Chapter 10

Caitlin avoided Glee club that morning in favor of visiting Ms. Pillsbury. She'd been avoiding everyone in glee since she sang with Sam. She'd wanted to avoid them since their kiss, but she still had to perform with him. As she slipped into Ms. Pillsbury's office she heaved a sigh and dropped her bag next to her chair.

"How are you doing today Caitlin," Ms. Pillsbury asked.

"Sam Evans kissed me," Caitlin blurted out. Once she started she found she couldn't stop explaining things. "Sam kissed me, but he's dating Quinn, who is really nice and I don't want to hurt her, but I think I might have feelings for Sam. I just got out of a relationship though, which wasn't going well if I'm honest because I felt so guilty about kissing Max, my dance partner from Carmel. I kissed Puck too, well he kissed me first, but I think he did it because he didn't know what else to do and he thought that would help. It didn't help though, and now I have Max calling me all the time trying to get me to come back to Carmel, I have Sam following me around trying to get me to talk to him, I have Artie watching me like a hawk because he saw Sam kiss me, well I kissed him back, and I have Puck trying to be my friend. I don't know what to do!"

Ms. Pillsbury blinked at her several times, trying to understand Caitlin's story. "Let me get this straight, which thing in that list happened first?"

"I kissed Max, then went on a break with my now ex, then boyfriend, Wes," Caitlin explained. "Then I moved here."

"At which point you and Noah Puckerman had romantic relations," Pillsbury asked.

"Yeah, but I felt guilty because I was technically still with Wes, so I told Wes what had happened with Max, I don't remember whether I told him about Puck though."

"And so Wes broke up with you, and shortly after that Sam kissed you."

"That would be correct," Caitlin said before heaving a sigh. "My life is a mess."

"You are in high school its supposed to be messy, not this messy, but messy. I think you need to take some time and evaulate how you feel. Take their feelings out of the equation and decide how Caitlin feels about each of these young men," Pillsbury suggested. "When you decide that you can decide what you want to do."

"How do I decide that," Caitlin asked.

"That's up to you, write it down in a journal, put it into a song," Ms. Pillsbury said excitedly. "Singing about it might help you! Try to find one song that best describes your relationship with each of the young men! You're in Glee it should be easy for you!"

"I'll try," Caitlin said skeptically.

"Speaking of Glee, shouldn't you be there now," Ms. Pillsbury asked.

"Yeah, I'm kind of avoiding it due to recent drama."

"Go this afternoon," Ms. Pillsbury ordered.

...

Caitlin arrived a few minutes late to Glee, she went around the long way to avoid running into Karofsky. She stepped into the room to see that there was a blond woman there instead of Mr. Schuester. Puck grabbed her arm and steered her around him.

"Buttered floor," He whispered before pushing her toward the seats.

"I'm not your average run of the mill subsitute teacher," the blond explained. "I want you guys to do things that you want to do. I want you to have fun in our fabulous but fleeting time together. What do you say we have class outside today?"

"It's raining outside," Mercedes pointed out.

"Well then let's take a field trip to Taco Bell," she suggested. Everyone let out cheers of excitement. "Should we toke up some medical grade marijuna? I wish."

"Ok, no, we can't just good off all day we have to write a setlist for sectionals," Rachel said in frustration.

"She's right, Vocal Adrenaline has been working on their's since June," Caitlin pointed out.

"Spy," Santana whispered loudly.

"Whatever," Caitlin snapped back with venom in her voice.

"She's right," the blond said. "What songs would you like to do? Don't get asked that question much do we?"

"Ms. Holiday's right, Mr. Schuester's setlists seem like he hasn't listened to the radio in 30 years," Kurt complained as he joined them in their seats.

"He never listens to what I have to say," Puck whined. "I suggested Cee Lo and he shut me down."

"Cee Lo, that's what I'm talking about," Ms. Holiday exclaimed.

"What would you know about Cee Lo, cause you're like 40," Santana said smugly.

"Top 40 sweetcheeks," Ms. Holiday informed her. "Hit it."

Caitlin remained in her seat as her classmates joined in the number. She thought about Ms. Pillsbury's assignment and wondered if this song applied to any of the guys in her life. It seemed to be more about her actions, than any of the guys, she was the one that had cheated after all. She glanced at Sam and noticed that he was watching her as well. She quickly looked away her gaze landing on Rachel.

The brunette shifted in her seat and met Caitlin's gaze. "This is a problem," Rachel said firmly.

"Let's go get some tacos," Ms. Holiday announced. As everyone filed out of the room after her Caitlin looked at Rachel again.

"This is a big problem," Caitlin said seriously.

"I have a plan," Rachel said before racing out of the room.

...

