Pairings: Puck/Kurt, Finn/Kurt
On the first day back, I dressed in a striped mauve and black Prada cashmere sweater that came down to my thighs with tight black Donna Karan leggings underneath, both of which I have to admit totally complimented my figure. On my head I wore a black beret and from my shoulder hung a Prada bag. Okay so maybe it wasn't one of my more modest get-ups, and I noticed guys turning their heads and giving me a once-over, as if they were checking out a hot girl, as I made my way down the hallway to my locker with a confident front. I wasn't sure of what to expect as I noticed people were stepping out of my way as if I carried some disease. It threw me off and offended me. In my distraction, someone called out to me from up ahead and I looked up.
"Kurt! Hey!" Sam Evans—who I once thought was gay and am still not fully convinced otherwise—and his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray ran up to me. "What's up dude? Welcome back!" he exclaimed while giving me a high five.
"Thanks. How have you guys been?" The three of us proceeded to my locker, the two of them walking hand-in-hand. I honestly wasn't sure why or how they ended up together but if they were happy, I wasn't about to complain.
They ended up walking with me from my locker all the way to my history class before we parted ways. I guess this was one of their 'bodyguard' routines that they had promised me before I left.
"Damn, Kurt. You look hot," Mercedes complimented me as she circled around me and checked me out in approval before extending her hands for a hug that was immediately granted. "I missed you, boy."
"I know. I missed you too."
"So what made you decide to come back?" she asked. We were heading to the cafeteria when lunch time came around because it was too cold to eat outside and of course she had to ask the dreaded question that I knew I would be getting a lot.
"Well, Dalton's fine and all but what I've always wanted to do with my high school career was to look at cheerleaders in their mini skirts, and they don't have any cheerleaders there and that really disappointed me," I joked in a serious voice that earned me a mock punch to the shoulder.
"But seriously, I wonder if Coach Sylvester will let me back on the Cheerios." I managed to avoid answering by driving the conversation in a new direction.
Speaking of new directions, I found myself at a table full of the Glee kids. I couldn't help but smile as they all seemed so excited to see me again—Rachel included—that I almost overlooked the missing presence of the three Cheerios, Puckerman, and—big surprise—Finn Hudson.
I wasn't going to comment on Finn's absence. For some reason, things have gotten awkward at home between the two of us, and not the kind of awkwardness that settles itself upon you unexpectedly, but the kind where it seemed like Finn was deliberately paying less attention to my existence at home. It didn't help that our parents were away for the month and I wasn't going to use the emergency number to cry to dad about Finn not being into me. Anyway, Finn had apparently gotten up really early and left before I was even awake, leaving a note that simply said 'football practice' in scratchy handwriting. As if it was still football season.
While everyone was chitchatting, I noticed that Rachel was way less up-in-everyone's-faces than I remembered her being and I thought back to when Finn mentioned their break-up. I felt kind of bad for her. Don't get me wrong—I was glad they'd broken up, as self-centered of me as that sounds—but I knew that it must have hurt a lot for her—for both of them, actually, despite how tough Finn tried to act about it. They'd been together for a sufficient amount of time and it was only natural for a break-up after that much time to hurt. Of course, I didn't want Finn to hurt because of it but that just seemed like something inevitable and I was only willing to do everything in my power to be there for him and heal the emotional wounds in his heart...
I quickly snapped myself out of my train of thoughts before they managed to get too far—like when they ended up with Finn proclaiming his undying love for me, resulting in the two of us making out on his bed and...
Stop it, Kurt! I scolded myself, feeling the excitement already building up within my body. I had to focus. On something other than Finn. So I tried to rejoin the conversation that the other Glee kids around me were having and it didn't take me long to blend into it as if I'd been paying attention the entire time.
Apparently some girl named Lauren from the wrestling team had agreed to join as the twelfth member of the new directions in exchange for some one-on-one with Puck and that didn't surprise me at all. I wondered if she would stay now that I was back but Mercedes said that she wasn't going to because of something that happened over the winter break with Puck, something about her hitting on him and him saying something to her—it really didn't matter.
When the bell rang to the end of lunch hour, I told Mercedes that I'd talk to her in Glee and ran ahead to catch up with Rachel as she was leaving. "Hey," I said to get her attention, hearing myself exhaling a puff of air as I spoke.
