AN: OK guys! This is it! The final chapter of this story. I just want to thank you all. When I started writing, I honestly didn't think anyone would read this insanity, it was just something I wanted to try. But you all have been so nice and supportive, and I want to thank you all for enjoying this craziness, and taking the time to drop encouraging words. They really make all the difference in the world to an author, to know that someone is smiling at what you write. I hope you enjoy this last chapter. Thank you, a million times, thank you!
Complexly Simple Kiddo
The blue is blinding. I think I've never seen such a color before, not in the sky, at least. It reminds me of Kurt's eyes, when he cries. You see, Kurt usually has a strange and mesmerizing mix of grey, blue and green, but when he cries, they turn cerulean blue. It's breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time. In any case, that's definitely Kurt's cerulean blue there in the sky, and it's a cloudless one. The sun shines like I've never seen it shine before, and there's a soft breeze ruffling my feathers, which are not trimmed. Kurt must have forgotten again. I turn my head down, because I notice I'm not flying. I'm standing on a branch. It's such a beautiful branch, too. Thorn-free, which is always welcome, they can mess up my talons pretty badly. The tree itself is beautiful. It has no leaves, but the branches twist in a lovely pattern and the sun casts a shadow on the ground that is mesmerizing to watch. Where is this place, anyway? The breeze is making the tree rock, softly, and it feels really good. I feel the urge to turn my head to the side and say something, and it's then I realize it. There's someone next to me. It feels familiar, like a presence that is meant to be there, that should be there. But I don't turn my head. A sudden, irrational fear takes over me.
What if I turn my head, and no one's there?
I take control of my fear. I need to see. I turn my head and…
Oh my god! What in the actual…? I'm on the floor, I think I fell from my perch on the…
Wait, I'm on the cage? Why is it so dark? And why for the love of the feathery god, is music outside, and loudly, too?
Oh, right. The Warblers. Kurt left me in the hall because he was scared I would chirp too much and mess up their study session. But I guess he should be more worried about Blaine, anyway. Seriously, does Blaine even study here in this school at all, or does he get all his grades just from chirping? I mean, that would be awesome.
I wonder if I can get a medical degree just with my pretty singing voice, hmm.
I stand up, shaking my wings. Man, that fall hurt. Remind me to thank Blaine for waking me up so violently.
The song sounds awesome, even though the sudden noises they made startled me to no end. If the teachers ever find out they are hitting and jumping on furniture, I bet they won't be happy.
"Hey Regionals? You've just met our opening number!" Blaine shouts, and everyone cheers. They're doing this one for the competition? But how are they going to get all those tables on stage? What will they hit instead?
"How did you manage to find a Burberry-esque canary cage cover?" Google, Blaine. There's this thing called the internet, and canaries are really into fashion, why the tone of surprise?
"Canaries don't like cold weather."
"Uh-huh, that's right, boy," I chirp. Winter is just awful, and cold does absolutely nothing for my complexion. Besides, the cage cover is absolutely gorgeous. Have you noticed how it matches my feathers and the gold of my cage? A work of art, I tell you. Kurt grins and continues. "Especially Pavarotti." Ugh, morning light! Kurt, Kurt, morning light! It blinds me!
"So, what did you think of the song?"
"Well," I say, still partially blind. "It was really good, but I think you guys might need to work on the table thing. I just don't see how you will manage to take all of them onstage."
"Can I be really honest with you?" Oh, he was asking Kurt. Of course he was asking Kurt. Ah, eyes are getting back to normal. Oh wait, that tone in Kurt, not good. Blaine, you better watch it. This is gonna be good! "Because it comes from a place of caring?" Out with it, Kurt, no one is buying the sorry face. You're aching to say it, say it! I'm sure whatever you're going to say will be perfectly accurate. "Been there, done that. Look, you're amazing, Blaine. Your solos are breathtaking. They're also numerous."
Oh the face of Blaine when he… No wait, Kurt, turn around, don't go! I want to see Blaine's face! You can't drop a bomb like that one and just not let me…
"Kurt, the council decides who gets the solos." That's it, turn around. Good boy! "Do I detect a little jealousy?" Oh please, Blaine. You're the very definition of oblivious, and now you play the 'I get the undertones' card? Even a bird on the other side of the moon could have detected that tone on Kurt's voice. Please.
"No, you detect a lot of jealousy. Look, Blaine, sometimes I don't feel like we're the Warblers. I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips."
Oh my god, he didn't! I can't believe Kurt actually said that! It was the most accurate feeling in the world but, look at Blaine's face! This is priceless, Kurt, someone please grab a camera! Look at that face! I want to stare at it fore…no, wha… wait, Kurt! Turn around, don't leave! We can say more things to him! Like, how he always forgets to change my water when you leave me with him, or we can discuss his obsession with furniture during choreography! There's so much to talk now that the honesty road is open, Kurt, turn back!
Ok, fine, don't turn back. But just so you know? These things have a way of popping up in the future. A few years from now, you'll wish you called on Blaine's furniture fixation sooner.
"Are you insane?"
The thing is, Domingo has always been the dramatic one, but one tends to forget about this fact. I know I can't say I'm not dramatic, but Domingo is way worse. Take now, for example. While the boys are in class, I explained my plan to him, the one I've been cooking for almost three days, the one I even went scouting for to make sure everything was possible.
What's that expression one of the Warblers said once? Right!
He went completely apeshit.
