Ready for more Whitlock fuckery? Of course you are, that's why you're here right?

So as most of you know by now, the author name has changed, but please trust that it's the same snarky bitch writing this shit for your enjoyment. If you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, that means you haven't read "Sassafrass Junction" yet either, so you should probably go do that now or you're not going to have any clue what's going on here.

Quick shot out of thanks givemesomevamp and the Fellowship of the Peen blog for their extremely awesome rec of SJ this week! Since I've had to start over more or less from scratch, the pimpage is most appreciated. Go check out their blog because they are some wicked-crazy-awesome bitches over there! Go to "wordybitches(dot)com" and see for yourself.

Beta'd by the beta-wife for life, Mynxi.

SM's characters (well most of them anyway), but the fuckery is all mine.


"So you're telling me not only did you orchestrate the downfall of the vampire hierarchy, you've also been chosen to be the new leader?" Lexi's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head.

"Nominated. I've been nominated, Lexi, big difference."

"So who are your opponents?" she smirked at me.

My reply was interrupted by the sound of giggling about ten feet away from us. Lexi sighed exasperatedly. "Tyler, sweetie, what have I told you about dumping sand on Rory's head? That's not nice!"

Tyler looked over at us with an expression that was trying to be sorrowful, but the twinkle in his eye said otherwise. "Sorry, Momma," he said with a giggle.

"Oh sure, I can tell just how sorry you are, silly boy!" She stood up and went over to assist little Rory before the sand could get into his eyes. Rory was Jared and Kim's youngest; the two boys were often paired together for play dates and had become the best of friends already. We were at a park just outside of LaPush. Now that I was a vampire, I wasn't allowed past the treaty line.

Jasper and I, along with Rose and Emmett, had arrived three nights before. After Edward and Tanya's wedding and the preceding battle with the Volturi nearly a week ago, I decided I really wanted to take a couple days to come see Tyler while we were on this side of the country. It had taken a little convincing on Jake's part that I was ok to see Tyler.

He and Sam had met us at the Cullen home in Forks to more or less 'evaluate' me. Jake seemed a little surprised I didn't lunge at them snapping my teeth. He was really surprised when I picked him up without laying a finger on him and pinned him against the wall upside down. I gave him and Sam both a heavy dose of calm, of course, so they wouldn't phase and go all "crazy wolf" on me. Sam was shocked at first, but the look on Jake's face as he hung upside down was pretty fucking comical and he started to laugh. "I see your new life came with some interesting talents."

"What the fuck?" Jake sputtered. "Get me down from here!" I lowered him gently so he wouldn't land hard on his head. "What the hell Bella? Was that really necessary?" he griped as he stood to his feet. Jasper snorted.

"Of course it wasn't necessary, but it was fun none the less," I quipped, giving him a Peter Whitlock-style shit eating grin. "I would've hugged you hello, except for the fact you smell like ass." I now knew what the big deal was; Jake and Sam smelled like wet dogs that had rolled in something dead. Holy shit, but they were ripe.

"Well the feeling's mutual, Vampirella," Jake smirked at me. "So what's new, other than the whole undead-with-super-cool-powers thing?"

We filled them in on the events of the previous week. Sam's jaw actually hung agape as we finished the story, while Jake started laughing hysterically. He thought we were fucking with him.

"Ha! You two had me going there for a minute. I could maybe buy that, with your new skills, you guys could defeat the Vultures or whatever the hell they're called but really Bella? You, becoming the queen of vampires? Please…" he snorted, shaking his head.

Jasper and I said nothing and just waited for him to realize we were telling the truth. Just then Emmett and Rose came in the back door. Rose had a couple of twigs stuck in her hair. She looked at Jake with disdain. "Oh you're here. I was wondering why my house smelled like a landfill."

"Aw, suck it Blondie. You got a little somethin' stuck in your hair, better go run and fix it!" he replied mockingly. Rose's hand flew to her hair, connecting with the twig. She scowled and stalked upstairs.

Emmett plopped down on the couch. "How's it goin' Jake? Pretty crazy about Bella, huh? Gonna be HBIC pretty soon," he said as he nodded and grinned at me. Emmett was so stoked about my potential new position in the vampire world. I couldn't say I felt the same way.

"HBIC?" Sam asked.

"Head Bitch in Charge! It's gonna be awesome!" Emmett crowed.

