forget I was even here." I shakingly replied while trying to stop the tears from building up in my eyes.
"Leah you're going to tell me what's going on right now." He demanded holding my face in his hands.
"I imprinted on you." I whispered almost inaudibly.
"What?" He whispered back just as low.
"I'm in love you with you and I always will be, but you have Reneesme now and I won't stand in the way of that. Jake she's who you're supposed to be with and you and I both know that. Please just let me go and forget I ever came back, please!" I told him not caring that the tears were flowing down my face like waterfalls.
"When?" he whispered to me, still not believing I was telling the truth.
"When what? When did I imprint on you? It was that day on the beach when I told you that I didn't resent Emily anymore." I replied in an almost hysterical manor.
"All this time and you never told me" He said more to himself than to me I think.
"You didn't feel the same way and you marrying her proves that, I'm really sorry for what I said, I never meant for you to find out. Jake I can't stay, it hurts too much to watch you with her but I want you to be happy and live a long and happy life with her. When I saw you look into each other's eyes tonight I knew that me leaving and not interfering was the right thing to do and I will not apologize for that. You'll probably never see me again so this is goodbye." By now I was a blubbering idiot and he was too stunned to move so breaking out of hold was really easy. People always say that telling the person you love that you love them lifts this heavy weight off your shoulders. Those people are lying. There is now another place me heart is slowing dying, that church pew in the back of the church.
'Please run after me, please!' I chanted as I slowly walked down the gravel pathway to the parking lot. Knowing that I had accepted that my time was up, and it had been up for a while now, but I still wished that just once I would win out, that I would get my happy ending. It was in that moment when I looked back one last time to see the church doors close that I realized no one would ever be running after me. Sam didn't, my family didn't when I shifted the first time, and now Jake wouldn't. I always am and I always will be second best.
AN: This is just a one-shot [in case you couldn't tell :)]. I am toying around with the idea of making this into a legit story; I guess it just depends on the kind of reviews I get. Recommendations for stories to read are always appreciated and tips on writing. Thank you so much for reading and I hoped you enjoyed it (although it was sad). FYI I suck at grammar so I am sorry if I made a lot of mistakes.