She gave me a once over and a smile—totally not the Rachel I was used to. "Hey, Kurt. Good to have you back." We exchanged a hug and proceeded down the hallway of McKinley together. "Any slushy facials yet?" she asked.
"Not yet. No one's said anything to me yet and I'm kind of just waiting to find out about some big secret plan to sabotage me."
"I don't think you have to worry about that," she said, eyes downward as she walked. "Coach Sylvester promised to give hell in the form of humiliation and torture to anyone who came within two feet of you."
"Really? Then aren't you kind of in danger?" I noticed the difference in our height from having to look down at her and imagined how Finn felt having to look down at her all the time, being even taller.
"No. She knows we're friends since we're in Glee together." She circled her arm around mine and it felt kind of good to be on her good side because she was a lot more tolerable, even though I was still waiting for her to start ranting about herself.
We suddenly stopped talking and I looked up to see Finn Hudson standing several feet in front of us. The halls suddenly felt much emptier than they had a moment ago and it felt like it was just the three of us with all that heavy tension hanging in the air.
"Hi Finn," Rachel said with a smile that was probably forced because I didn't believe that she was really over him yet.
"Hi," he said back finally, with that uncertain half-smile on his face, and then turned his eyes to me. "Hey Kurt."
I felt my breath catch and nearly choked on my own word. "H-hey." He's talking to me. I noticed him glancing between Rachel and me, obviously questioning our sudden friendliness with one another.
"I'm gonna be late to class," Rachel said, breaking the silence and detangling her arm from mine.
"Me too," Finn said suddenly, making her stop in what seemed like her attempt to leave the two of us alone. "Later," he added after a moment of hesitancy before he walked past us and we resumed on our way.
"Is everything okay between you two?"
Her question caught me a little off-guard. "Umm, yes. I think so." No I don't. "Why?" She looked like she knew something I didn't and that really bothered me. We reached the point where we would be going our separate ways because my class was right there but I really wanted to know now.
"You still like him, don't you?" That alone made me double over in my head and I had to make sure I heard her right. It was more than a year since the two of us found ourselves as rivals in love, all the while Finn remained obliviously caught up with Quinn. The fact that she would bring this up suddenly just didn't add up in my head.
"Why... what?" I found myself unable to form any coherent words.
"I'm gonna be late for class. I'll see you in Glee," she quickly said and before I could stop her, she raced off, leaving me standing there, mouth agape. It took for the late bell to ring for me to snap out of it enough to slip into the classroom.
So that was that. In Glee practice, I was welcomed back with cheers and hugs from those I haven't gotten the chance to see yet. And apparently Rachel was now my new best friend or something and I was still kind of vary of all the possible ulterior motives she might have had but I couldn't quite detect anything of the kind. I was the last one there, save for Mr. Schuester, since I had to talk to my English teacher about the work I had to catch up on.
I took a quick glance around the room in the process of forming my decision of where to sit. Puck was with Santana, Brittany, and, surprisingly enough, Artie on the right side of the room. Finn sat with Mike and Sam in the back row, while Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, and Rachel sat on the left side. I was temped to go sit up with Finn but wasn't sure where Finn and I stood at this point, despite him having sent me a smile when I entered the room. So I settled in the usual seat besides Mercedes, right in front of the three guys in the back. This was the norm. I was always surrounded by girls and that was how it was supposed to stay. It was what people expected.
Mr. Schuester sauntered in, full of energy. "Good afternoon! Hope you all enjoyed your break and are ready to start working towards nationals!" There was somewhat of a cheer throughout the room and he continued talking, eyes landing on me. "Kurt, good to see you back. Looking great as always." I wasn't sure if he was just trying to be nice by feeding me with a compliment or if he genuinely thought that, but he'd definitely never said anything like that to me before so I settled on the former option. Besides, the latter would have been creepy in the slightest way coming from a teacher. Not that there's anything wrong with Mr. Schue but, no offense, sweater vests? You can't go through life wearing those all the time.
Needless to say, my attention diverted itself. Call me paranoid, but I felt like I was being watched all of a sudden, and that does a great deal to one's attention span. I wasn't sure which direction the stare was coming from, but it was definitely coming from somewhere behind me. I considered the possibility of it being Puck because of what happened but couldn't bring myself to check, especially when I considered it being Finn, in which case he would've noticed me looking at Puck, which would've been kind of weird to say the least. I resolved to sinking back in my seat and doing my best to ignore the evident hawk-like eyes that stayed glued to the back of my head.