A few days later the 'nightmare' as Rachel had termed it was still not over. Her plan to go to Schuester wasn't working, because he was still sick. Caitlin rounded the corner and saw that Rachel was speaking with Ms. Holiday at her locker.

"You're a total drag, has anyone ever told you that? You too Red," Ms. Holiday said when she saw Caitlin had joined them.

"I have, well to her anyway," Puck said pointing at Rachel.

"Oh Puckerman here are the answers to the pop quiz I'll be giving in spanish class later, it is so boring in there," Ms. Holiday said as she passed him some papers.

Caitlin's face scrunched in confusion as she watched the scene unfold. "Thanks Ms. H," Puck said before giving her a high five. "Later Cait."

"You know what, maybe I should be more like you, all fun and just forget about the conseqences," Rachel snapped.

"Yes, you should, at least sometimes, when is the last time you did something just because you thought it would be a blast," Holly asked. "Take glee club, I mean you have all these great ideas when is the last time you actually did one of them?"

"Mr. Schu can be a little tight fisted with song selection, but I would like to do something a little bit more upbeat and glamorous with a good dance beat," Rachel explained finally caving into the sub.

"Sounds reasonable to me, have you asked?"

"He said no," Caitlin informed the sub.

"Rachel I used to be just like you, I'll get to your problem in a minute Red, trying to get everything so right and hanging on so tight," Ms. Holiday explained.

"What happened," Caitlin and Rachel asked.

"I got punched in the face, anyway why don't you let me know the name of this upbeat glamorous song with a nice dance beat, because hot stuff you are doing it in glee club," Ms. Holiday said with a smile.

"I kind of need a partner to do the song I wanted," Rachel said sneaking a glance at Caitlin.

"I thought you'd never ask," Ms. Holiday said quickly. "It's kind of my catch phrase. Now let me deal with this one, please?"

Rachel nodded excitedly and darted down the hall to find Finn. Caitlin turned away from Ms. Holiday and began walking down the hall. "I don't need any help, thanks," Caitlin called over her shoulder.

"Honey, trust me I know man drama when I see it, and you have man drama. I think you should sing about it," Ms. Holiday suggested.

Caitlin froze in her tracks and stared at the sub. "That's what Ms. Pillsbury said too," Caitlin admitted. "I did come up with a song, about one guy in my life."

"Well you can perform that after Rachel does her song."

...

Caitlin sat silently next to Tina watching Rachel and Ms. Holiday perform Nowadays from Chicago. Rachel had certainly warmed up to the substitute quickly. Feeling eyes on her, Caitlin glanced over her shoulder. She met Sam's gaze for a moment before quickly looking away. She bit her lip and looked down at the floor. She was supposed to perform after Rachel, but she still hadn't talked to Sam about the kiss, or Max about that kiss, or Wes about their breakup.

Caitlin ran a hand through her hair, and just barely kept herself from letting out a sigh of frustration. She didn't want people to think she wasn't enjoying Rachel's performance. She rose with everyone else and cheered as though nothing was wrong.

Ms. Holiday waved them all down and pointed at Caitlin. "So I gave Red an assignment, she has to sing about the drama she is currently experiencing in her life," Ms. Holiday said with a grin. "What was his name?"

"Which one," Santana said as Caitlin rose from her seat.

Caitlin didn't respond to the question, she simply walked onto the stage and took a deep breath. "He knows who he is," she said simply.

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel comes out just when you need it to

As I pace back and forth all this time

cause I honestly believed in you

holding on, the days drag on

Stupid girl, I should have known

I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

and lead her up the stairwell

This ain't hollywood this is a small town

I was a dreamer before and you let me down

now its to late for you and your white horse to to come around

Caitlin looked up at that moment and caught Sam's gaze. The look on his face told her all she needed to know. She pushed the microphone away from her and took a step back. She shook her head several times, refusing to cry yet again.

"I can't, I'm sorry," Caitlin said before darting off the stage. She raced down the steps at the side of the stage and rushed through the theatre. She left her bag sitting next to her seat as she threw the door open. She barely made it out the door before someone caught up with her. They grabbed her arm and she jerked away from whoever it was as a sob broke loose. "Don't touch me!"

Caitlin turned, terrified to see that it was Puck, and just behind him was Quinn. "We wanted to make sure you were ok," Quinn said hesitantly.

"Well, I'm not," Caitlin cried. She turned away from them both, but Puck grabbed her shoulder and turned her back.

"Talk to me," Puck ordered.

"I can't!"

"Why not? You can always talk to me," Puck shouted back at her.

"I can't talk about it," Caitlin said shooting a glance at Quinn.

"You mean you can't talk about it in front of me," Quinn replied.

Caitlin didn't reply, she pulled away from Puck and shook her head. She turned and walked down the hallway, her shoulders tightening as she went. She wouldn't do this, she wouldn't hurt these people too.