"I'm not insane, Domingo. It's a brilliant plan. One of the best ones I ever came up with, if I do say so myself. And I do." Domingo simply stares at me as if I'm crazy, or joking. I'm not. I'm dead serious.
"It is most certainly not a brilliant plan. It's stupid, crazy and completely unnecessary! Kurt will go back to his old school when he wants, if he wants! You don't need to do something like scarifying yourself to make him realize something he'll eventually get on his own!"
"Oh you're being such a drama queen, Dom!"
"I'm…!" He sputters, opening his eyes really big "I'm being a drama queen? You're being absolutely ridiculous! If you think for one moment I'm going to help you with this, you, sir, are very wrong!" he hops, turning around, giving me his tail to glare at.
"Come on, Dom! You only have to help me in a few parts, after that, everything will happen naturally! He told me all about his Dad's heart attack and how he sung that pretty song."
He spins around so fast that he almost trips with a pen that's on the desk.
"Oooh, so you feel you should do the same! Do you honestly have no feelings about this? About leaving me? About doing something so radical and reckless and all for the sake of giving Kurt the chance to sing, in the long shot hope that it will make him realize he wants to go back?" When I only nod eagerly to him, Domingo almost laughs in this hysterical kind of way.
"No, wait!" I say, trying to make him understand "Of course I'm scared and everything, but it's worth it! Kurt needs to…"
"What about what I need? What you need? Is it really worth it risking it all, just for this?"
I think about it. I think about my life before Blaine picked me up. I think about my life in the cage, and how I thought I was ok, that it was awesome, but it was only because I didn't knew better. If I knew, if I could fathom what was in my future, waiting for me… Then I wouldn't have doubted for a moment. I would have done everything to get out. Meeting Kurt had changed me for good.
"Yes," I say, simply, with honesty. I stare at Domingo's black and now hurt eyes, and I'm sorry and it hurts me too, but it's also true.
Kurt is worthy.
"Domingo, please," I say, almost begging, which I always hated. "You need to understand how important this is for him. I can't do it without your help"
Domingo glares harder, the hurt almost replaced by anger. It only helps to hurt me more.
"Good," he says, turning around and before he clumsily flies away to hide on the lamp, he adds, "'Cause I'm not helping you".
I try to coax him out of his hiding place, but he won't answer to me, no matter how hard I try or what I say. He only wants to hear one thing, and it's something I will never say.
I'm carrying on with this plan, Domingo's help or not.
As it turns out, doing this whole thing without Domingo's help is harder than I thought it would be. Whatever. He made his choice. Sure, it hurts as hell, but I have a mission to accomplish and a tight schedule to do so.
Current Location? Down the north hall, where Flint's room is. It's school time, so he won't be there. He can't find out, or I'll risk him stopping me. I can't afford that. All I need is to sneak into his room, and steal the red glitter, not the green one.
Red, no green. You can do this, Pav.
Wait. Was it the red one? I researched it carefully over the internet, but that reminded me of some movies the Warblers watched and now I'm confused.
No, no. It was the red one.
Ok, I can already see Flint's door from here. There's no one in the hallway, so I'll just trot really fast and slid over the space between the door and the floor. It's a tiny distance, but I'm pretty sure I can make it. On the count of three.
One, Two… Three! Trot, slide and I'm in! Holy bird, that was amazing! I feel like I'm in one of those action movies, I'm like James Bond or something, only yellow. That was epic, truly e…
"Hey there, Pav!"
My head turns so fast my neck hurts, but I don't even care. Flint is sitting on his bed, a book on his lap, and a very strange smile on his face.
Well, I've been avoiding curse words for most of my life, but I think this is as good a time as any to start.
I mean, I was absolutely sure he was at class! Why is he here? What is he doing?
What if he knows? What if Domingo told him? I look around, trying to locate the glitter. There it is, on top of his desk. I'll just need one of the smaller bags. Maybe if I fly quickly enough, I'll catch it and fly out the window before he catches me. It is open, after all.
I look back to Flint and I see he's following my gaze, and when he turns back to me, his smile gets wider.
"You can take as much as you want. It's yours, after all. Why do you think I keep it?"
"So, wait, does that mean you won't stop me?" I ask, already taking a step towards the desk. Flint simply laughs, and jerks his head to the opened window.
"I'll always keep that one open, just for you," he says, and winks. Honest to god winks at me.
I fly at the desk and catch a small bag of red glitter, turning around one last second. He's still smiling, with something in his eyes. Is it sadness? Resignation?
I wonder if he knows what I'm planning to do. I wonder if he knows what it means to Kurt, and to me. I wonder if I'll ever find out if he really understands my words or just plays pretend. I guess it's just one of those things that will remain forever in mystery.
"Thank you," I say, as much as I can while holding the bag with my beak.
"I'll miss you," he says, as if it's just an afterthought.
I laugh at him and say, before taking flight and leaving his room.
"No, you really won't."
Hiding the bag of glitter inside my food container is easy. After all, there are a lot of seeds there, and the bag is rather tiny. I'll only need a pinch of it, I believe. It should be quick.
The thing I regret the most is not being able to talk to Domingo now. I know what I said. It wasn't right. Doing this without Domingo's help is really difficult. Not only because of the logistics, but because I really need some encouraging words. His presence always calmed me and gave me strength. I could really do with both right now.
But I can't blame him. He made his choice, I made mine. Nothing to do about it.
I'm just really, really scared.
What if it hurts? What if it really hurts and it takes forever and… No, stop. I'm doing this. Man up, Pav.