I tried my best to listen to what Mr. Schue was saying—something or other about the break and having not sung together in a while and nationals—but it was hopeless and I finally lost my resolve and turned around abruptly. My eyes were met with Finn's intense stare for a short moment right before he shifted them back to the front of the room. For that one moment, my heart leaped up into my throat and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Yes." I quickly turned my attention back to Mr. Schue, embarrassed that I'd spaced out like that because everyone must have noticed.
"Good, we'll have Kurt do something with that, then."
Wait, what? On what? I suddenly wished I'd been more attentive because apparently I was given a solo or an assignment or something and didn't know what it was. Smooth, Kurt Hummel. I figured I'd just ask Mercedes after rehearsal. Hopefully she'd been focusing on what was going on better. I forced a smile onto my face to at least appear excited about whatever it was, because if it was a solo, that was just what I'd been waiting for, wasn't it?
When we were dismissed, I made it a point to stick by Mercedes until after we were out of Mr. Schue's hearing zone to ask, but was stopped from doing so by someone calling my name again.
"Kurt!" Oh god, why? I turned to see Finn coming to catch up to me. Now he was talking to me. What the hell? Was he going through some sort of PMS for straight men? I let him catch up, hesitantly allowing myself to lose sight of Mercedes. "Hey, dude, I need a ride home."
We resumed walking as he said that and I raised an eyebrow at him. "How did you get here?"
"Uh... I kind of jogged here. Good for practice, you know? Plus, it's good to clear your mind every once in a while."
"You sound like you've had a lot on yours lately." I didn't mean to sound so observant, but I must have because he paused in his step. All the better, as he'd followed me straight to my locker and I needed to stop anyway.
"Um... yeah, I guess. Ever since the..." He didn't finish that sentence and I wondered if he was going to end it with 'the break up with Rachel' or with something else.
I snapped open the lock and halted when I opened the door all the way. Finn was behind the door and that made him step around me to the other side. That wasn't what made me halt. I remembered New Year's Eve—the night I could remember hardly anything of. Immediately after that, he'd started acting different. Oh god. Did I do something bad? I glanced over at him, doing my best to conceal the nauseating feeling that made itself evident in my stomach. Oh god, oh god, oh god...
But I couldn't just ask him straight out. No. That would be stupid. This way I could use the excuse of not being aware of whatever it was that I did or did not do. Quick, change the topic! I scolded myself and said the first thing that escaped the confines of my articulatory glands, "Uh, back in there..." I diverted my eyes to the emptiness that was the inside of my locker from just getting it reassigned. I made a mental note to redecorate it. "I kind of missed what Mr. Schue said... What exactly did I agree to?" Oh, how utterly embarrassing...
"Uh... I think he was talking about some singer named Mika. I don't know who that is but she sounds hot."
Oh, Finn... A smile erupted on my face involuntarily from his simply heartwarming cluelessness. "Mika is not a girl." I met his eyes and added, "Unless he's talking a different Mika."
He looked lost for a moment. "...Oh." And so incredibly cute!
I dropped my books off and took my vintage jacket out instead. I removed my Prada bag from my shoulder and as I contemplated actually setting it down on the filthy floor for even a second, Finn reached out and took it from me, making me do a double take. I could feel my heart speed up again and after a second of silence, I put on my jacket as I muttered a 'thanks', telling myself not to think too much of the gesture. The halls suddenly seemed that much emptier again and it felt as though it was just the two of us at that moment, much like it had earlier that day.
It must have lasted less than a minute though because as soon as I had my jacket on, he handed the Prada bag back to me and we proceeded towards the exit and out to my baby, AKA the best car in the world.
"Can I drive?" Finn didn't even try to conceal the boyish excitement in his voice and I forced myself to send him a glare.
"And smash my baby into a truck? I don't think so, Finn Hudson."
I unlocked my vehicle and got into the driver's seat. Finn got in beside me and turned up the heat while I started up the engine. The early January weather had caused my baby to really cool down and it was almost the same as being outdoors.
"Kurt, can I say something?"
"You just did." I pulled out of the lot.