Jake blinked and then snorted again. "Yeah, I'm not falling for it Emmett. You guys don't know when to let a joke go, do you?"

"Falling for what?" Emmett asked, looking and Jazz and me in confusion.

"He thinks we're jokin'," Jasper explained.

I sighed. "Believe what you want, Jake, I couldn't give a shit either way. It's not like I'm real keen on the idea anyway. So when can I see Tyler?"

"Well, we can see you're not the typical crazed newborn; how has your control been?" Sam asked. We assured him that my control was fine, citing the fact I'd been attending classes again at Boston College since the start of the fall semester without an inkling of an issue with bloodlust.

Sam explained that the elders were still against the idea of a vampire on Quileute land, even if it was me, so if I wanted to see Tyler it would have to be on our side of the treaty line.

So after having a couple of visits with Tyler at the Cullen home when Jake returned the next day with him and Lexi in tow, and then once again yesterday, she and I had arranged this outing today at the park. The weather was overcast enough for me to be outside and she and I were able to talk without Jake scoffing over every other word. Unlike Jake, she actually believed everything I was saying about my current predicament.

"Now what were we talking about?" she asked after having successfully brushed all the sand from Rory's hair and eyes. "Oh right, your upcoming election. So who are your competitors again?"

"Yeah, I don't really have any yet."

"But you're going to?" she raised an eyebrow.

'Most definitely. We're going for the whole democratic approach and all that. Hopefully they find a candidate much more qualified than me, and I can move on from all this craziness."

"You really don't want this, do you?" she asked me sympathetically.

"No Lexi, I really don't. I will, if I have to, but I don't want it. Would you want that kind of responsibility?"

She shook her head. "I can't even imagine."

"Auntie Bella! Auntie Bella! Look what I found!" Tyler came running up to me with his hands outstretched and cupped together.

"Whatcha got Little Man?" I leaned forward toward him on the bench. He opened his hands to reveal a fuzzy black and orange caterpillar. "Wow! That is the coolest little caterpillar, Ty!" I exclaimed.

Tyler beamed with pride. "I'm gonna call him Harvey!"

"That sounds like the perfect name for him, I really like that."

Flashing another one of his father's smiles at me, he ran off to join Rory back in the sand box.

"I really appreciate you guys letting me see him, Lex. He's such an awesome little kid."

"Of course, Bella! You're welcome to come for a visit anytime," Lexi smiled at me warmly, but then something caught her eye and she scowled over my shoulder.

"What is it?" I turned around and saw who was headed in our direction. Ah, fuck. I put on my sunglasses, but it was too late.

"Oh my God! Bella Swan is that you? You look amazing!" Jessica Stanley plopped her fat ass down on a bench adjacent to the one Lexi and I were seated on. "Michael, Steven, you boys go play now, Mommy's gonna talk with her friends here." The two little blonde-haired boys, the older one looking an awful lot like Mike Newton, scampered toward the swings.

She sat back on the bench, her hand rubbing her enormous belly; it was now plain to me that she was pregnant, now that I was able to hear the infant's heart beat. She stared at me gape-mouthed; the curiosity coming from her was almost painful. "Look at you," she said, awestruck. "I thought you went back to Phoenix. What did you use, SPF100 down there? You're white as a sheet!" She chortled at her lame little joke.

"Um, thanks Jessica. I've been living in Boston for about a year now," I spoke carefully, in a softer tone since my voice was pretty different now from that it was.

"Boston? Wow. You really look different, you know? You look amazing, of course, but definitely different. Did you have a little work done or something? You can tell me you know, I wouldn't say anything to anybody," she whispered conspiringly, blatantly lying to my face.

"Yeah, a little work, you could say that," I said with a fake smile. "So the two boys; they're yours?" I asked politely.

She nodded. "Yep, with another on the way," she patted her stomach again. Ugh, that poor child.

"Wow, three boys! You're going to have your hands full aren't you?" Fuck I was so over talking to this stupid heifer already. I suddenly realized that while I had no doubts I would've been a great mom for Tyler, I think dealing with other parents would've driven me fucking insane. Bella Swan-Whitlock was definitely wired without the soccer mom chip.