"Damn him!" The door closes with a bang and I fall off my perch in fright. As I stand up, trying to look cool about it, Kurt sits down next to me on his vanity and sighs.
"I'm sorry, Pav, I didn't mean to scare you, but you have no idea what just happened. I just had to sit through yet another Warbler meeting in which they discussed how Blaine should sing the next solo! I mean, what does he actually do to get all the solos from the council? And do I even want to know?" Kurt asks me, almost scandalized. If he were a furry animal, I'm pretty sure his hair would be on ends.
"I know, Kurt. He's not even half as good as you," I say, which is only partially true. Blaine is really good at singing, but Kurt is simply better.
"Ugh, no, it's not right to complain about it, I'm so ashamed I said that. I mean, it's completely true," he says, sitting straighter, and then he flumps back. "But it was uncalled for. Everything's so messed up," he says, starting to work on his nails. I can almost imagine him getting all worked up in the shower, thinking and over thinking what he said to Blaine. If you ask me, he was totally right. "Seriously, I don't even know how to make things right again. I feel like there's something I need to fix, but I have no idea…" He stops for a second, and he snorts "This whole thing reeks of déjà vu. You know that scene in Snow White?" He asks me, and oh my god, it totally does.
"That was my favorite part!"
"What do you do when things go wrong?" Asks Kurt in a high voice, clearly acting.
"You sing a song!" I chirp, laughing, and it's echoed by his. I let out a beautifully stringed set of chirps, and they really sound close to the original. I'm really proud of myself. Kurt starts singing too.
"With a smile and a song, life is just like a bright, sunny day," Kurt starts, and I can't help but join him. "Your cares fade away and your heart is young," I sing with him, but Kurt stops to laugh, and just continues working on his nails.
Come on, Kurt. You're this close to realizing what you need on your own! Maybe I won't need to take any drastic actions! Sing a song, in front of the whole Warblers. Sing your heart out!
"Come on, Kurt, just like the song says!" I urge him. "All the world seems to waken anew, rejoicing with you, as the song is sung!" He stares at me and smiles, and whistles. Oh no, not this again.
"Kurt, seriously, whistling is NOT bird talking," I complain, but he whistles again.
Ok that's it. I'm following through with the original plan.
Domingo is so right! This is insane! But still, I'll do it! I fly up, take a big scope of red glitter in my beak, and go to the twig, so I can look at Kurt better. This is it.
Kurt keeps singing to me, and I reply, almost absentmindedly, without even noticing I'm doing the same sounds as he is.
Oh god. Oh my feathery god.
It hurts, so fucking much. This is the perfect time to start using bad words, so you might want to cover your ears.
Shit, holy shit, this hurts so fucking much, fuck it, why did I ever thought this was a good idea, I'm such a stupid, idiot, dumbass bird!
Well, sight is fading now. Might as well say goodbye. At least the last thing I get to see is Kurt's pretty, pretty eyes.
I fall to the floor, but it already hurts so much that I barely notice. Before it goes completely dark, and the distant sound of Kurt saying my name even registers, I panic for a second.
What if it really was the green one I should have taken?
But then, there's only silence.
It's dark. So very dark. I don't feel hurt anymore. I think that's bad. I should be hurting. Hurt is good. Hurt means you're alive.
I'm dead, ain't I?
Seriously? Of all the decorations you could go for, you guys in heaven pick black? Oh my god, someone get these guys an Ikea catalog, stat. I was really hoping for something happier, really. And white is super clichéd, but at this point, I'd rather have that than black. So depressing. Like you need help with being sad, come on! You're already dead, you don't need to paint stuff black. And, I mean, I can't even see myself.
Oh god! What if you can't see yourself in heaven? No mirrors, no way of checking how your feathers look, no possible way to check out if your eyes are complimenting the decorations.
Well, of course they are complimenting it. Your eyes are black, just like the whole fucking rest of the place. Ugh! This is more like hell.
No, I most definitely did not go to hell. I'm an awesome bird. If anything, I should be returned to earth because I'm too much to both heaven and hell.
Being dead is boring. What should I do, now? Can I actually move? I think I'm starting to feel my body.
Is that light over my head? Wait, it totally is! Does this mean I was in some purgatory and now I'm heading for heaven? So maybe decorations will be prettier?
Oh god, please be purple, please be purple, please be purp…
"Hey there," a voice says, and it must be coming from that black silhouette against the light. It sounds familiar. Too familiar. Oh no!
"Domingo! Why are you in heaven? Did you die, too? You killed yourself out of grief when you find out I made a mistake and ate the wrong glitter, right? Oh why would you…"
"And you say I'm the dramatic one," he interrupts, with a laugh. "No, Pav, you're not dead. You ate the right kind of glitter. You just forgot it really hurts to eat that one, but it worked just as you wanted. Knocked you out for a few hours, and Kurt thinks you're dead now. Everyone does. Even I did, for a minute."
"Wait, so you're a ghost? You killed yourself thinking I was dead and then… Oh, that's just like Shakespeare! So romantic!"
"Dude, I'm not dead either!" Domingo says, laughing even more. "What the hell is wrong with you and your obsession with death? Come on!" He says, helping me out of the box "I can't believe you were stupid enough to try this whole thing without my help. You had no one to open this box for you! What if I never came and you were stuck here forever? Then you would really be dead! You could have really died, you stupid bird!" Domingo admonishes me, and I just chirp happily at him, softly pecking at the side of his face.
"I know. But, in some way, even if you said you wouldn't help, and we fought about this whole thing…" I look down, unable to stare at his eyes, but then I look up again, steadily. "I still trusted you would come to me."