"Uh... I know, I mean, like, something that you might find as an insult but I don't mean it as one but..." After a moment of silence, he took it as a cue to go on. "You're more like a boy when it comes to your passion for cars than any straight guy I know and I think that's kind of cool because even though you're... gay, no one can really claim you're all girly and stuff."
I raised an eyebrow at him, unable to sustain myself from doing so. Typical Finn. "Being gay doesn't mean I'm part girl. I'm still a guy, Finn."
"I-I know! That's not what I..."
"I know what you meant. Thanks." I wasn't exactly sure what I was thanking him for—for acknowledging my masculinity?—but I did so nonetheless because he obviously thought it was a compliment on his part. Besides, I was more glad than I would admit that he was talking to me again.
As I drove home, Finn reached over to play with the radio in the Navigator. After shuffling through some channels and finding nothing to his interest, he switched to CD mode and an all-too-familiar melody started playing from where I left off last time I listened to it, making me smile instantaneously as I reached my right hand over to bring up the volume.
Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight
I need help believing you're with me tonight
I quietly sang alone with Elphaba's part and I guess Finn didn't mind because he didn't say anything.
My wildest dreamings could not foresee
Lying beside you with you wanting me
I gradually let myself go, no longer holding back.
And just for this moment, as long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance and crossed some borderline
And if it turns out it's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last, as long as you're mine
I stopped as the male solo started up to pay better mind to the road ahead of me as I let the rest of the song play on its own.
"What is this?" Finn finally asked as Elphaba and Fiyero sang together on the record. I glanced sideways at him momentarily but then reminded myself that he wasn't me, who had a whole playlist on my i-Pod dedicated just to this musical.
"It's from Wicked."
"Oh. Isn't that the musical with that song that you sang last year? The one you competed with Rachel for?"
My smile wavered a bit at the memory but I forced myself to ignore it. "Yes. Defying Gravity." The song on the CD ended and moved on the No Good Deed, which was next on the album. I let my right hand abandon the steering wheel for a moment to reach over and go back about five tracks, bringing my hand back as soon as I did that, while the opening of Defying Gravity resounded in my car. And it wasn't the Defying Gravity that Finn had heard last year, but the one from the Broadway soundtrack, so he only recognized it about a minute in and it made me smile when 'Something has changed within me' began and his recognition made itself only too obvious. I joined Elphaba again on the second verse, letting myself go completely.
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change but till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't hold me down!
I stopped for a break and couldn't contain a chuckle at the silliness of the situation and at the way Finn was looking at me. I simply drove through 'Unlimited' and a round of 'I hope you're happy''s before joining in at my favorite part of the song.
So if you care to find me, look to the Western sky!
As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to Fly!
And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free!
To those who ground me, take a message back from me!
Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
I stopped singing and let the song finish on its own as I entered our driveway, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious about singing Broadway music at the top of my lungs while together in the car with Finn, who looked a mixture of amused and entertained, and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole right there and then. But I didn't let my embarrassment show on the surface, not wanting him to notice.
"Wow, you're really good." His voice was purely sincere with a hint of astonishment to it and I just about swooned, the previous feeling of self-consciousness leaving me right away. I mean, I know I'm good, but hearing Finn say it right to my face made me feel extremely giddy and happy and I couldn't stop smiling as I shifted my gear into park and removed the key, the music seizing in the process. "That other duet sounded really nice too. What was it called?"
"As Long As You're Mine."
"As long as I'm yours?"
"That's the title of the song!" I quickly added, feeling my cheeks heat up, and I had to wonder whether he actually was that slow or if he did that on purpose. "It's a duet between Elphaba and Fiyero... not that you know the characters or anything." He showed me this smile that wordlessly told me I was right. (But when was I ever wrong?)
We got out and I locked up my baby, making sure she was one hundred percent secure before following him inside. "What do you want for dinner?" I asked without much thought, assuming that with our parents gone, I'd be the one preparing the dinners if I didn't want to live off of pop-tarts and instant noodles for the rest of the month. I did think it'd be really cute if Finn decided to cook for me and tried making something to my likings, but that obviously wasn't going to happen any time soon.
"There's microwave pizza in the freezer," came his answer from the living room. I could already hear a game from the TV. Such a boy! He hadn't even taken his sneakers off yet, and I was not going to be playing the role of housewife while we were alone in the house, as much as that had been one of my lifelong dreams.
"Real food, Finn!" I called back but didn't wait for an answer and went down to my room to change and wash my hands because cleanliness is vital.
