((So I'm going to continue this. Shower me with praise! :D))
Lissa and I stood next to each other outside of Dimitri and me's room. Our voices were barely audible as we went over the final details of the plan, making sure everything was understood between us.
"Got it?" I asked, being the mastermind behind the plan.
"Got it," she repeated.
"Let's go." I took on an evil grin, and we smashed open the door.
We were wearing thick boots that made loud clonking noises and held pots in both hands, clashing them together to produce a symphony of loud noise.
"GOOOOOOOD MORNING GUARDIAN BELIKOV!" Lissa screamed.
"HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS MORNING, SWEETIE? I HOPE THE HANGOVER ISN'T TOO BAD!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
He awoke with a start, holding his head and thrashing around only to fall on the ground with a loud 'THUNK'.
"Roza…," he whined. "My head…urgh…I don't remember the couch being over here…"
"I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THE REDECORATION OF OUR ROOM, DIMKA! I FELT IT WAS TIME FOR A CHANGE!" The pot crashing, Irish dancing concert was still going loud and strong, and it was taking its toll on poor Dimka.
Sweet, sweet revenge.
"SO HOW DID YOU ENJOY THE THREESOME LAST NIGHT, DIMKA? I know IIIIIIIIII DIIIIIIIIID~~!" Dimka was trying to make sense of all this. "Thu…threesome? We had a…WHAT?"
"YEAH DIMITRI, DON'T YOU REMEMBER?" I chimed in. "WE THINK YOU MAY HAVE GOTTEN HER PREGNANT!"
"Pregnant?" He began to freak out. "Did…did Christian know about this? And could you please stop it with the pot-crashing? I have a horrible headache."
"NOPE~!" Lissa was still singing. "TO BOTH YOUR REQUEST AND THE QUESTION! HE HAS NO IDEA!"
Just then, fireboy burst through the door. "Dimka? Oh DIIIIIIMKAAA! I need to have a word with you, if you're up!"
Dimitri slowly stood up, not noticing what he was wearing. We snickered. "Urgh…yes?"
Christian motioned towards the door. "In private?"
"Oh. Yes. Um. Of course." Dimitri managed to get out the door, but not before I crashed two pots together HARD right behind his ears as he exited.
We listened to the door to hear the conversation.
"Dimitri…I'm so sorry about last night…but I want to do it again. Don't you?"
We heard the shocked hesitation in his voice. "What…what did we do? What did I do?"
"You just gave me the best time of my life, Dimka! Your kisses are my drug…I'll never go back to Lissa! Never!" This was the part where he leaned in to give Dimitri a kiss.
"L-Lord Ozera! I…no…this can't…I…WHY AM I WEARING A BALLERINA TUTU AND COWBOY BOOTS?"
"I think you look very attractive in that outfit, my cowboy ballerina. Now come here…"
We heard a scream and fast footsteps as he tried to run away, but we had known this was going to happen. He tripped over a strategically placed couch in the hallway and into our trap, which when triggered would capture him in a net and blare air horns and vuvuzelas.
Christian glared at us as we exited the room to enjoy the sight of our beautifully-executed prank. "I'm never doing that again. I only agreed to it because he flashed Lissa."
"We know, we know," I giggled alongside my best friend.
I walked up to my poor husband with a glass of water in my hand. "You need this, sweetie?" I looked and sounded sympathetic.
"Yes, Roza…and could you please make the noise stop?" He reached out through the net for the water.
I dumped it on his head.
"ROZAAAA!" He snarled, clawing at air as I threw the glass at a wall to add to the noise.
"You're cleaning that up later."
"Why are you doing this to me, lyubov? Tell me…"
I snickered. "Because you ruined our wedding."
"I did?" He rubbed his head. "I don't remember…"
I gave him a hard look. "With all the vodka you chugged, I don't expect you to."
"Vod…ka?" His eyes went wide. "Oh no. Oh no…I'm so sorry…Roza…" Dimka looked like he was about to cry.
Lissa piped up. "Yes, well sorry won't erase my memories of you being naked."
"I WAS NAKED?" He yelled suddenly, then rubbed his head and sighed. "I was…naked?"
He fell to the ground, cut free by none other than Yeva Belikova. He made a girlish squeak when he hit the floor. Before he could manage to stand, he had his back crushed by a heel.
"Vnuk, I am ashamed to call you such." She made a tsking noise thrice.
"…Babushka? Is that you? …Why are you here?" He was very confused. To aid in his mental processes, we stopped the noise. Temporarily.
"I am here to help Roza in her attempt to restore her pride after last night." She crushed the heel harder. "Dimka, you did some very naughty things last night."
"Did I really have a threesome with Lissa and Roza last night?" He inquired.
"No, but you expressed the desire to," Yeva chided.
"And you didn't kiss me either, Belikov. So don't take me up on the offer. It wasn't real." Christian stuck his tongue out and made a weird face.
"Thank God," he mumbled, then raised his voice. "I'm sorry for what happened last night. I can't change it. So can we please stop the torment?"
I blared a vuvuzela in his face.
"Oh Dimka…," I began, tsking as Yeva had done.
"The revenge has only just begun," Lissa and I spoke in unison, psychotic smiles upon our faces.
French voice from Spongebob: "Several, hours, later."
Dimitri stood in front of an audience wearing cowboy boots, a sparkly ballerina's dress, and a princess crown with bunny ears attached. He cleared his throat and picked up the microphone.
"I haf biin enstrukted to speek vith a hefy Roosian aksent tonight," Dimitri began in a heavy Russian accent, and now that you get the point I'm just going to put what he says in plain English. "Unless singing, I will use this accent in order to repay my beautiful loving wife, Roza Belikova, for embarrassing her during our wedding last night." He groaned. "And now, I shall sing my first song. Barbie Girl, by Aqua."
With his hair long and curly as it was, he very much resembled a female. The only thing that gave it away was the low timbre of his voice. And as I entered, with my hair and outfit, I much resembled a male. Gender bending for the win!
I sang all of the male parts, making my voice humorously low. He tried to make his very high, but failed horribly.
After that I left the stage (until Best Friend), and he sang Every Time We Touch by Cascada, Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, LoveGame by Lady Gaga, and Best Friend by Toy Box.
Please, take a few minutes to imagine Dimitri singing each of those. He was forced to put emotion into it, so it wasn't done flatly. He actually tried to do the girly voice for my sake.
And for the grand finale, he would sing and dance to Korobeiniki, a traditional Russian song. There aren't too many stereotypical girly Russian songs, so I guess Dimitri dancing in a ballerina outfit to the Tetris theme would have to do.
And the crowd goes wild! Everyone seemed to be laughing and clapping when the curtains went down. As it should be.
French guy again: "Later, that, night."
I was resting in bed with my sweet wife. Well, maybe not sweet. Today she had subjected me to a torture without physical pain. Yes, I admit I probably did some regrettable things last night, and dancing to Korobeiniki (my favorite song as a child, though I would never let my sweet Roza know that) was quite fun…
But my pride had been destroyed. I was no longer the 'badass god' of guardians.
This would have to be rectified. Immediately.
I stroked my lover's hair and softly gazed upon her beautiful body, peaceful and innocent in sleep. Roza's body was bare, as I had given her sweet release without getting any of my own.
I allowed myself a soft chuckle, in my mind sounding a roar of maniacal laughter. A plan was coming forth in my mind.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I would get my revenge one day soon.
"Sleep well, Roza. You'll need it when the day comes," I whispered, then closed my eyes and lost myself to sleep…