Domingo stares at me for a few seconds, and sighs.
"I still think your plan was risky and insane, and I'm sorry I didn't help you steal the glitter. But I knew you would still do it, and actually achieve it, so I had to come. I am with you, even when I think you're being completely irrational."
"Good," I say, chirping happily and trying not to blush. "'Cause now we need to fly super fast to Dalton. I want to see what song he sings to me!"
"That is incredibly creepy," Domingo says, but we're already flying out of the window.
"Oh my god, yes! I love The Beatles!"
"You do?" asks Domingo, intrigued, but then he chirps madly. "Get DOWN, they're going to see us!"
We're currently outside, looking through one of the windows that face the Warbler's room. The glass is closed, and Domingo is forcing me to stay down, but I can still hear Kurt's pretty voice and his words. It took a lot of effort to not burst into tears, I'm telling you.
"That speech was beautiful, and seriously, how perfect is his song selection?" I say at Domingo, who just returns this amusing face, like he cannot believe we're discussing this.
"It's really morbid, dude. But yeah, I guess it's a good song. And his voice is really nice. Not as good as…"
"Don't ever go there," I stop him, and he just smiles evilly. We know we love our humans too much to ever agree on that topic. So we just stare at Kurt sing, in silence, marveling at the wonder that are the Warblers. I think I almost broke down when everyone joined in on the song.
I'm going to miss them all so much! I think it's just starting to sink in now, the fact that they all think me dead, and I can't ever be inside that room again, watching them quarrel and get upset about the most absurd of things. I'll never again hear Thad be pissed off in that hilariously polite way of his. I'll never again be able to hear one of David's patient explanations to some Warbler that simply wouldn't get the harmony. I will never again hear Wes point out some obscure fact about the history of Dalton, or hear that gavel.
Well, I'm rather happy about the gavel thing, that blasted thing drove me nuts.
But it's really sad, I will miss all of them. And I'm totally stalking Kurt for the rest of my life, but it's sad that I won't talk to him, or sing together.
Domingo seems to notice my silence for what it is, and he unfolds his wing to cover my back.
"I just don't want to leave them," I say, proud to hear my voice came out steady when I feel anything but steady myself.
"I know. It's really great, you know?" I turn to Domingo, confused. "What you did for him, I mean," Dom explains, and I lean on him, just a bit. "I think it was really selfless, Pav. Stupid as hell, don't delude yourself thinking I'll change my mind, but still, it was really brave. I'm proud of you. I know it hurts you."
"Thanks," I simply say. I'm touched by his words. I mean, I know I am all of those things. It's just nice to see someone else appreciating them. "I'll miss talking to them. Especially Flint, he's hilarious."
"I for one am happy about that one in particular," jokes Domingo, but only partially, because his jealousy for that boy is really showing. It's actually kind of cute.
Actually, I'm kind of worried about Flint. I know Kurt is really strong, so he'll be ok, but I don't know how Flint will take my death. I lean over the windowsill a little, trying to catch a sight of him.
He looks really sad, and worried, even confused. I wonder if he knows something.
Quite unexpectedly, Flint turns his face towards the window, and Domingo and I both chirp in fright and fall down, managing to glide to a safe landing.
Did I imagine Flint's smile, at that last moment?
"God, Pav! I told you we were going to get caught! That was really close," Domingo says, leaving his feathers in disarray, while I set myself to put mine in order.
"Well, we should get back," I say, deciding not to mention that I think Flint did saw us. "Kurt's going to be back home in a few hours and I still need to figure something out."
"Wait, I'm going too?" Domingo asks, but he's already flying behind me.
"Of course you are."
"Man, this long distance thing is going to kill me," he mutters, but I simply smile.
The problem of this whole plan is, Kurt believes I'm dead. I knew that, once I ate the glitter and got knocked out, Kurt was probably going to put me inside some place. Knowing Kurt, it wasn't going to be a simple cardboard box. So I needed Domingo to open the box for the first time. But now, I can't leave the box empty, I mean, what if Kurt decides to look at me one last time? So I have to get inside, just in case. The box is breathable, and rather comfy, but I can't make Domingo fly all the way here every single day.
We're currently trying to figure out a mechanism. We're two very smart birds (Well, I'm smart. Domingo tries), I'm sure we can make something.
"What do we have?" he asks, and I look at my assorted collection of possible materials.
"Three wool threads, a twig, an old feather, and sequins," I list. Domingo snorts. I glare at him.
"No, look, all I'm saying is… It's not much to go with," he says, slowly walking away from my murderous glare.
"It would," I say, slowly, and with as much sass as I can manage, which really, is a whole lot "If we were lacking in imagination. Thankfully," I continue, looking at the objects analytically and picking two threads and the twig "one of us is really smart."
"Really, now? Then why do you need me?" Asks Domingo. Damnit, he's right. Well, I'm not dropping the attitude, anyway.
"So you can open the box in case it fails. You're just birdpower here. Unpaid labor," and I add, with the same tone "I love you."
"I love you too, now get on with it. I need to be at Dalton before five."
We make some kind of mechanism relatively fast considering Domingo's natural clumsiness. But with my leadership and brains, we finish quickly.
"Pretty neat, but will it work?" he asks, standing inside the box and staring at the mechanism of strings we just made from the inside. I step in to admire the work.
"I think it will do. It looks stable enough. Shall we try it?"