The rest of the evening proceeded as per usual. I left Finn to his game, having plenty of work to do for school to catch up. Finn probably had homework of his own, but evidently the game was more important and I didn't have the extra energy to argue with him about it. Of course, that left me with the knowledge that he'd be running to me for help when finals came around but we'd cross that bridge when we came to it, I supposed.
Tuesday went by pretty uneventfully, as did Wednesday. It was Wednesday afternoon that I realized I hadn't even looked into my Glee assignment yet and we would be meeting on the next day. After dinner I sat in my room with my laptop, searching Mika on YouTube, vaguely remembering Finn mention that Mr. Schue wanted me to do something with his music.
I found myself listening to Blame it on the Girls and my mind kind of floated away as I listened to the chorus.
Blame it on the girls who know what to do
Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
Blame it on your mother for the things she said
Blame it on your father but you know he's dead
Blame it on the gi—
I shut the song off and sat in silence, my mind going automatically to Finn. We haven't really gotten the chance to interact much since the car ride on Monday and despite how we'd gotten along then, it still felt like he was keeping some sort of distance between us. Did he maybe know I still liked him? Did I tell him when I was drunk! My eyes felt like they were wide as saucers, as they stared at the screen before me unblinkingly. The gap in my memory that formed over that one night was tormenting me and I really wished there was some way to find out without asking Finn about it. Maybe Mike or Tina knew. They had been there, right? Or maybe they'd left by that point.
I closed my laptop, deciding that I was getting no where on the Glee assignment anyway. Not that I knew precisely what I was supposed to be doing in the first place, since Finn had unknowingly stopped me from finding out. I could ask someone else, but with it being two days later, doing so felt kind of weird. Groaning, I set the laptop aside on top of my bed and got up.
I opened the drawer of slightly less-than-flattering clothes—don't even ask why I have one of those—and looked through it for something to wear to bed. My hand swept across what felt like a cotton and polyester mix and I cringed, knowing that I didn't really own anything made from polyester if I could avoid it. I pulled the article out and my eyes met a black material that could only be identified as Puck's, because no way in hell would I ever buy anything of the sort. The night came back to me and I made a mental note to wash the shirt and either return or burn it as soon as possible so I would no longer be reminded of what went on that night. I tossed it into the hamper full of laundry and grabbed an oversized vermilion cotton T-shirt and a black pair of Calvin Klein briefs and went to take a long, hot, well-deserved shower, full of delectable thoughts of Finn Hudson's hands roaming all over my body, touching everywhere and—oh! Yes, right there!
The shower calmed me down plenty, if the self-induced orgasm was anything to go by. I flipped on the ventilation without a second thought to defog the mirrors that covered the walls as I ran my towel through my hair, taking my precious time because in my head it was still Finn who was drying me off and I wasn't even denying those thoughts because this was my alone time, which no one else ever dared to invade. My eyes blinked open and glanced into the body-length mirror along the wall opposite the door leading back to my room. I took in my appearance as I lazily ran the towel down my body until I was fairly dry. I threw on the T-shirt and as soon as I got it over my head, I heard something that made me freeze over.
"Kurt! Can I use your phone for a minute?"
Finn was in my basement. I heard his footsteps loud and clear as he bounded down the stairs. Then they quieted as soon as he reached the bottom and I quickly pulled the shirt all the way down and grabbed my briefs. "Hold on!" I called out to him. "Don't you have your own!" He didn't answer and I knew I couldn't stop him from going through my phone. Not that I thought he was going to snoop through my email or anything, but it still had me slightly paranoid that he basically had access to my whole life at that moment. I brought a towel back up to my hair, which had regained its moistness, and shut off the vent before opening the door and stepping into my room, fully aware of my state of undress.
Finn stood by the base of the staircase, one hand on a baluster, as he looked ready to go back up. He turned at the sound of the bathroom door shutting behind me and looked at me. I kind of wished I was wearing a little more clothing but didn't pay it too much heed. "What do you need?"
"Nothing, I got it," he said after considering his words—or was he just looking at me?—and proceeded up the steps without waiting for my protests of curiosity.
"Finn?" I asked hesitantly but there was no response. He was gone just like that. My phone was still where I previously left it on my bed. I settled on just drying my hair after briefly looking through my texts to check if there was anything new in my boxes from him. There wasn't and I decided not to question him as I returned to my nightly routine.
