A/N: I want to thank from the bottom of my heart the ladies that have made this o/s the best that it could possibly be. Ealasaid77, Naelany and BbEyedGirl, if it wasn't for you guys I would have deleted this thing weeks ago. Thank you again. Any errors or bad plot points in the o/s are solely mine and cannot be blamed on these wonderful people. Hope you enjoy!
Curled up on our couch, a weak sob escaped from me as I stared at the beautiful photo of my husband sitting on our coffee table. The funeral home wanted a portrait shot to place in the stand beside his coffin, and this was the most recent one that he had taken. This shot was one of my favorites. He complained that he didn't want to take the portrait at the time, but he was so gorgeous with his stormy, blue eyes, and perfect blond curly hair that I convinced him to have it taken for me. He gave in, of course, and I had had this picture sitting on my desk ever since.
Two long, agonizing weeks had passed since a drunk driver took my Jasper from me. Every day since that fateful Friday night I wished to go to sleep and never wake up. Lying here now staring at his picture, I couldn't imagine how I was supposed to go on without him. How was anyone supposed to live with this pain? Rolling over onto my back I stared up at the ceiling of our living room with tears streaking down my face. Wiping at them with shaking hands, I thought that I must be living proof that a person can survive losing the love of their life, if what I had been doing could be called living. My heart had been ripped from me, along with my soul, leaving a gaping hole in my chest that would never be healed. Was it possible to live without your heart and soul? Once again, I was living proof.
Another choked sob forced itself from my throat. Turning my head, I saw our wedding photos up on the opposite wall of our living room. Joy mixed with pain flashed through my chest as I gazed at our smiling faces. My heart pounded, and I could not seem to catch my breath. Tilting my head up a bit, the photos from our beach trip last year came into view. We had such a good time during that vacation. The sun, the sand, and my beautiful husband made for a perfect getaway. It was like a second honeymoon. He was all I had ever wanted or desired and now he was lost to me, forever.
Unable to stomach the ache in my chest the photographs caused, I turned over and pressed my face against the leather of our couch. It broke my heart a bit more knowing that the photographic evidence of our happy lives brought more pain and anguish to my shattered soul. Looking at the photos of our lives together only brought bittersweet memories to my mind, now that he was gone. My heart ached. Inhaling deeply, I swore that I could still detect his scent mingling with the leather. The smell of leather would always remind me of my Jasper. Resting my cheek against the cool leather, I thought back to how we acquired this sofa.
After college, Jasper and I moved in together into a two bedroom condo not far from downtown. He wanted to be close enough to town to have access to anything we might need, yet be far enough away to enjoy some peace and quiet. Being from the country, Jasper never quite got used to 'city life,' as he called it. The condo was furnished with what items we had from our college apartments, which didn't amount to much between the two of us. To celebrate our new living arrangement, we had decided to buy new living room furniture. We agreed that a couch was to be the first piece to purchase.
Jasper insisted, to put it lightly, that it had to be leather. We debated for two weeks over this purchase. He used every tactic he could think of to get me to change my mind. Some of those tactics were fair, and some of them weren't. He always knew that I could not resist him and would often use that to his advantage. With a small whimper, I pressed my face farther into the leather. Smiling a little through my tears and forcing my thoughts away from the pain, fond memories of the day we bought this couch came to my mind.
We had been at odds over it for weeks and Jasper had had enough. He dragged me down to the furniture store early on a Saturday morning to decide, once and for all, on our sofa choice. Choosing to not argue with Jasper anymore, I went willingly. He drove his truck and held my hand humming softly during the drive to downtown. Irritating as it was, I couldn't help smiling at his small victory. He could always bring a smile to my face.
We arrived at the store and I slowly exited the truck. He came around the front and grabbed my hand leading me into the store. He knew exactly which couch he wanted and walked directly to it in the back of the showroom. Trailing along behind him while still holding his hand, I attempted to redirect him to several fabric covered ones that I thought would be nice in our living room. He simply grinned at me and tugged me along behind him. Frowning a bit at his total lack of interest in any of my choices, I was still not convinced that leather was the best fit for us.