But before Domingo can answer me, we hear the distinctive sound of the doorknob turning and he panics. He tries to jump but instead he crashes against the side of the lid and the hinges give in. We get trapped inside in a matter of nanoseconds.
"Oh my god!" I chirp, but Domingo throws his wing at my face to keep me silent.
"Who is it?" he whispers at me, and I get slightly distracted. I mean, have you ever heard Dom's voice? Shudders, I tell you.
"It can't be Kurt! He's not supposed to be back until four!" I reply, trying to keep my voice down, which is easy because it sounds breathless enough just because of the proximity.
We hear footsteps getting closer and something soft being dropped on the desk where we are at. There's a sigh and a barely audible voice saying with sadness.
"Oh, dear." I know who it is. She must be staring at the box we're in.
"It's Carole," I explain to Domingo as quietly as I can "Kurt's stepmom."
Domingo is going to suffocate me with his wing, but I got the message. Just shut up and wait. I was just trying to inform him, sheez!
It takes a while, but when we hear the door closing, Domingo sighs in relief.
"Could you like, maybe, take your wing off my face?" I ask, politely, and Domingo chirps in laughter. Bastard.
"Oh god, that was scary. I thought for sure that she was going to open it," he says, and there's a silence after that in which both of us are probably thinking the same thing.
"Oh my god, what if the mechanism doesn't work?" we say, at the same time, and, I'm not sure why, but we start laughing like mad. I mean, it's probably as stress relief, but the situation is hilarious as hell.
"If we die, I swear to owls, Domingo, I'm going to kill you," I say, and he just laughs harder.
"No, wait, no," he says, trying to calm down. It takes him a while "Let's try to open this. Where's the string? I can't find it"
"That's my leg"
"….oh." He says, and I start laughing. This is absurd. "Let me find it, just stay where you are"
I reach out my beak and peak at where I'm pretty sure the string is supposed to be. Got it! This is the moment. If this doesn't work… Well, I don't want to think about the consequences.
I pull, steady and strong, and the lid makes this clicky noise, and a thin ray of light appears.
"Success!" I chirp, and we both push the lid so we can get out.
"Well, the mechanism works. I should probably get going if I don't want Blaine to freak out again"
"What do you mean, 'again'?" and then I realize something "Oh god! He doesn't suspect anything, does he? You need to act like I'm dead too!"
"Oh don't worry, I acted depressed enough. He even let me out once, even if Wes was glaring at him, going on and on about Warblers never being out of their cages since who knows when and why. Seriously, that guy has too much Dalton trivia to be considered healthy."
"Aww, you're acting depressed about my death. That's cute," I gush at him, half mockingly and half completely honest. He glares at me.
"That is actually an incredibly weird sentence. But, yes, I acted depressed. I didn't have to act much, though, for a few seconds, I thought you might be dead. I didn't know if you remembered about not eating the green glitter. That's the one that could actually kill you."
I take a moment to really think about this. I lean over and peck at his side, jokingly.
"I'm sorry I scared you. I know I acted pretty crazy."
"It wouldn't be you if you didn't, Pav," He says, and I know. All is forgiven.
"Ok, go on, get to Dalton in time and don't scare Blaine. You know what to do!"
Before Domingo flies away from the window, he turns back for one small second.
"Be safe!" he chirps, and goes away.
Shut up, I'm not smiling or anything. And my heart is not beating fast. This is normal pace for birds.
What do you know about birds, anyway?
"Yeah! I can't believe it either!"
Ugh, what is going on?
Oh crap! I totally fell asleep! This box is seriously so comfy! This can't happen again. What if Kurt opens it and I wake up? Well, that would be awkward.
"No, I don't know which song yet, the council can be pretty tight fisted when it comes to song selections, I mean, they never listen to what I have to say. Oh, 'Cedes, I'm so nervous! I've never had a solo to perform in front of an audience!"
Wait, Kurt is singing? For Regionals! That is awesome news! You see? I am a genius! Of course the Warblers heard what a truly beautiful voice they were ignoring once Kurt sung his feelings to my death. Ha! Wait until Domingo hears, he was so hesitant. Now the only thing left is for Kurt to realize he wants to go back to New Directions.
"No, no auditions! I felt really bad at first, I mean, it was hardly fair, but everyone was so supportive. They really are great guys. Not as awesome and fabulous as you, of course!" he laughs. I can hear he's really, really happy, and it is contagious! I'm so glad for him! I wish I could tell him.
"I think Blaine is going to end up picking the song, he knows our ranges, so he'll pick something that we both can do. He needs to pick fast, though, I think he has until tomorrow."
"HOLY SH…" I chirp, realizing too late that I wasn't supposed to. I hope he didn't hear, but oh my god, oh my god! So this is actually a duet? With Blaine? Well, well, well, this keeps getting better and better.
"I think I…" Oh, shit, he heard? "Did you…? No, nevermind. I'm getting crazy. I could swear I heard chirping, Mercedes. I miss him so much. I think I'm staying tomorrow after school to decorate Pavarotti's casket. Yeah…" his voice gets this sad tone and I swear it breaks my heart to hear it "I think he would love it. I found a vintage cigar box and I'm using my rhinestones to decorate it. I'm still trying to find a place to… yeah"
Ok that was close. Pav, shut the hell up. And don't freak out about how cool your casket is going to look.
Because it's creepy.
But, Oh my god, vintage cigar box! How COOL is that! And rhinestones, it's going to be so shiny and pretty and oh god, I need to see it!
I'm flying to Dalton tomorrow.
