LUUUNNNCCHHH. In where Iruka gets a face-full of flying sandwich and I, Kaitaru Serasi, become a PENGUIN.
I sat at a nearby table in the lunch hall, and Aranya sat beside me. We already had some of our lunch, but we got kicked out of the library, so I was finishing my sandwiches here – stupid lizard librarian. Suddenly I saw flash of Orange, Green, Black, Red and lots of other colours as the table rocked. Nya and I both looked up from the thumb war we were currently engaged in to see Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Gaara, Kankuro, Lee, Neji, Shikamaru and Choji sitting down with us, their own lunches on the table in front of them.
"Hey Kaitaru! Hey Aranya!" Naruto said through a mouthful of sandwich. Ew.
"Kai! Nya! 'Sup?" Kankuro said with a small wave.
The other guys made similar gestures and greetings. Apart from Sasuke, who was just sitting there.
He was annoying me already, and I could feel Aranya watching me as I narrowed my eyes which were turning slightly black with annoyance. I felt like getting a mushroom and just-.
"So Kai, what's with the spider in your sandwich?" Aranya suddenly spoke up. I shut up with my mental ramblings and freaked out, chucking my sandwich across the table where it landed in Sasuke's face. My hands flew to my mouth as I gasped. The sandwich now lay on the floor in tattered remains and Aranya was laughing hysterically beside me.
"There wasn't a s..spi..spider there…y..y..you gay…asstard." She gasped out. I glared at her.
"I may be gay. And I may be an asstard….Basically…I AM a gay asstard." I muttered to her. Around the table, all the guys had joined in Aranya's hysterical laughter causing many heads to turn in our table's direction. Naruto, seeing as he'd been the first to laugh, got the blame from Sasuke.
"This is all your fault Baka." Sasuke hissed at him.
"Hardly Teme!" Naruto gasped out. Sasuke didn't reply. Instead, he picked up the sandwich and threw it at Naruto, who attempted to throw it back, but missed, hitting Kiba in the face instead. Kiba roared and threw his own sandwich at Naruto, who also missed to hit Lee. This resulted in a huge food fight. Of which I happily joined in, whereas Nya just cast a protective jutsu around her.
"OOOOOHHH! He who told me a lie, now has a face full of pie, due to my hand which slipped, and into the cream his face dipped, but of course he then flipped, down in anger he tripped and now there's food flying around like penguins!" I sang gleefully, chucking more food as we yelled with laughter.
Suddenly Iruka, Gai and Kakashi Sensei turned up to see what the commotion was all about, after having received many complaints from nearby tables. Gai was struggling to keep the smile off of his face, Iruka was glaring at basically everyone, and Kakashi was just being bored as he glanced at all of us. We'd all stopped, but…I couldn't help it. The sandwich just flew out of my hand and hit Naruto square in the face.
"HEY! WHAT THE HELL!"He yelled, picking it up and throwing it. Unfortunately it completely missed me. Instead, it hit Iruka Sensei in the face. There was a silence. Naturally, I broke it by laughing hysterically, of which the guys all joined in. Gai and Kakashi also chuckled at their comrade's misfortune and at the horrified look on Naruto's face. I saw Aranya quickly sneak up a camera to take a quick photo.
"Yeah. Yeah. Ok." Iruka sighed. Aranya and I had already packed our stuff into our bags, and we silently put them on as the guys joked around. Apart from that chicken butt haired gay boy Sasuke, and eyeliner fanatic Gaara. Well, not true, Gaara was smirking little. And he HAD joined in the food war. Just. Aranya nudged me and I gave her the slightest of nods as we attempted to make our getaway.
"And where do you think you're going messengers?" Gai boomed. We froze on the spot and turned to face him. Aranya played the 'innocent' card.
"I'm sorry Sensei? Messengers? And we're going to our next lesson of course!" She exclaimed, trying to work her way around the question. Kakashi and Iruka joined the other guys at the table in sharing a confused look at Gai. Then it registered with Kankuro what he was on about.
"Oh! Those messengers that we had in our last lesson. Ha….Wait…What?" Kankuro laughed before trailing off. Gai laughed heartily and walked up to us.
"Why, that was a clever Genjutsu you used, but it seems you both forgot about your eyes. Now I look at you both, I'm pretty sure it was you two, and that you weren't messengers at all." Gai revealed to us. I cursed silently in my head and looked at Nya.
"Well that was very clever of you to figure it out, but it's time for our next lesson, so we better be going. See you guys later!" She called, as we sprinted off down the corridor, away from the lunch hall. As we rounded the corner Aranya looked at me.