"Yeah I think Mike and I are gonna call it good with this one," she said, continuing to stroke her gut. It figures that she ended up with Mike, they deserve each other. "He says I need to get fixed after this little guy comes." That's a hell of an idea, too bad your parents hadn't thought of that twenty-four years ago. "So, what have you been up to, do you have any little ones?"

"No, I'm going to school and have a few things going on right now," I said vaguely. Of course, Jessica has always hated the concept of 'vague'.

She cocked her head at me. "I'd heard you'd gotten pregnant by Jake not long after graduation."

"Adoption." I said coolly.

"Oh, I see," she sniffed, popping her nose into the air self-righteously. "I'd heard that too, I just wasn't sure. It's a shame, you're really missing out. Motherhood is so rewarding," she cooed while rubbing her belly. Gag.

I looked at Lexi, who shook her head and rolled her eyes at me, then turned back to Jessica. "Right. Well, that's great Jess, I'm really happy for you," I said, now that it was my turn to blatantly lie. "Listen, I need to get going, we have a flight to catch tonight."


Shit. I glanced at Lexi again, who shrugged this time. Thanks for the help, bitch. "Uh, yeah. Me and my husband. Jasper."

Jessica's eyes grew huge. "Jasper? As in, Jasper Hale? As in Edward's foster brother?" Always the gossip, she was literally aching for the story.

"Yeah, that's the one." I stood and waved at Tyler, who started running back toward us.

"Oh. My. GOD! You've GOT to tell me how that happened!" Jessica was nearly peeing herself.

"Actually, no I don't," I answered, not bothering to look at her. I squatted down to catch Tyler, scooping him up into a hug. Even though he had the wolf stink on him, his scent also had hints of freesia and cherry blossom. It amazed and delighted me that he carried that part of me with him too. It was very possible he could end up being the best smelling wolf on the rez.

"Hey buddy, auntie Bella has to get going now, okay? But I'll try to come back and see you soon." I kissed his cheek.

Tyler giggled. "Your lips are cold." He rubbed his cheek.

I chuckled. "Yeah they are, aren't they? I'm sure gonna miss you, Ty." I ruffled his hair.

He threw his arms around me one more time. "I love you, Auntie Bella."

A lump formed in my throat and my eyes filled with venom, tears I couldn't shed. "Love you too, little guy," I whispered.

"Come on, Tyler!" Rory called. I released Tyler.

"Go play with your friend. See you soon, ok?"

"Ok, bye!" He ran back to Rory.

I stood and fucking Jessica was still sitting there staring at me, waiting for a story. I ignored her and turned to Lexi, who stood to hug me. "Thanks for coming to see us. It meant a lot to Tyler too. Good luck with… everything."

I hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, I'm gonna need it. I'll keep you posted."

Jessica started to stand. Bitch please. "Um, don't bother Jess. It was great seeing you, take care of that growing family of yours and give Mike my best. Ok, gotta go!" I flashed a fake smile, waved at her, and then met Lexi's eyes one more time. "Bye Lexi, I'll talk to you soon."

I headed slowly, for me anyway, to the rental car, trying to keep my speed as humanly casual as possible. I didn't have to worry about it so much when it was just Lexi and I, but I had to keep up appearances for Jessica's benefit.

"Wow, plastic surgery much?" I heard Jessica whisper snidely to Lexi.

"Fuck off," was Lexi's response. "Come on boys, time to go."

I smiled to myself, not bothering to turn around. I stood corrected. Most other parents would've driven me insane. I know me and Lexi would've gotten along just fine.

Carlisle had arranged another private jet for us to take back to Boston. I hunted real quick, snagging two elk, before meeting back up with Jasper, Rose, and Emmett at the house. We were flying out of Portland, Oregon this time, which even at vampire speed was likely going to take us about four hours to get there, if traffic cooperated.

We were gathering our shit, getting ready to head out when I suddenly realized we wouldn't be heading to Boston after all.


I was getting' a good look at my gal's rear as she bent over to pick up her luggage when she suddenly froze and instantly became agitated. "Son of a bitch!" she growled through clenched teeth. My cell phone rang.

"Yep," I answered.

"Tell Stella to quit her fuckin' pity party. She's doing this shit and that's final."

"Fuck you, Petey!" Bella bit out. She sat down on the floor with a loud thump, and no fucking joke, she crossed her arms across her chest like a surly four year old.

"So Peter, wanna clue me in as to why my gorgeous wife is sitting here on the floor madder 'n a wet cat?"