Once Kurt is out of the house, I make a fast escape through one of the windows that always remains sort of open. The flight is not really that bad. It's relatively fast, and it's mostly just flying straight. There was once this episode when the current of air shifted and I had to take a detour that landed me among a flock of pigeons. I mean, have you ever talked to those guys? They make my head ache so much. Thankfully I found my way back fast.
By the time I arrive, Kurt is already almost done with classes, so I make a fast trip to Blaine's room to pick up Domingo and we're outside again, searching for Kurt in every window we can find.
"I think he's here!" Domingo says from the window that faces the front gardens, and I fly to him gracefully. Yes, I'm showing off. Sue me.
"Oh, it's him! Check out my casket, Dom! It's so gorgeous! Oh, look, look! He's already starting with the decorations! I think he's going to go for classic. Probably my name, maybe some dates. Simple combination of colors," I say, and turn to Domingo to see what he thinks, but he just stares at me with something like pity and amusement. I frown at him.
"It's really, really morbid, Pav."
"Whatever. You're just envious you don't get a pretty box like mine," I complain, already smiling at the absurdity of our discussion. But before my amusement can bloom, I see through the glass of the window another boy approaching Kurt.
"Is that Blaine?" I ask, and Domingo chirps happily, as if he suddenly remembered something.
"Oh yeah! He's been acting really weird, and I think they're singing a duet for the next warbler competition?"
"Yeah, for regionals!" I chirp. "How awesome is that? Did Blaine pick a good song? Because I will never forgive him if he picks something bad that will make Kurt sound less that perfect."
"No, no, I think it's a pretty awesome song. What I'm wondering about is the attitude."
"What do you mean?"
"Look for yourself," he says, tossing his head towards the glass. I turn my head and I almost choke on air. Blaine is sitting right next to Kurt, staring at him adoringly and talking.
"Oh god, I need to listen to this. Domingo, help me flip this latch!" I say, already pulling with my beak at the small security trap that the windows at Dalton have.
"Are you mental?" chirps Domingo, outraged, but he helps me non the less, which makes me love him even more "If they see us, they're going to be so freaked out."
"Shut up and pull. We'll be sneaky!"
We get to open the thing fast, and the window moves a little, but enough to let the sound go through. We both stick our heads in the slot to hear and see better.
"…een looking for you forever," we hear Blaine say and holy sweet mother of pigeons, he's taking Kurt's hand. Oh, god, if this is heading where I think it's heading, I might need to sit down! "Watching you do Blackbird this week…That was the moment for me, about you."
"I told you!" I chirp to Domingo, who stares at me with fright at the level of my voice. I keep it down, almost to a whisper "I told you my plan was going to work! That if Kurt sung to something emotional, the Warblers would really SEE him."
"Yeah, don't brag!" Domingo chirps back, grudgingly.
"You move me, Kurt, and this duet would be an excuse to spend more time with you," Blaine goes on.
"What is he even trying to say?" complains Domingo, with the tone of someone that had to deal with Blaine's antics for too long "I mean he's just talking in circles and it's n…"
I don't know if it's Domingo that fell silent, or my ears that stopped listening, but suddenly, we were both rooted to the spot, staring frozen with surprise at our boys kiss.
"…Okay" I just say, still trying to process what I'm watching. "May I just say a word?"
"… you may," says Domingo, a bit breathless. I can't blame him.
"Finally!" I chirp, trying not to be loud.
"Took the boy long enough," Domingo says, and then chirps in amusement. "I know how frustrating people like that can be."
"Hey, I know that was for me, and it was uncalled for. Oh god, they are so pretty. Watch out that hand, Kurt! Don't break my casket!"
"Shh, they'll find us," admonishes Domingo, and I lower the volume of my voice.
"I'm awesome," I say, simply.
"Well, usually I disagree just because it's fun to infuriate you, but I must say, Pav, I'm really proud of you," and then, more amusedly, he adds, "oh, there they go again. I really am worried about your casket now."
"Thanks for understanding," I say, somewhat dry, but amused, and we both take our heads out of the window slot so we can talk louder without being caught.
"I do wonder, though…" Domingo starts, pondering "I mean, it's awesome that what you did got them together, but that wasn't the purpose. You didn't die for them to get together. You died so Kurt could sing and realize he wants to go back to New Directions."
"Ok, first of all, I'm not dead," I say, a bit worried and amused about the way he's talking.
"You know what I mean!" he says, and I laugh.
"I do, I do. And yeah, I get what you mean, but it worked."
"Ok, how do you know that?" he asks, skeptical.
"His eyes changed, Dom. He knows what he needs now, it's all in his eyes. Can't you see it?"
"Actually, I can't even see his face right now. God, Blaine, he's not going anywhere. I swear to god, he's like a kid. Once he knows what he wants, he just goes for it," Domingo says, looking at them with amusement and awe.
"Well, Kurt's the same. And he knows now that he wants to be back. Trust me, it's only a matter of time. Wow, Kurt, really? You'll just… Ok." I turn my head because suddenly, I feel like I'm intruding on those two.
I stare instead at the beautiful blue sky and sigh happily, letting the sun warm my feathers. I love when my plans go smoothly. I don't notice Domingo staring at me until he speaks.
"So, what about you?"
"What about me?" I ask, closing my eyes to enjoy the warm sun and the smell of grass.
"You say Kurt is like Blaine, once they know what they want, they go for it," He starts, and I turn my head to stare at him, silently questioning where this is going. Domingo seems to hesitate, but he pushes on "What about you? What do you want to do now?"