"Nice one. Fish." She said, laughing as I frowned at her choice of calling me 'fish'. Suddenly we jumped as Kakashi appeared, walking alongside us.
"Hi." He said simply. I glanced at Nya uncertainly, but she was too busy answering him.
"Hey, uh, is there a reason you're walking with us?" She asked, dangerously polite.
"Well, not really. But you are in my next class, aren't you? I figured I might as well walk with you."
"Oh well, uh. See we need to go to the toilets first. And you'll need to go get your own stuff from the staffroom. So we'll see you in a bit. Bye Kakashi Sensei!" I gabbled out, cutting Nya off before she could say anything, grabbing her and hauling her into the toilets we were passing by. I put my ear by the door and listened until I couldn't hear his fading footsteps, then heading back out into the corridor. I turned around to see Aranya standing behind me, arms folded and tapping her foot.
Uh oh. I shrugged apologetically.
"One, I'm not fond of being a teacher's pet, Two, that's Kakashi Sensei here, he'll be late anyway from what Naruto said when he gave me the lowdown on the teachers. Ok?" I explained. She sighed irritably and we continued to walk to our next class.
PSE, in room 119 with Kakashi Sensei.
"Oh inky popsicles in a robotic wing factory." I muttered.
"Now," Kakashi began, "If a guy were to try and get a girl, but was pissed out of his mind, what he might say...Kiba?"
"Uhh...girl, if i could see you naked, I'd die happy." Kiba said, smirking as a few wolf-whistles were heard.
"Good," Kakashi said, "Now, Aranya, what might a comeback be?" I heard him ask me.
Answering him, I didn't look up from where I was drawing flowers on my hand
"If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
There was a complete silence in the class, then all I could hear was Kai screaming with laughter, as were a lot of the other students.
"Okay, Kiba, try another one." Kakashi said, sounding slightly amused.
"Okay...uhh...Babe, I would-"
"Wait a second," Kakashi said, cutting him off, "Kiba, Aranya, come to the front of the class." I looked up at that, and just raised an eyebrow at him, keeping my expression blank.
I got up and stood next to where Kiba was waiting for me.
"Okay, now, I'd like you two to act this out." He instructed us. Stupid damn teacher.
"What is this, drama?" I muttered under my breath. I looked over at Kai and saw her grab her video camera and start filming. Dang trucker iron.
"Hey," Kiba began, leaning in a bit, "So. How much does a polar bear weigh?"
I raised my eyebrows at the tacky opening pick up he tried to use. 'Tried' being the operative word.
"Why would I want to know that? I guess that means you're gonna tell me now aren't you." I rolled my eyes as I turned my head away from him.
"Haha, cute. And just enough to break the ice." He told me, smirking 'cutely' as he got closer to me.
I rolled my eyes again as I held back a smirk.
"Hi, my na-" I cut him off, wanting to get my comment in first.
"Enough to break the ice. So…about the same weight as you?" I began, looking him up and down. Quite fit actually, but whatever, "Or lighter than you?" I finished, flipping my hair over my shoulder as biting back a smirk as I heard the rest of the class laugh.
"Okay, Babe, I would go to the end of the world for you." Kiba said, facing me and grabbing my arm
Putting on a disgusted face, I picked up his sleeve with two fingers, and pulled it off of my arm
"Yes, I'm sure, But would you stay there?" I asked, putting as much attitude in my voice as I could.
I turned my back on him, and crossed my arms, ignoring the commotion currently breaking out within the other students.
"Kiba, now just keep shooting off pickup lines. Feel free to use the whole class."
"Okay...uhh...did it hurt?" He asked me, putting his arms around my shoulders.
"Did what hurt?" I replied, ignoring his arms and walking away slightly.
"When you fell from heaven?" He finished, grinning cockily at me.
I walked over to The desk Kai and I were previously sitting at, and sat on the table.
Looking him straight in the eye, I answered him.
"Did it hurt when you were thrown against the wall repeatedly as a baby?"
His mouth dropped in surprise, before he quickly recovered and came up with another pickup line;
"Hey, babe, it's okay, you don't need to hide your blushing head, I just want you to know that mine does that too whenever I'm near you. BOTH of my heads." Said Sai while tilting his head and smiling.
I sighed as I pulled a nail file out of my pocket, disregarding his last pickup line.
"Baby, did your old village have chickens? Because it seems that you really know how to raise cocks."