The couch was the first major purchase we were going to make as a serious couple. In my mind, that couch represented not just a new piece of furniture for our living room, but it represented the beginning of our lives together as one. If we could pass these small hurdles of living together and making large purchases, then I felt that we could make it in the long run. At that time, I had hoped for a future of many more such purchases. A future, with him always at my side, no matter what life threw at us. A tiny whimper escaped from me as I thought of a lifetime now with no more purchases, no smiles, nothing with my sweet Jasper ever again.
Refocusing on the memory before the sorrow overwhelmed me, I took a deep breath and concentrated on his smile that day when he knew that he had me. He pulled me through the store to the same couch we had looked at half a dozen times already.
"Edward," he whined. "We are not leaving this store until we buy a couch. I am tired of sitting in lawn chairs." The look of love and devotion, along with determination on his face made me want to give him anything he ever asked. Smiling at him, I wanted to lean over and glide my tongue across his pouty lips. He stared at me with such intensity that all I could do was nod my head. Grinning at me, he sat down on the deep chocolate colored leather sofa.
He patted the seat beside him and asked me to sit. Rolling my eyes I plopped down next to him, practically in his lap. The leather was soft and the cushions were firm, but in a comfortable way. Leather was still not my first choice in a sofa covering, but I was willing to listen to his reasoning. Jasper bounced a little in his seat and tapped the back of the couch.
"I really like this one, Edward. What do you say? Can we go ahead and buy it today? They can deliver it by tonight," he pleaded, sounding hopeful, with a smile on his face that was infectious. My heart melted at the sight of that brilliant smile. However, I was still reluctant to give in to him. Leather was so cold, and I couldn't let him manipulate me so easily, again.
"I don't know, Jasper. I really don't like the leather. It gets cold and isn't as soft as the fabric ones they have up front, " I retorted resisting the urge to pout.
As I started to stand to show him which ones I was talking about, the saleswoman approached where we were sitting.
"What can I do for you gentlemen this morning?" she asked with a smile.
Jasper turned his charming smirk up towards the woman and stood. Her eyes widened a bit and she smiled shyly back at him. He had this gift to be able to charm just about anyone he came into contact with. He shook her hand and they both started discussing the leather sofa. Remembering all the times that he had charmed me for various reasons in our relationship, I couldn't help but grin. Of course, with me, all Jasper had to do was give me that beautiful smile and I was hooked. That poor woman didn't stand a chance. Losing myself in thoughts of Jasper, I wasn't paying much attention when they settled on a price and delivery method.
Glancing back to where Jasper and the saleswoman were standing by the desk, I noticed that he was signing some paperwork. "Jasper," I called to him. He turned towards me with that beautiful heart stopping smile on his face. He already thought he had won the battle. Walking to me while I still sat on the leather sofa, he responded, "Yes, dear?"
"Don't yes, dear, me. Did you just buy this sofa? I thought we were going to discuss it more." Trying to contain my voice and my anger at his unilateral decision to buy the couch, I stood before him now with my hands on my hips. Knowing that I was projecting the bitchy side of my personality, I didn't care at this point. If we were going to live a life together as a couple, we were going to make these decisions together.
With a serious expression on his face, Jasper turned to the sales lady and held up one finger to her. Not wanting to be manipulated, I crossed my arms and waited for him to give me a good explanation for his behavior. He turned back to me and led me to sit down on the leather sofa again. Leaning his body into mine he wrapped his right arm around my shoulders pulling me into him as he brought his lips to my left ear.
"But, Edward, this sofa will look great in our living room. And just think about how nice this cool leather will feel against your heated skin while I make mad, passionate love to you on it," he whispered in my ear, nipping my lobe gently and rubbing my thigh suggestively with his left hand. My pulse quickened and my body felt like it was on fire. He knew the affect he had on me and my body was helpless to resist him. His control over me was complete.
