So this is just something completely random that came to me while I was in the car. I haven't written anything in months (RL has sucked my inspiration dry) so I thought writing some drabbles might get me going again. We'll see.

This is based on the song What If by Safety Suit. If you don't know it, listen to it here:

http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=GXQQovChBo8

You must listen to it before you read! You should check out their music anyway because they are awesome.

Thanks to littleclarestar for her beta work. My pre-readers (silver sniper, Juliegirl18 and Maria2906) all want me to tell you this is epic emo. Fair warning.

I don't own. SM does. Duh.


What If

"What do you mean? Just tell me what you want."

Her eyes are wide and cinnamon colored. Curious but despondent. Just like the day he met her. Only this time the sadness strikes through his heart because it is him who put that behind her eyes.

"What if... what if what I want makes you sad at me?"

She blinks her eyes filling with salty wetness. She knows what's coming. She's known for a while. But it doesn't make it any easier.

He can't handle the intensity which is staring back at him so he looks down at his hands as he swallows thickly. He closes his emerald eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows what he's come to say. The words practically get stuck in his throat.

"I just think we should take a break while I'm gone." His voice is low and raspy. It's not really what he wants, but it's for the best. The distance will tear them apart anyway. He continues to tell himself this is for the best. That he must put them on pause before the distance shatters what they've built and she comes to resent him.

A sharp intake of breath brings his eyes back to hers. They're watery but even so she's still gorgeous. She's always stolen the breath from out of his lungs.

She stares at him for a beat then laughs. It's not the giddy giggles he's used to. It's not the laugh he loves. It's bitter and humorless.

"You're serious."

It's not a question. She knows he is.

Her breath begins to come in short pants. She's panicking. How can he want this? Tears fall down her cheeks like rain drops and she doesn't bother to wipe them away. Let him see her pain. Let him leave with this memory of her. The memory of her pain he's caused.

The creases of hurt that line her face are hard to look at. He doesn't want this but it's for the best.

It's for the best. This is his mantra.

This will be the last time they speak for a few months but he wont lose hope.

"I'm always all for you." He tells her as he gets up out of his chair and walks around the table. He kisses her on the cheek, his lips lightly brushing the corner of her mouth. He loves her. This hurts him just as much as it hurts her.

In fact, he's certain it hurts him more. He's walking away from his heart. His soul.

"I'm always all for you," he repeats.

She knows what he means. It's their thing. It's what he says. They are his way of saying he loves her. This separation doesn't make sense to her. But she understands why he feels he needs to do it. She sees the dullness of his eyes and knows the pain he feels.

She watches him walk away. The confidence that's usually in his stride is absent.

The bells above the door chime and he's gone.

She won't loose hope. She won't let go. He'll be back.

She will wait.


Silver Sniper wants me to continue this so her heart doesn't remain broken. Because I love her so much, I probably will. But I can't make promises. =)

Thanks for reading!