Still saying nothing, I leaned against the table, ignoring everything he threw at me, getting bored. Sadly, however, he took the opportunity to lean closer to me, his lips by my ear.
"Nya, are you a freezer? Because I get so hard just being next to you."
Keeping a straight face, I looked at him with the same uncomfortable stare I give Kai sometimes as I finally answered him.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"
I heard the rest of the class laugh at Kiba's shocked face, and heard some people in the front row whispering to each other.
"Guys is it just me or did she just pull a Kakashi?" I heard the first one say.
"Yes, that is exactly the move Kakashi sensei uses on the youthful Gai sensei." I heard another one say. Looking over, I looked for who said it – probably a mini Gai sense-holy shit, there really was a mini Gai sensei…
I walked away from Kiba again, slipping my nail file back into my pocket.
"Your eyes," He began, walking up to me and grabbing my hands, "They're amazing."
Pulling away, I replied; "seeing your back would be pretty amazing too, I have to say."
"Babe, I'm sorry but I'm a thief, and you know what I want?" He started, still not giving up. Rolling my eyes, I answered.
"Should I really care?"
"I'm gonna steal your heart baby." He said, smirking.
"Too bad this heart has extreme protection around it. Yeah, it's called my fist." I said, getting bored again.
"Okay, Kiba, now try making conversation." Kakashi said, breaking into our little comeback session.
"Okay...uh...Haven't I seen you some place before?" He asked me, as I walked over to a desk in the middle row, that had been pushed against the wall. I sat cross-legged on it, and he sat down beside me so the whole class could see us.
"Yup. That's why I don't go there anymore." I said, looking at him innocently.
"Uhh..." He was finally losing that cocky grin of his, which seemed to keep making an appearance after every time I put him down.
"What do you do for a living?" He asked me, pretending to look interested.
This time I smirked, and paused to move slightly closer to him before I replied.
"I'm a female impersonator." I replied, just loud enough for everyone to hear, but quiet enough for him to feel like I was coming on to him.
His eyes widened as he almost fell off the table in shock.
He moved back onto the table, and kept starting a sentence, but he didn't seem to know what to ask. Suddenly he smirked, instantly thinking he'd won. Fail.
"Come on baby. I want you, you want me, just lemme kiss you already?" He said, putting his arm around me. I pushed him away and pretended to look like I couldn't think of anything to say – after all, what's better than creating a false sense of security in an overly cocky guy, and destroying it? Not much.
"Well…..a pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly…..the rising sun can kiss the grass….but…" I paused, smirking, and I watched Kiba's face drop, "but you my friend, yes you" I poked his chest and flicked his nose when he looked down at my finger, "can kiss. My. Ass."
I flicked my hair over my shoulder as the audience started laughing, and Kiba started impersonating a fish again.
"Come on Kiba, think of something." Kakashi prompted.
"I know some, but it's impossible!" Kiba replied, "She has a comeback for EVERYTHING!" He complained.
I smirked as Kakashi sighed and walked over to us.
"Would you like some help then Kiba?" Kakashi said, "I think I know one that she won't have a comeback for."
"And if I do?" I countered.
"If you do, you're a girl not to be messed with." Kakashi replied. He bent down to Kiba, and whispered quietly enough so no ordinary guy would be able to hear him - but Kiba as sensitive hearing, which meant that he would only just be able to hear it.
"It's kind of long," Kakashi said, and I watched a huge grin takeover Kiba's face.
"But it'll work," He said confidently. I frowned slightly as he carried on, "here's no way she'll have a comeback for this!" He laughed.
"So are you gonna say it, or are we just going to sit here while you laugh at your so called pick up line?" I asked him, getting bored.
"Yeah yeah, gimme a chance" He replied. He then proceeded to get off of the table, and get down on one knee, grabbing my hand. I pushed off the sudden urge to knee/kick him in the face.
"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you." He said to me, smirking with that all too smug expression of his.
I stood up and pulled my hand from his, and, pushing past him, I walked over to the front of the class, leaning against the table and crossing my arms, smirking once again. I sniggered a bit as I saw Kiba get up, and saw the look of uncertainty pass across his face. Yup. I had a comeback.
I started twiddling a lock of hair around my fingers, and put an 'oh-so-innocent' look on my face
"But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead," I began, as I pushed off from the table and began walking back to my seat on the back row, pausing when I reached where he was standing still at the third row,
"The sugar bowls empty, and so is your head." I finished off. And with that? Yeah, with that I went and sat in my seat, picked up my pen and carried on drawing on my hand, ignoring the rounds of applause and laughter coming from the rest of the class.