Gasping, I snapped my eyes to the saleswoman. She was conveniently looking the other way with a smile on her face. Knowing that she probably knew what Jasper was whispering to me, the heat traveled up my neck to my face making me flush with embarrassment and desire. Shifting to attempt to relieve the sudden pressure in my jeans, I cut my eyes to Jasper. He was looking at me with such love, devotion, and lust that he took my breath away. Having no defenses against his heavy lidded gaze or sensuous lips, there was no other way for me to respond.
Staring in the deep blue of his eyes, a husky reply left my lips, "Yes, dear."
Slowly waking with a stretch, I realized that I must have gone to sleep and finished the memories in my dreams. Before the melancholy and sadness set in once again, I noticed the smell of chicken parmesan permeating the living room. I sat up quickly. That was Jasper's favorite dish to make. Turning to look towards the kitchen, I heard the sounds of a pot moving on the stove and then the refrigerator closing. Bolting up from the sofa, I nearly tripped and fell over the coffee table in my attempt to make it to the kitchen and the origins of the smell and sounds.
Skidding to a stop in the kitchen door the air rushed into my lungs, nearly smothering me. My eyes were wide trying to comprehend the sight before me. Jasper, my Jasper, was standing in front of the stove cooking and humming softly. He looked perfect, from his tight ass hugging jeans to his 'Kiss the Cook' apron I bought him last year. His hair was a tossed blond mess and he was barefooted. He looked so comfortable and at ease standing in front of the stove cooking with no apparent knowledge that my whole world had been crushed a few minutes prior. The hole that had been in place of my heart suddenly filled to capacity while my limbs became weak. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I was frozen in place. At that moment, Jasper noticed that I was in the room and turned his brilliant smile towards me.
"Hey, lover. Did you have a nice nap? Dinner will be ready shortly," he said, looking me up and down. Turning back to his dish on the stove to stir the sauce, he took a bite to test it.
The air that I had been holding finally rushed out and I ran to him, practically knocking him down. He released the spoon as it went flying through the air and sauce splattered across the kitchen wall. Pinning him against the wall I crushed my lips to his, sobbing and holding him so tight that he grunted in surprise. The overwhelming emotions flowing through me were almost too much to bare. The joy and elation that I felt radiated through my body crushing the pain and fear that had set up in my chest from the nightmare. My heart was racing and I could scarcely catch my breath. My palms were sweating and my thoughts were spinning out of control. The blood was pumping through my body making me feel more alive than I had ever felt.
Stunned, Jasper gently grasped my face with his hands and pulled me away from him to look into my eyes. He narrowed his eyes and looked closely at my face trying to discern what was going on. Tears of joy were running down my face as I kept peppering his with kisses and holding him as tightly as I dared. Running my hands up and down his sides touching every bit of him that I could, I could not believe that he was real. It had all been a nightmare, a devastatingly horrible and heartbreaking nightmare. He started looking more concerned and finally pulled my face to his for another slow kiss. Releasing me, he stared at me for a moment before he spoke.
"Edward," he whispered, "what's wrong?" He looked worried and little freaked out by my reaction. He traced my cheekbones with his thumbs and once again searched my eyes for any indication of what was going on in my head.
"Oh, Jasper," I cried out, crushing him to me again. "I had this awful nightmare that you were hit by a drunk driver," a cry broke lose, "and killed. I thought I had lost you forever." Burrowing my face into his neck, I started trembling. Attempting to calm me, he rubbed my back in slow circles knowing that it always soothed me when I was upset. Unable to control my hysteria, I started rambling unintelligibly. He held me close, whispering reassurances and his love into my ear.
After a few minutes, I finally gathered myself and stepped slightly away from him. Wiping the tears from my face I gazed into his eyes. He reached up and wiped a few tears that were escaping and gently placed a sweet kiss on my lips.
"I'm here, baby. Don't cry anymore, please," he whispered softly, with tears in his eyes as he pleaded with me to calm down.
The smile that spread on my lips was unavoidable. The joy that swept through my heart was overwhelming and so welcome, but the fear that this was not real soon came crashing down upon me again. Taking a shuddering breath I kissed him back with such force his head bumped back against the wall.