Why did I not think about this?
I mean, it's obvious I can't go back with Kurt, I knew that part. But what do I want to do? Surprisingly, my answer comes easily.
"I… I want to be free."
It's really simple. For me, even before Kurt, there was always this world outside, so much bigger than I knew. So much bigger than any cage I've ever been. I wanted to get there, to this outside I longed for.
Now I am. I want to be here. I smile at Domingo.
"What about you?"
And that's when I realize something. A small mistake to my plan. Domingo still has Blaine. He has no reason why he should abandon him to be outside, when he was always perfectly ok with his life. Me assuming we would be always together was simply a small miscalculation. But, in a way, such a huge one.
Domingo hesitates, and I see, before it even happens, that he panicked. He doesn't know. He won't know. Before I can tell him something, anything, to buy us time, to fix this small but huge mistake of my plan, he unfolds his wings and, as clumsily as usual, flies away.
This is not like the last time, where I knew he would come to help me anyway. I know that, this time, I might have lost him forever.
However sad I am, that does not stop me from continuing through with the rest of the plan. I'm seeing this through, even if it kills me.
Ok, bad choice of words.
I'm currently on the inside of a building, and to be completely honest, I'm freaking out a bit. I wanted to watch the Warblers perform, especially considering my boy is singing with his boyfriend out there. But the building is so huge; I'm lost in some hallway. I was pretty sure here was the green room. The map at the front said so, before someone shooed me away like a damn pigeon. I mean, it's not my fault you are ignorant and can't recognize an important Yellow Warbler when you see it. Humans. Forgot how annoying they can be.
But the right door must be here somewhere! I'm sure of it.
"I knew it," a voice says behind me, and I jump in fright, almost automatically flying away for two reasons. First, I thought I was alone in the hallway.
Second, and most importantly, that voice belongs to Flint.
I slowly turn around. He was always able to recognize me, it's no use to play dumb now. He's smiling down on me, and he crouches to be closer.
"For a moment, I thought I was seeing a ghost, it freaked me out! You are a great actor, though. I'll give you that. Almost as good as Hedwig! I knew you couldn't be dead. I would have felt it, somehow. It was not possible. And yet, for a moment, I believed. But then Kurt sung that song, and I knew," he picks me up in his hands and stands up, taking me closer to his face. I peck at his finger, just because I can, and because it's good to be able to talk to him, even if I'm scared he will ruin all my plans. "You are a crafty bird, did you know that?"
"I had to, Flint! It was the only way I could think!" I defend myself, and he shakes his head, still smiling.
"Look, I don't really get why you did it, but I think I might guess. I know you love Kurt, and you would never do anything to hurt him. I trust you know what you're doing, and I won't tell a thing. But, Pav, don't be a stranger, ok? I really meant it, the other day. My window is always open for you. Promise me that, no matter how fun your new adventures get, and how much more of the world you get to discover, that you'll always come back, even for a moment, to say hi to an old friend. Ok?"
I think I'm crying. Maybe it's because the thing with Domingo left me emotional, but still, what Flint is saying means so much to me. I wish I could tell all the warblers that I'm actually alive, and I know I can't, but knowing I didn't lost Flint, that I still get to see him, talk to him… That is the best thing ever. No matter how good and interesting my new world becomes, I don't want to forget my old friends.
"I will always come back," I chirp, trying not to choke, "and I'll never forget you. I'll tell you everything about my new life, and you will tell me about yours."
Someone's walking down the hallway, and Flint turns so he hides me and buys me time so I can escape.
"We perform in half an hour. Watch us?"
"Wouldn't miss it for anything. Break a wing!" I chirp, and peck one last time at his finger before flying away to the adjacent hallway, and out of sight.
The songs are beautiful. Kurt and Blaine's duet was the most lovely, sweet thing I've ever heard, and I'm thrilled to see them so in love. I look forward to stalk them in the future and see what they're up to. The other song reminded me, quite unexpectedly, of all the fun times I had with those kids. The crazy, impromptu performances in the senior commons, the throwing of paper and chaos of sudden choreographies, the silly discussions and absurd rules.
These kids gave me a home and made me part of them. I know it's my moment to leave them and make a home of my own, to find my own place in the world. But I will never, ever forget them.
Kurt finally picked the place to bury my casket. He transferred me from the other box to the new one, and thankfully, it was easier to escape from. I had to check that in advance considering I didn't know this time if Domingo would come help me. But the plan is almost done now. Kurt is standing with Blaine next to the tree I'm sitting in. He's saying something about digging the hole next to the tree, because it has high branches and how I always loved to hop on the highest perches. He tears up a bit, but remains strong. The blow of losing the competition was bad, but I am sure that, eventually, it will help even more to my original idea. It will make Kurt, more than anything, go back to where he belongs. Where he's most happy.
The tree really is beautiful. He picked it with the same pinpoint sense he has for fashion. It's a thorn free three, no leafs, considering we're barely out of winter yet. But the branches twist in a funny way, making patters of shadows in the ground, swaying with the light breeze. They also look almost black against the bright blue of the sky. Like Kurt's eyes, now that he's crying. But the sun is warm, and it washes away the sorrow, telling us of a brighter future. At least, that's what I want to believe. As long as the sun warms my feathers, I'm alright, and Kurt will be, too, not that Blaine warms his life.
The branch I'm standing on shifts a little, as if an additional weight has been added to it. Should I turn my head and see? Somehow, I'm scared that I do and I just imagined it. Maybe it was simply the breeze, playing games with me. I focus on Blaine instead, and how he's started to dig the hole.