It was after the last period on Thursday, on my way to Glee, when the bomb dropped on me. Well, not really. It hadn't yet because I had no idea what was happening. As I slowly paced down the hallway of McKinley, I noticed everyone turning their heads in my direction and muttering things amongst themselves. Several football players passed by me, sending me winks and whistles that had me clenching my hands tightly around the strap of my beloved Prada bag. I subconsciously tried to keep my distance, but they simply walked past without even shoving me aside, which I supposed was a good thing but I wasn't entirely certain. What the hell is going on?
"Hey Hummel!" My heart stopped at the familiar voice and I felt my eyes grow wide in fear, which I wished I could do a better job of hiding. What ever happened to that confidence I'd managed to carry around with me the past week? Azimio was approaching me from down the hallway and I halted in my step. "Wanna take a ride on this?" his voice had this teasing tone to it and I watched in horror as he basically thrust his lower region in my direction with his hand over his groin area. I side-stepped, but he walked around me, keeping his face in my direction even as he did so. "Heard you slept with everyone at that faggy little boy's school, so you came back for the big boys." I couldn't even answer because he was then gone and someone shoved me from behind.
"Oh, oops, sorry princess. Why don't I make it up to you in that supply closet on the second floor?" the perpetrator jeered with a laugh.
"Heard you give the best blowjobs, babe," came a voice from right behind me, causing me to violently about-face and create a distance between me and the jock. "Why don't you get down on your knees and suck my cock?" He did this appalling hand motion before walking away as the rest had done.
I stood there in the middle of the hallway with my head lowered, subconsciously biting my lower lip as I heard similar insults thrown my way from all around, and I've never felt quite so small in my life and I just wished I could disappear because this suddenly felt way worse than any physical abuse I'd ever received.
Finally regaining some strength in my body, I dashed for the boys' bathroom and slammed the door shut behind myself, leaning heavily against it as I fought not to burst into tears right there and then. I had to be strong. I couldn't let them get to me again, especially not with what I was pretty sure was considered to be sexual harassment, whether it was verbal or physical.
It was only when I heard a toilet flushing that I realized I wasn't alone and I froze over when I saw the familiar large hockey player exit one of the stalls. If I had to look on the bright side of this situation, I'd say I was thankful he hadn't been using a urinal. But that really didn't matter at the moment because he looked over in my direction and scoffed, going over to the sink and washing his hands. I was surprised he actually washed them.
"I see you're back, Hummel. Didn't know you were such a slut, though."
"What the hell is going on, Karofsky!" I didn't know where I got the balls to shout at him like that, but I did and it seemed to have frightened him at least in the slightest.
"Get away from me, you slut. Everyone's heard about how you've been sleeping around. No use denying it. Why don't you get out and go find yourself a ladies' room?" I figured he was washing his hands only for the purpose of not having to go through me and after a moment of not saying anything, I turned on my heels and left, slamming the door loudly as I did so for dramatic effect.
It's okay, Kurt. Just breathe. Breathe. I listened to my inner voice and calmed myself down. Glee rehearsal will make me forget about this. After taking a moment to calm myself down, I finally regained my composure enough to head on over to the music room, head held high, ignoring any looks or comments I attracted along the way.
Only as soon as I opened the door, everyone's cynical eyes were glued on me. "What...?" It was all I managed to get out before I got bombarded.
"You had sex with Puck!" Santana's voice was the first I heard in the jumble of noise and it was the only thing I really needed to register. I felt myself get dizzy and leaned against the frame of the doorway for support. How the hell did they find out! The thought of Puck actually telling everyone himself, voluntarily, just didn't add up in my head. So how could it have leaked out? I told no one, so wasn't Puck the only other option? I couldn't even hear half of the comments that got thrown my way because of the loud drumming in my head—maybe there wasn't even really that much noise for all I knew, but I just felt too overwhelmed suddenly because I thought this was the place I could always escape to and apparently I was wrong.
"Hey guys, what's going on?" Mr. Schue's voice echoed as he entered the room and everyone grew silent. "Kurt—"
I pushed past him and ran as far away from the choir room as I could, no longer able to stop the oncoming tears. How did this happen? I kept asking myself and not finding the answer. I found myself backstage in the auditorium and sat down on the floor amongst some equipment, trying to relax. It's okay. It's okay. He's probably worse off than I am.
