Title: A Charming Predicament
Rating: PG-13 for language
Characters: Remus/Sirius, James, Peter
Prompt(s): #18 Remus/Sirius get caught by an enchanted mistletoe.
Summary: Sirus and Remus only think they know what's going on.
A/N: Written for the holiday 2010 mini_fest on LJ.
"You sodding bastard!"
James held his hands up and took a few good strides backward even though Sirius couldn't move from within the very small radius he was currently sharing with Remus. The strength of his glare seemed almost strong enough to cause physical damage, and given the occasional outbreak of wandless magic in situations of high emotion, it wasn't that unreasonable a fear.
Peter was sniggering over James' shoulder, and Sirius shot daggers at him, as well. "You're dead. Both of you. Just wait. When I get out of this..."
"Yeah? Well, you know what you have to do." James grinned, unrepentant, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Go on, then."
"Snog! Snog!" Peter crowed.
"Bugger off you little rodent," Sirius snarled.
Peter glared. "You're going to be sorry you said that later."
"Like hell I will."
Sirius stiffened as Remus placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Let's just get it over with. It won't be so bad."
"No." Sirius didn't meet Remus' eyes, keeping his narrow-eyed gaze on James. "Remove the charm, Potter. We're not at Hogwarts anymore, in case you hadn't realized."
James snorted. "So you've decided to grow up all of a sudden? I guess I didn't get the owl about that."
"Take it off."
"I can't. There isn't a counter-charm."
"Come on, Padfoot." Remus said reasonably, trying to lighten the mood. "I brushed my teeth this morning."
"I said no, Lupin! I'm not in the mood for letting James play his manipulative games."
Remus let his hand drop back to his side. "What are you on about? It's just enchanted mistletoe. It's just one little kiss. And it's not like you haven't kissed all three of us before. Have you forgotten the incident in Fifth Year with the experimental charm and the-"
"We don't speak of that!" James and Peter said in unison.
"Let me have my wand, then." Sirius said doggedly. "I'll work out the counter."
"Nuh uh." James ostentatiously slipped both their wands into the pocket of his robes. "There's only one way out of this. Right, Pete?"
"Right you are, James." Peter shot Sirius a vindictive grin. "And this little rodent added his own special twist to the charm."
James laughed. "Yeah, excellent thinking, too, what with Sirius being such a girl's blouse about the whole thing. Serves him right."
"What did you do?" Sirius asked through clenched teeth.
"Me? Oh nothing much." Peter tried to maintain his aloof demeanor. "Just tweaked it so that the longer you take to do it, the longer you have to do it."
James and Peter sputtered laughter.
They only laughed louder, then James straightened up and made a great show of checking his watch. "And it looks like it's been about three minutes already." He winked. "Best get started, don't you think?"
"All I know is that I'm not sticking around to watch. Merlin only knows what they'll have to get up to by the time Sirius grows a pair."
"Good point, Wormtail! I'm feeling a bit peckish anyway. We'll just leave you two to your privacy, then." James tossed an arm over Peter's shoulders and they sauntered out the door. A string of filthy curses from Sirius followed them.
Silence fell over the room, and Sirius shuffled to the far edge of the invisible boundary that kept him trapped, keeping his back to Remus.
"Can you not even look at me at least?" Remus sounded hesitant and a little nervous, and Sirius began to feel the first stirrings of guilt. He shouldn't be taking this out on Remus. It wasn't his fault James was a pillock.
He turned abruptly, frowning as he looked at Remus. "This is bollocks."
Remus regarded him steadily, a tiny line appearing between his eyes as he took in Sirius' very evident agitation. "I'm sorry they did this, but you know-I mean-it doesn't mean anything. It's just a lark, just a-"
Sirius snarled again. "Right, a lark. Bloody arseholes."
Remus frowned, opened his mouth to say something, then pressed it firmly together again. Then his whole body seemed to sag, and this time it was he who turned away from Sirius, heaving a great sigh.
"James told you, didn't he?"
"What?" Confused, Sirius stared dumbly at Remus' back.
"I'm sorry," Remus said again. "I didn't think he would do something like this." He heaved another sigh. "Christ."
The dejected slump of Remus' spine sent a pang through Sirius. "Remus, what are you talking about?"
"I just-I don't think there's a way out of it. They wouldn't leave a loophole. Would spoil their fun. But I think they were just trying to ...oh, give me an early Christmas gift or something. Their idea of a joke. But they meant well, I'm sure. They just didn't think of the consequences for you. Or maybe they did-thought you could take it-have a laugh. But they shouldn't have because that...well, it's not on. I do understand, and I only hope that we can still-"
"Remus." Sirius interrupted the nervous flow of rambling babble. "Remus. Are you-are you saying that-that you-"
"Fancy you, yeah. Have done for yonks."
Sirius' mouth made a circle as the penny dropped. Eventually, he cleared his throat, wet his lips, and spoke. "How long do you think we've been here already?"
"What? Oh, er, five minutes maybe?" Remus sounded adorably confused.
"Nah." Sirius reached for Remus' arm and slowly pulled him around, his expression softening as he met Remus' apprehensive gaze. "I reckon it's been a half hour at least, maybe more."
"Are you mental, it hasn't been-"
Sirius licked his lips again and leaned in until he could feel Remus' soft breath against his face. "An hour at least."
Remus stared, a slow flush creeping across his cheekbones, and then his face lit up in the most gorgeous smile Sirius had ever seen.
Some time later, Peter returned to check on them.
"Oh, Merlin!" Peter clamped his hands to his eyes. "A snog!" he cried out shrilly. "You only had to snog!"
James wandered in behind him. "Nice arse, Lupin. Tea's on when you two slags are finished up in here."
He grabbed Peter by the arm and man-handled him toward the door. "You can thank us later."
Just before James cast a silencing charm over the room, Peter called out over his shoulder, "Oi, Sirius. Always knew you'd be the bitch."