"I'm sorry," the presence next to me says, and still, I don't dare look. "Look, I'm not good with this. I panicked. I…"
Suddenly, there are no more words spoken, and he's singing a song instead. He's singing the warbler version, the one that, for humans, simply sounds like usual bird calls. For us birds, though, it's a different sound. It tells a story, just like humans hear their music.
"One day you'll look to see I've gone
For tomorrow may rain,
so I'll follow the sun
Some day you'll know I was the one
But tomorrow may rain,
so I'll follow the sun
And now the time has come
and, my love, I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end you will know, oh
One day you'll find that I have gone
But tomorrow may rain,
so I'll follow the sun
But tomorrow may rain,
so I'll follow the sun
And now the time has come
and, my love, I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end you will know, oh
One day you'll find that I have gone
But tomorrow may rain,
so I'll follow the sun"
"I should sing that," I say, bitterer than I thought I would sound. "You're not the one leaving, after all."
"I know," Domingo chirps, subdued "I sung it for you, because you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't tell me the words, even though I deserved to hear them. I really am sorry, Pavarotti. I was an idiot."
I still refuse to look at him, still staring at Blaine, and for owl's sake, it doesn't take that long to make a stupid hole in the ground, Blaine. It's not even that deep.
"So, are you losing a friend?" I ask, still not sure what Domingo's decision is.
"Well, in a way…" he says, and I finally turn my head to see where he's staring at when he said those words. He, too, is staring at Blaine and Kurt.
"I want to be with you, Pav," he says, turning to me, and I am caught staring already, might as well stay there "I felt ok with being in the cage, but lately I keep wondering… What if there's more? Sure, the world I live in is nice, and I really like Blaine, and the other birds at the Warbler cage. But a world without you, that would be horrible. I want to be free with you."
I try not to show my excitement.
"Well, it's not like you're giving up on all of those things. I mean, we still can sneak into the warbler's cage. And we're definitely stalking the hell out of these two kids!"
"Totally," he chirps, and we both smile. I let myself hop closer to him, the sides of our wings touching.
Below us, Kurt and Blaine finally finished the hole, and Kurt is simply holding my empty casket and frowning at the floor.
"He would love it here," he says, and Blaine smiles sadly at him.
"How is Domingo doing?" Kurt suddenly says, and I feel Domingo next to me squirming uncomfortably.
"I… don't know," when Kurt looks at him questioningly, Blaine elaborates "He stopped singing after Pavarotti died, and now he's gone. I don't know where he is, I think this time, he escaped for good." Kurt looks between moved by this fact and sad, and Blaine just stares at the hole, wondering. Maybe he is anticipating that Kurt, too, one day will go from Dalton. "You know, when a Warbler dies, the partner stops singing. It's not because they can't, but they simply lose the will to do it."
"They did get along rather well," says Kurt, finally lowering the casket and the tombstone with my name in shining letters to the ground. He grabs a handful of earth and throws it at the box. "Farewell sweet prince."
"I'm so sorry Kurt," says Blaine, already covering the box with more earth. That really is a waste of a beautiful box, I almost feel bad. "I know this is really upsetting for you. Reminds you of your mum's funeral, doesn't it?"
Oh god, Blaine, really? That's all you thought to converse about?
"The casket was bigger, but yes," says Kurt, and Domingo and I stare at each other and shake our heads at Blaine's strange topics of conversation. "It's not just that, though. Honestly, I'm upset that we lost at Regionals."
"Well, the competition season is over, but we still get to perform. We do nursery homes all the time. And do you know how many Gaps there are in Ohio? Tons."
"Did he seriously say that?" Domingo asks in a low voice, as amused as I am by Blaine's antics. Kurt seems amused too, and that's the only reason why we don't roll our eyes at Blaine. Because, no matter how awkward or oblivious, or inopportune he gets, Kurt seems to love him just how he is.
"Yeah, I just really, really wanted to win," Kurt says, leaving a red rose over my grave, which is lovely and slightly creepy if you think about it, considering I'm watching my own funeral.
"You did win. So did I. We got each other out of all of this. That beats a lousy trophy, don't you think?"
Kurt smiles and grabs his hand when Blaine offers his.
"You got to give it to the boy, he's cheesy as hell, but at least he's honest," Domingo says, while we watch them go back to the car, hand in hand. Soon, we're left alone in this place. It's a good place to start. Ironically, I'm starting my new life with my own fake funeral.
Or maybe it's not so ironic, after all.
I mean, they totally do that in classy movies. It looks great for the storyline.
"Are you ready?" I ask Domingo, and he simply answers with a chirping laughter. I can't help but smile back "Scared?" I guess.
"Like you couldn't imagine," he says, shaking his wings as if he's getting ready for a battle. Then he turns his head at me and smiles "This is exciting."
"The whole outside, just for us," I say.
And I mean it.
AN: You think he really died in the show? Not at all. You were just watching it from the wrong side.
I hope you guys liked this! I am moving on to other fics, but I'll keep my Pav voice, so if you ever feel like a drabble or to suggest something, feel free to drop me a message in Tumblr or here (My tumblr is also complexlysimplekiddo . tumblr. Com ).
On another news, my friends and I are starting a new, huge project that has a lot to do with Pavarotti. It promises to be hilarious! Stay tuned!
Love you all!
And don't forget to check out Domingo's twitter! It's FreeDomingo!