Tearing my lips from his I choked out, "Make love to me, Jasper, please. I need you so much right now. Show me that you are alive and with me. Please." Desperately, I tore at his clothes, the need to feel his skin making my fingers clumsy. Over and over again I pleaded for him to make love to me.
He didn't hesitate, grasping my hands to calm me and pulling me towards the living room. We had made love on this leather sofa many times since we bought it five years ago. A bottle of lube was hidden underneath for that very reason. Quickly undressing, we spared no time to savor the show. Our lovemaking was going to be desperate and needy.
My erection was already leaking and ready for Jasper. We often switched up the roll of top, but we had settled into our preferences with me topping the majority of the time. However, tonight I needed to feel Jasper inside me. That was the only way that I would know that he was actually here and that he was real.
As we reached the couch, Jasper stepped up to me and our bodies slid together like two puzzle pieces. With the nightmare fresh in my mind, I could not get close enough to him. We nipped and sucked on each other's mouths until we had to come up for air. Jasper eased me down onto our leather couch and crawled on top grinding our erections against one another. Spreading my legs, I wrapped them possessively around Jasper's waist to bring him closer and to get more friction between our cocks. We were moaning and grasping, and I thought that I was going to explode before we even got started.
My balls ached and my cock was on fire. Begging Jasper to take me, he shushed my pleas and reached for the lube. Slicking his fingers, he kissed me as he traced around me and inserted one slick finger. Moaning into his mouth I arched up into him, attempting to get more of his finger inside me. He pumped his finger a few times and then added another. After a few more slides in and out with two he inserted a third. The burn was delicious and I could not wait to feel his cock inside me.
Pulling his fingers from me, he coated his erection with the lube and gave me another long, deep kiss. He licked a line down my jaw to my right nipple and gently bit it, causing me to arch into him for more. He raised his head and asked if I was ready. Nodding and panting, I scooted down so that he could reach me. Grasping his cock in his hand, Jasper lined it up with my entrance and rubbed the head up and down.
Unable to take the teasing, I reached down and grabbed his cock to attempt to insert it myself. He chuckled and leaned away from me. Giving up, I leaned back and eagerly waited for him to continue. Gazing up at the love of my life, my heart was so joyful again knowing that he was with me and safe. As he looked into my eyes, I knew that I had never loved anyone as much as I loved him and I was so happy that we had the rest of our lives to share. Leaning his smiling face towards me, he gave me a bruising kiss and started to breach my opening.
Waking with a start, my eyes jolted open, my body jerked and I frantically looked around the room. My cock and balls were aching and I ran my hand down my erection to give myself some relief. Rubbing my unfocused eyes, I couldn't help the smile on my face, remembering the end of the dream that I had just woken up from. Frowning a bit at the thoughts of the beginning of dream, I quickly set them aside and stretched my arms above my head. No need dwelling on the nightmare part of it.
As I reached around for my husband, I was confused when I realized that I must have fallen asleep on the couch again. The smile on my face broadened when I thought of how Jasper was going to tease me for falling asleep in the living room and having a sex dream about him, again. Maybe I could act out the sex part and distract him from his teasing. The little rush of butterflies that invaded my stomach at that thought made me blush from the intensity of my reactions to him. It seemed that I would never grow tired of us. Our love and desire for one another would always be strong.
With a blissful sigh, I turned my head to look at the clock on our entertainment center to see the time. My eyes widened and I froze. My breathing became frantic, and my heart began to race. In a split second, my entire world came crashing down around me, and I could not breathe. Sitting there on the coffee table was the 8 x 10 portrait of Jasper that I kept on my desk. Horror, then anguish, seized me and I grabbed my stomach crying out in pain as the memories of the past two weeks came roaring through my head.
For those few brief moments upon waking, I had thought my Jasper was alive and well. The joy that had existed in my heart upon waking, turned to intense agony, as my heart was once again torn from my chest. My breaths came wrenching out of me as I tried to understand what my mind was telling me. Slowly comprehending the reality of the situation, I turned with tears streaming down my face and wept into our leather sofa. It was all a dream. He really wasn't here. My husband, my life, my love, was gone, forever. And my heart broke, all over again.