"Your flight plan is being changed as we speak. We're headed to Italy, kiddies!"

Peter and Char had set out from Alaska on their own road trip of sorts, with the understanding they'd meet us back home in Boston. "What the fuck are you talkin' about, Peter?"

"I am not going to Italy tonight!" Bella hissed.

"We're goin', Stella," Peter said for her benefit. "Listen, Jazz. Carlisle and Eleazar have been talking to some of the other coven leaders, Char and I have been chattin' up the nomads, and the consensus is the same. New leadership needs to happen soon, and word about Stella and her mad skills, as well as the fact she's Mrs. Major Whitlock is spreading like wildfire. They're all very much intrigued by her.

I called Carlisle to compare notes and he thinks the best plan of action is a meeting in Volterra. All coven leaders who are able are to come, will arrive for this meeting that will be held on Saturday."

Today was Monday. "A meeting of all coven leaders in five days? Who's orchestrating this? And why Volterra?"

"The invites are going out now, via email, via courier, via gossip over the neighbor's fence. Don't worry about that. And Jesus, Jasper, just where else would you suggest we hold a convention for vampire coven leaders? Vegas? Cancun? Kansas City, perhaps?"

He's such a fucker. But he had a point. I sighed. "Fuck."

Bella snarled. "Jasper, are you fucking kidding me? No, we are not agreeing to this! Italy can fucking wait; I want to go home!"

I glanced warily at my wife who was glaring daggers at me, and briefly wondered if she was going to try holding her breath until she turned blue. "See you in Italy, Peter." I pressed the End button, and felt a massive storm of rage brewing. "Bella Whitlock, you settle the fuck down," I told her quietly. It wouldn't do for me to try to calm her; she'd block it and then probably throw my ass through the wall.

Just then Emmett and Rose came downstairs with their bags. "So we're going to Italy, huh? Sweet!" cried Emmett enthusiastically. Obviously, Rose at least had noted, while eavesdropping, Bella's displeasure in the turn of events and promptly slapped Emmett upside the head. "Idiot," she muttered.

"What?" Emmett rubbed his head and then looked in the direction Rose was indicating. "Oh."

Bella sighed and then stood up from the floor. "Alright, you know what, fuck it. I apparently don't get a say in this, destiny seems pretty well determined to fuck me one way or another, so whatever. Let's go to Italy."

She scooped up her bag and stomped out the door in a huff, heading for the rental car.

I looked at Emmett and Rose who stared after her. "Well this is sure gonna be a fun trip."

My phone rang again. Carlisle. "Hey Carlisle."

"Hi, Jasper. Is there a reason why Bella's not answering her phone?"

I sighed. I hope she didn't break the damn thing. "Probably because she already knows why you're callin'."

"I see," Carlisle said quietly. "Was it one of those yoga things, or did Peter call her?"

"Yoda, Carlisle."


"It's Yoda. Never mind. And to answer your question, it's a little of both. She knew the minute Peter called, I think."

"I take it she hasn't warmed to the idea yet?"

"We're gonna head out to the car," Rose whispered. I nodded at her.

"That's puttin' it mildly, Carlisle. But yeah, we're comin' to Italy. Hopefully she'll be in a better frame of mind about things by the time we get there."

"Well, I can't blame her for being anxious, Jasper. This is an awful lot of responsibility we're placing on her."

"You think I don't know that, Carlisle? Look, we can talk about all this when we get there; we were just leaving for Portland. Do you have new flight details for us?"

Carlisle made arrangements for the private jet to fly to New York, stopping there to refuel and to collect Peter and Char who would be waiting there with our passports in hand since they were already at the Boston house and were able to grab them for us, and then we would all continue on to Italy.

"Well, it sounds like you've thought of everything. Where are you and Esme right now?"

"We're in New York. Our flight to Italy leaves in about an hour."

"Okay. So we'll see you in Volterra then?"

"Yes, just head straight there when you arrive in Italy."

"Alright, we'll see you there."

Bella gradually calmed down as we made our way to Portland. Rose even managed to get her somewhat excited about shopping for some new clothes in Italy, which surprised me a little. Bella's new vampire body had made her more excited to shop than before her change, claiming she finally looks good in everything now. I thought she looked fantastic in everything while she was still human, but what do I know.