"Hey, Porcelain. Why so down in the mud? And where's your uniform?"
My eyes met those of Sue Sylvester and I expected her to make some nasty remarks about me sitting there crying. She didn't though, and I lowered my head back down. "You're letting me back on the team?"
"Never let you off," she stated matter-of-factly and it actually made me smile. I pulled myself off the ground, wiping at the wetness around my eyes with the back of my Dolce and Gabbana sleeve. "Has anyone touched you?" All I could do was shake my head helplessly. I had never heard her sounding so humane. "Well then, why are you here crying when you could be singing your heart out in your precious little glee club?" I never thought I'd say I missed her but at that moment that's just what I felt. Again, all I could manage was to shake my head once more. "Okay, what happened? I can't have my best Cheerio having such a lack of cheer; it defeats the whole purpose of the name. You're going to have to talk."
"I..." I swallowed a lump in my throat, cringing when I heard the croak in my own voice. "Guys keep making mindless passes at me in the halls, saying... vile things." I met her eyes. "It only happened today suddenly, so I don't..." I felt weird actually telling her what was going on but maybe it would make everyone back off. "It's all verbal but... somehow it hurts more. Getting called a... a slut and a..." I swallowed another lump, looking away from her, "a cock sucker." The term burned my tongue when I said it. "...And asked me to..." I trailed off. Going into detail was useless. Anybody could take the hint—even someone as slow as Brittany or Finn. Oh no, Finn! I began freaking out internally more than I had been the entire time, but I forced myself to look at least decently composed in front of Coach Sylvester, who was taking her time in her response to my complaint.
"I can't stand fellatio slang," she said, making sure to emphasize each word. "You're going to have to face those demons and show them that they can't get to you, because if you show them the opposite, you'd be baiting a bunch of trolls, and trolls are ugly things." She shook her head at the displeasing thought, and after pondering on that for a while longer, finally turned back to meet my eyes. "Go wash your face. Crying makes no one look attractive. And I expect to see you in your uniform tomorrow at practice. You already missed yesterday." I nodded meekly. "And I'll see what I can do. If there's anything." That part had a lighter tone to it and I sent her a weak smile, saying, "Thanks, Coach."
She waved me off and I was on my way to go get cleaned up. Washing my face did sound refreshing at the moment. I put on my best confident face as I walked to the restroom to follow through on Coach Sylvester's orders, now having newfound respect for her. But the sight that greeted me as soon as I opened the door was the last thing I was expecting to see.
"Puck, what happened!" I exclaimed in a panic before I could think otherwise, beholding his appearance in front of me in the first floor boys' bathroom. He was holding a large ice pack to his eye, which looked badly bruised, as did his jaw. I ran up to him, forgetting everything that had happened and he grabbed my wrists before I could do anything, dropping the ice pack in the process. He forcefully pushed me back against a hard surface—it might have been the door of a stall or a wall but I really didn't care at the moment.
"What happened? You told him! What the fuck, Kurt!"
I wanted to yell at him to get off me but his words registered in my head before I could. "I would never tell anyone!" I yelled instead. Whom is he referring to anyway? "Just tell me what happened, please." My voice sounded more desperate than I would have liked.
"Likely story. Your boyfriend did this to me!" He emphasized that word, but it was still lost on me.
"What are you talking about?" The look of confusion I had on my face probably convinced him because he stopped interrogating me for a moment to look into my eyes as if seeing if I was lying or not. "Who—mphh!" There he was, kissing me again, and this time it was really rough and not at all relaxed and free of care like I remembered it from before—but maybe my memory was just inaccurate. One of his hands released its hold on me and the next thing I knew, he was trying to reach down into my pants. That was when I pushed him off in horror, crossing my arms over my chest as if in protection as I stepped aside so that I would have an easier break for the door if the opportunity were in need.
"Good to see you have a backbone." What? "Cause I started thinking that maybe I took advantage of you without knowing because you couldn't fight me off or something." He leaned down to pick the ice pack he'd dropped on the floor back up and placed it on the sink as he observed his bruise in the mirror. "Damn, he packs a punch," he muttered under his breath, more to himself than to me.
