You're way too thin...
How am I still so heavy? I've been doing this all week...
It almost impossible to not cry right now. Yukiko's coughing and hacking is so loud! I feel like I'M about to throw up because she's just started up again, and I can hear the disgusting noise of her already small lunch pouring into the toilet. Why?
I grab another tissue to wipe my mouth, and I'm kind of...proud of myself, I guess. Satisfied? That sounds like the right word.
I wish someone else was in the house right now. Maybe Dad or Kento would hear her coughing and run upstairs and ask what was wrong. We're the only ones, though, so no one will come up and save Yukiko. I sure can't. Look at me, crying and holding back her hair while she blows chunks. What kind of friend am I?
It feels good to be in control. Would you believe that I've never had so much control in my whole life? I mean, I guess you could say that I have control over the people I'm friends with and the things I do, but not really. Chie's been my best friend since forever, and people always make a point to talk to me, so I never have to really GO to someone. They come to me.
Is it possible for this to be hurting me more than it is her? Stupid question. Of COURSE it's not. But if that's true, wouldn't that make her want to stop? Instead of keep doing it?
Everything else is decided for me too. I don't REALLY have control over school and clubs, things like that. I'm expected to do well, so I do well. I don't have time for much else, because of the Inn. The Amagi Inn.
I really am the worst, aren't I? I mean, I'm not even trying to STOP her. Just standing here holding her hair. She asked me to, and I could never say no to her, not Yukiko. So here I am.
My future's already decided. When Mom and Dad retire I'm going to inherit the Amagi Inn. It's not like there's anyone else that they can pass it on to, so I'm the heir. That means I'll marry someone local, probably. I just hope my parents don't choose someone like Mitsuo-kun. Ugh.
Oh God, she's heaving now. This is torture! I really can't stop myself from crying a little. This is killing me!
I like to think that I'm not just throwing up food, but my obligations. Kind of silly, I know, but for a moment it feels like I'm in charge.
I hate myself. I hate, hate, HATE myself. What have I even done to help her? I've spent months watching her do this, and because of a stupid promise I made I can't tell anyone! I wish I had someone I could ask for advice. The only person I can trust is Yukiko.
I could kill myself, if I wanted to. Drown myself, shoot myself, strangle myself. I hold both my life and my death in my hands. Isn't that exhilarating?
How long is this going to keep going on? I can't take this anymore, it's tearing me apart.
It seems like I'm done for now. I'll stay like this for another minute or so anyways, since it feels nice. Just sitting, Chie standing next to me. This feeling is so nice.
Why? When will you stop, Yukiko? Will you ever?
The thrill of being in control is just too wonderful. I hope it never goes away.