"Aranya, come back here, we're not done yet. Ok…This time you're going to do insults. You have to see how long you can go for until your opponent runs out of ideas." Kakashi said, leaning back against the board and folding his arms.
"But Sensei! Kiba and I have just done one exercise!" I protested. Kiba nodded in agreement – obviously not wanting his ego to be attacked any more. Kakashi sighed.
"Fine. You both have to pick your next victims." He said with a smile.
"Kaitaru." I said immediately.
"Kaitaru. Get down here please." Kakashi asked her politely. I smiled as Kaitaru's smile which had been there a second ago, faded into horrification.
"You bitch." Kaitaru muttered to me as she got up, made her way to the steps down to the front of the classroom. I smirked. Kaitaru was pretty good when it came to insults. I should know. I'm usually the brunt of them. Kiba shied away a little as Kaitaru neared him.
"Kiba. Who are you going to pick?" Kakashi Sensei prompted him. Kiba looked around, calculating them all. Then he smirked.
"Sasuke, get your ass down here!" Kiba called up to him. Sasuke sighed but made his way down to stand beside my cousin.
Good Luck Sasuke Uchiha…..You're going to need it. Why, you ask? Because.
One simple reason.
He is screwed beyond belief.
"Great." I muttered. Kakashi glared at me a little before he then continued with the explanation of the exercise.
"What I want you to do, is literally have a comeback rally of insults." Kakashi said to us. "Sasuke, you go first, and Kaitaru, you answer back with one. Whoever runs out first, loses."
"So it's a game now?" I asked. But before Kakashi could reply Sasuke was already out with one.
"That's not the only game you've ever PLAYED though, is it." He said snidely. I raised my eyebrows at him as the class started to get interested with a few rising "ooOOOOOOH"'s.
"Well you WOULD know, fucktard. I mean, last night was pretty good." I replied shortly. Sasuke frowned a little.
"Want to play a game? It's called red light. I gotta be the police car, and I've got to travel up your leg, and you gotta say red light when you want to stop." Sasuke said, moving closer to me as I sat on the nearest table.
"Sure. But careful. Make sure your police car doesn't break down like your dick did when your ex kicked it." I replied smoothly.
"C'mon Kai, Kick ass!" Aranya yelled out.
So the game started. It felt awesome…At the same time icky. This is Sasuke Uchiha.
"Red light." I said as it got a bit too far.
"Police cars don't stop for red lights." Sasuke smiled malevolently. I punched his arm hard.
"Oops. Seems your police car broke down. Seems that the red light fell and hit your bonnet. Of course. There's nothing in the special there. Kind of like what's supposed to be between your legs."
Sasuke stopped and moved away from me a bit as the class erupted into laughter. I sneaked a look at Aranya. Yup, clapping her hands in hysterics. But, hey! What was she doing with my video camera? Urgh! She'd better not have deleted all the footage of her. Then I had a thought…I best put on a good show then. I winked at her and her mouth dropped open as she caught my train of thought.
"Bitch." He said slightly breathlessly.
"Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date." I snapped.
"Basically your doctor lied. You know? When the doctor told your mum that you were a boy? Its ok. Your STILL not special. It happened to Justin Bieber too." I said with a sweet smile. I could feel Sasuke's fan club and the BJ fan club glaring at me but I didn't turn to look. And yes I do mean BJ, not JB.
"O…k…We're going to start again now I think." Kakashi said as he came in to stand between us. "Ok. Start again."
"Hi." I started simple for him.
"Hi, you know…I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." Sasuke came back with.
"I would say that was clever, but it wasn't. Jeez, One MILLION sperm to choose from…and YOU were the fastest!"
"Yeah, I know I might be a little fat, but you're ugly. At least I can DIET." Sasuke said with a cocky smile as he thought he gained the upper hand.
"C'mon Kai…Let loose the doom." Aranya called out, pumping her fist in the air.
"You know, your friend said that you'd said something about me the other day…" I began
"Oh? And what was that? That you were fuck ugly?"
"Haha. Funnnyyyy. Actually no. Apparently you said that if you could re-arrange the alphabet, you would put U & I together. Funny thing is though, personally I would put F & U together. Get the picture?" I said smugly.
"I can't be asked to stand here and talk to you...Oh uhh...I mean, Be right back, my nans stuck in a tree." Kiba smirked triumphantly.