"What? No!" That was just insulting. What did he think I was, some kind of pushover? Well... okay, so I had gotten pushed around and bullied a lot without really being able to fight back, so his line of thinking was somewhat understandable. "No—Puck. You changed the subject." Without speaking. "Who did this? I can honestly testify that I told no one and if you don't believe me, then that's just too bad because—"
My head blanked out and I don't know how long I stared at him or how I even looked because all I could concentrate on was the flooding panic that rose up within me because—hello!—Finn.
But I never...! I finally came back to, the image of Puckerman refocused before me, looking as if he thought I was going to faint on him at any moment. "I don't get it. How did he...? I never told him."
"Well, he knows. And he's pretty pissed about it because apparently he's laid some unspoken claim on your V card."
"Wha—huh?" I wasn't able to form any coherent words. But how did he find out! I thought, trying to distract myself from the blush that threatened to burn my face off at Puck's wording. He continued speaking, ignoring me.
"Even though I'm clearly way better at sex than him since I actually practice the sport regularly, so I don't know what kind of sick things he had in mind for you with his lack of experience."
"P-Puck! Shut up right now." I forced a glare into my eyes, willing the heat in my cheeks to go away to no avail. "F-Finn is straight." Stupid stutter.
"So am I."
"Please just stop talking." Because it kind of hurt to hear him always joke about how Finn was gay for me since last year, knowing it wasn't true. I remembered passing by them in the hallway the previous year when I heard Puck's voice say, 'I knew it! You're in love with Kurt!' And it caught my ever-so-hopeful attention, only to get my hope shattered when I heard Finn's response that had nothing to do with what Puck had said at all because it had clearly been a joke that didn't even require denial on his part. It was one of those many times I accidentally let my hopes get the best of me and I didn't need it happening all over again now that I was actually working really hard on getting over my stepbrother.
Puck was looking into the mirror again, obviously displeased by the visual effects of getting hit like that.
"Um... Are you okay? I mean... Are people giving you a hard time...? About this..." I looked away. He hadn't brought anything up against that yet and I found that a little peculiar. I'd have assumed he would immediately berate me for messing up his popularity or something.
"Other than your possessive boyfriend?" I flinched visibly but kept quiet. "Please, Princess. I can sleep with a dude and everyone will think it's cool. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone starts doing it now."
"Nobody did anything to you, did they?" His hazel eyes pierced into me.
"Just passes..." My voice came off as shy from what I could hear and I really wished I could sound stronger, but the topic was rather unbecoming to discuss with Noah Puckerman. "I'm sure they'll stop."
"I'll break more than just their face if anyone touches you."
"N-Noah, what...?" His real name slipped from my lips. And you can't blame me for blushing, having my former bully suddenly acting this way.
"Look, just... go talk to Finn or something. I'm sure you two have things to discuss—things long overdue for discussion." I nodded my head idly. "And don't take this personally. I wouldn't give a damn about who touched you if I didn't know they were doing it only because I slept with you. Technically it's Finn's fault for attacking me where the whole school could hear, but I'm still responsible, so go before I change my mind." His attention reverted back to the mirror, as pointless as that was since mirrors don't magically make your wounds disappear or anything.
"Home I guess. I don't know. Don't ask me."
I realized I wasn't going to get anything more out of him and prepared to leave, but not before muttering a thanks to him. Then I was out, never having even followed through on Coach Sylvester's orders. My prior worries lay in the back of my mind, forgotten, as I focused only on thoughts of Finn now, still at a complete loss as to what could have been going on through his head and as to how he even found out it was Puck that I slept with and not some random kid from Dalton.
This is going to be a long night. That was the single dreading thought on my mind as I got into my car and hoped with all my heart that Finn was going to be at home.
Note: I was hoping to end it in this chapter but obviously... I really wanted to finish before the Superbowl episode airs and this is really all I got done, so I guess I'll have to just settle on posting this part for now. I was going to make this chapter twice as long because I wanted to combine the next part into this one but yeah... Oh well. At least there's sort of promised Finn/Kurt in the next chapter? I'm usually lenient but please review for encouragement/inspiration lol. And I know this chapter was kind of lousy and I spent way too long on it (over 3 weeks?) so critiques are welcome.
Disclaimers: I don't own Glee (duh). Songs mentioned in this chapter: As Long As You're Mine, No Good Deed, and Defying Gravity from Wicked; Blame it on the Girls by Mika. All rights reserved by their proper owners.