Once we were in the air, it was almost as though that internal switch of hers flipped, and she went from the whiny mess mired deep in denial to a resolved, confident woman who knew what the fuck she wanted and what the fuck was going on. And I was soon clued in to exactly what the fuck she wanted when she started tracing her finger up and down my thigh.

I looked away from the political science book I was studying, (hey, we needed all the help we could get in this upcoming election bullshit) to the face of my Bella, who was giving me that look. "Well now, darlin'. Is there somethin' I can do for you?"

She stood and smiled at me slyly, and then crooked her finger for me to follow her. She made her way to the small galley at the back of the plane. I got up and followed her, passing by Rose and Emmett who each had earbuds in their ears; Rose with a Vogue and her iPod, and Emmett was watching some action movie on his laptop.

I met Bella in the galley and slid the door shut behind me. Normally this would be the domain for a flight attendant, but since we declined that service, it was all ours. I grabbed her hips and pulled her body tight against mine, crashing my mouth down upon hers. Her fingers threaded through my hair and deepened the kiss. I pulled away briefly to warn her, "Keep your lust in check, this plane needs to stay in the air." She nodded and then attached her lips to mine once again.

I trailed my fingers down her back until they reached her firm ass and then I cupped a cheek in each hand and pressed her even tighter against me. She moaned and her fingers found their way to the button of my jeans. "Wait, not yet," I whispered. I hooked my fingers under the waistband of her sweatpants and shoved them down, along with her panties, and then lifted her up on the small counter. I kissed her again, and then trailed my lips down her neck, sucking and nipping along the way. My fingers teased her hardened peaks through her t-shirt, and then they too began their decent down her body. When they found her wet center, I pressed them inside three at once, with my thumb teasing her bundle of nerves. She gasped, "Jesus, Jasper!" and I felt her lust flare.

"Easy darlin' don't lose control now," I gently reminded her. I pumped my fingers in and out of her a few times, sliding easily in her wetness, before I dropped to my knees in front of her and sampled her honey. "Mmm," she moaned, spreading her legs wider for me. With my fingers and my tongue, I brought her close to the edge again and again, but didn't let her fall, not yet. Her body was quivering and when she finally began to whimper, "Please Jasper," I rose to my feet.

Staring into her heavily lidded eyes, I unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them along with my boxers to the floor. I was rock hard and ready to go, and with one thrust I sheathed myself within her tight piece of heaven. She came instantly with that first thrust, but I continued on moving with short and precise thrusts, hitting her sweet spot with each stroke. Her whimpers became cries of pleasure and as her body began to clench yet again, this time I fell with her.

I rested my head on her shoulder as we came down from our bliss. She was stroking little circles on the small of my back. "We should get back out there," she said quietly. I nodded and pulled out of her. We resituated our clothing and then cleaned up the counter, wiping it down with some sanitizing wipes we'd found in a nearby cupboard.

I slid open the door and headed out first. Rose and Emmett, of course, were no longer using their earbuds what with the great entertainment to be heard in the back of the plane. Emmett raised his fist for a bump as I passed by to get to my seat, and Rose smirked at Bella, who was right behind me. "Wow, you guys, your first Mile High together! And we didn't crash! Way to go," she cheered mockingly giving us a round of applause. Bella laughed and gave her the finger.

We landed in New York about two hours later, and decided to get off the plane for a bit to meet up with Peter and Char. They were waiting for us in the small private terminal where we exited from the plane. Char hugged Bella, and Peter came and clapped me on the back. "You fuckers are lucky we don't eat real food, I'd be asking for a new plane right about now."

I shoved at him. "Fuck you, it's not like you two haven't had a little Mile High action."

"Big difference between the shitter and the kitchen," Peter pointed out.

"Yeah, space, cleanliness and odor for starters. Sorry, I'll take galley sex for the win, Peter."

Bella wrapped her arms around my waist from behind me. "Mmm, me too."

"Well I see you've calmed down some, Stella," Peter snarked.

"Yes I have, Petey, now don't fucking ruin it."

"Fine, I'll shut up for now. But we do have shit to discuss along the way."

One of our pilots showed up in the terminal just then. "We're refueled and ready for take off in fifteen minutes, Mr. Whitlock."

"Thank you," I said to him with a nod and then turned to the others. "Alright, we're off to Italy. Roll out."