A/N: Crappy sequel to Heartfelt Letters. I may write another one. Lol.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Not Too Late
It's been a hard few months, the weeks seeming to go by slowly and painfully, with nothing to offer comfort aside from the full moon, and isn't that ironic. But the full moon is the only time that Remus had allowed himself to give in and bask in Sirius' presence, to forget that he couldn't have Sirius and that he couldn't take what the boy was offering and that he had to say no.
And now it was too late to say yes anyways. The answer had to be no. Because it was September 1, and he was sitting in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express. He had missed his chance.
"Hey Remus," Sirius says, coming over to sit beside his friend.
Remus looks up from the book he had been reading, eyes guarded, as they have been for weeks, and Sirius sighs sadly.
"I'm not going to try anything," he says sadly, holding up his hands in defense. "I promised that I wouldn't. You got my letter. I said that if you didn't respond, that if I didn't hear from you, that that was it. But dammit Remus, are you going to push me away completely now? Did I muck things up that badly?"
"You asked for too much," Remus says quietly, his hands tightening around the book he still held in his hands. Truth was though, Sirius hadn't. Sirius had asked for a reasonable amount. Remus just…. couldn't give it to him. Sirius was too good for him. Too bright and whole and perfect. Remus would do nothing but taint him. He'd do nothing but ruin him. He couldn't say yes. He just couldn't. If he did…. It would be taking too much, Sirius had already given him enough.
"Damn right I did," Sirius says, eyes darkening with anger. He has no clue that there's an inner turnover going on within his companion. Perhaps if he did, he'd be a bit more sympathetic, a bit more willing to comfort and sooth, like Padfoot always is. "I asked for everything Remus. I wanted….. I want…. dammit…. I love you, you fucking idiot. I wanted…. I want to be with you. But obviously you don't want to be with me. So that's fine. Forget I ever wrote that god damn letter, alright? I'm sure you already burned the bloody thing anyways. It didn't mean anything to you, did it? I'm sure you just saw it as another one of my fucking pranks. Hardy-har-har-ha. How funny, right? What the fuck ever. I'm just asking if we can go back to being friends now Remus, and if you can't even do that, then just forget that I even exist, I guess. Just fucking forget it," Sirius growls, standing up and storming out of the train compartment that Remus and he were sitting in.
Remus sat there for a moment, utterly still, deathly pale, before reaching into the pocket of the school robes he had already changed into and pulling a crumbled, well worn letter out. He held it between trembling fingers for a moment, just looking at it. A moment later the compartment door opened again, and he hurriedly went to shove it back into his pocket, thinking that maybe it was Sirius, coming back with more to say.
"No need," James Potter says airily, plopping down next to him. "I already know what it is. I was there when he wrote it. He was pretty hyped up and nervous about it." He looks at Remus for a moment before shaking his head sadly. "You know Moony… technically…. Summer isn't over. Not yet. Not quite There's still time. You can still go to him."
"No," Remus says firmly, shoving the almost ruined piece or parchment into his pocket.
"Moony…." James tries again.
"I said no James."
"Why," James asks angrily. "Is he not good enough for you? Is it because he's a Black? I thought you always assured him that that didn't matter, that names didn't fucking mean a thing. Did you lie? Were those just words?" James was feeling rather protective at the moment.
Remus spins around in his seat to look at James in surprise. "Prongs… James… How the fuck can you say that? Think that? Of course it….. His last name may be Black but he's not one. He's a Marauder. He's not one of them, he's one of us. He doesn't belong to them. Sirius is ours. He's our family. We love them, not them. And…. It's…. it's Sirius. He's….Merlin. He's reckless and he's troublesome and he's aggravating, but he's loyal and strong and so, so beautiful…."
"And he loves you too, as more than just a friend," James says, smiling fondly at the werewolf.
"Well he shouldn't," Remus says, shaking his head sadly. "He shouldn't. I'm not good enough for him."
"I think that's up to Sirius to decide Moony," James says, nudging Remus' shoulders with his own.
Remus sighs as James stands up and takes his leave.
He takes the crumbled letter out of his pocket again, just looking at it for a moment. He doesn't need to look at it. He has the whole thing memorized, word for word. And he knows that James is right. It's up to Sirius to decide, not him. Sirius may be reckless, and irresponsible, and troublesome, but he's his own person, and an intelligent one at that. And Sirius always knows what he wants.
Remus places the back of his scarred fingers to his lips, where Sirius had showed him just how much he had wanted him, almost three months ago.
His lips twitch up into a smile as he stuffs the letter into his pocket again and stands up.
It was time to go find Sirius.
Like James had said:
It isn't too late. Not yet at least.
A/N: No time for a long A/N. Talk to you later guys. Bye! Expect more from me! Hey, someone do me a favor and count the number of bottom!Remus or bottom!Sirius reviews in Reassurance so that I can update it. Thanks!