"I know, I'm the one who put her up there." I replied with a laugh.
"Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night." Sasuke said desperately.
"That isn't really an insult Sasuke. Pickup line." Kakashi intervened. I ignored it and carried on anyway.
"Not nearly as tired as when I get through running away from you. Oh wait, you ARE here…I better run away." I said, hurrying back to my seat with a smirk at Aranya.
"Ok. I think we'll stop those now." Kakashi said. The class groaned, it had been more fun to sit and watch.
"Finally." I muttered to Aranya. She nodded in agreement. Suddenly Kakashi appeared behind us.
"Was that something you wanted to say to the class Kaitaru?" He asked dangerously.
"Oh, I was just thinking of insults." I said airily, waving it away.
"Oh no, please. Share." He said, gesturing to the class. Aranya was shaking her head slowly, trying to warn me not to go any further. She pinched my arm but I ignored it. This was an EXCELLANT payback opportunity and I wasn't about to give up.
"If you insist." I said
"Oh I do."
"Well look here then you stupid son of a white fanged mutt. I don't give a damn as to what you do or don't insist. You're teaching is as shit as your fucked up hair. Now go fuck your green playmate the tooth fairy!" I yelled. Kakashi stood there fuming at me as he got the meaning of it and Aranya whacked her head on the desk.
"Fucking hell Kai..." I heard her mutter.
"So...Did I do well Sensei?" I asked innocently. I heard Nya snort as her mind instantly went to the gutter.
"Shut up and copy out all of page 50 from your textbook." He growled dangerously. I sighed in annoyance and started work. Aranya snorted with amusement beside me as I put pen to paper.
"Do you know how lucky you are? You could have got detention!" She retorted.
"I wanted to see how far I could push the limits!"
"I wanted to see how far I could push the limits!"
In response, I just did the uncomfortable staring thing that never fails in freaking her out. Kai avoided my gaze, but I knew that she knew I was still staring at her.
"Nya…Stop it…It's scaring me." Kai whispered, her hand moving quickly as she tried to focus on copying the work as quickly as she could. Suddenly a kunai embedded itself right next to her hand which was leaning on the desk for support. Kai jumped and waved her arm frantically, as if checking that her arm was ok and undamaged. I snorted with laughter, turning off my freaky gaze.
"Shut up and get on with it." Kakashi Sensei warned her. She glared at him, taking out the kunai from the desk and throwing it back, which he caught deftly. We continued working silently as Kakashi sat on his desk at the front of his desk, explaining about people's feelings and examples. At one point Naruto pointed at a boy next to him with a crop-top, making him look slightly gay.
"Sensei. The only one here who actually needs this lesson is Sai! It's stupid. " He said. Sasuke, who was on the other side of Naruto, looked at him slowly.
"You're stupid." He said, clasping his hands together and resting his head on his hands. Sai nodded to Sasuke in thanks before turning to Naruto.
"Dickless." Sai added with a small annoying little smile.
"Ha. He's dickless? Well, you know what they say. Takes one to know one. Ahh…That probably explains your pathetic attempt at a smile. DickHEAD." I retorted, feeling kind of sorry for Naruto. A pinkette in the row in front of us laughed and next to me, I could hear Kai sniggering.
"Ahem…Work please. And Naruto, shut up. That's probably why you are failing." Kakashi said.
"Dude, did you just call him a fail?" I asked him, making my eyes wide.
"Ah crap." I muttered, going up to Kakashi's desk and grabbing the thick tape roll sitting in the top drawer. Running back to our desk, I pulled some off and shoved it over her mouth before she started making up a song about failing knucklehead lizards. Because trust me - you do NOT want to know what she'll start singing about.
"Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?" I looked around suddenly, and scowled. That white haired mongrel had the nerve to try ONE MORE pick up line on me? He has a death wish, one which I'd be glad to serve it to him myself.
"Im not sure if I fell from heaven, but no, I didn't hurt myself...Why?" I retorted, putting one hand on my hip and raising an eyebrow. I saw Kai struggle violently out of the corner of my eye as she proceeded to fall to the floor, screaming against the duck tape.
" See it's just that, you must have hit your face pretty hard. Judging by the look of you, you fell face first right?" Kakashi said, doing his special im-the-oh-so-innocent-sensei one eyed smile.
I raised an eyebrow and cracked my knuckles. Kai turned white and burst free from the ductape, before proceeding to run from the room.
Five seconds later. The rest of the class joined her.
Shortly after, multiple screams could be heard across Konoha.