Title: A Visit
Summary: "Now I know," he said between fits of laughter, "why you had that vegetable garden." HGSS. One-shot.
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, have no affiliation with Warner Brothers, Scholastic or Bloomsberry, and I have no rights to Harry Potter.
"I wish you would relax," she said, smiling kindly at him.
"Is that so? Please enlighten me as to how I can achieve this phenomenon," he hissed through gritted teeth.
"There's no need to be so snarky!"
"I'm not being snarky."
"Yes, yes you are."
He glared at her as she kept her face quite blasé.
"Visiting one's significant other's parents is known to be distressing."
"Oh Severus," she sighed, "You have nothing to worry about. My father's gun license expired a few years ago."
He had numerous amounts of adjectives to describe the house. Quaint. Quiet. Picture-esque. Dainty. Cute. Hermione Granger's home was not one of them.
"You grew up here?" he asked, amused as his eyes raked over the assorted tulips lining the front of the house.
She grimaced, "I did. You know, I think my vegetable garden's still out back."
He laughed, "You grew a garden?"
She scoffed, "For purely scientific terms."
It was she who glared this time, dragging him inside her house. She didn't bother knocking, but used her spare key to let them both in.
"Mum, Dad!" she called, "We're here!"
There was a bit of rustling from the kitchen before her mother arrived holding a tea tray. Hermione's father arrived after her, primly dressed in a suit and tie, making Severus feel rather disheveled in his casual jeans. Which, he acknowledged, was Hermione's doing, in an attempt to look more "muggle-ish."
"Severus Snape, sir," he said offering his hand to Mr. Granger.
He shook it, grimacing, but offering no other word.
Mrs. Granger glanced between the two men nervously before exclaiming, "Please sit down, Severus!"
Hermione took his hand in her own and firmly placed it in her lap, making her father's eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.
Severus began sweating despite himself.
"You're acting like a teenager, Severus," she commented idly. He frowned, but said nothing more.
"So," Mrs. Granger said, in an attempt to make conversation (a poor one, noted Severus, as he and Mr. Granger were engaged in a sort of staring match), "do you still work at Hogwarts?"
He nodded, not once taking his eyes off Mr. Granger, "Yes."
"Oh this is ridiculous," Hermione muttered under her breath. "Mum, can I help you in the kitchen?"
"Wait-what?" Severus broke eye contact and glanced up in alarm. She was leaving him alone with her father?
"Oh you'll be fine, stop acting so childish."
He gulped anxiously as he saw Mr. Granger's face contort into a kind of twisted grin.
Back in the kitchen, Hermione was boiling (rather like the pot of water on the stove next to her).
"You didn't talk to Dad, did you?"
Her mother shrugged nonchalantly, "You know how he is."
Hermione sighed, "He's sent my fiancé, an ex-Death Eater into shock. That's not normal."
"Call it what ever you'd like, but he'll be—"
Her words were interrupted by a peal of giggles coming from the living room. Hermione whipped around, her eyes wide in confusion.
"What was that?"
Her mom shook her head, as bewildered as her daughter was.
"There it is again!" Hermione cried out in astonishment as a sting of high pitched laughter emerged from the next room.
She frowned, "Not possible." Yes, it was more likely that he'd gotten a raging fit of raucous hiccups.
She opened the door just a crack, and peered into the living room. She saw Severus and her father sitting on the couch, watching the telly. Severus' fist was stuffed in his mouth, in an obvious attempt to hold his chortling in. His face was turning redder by the second. Her father on the other hand, was guffawing openly. It was quite a sight.
She looked at her mother, completely perplexed, "They are laughing."
Glancing back, she saw that even Severus was giggling out loud now.
"What the devil," she said, stepping outside, "is so funny?"
Severus pointed at the telly, "Now I know," he said between fits of laughter, "why you had that vegetable garden."
Hermione looked at the screen in horror as she saw her two year old self stuffing her diaper with fistfuls of worms and dirt.
Now, in hindsight, Severus decided he probably should not have broken out into another frenzy of merriment, upon seeing his fiancée's face.
Severus decided to go with his instincts on this one, and ran for it.
A/N: Written during a whim. Reviews are welcome.